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Cross My Heart and Hope to Die	By : krispers Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > New Kids On The Block Views: 1439 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of the New Kids on the Block. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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What the hell is going on in there? Jonathan thought as he banged on the door for what felt like and eternity.
He heard what he thought was…..no, it can't be, can it? He said as he shook his confused head while fishing his keys out of his pocket.
Jonathan pushed the door open with his hip and dropped the take out bag on the bar. When he turned the corner the thought he had the wrong apartment for a moment.
There, standing in the middle of the forbidden office with a microphone in his hand was his "I will never do it again" brother belting out one of their first hits.
As the song faded Jonathan ran screaming like a girl and saying "oh Jordan, I love you, you are the greatest, can I have your baby?"
"Fuck off Jon!" Jordan said pushing him away in amusement
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Jonathan said looking around curiously
"What does it look like I am doing?" Jordan snapped as he lowered the volume on the CD player
Jonathan glanced around and he couldn't resist "pretending to be a Backstreet Boy?"
Jordan chucked the mic at him "very funny smart ass, you practicing for your new career as a comedian."
"Well…." Jonathan grinned evily "we can't all be a teen dream"
"Hey" Jordan said defensively "that's all over now" he finished with a slight hint of dejection in his voice
"Doesn't look that way from here" Jonathan replied with a curious smile
"Oh is was just doing a little spring cleaning, bro" Jordan said nervously wiping at a none existant speck of dust
Jonathan tossed the mic back at him "I am sure there are a lot of women out there who would love to see you spring clean again" he finished with a laugh in his voice
"What ever dick head," Jordan said almost embarrassed, "what else did you come here for cause I know it wasn't just to crack jokes at me"
Jonathan was intently looking around at the now gleaming awards, plaques and posters.
"Jonathan?" Jordan said trying to attract his attention
"Hugh? What?" Jonathan embarrassed, snapped out of his trance, "oh - sorry, I was just admiring your spring-cleaning job."
"Thanks, but you know you could spring clean with the best of them at one time." Jordan said wondering what his brother was thinking
"Well…" Jonathan replied closely examining Jordan's solo album plaque never "could have done this though he finished taping the frame."
"I had lots of help" Jordan said patting him on the back "including you" he added
Jonathan felt a sudden surge of emotions. He just couldn't turn around and face his little brother. He had let them all down.
Jordan sinced Jonathan tense. "So what did you say you were here for?" He asked hoping to distract him.
"Oh!" Jonathan's mind snapped back to the present and he hurried on "I thought you would still be crashed out so I brought by some take out for lunch"
"Great! I am starved, let me change shirts first this one is soaked through." Jordan said with enthuasiam as he pulled at the wet sweater
Jordan went into the bath and peeled off the sweaty sweater. He grabbed a fresh button up and wiped off his hot face. He quickly glanced in the mirror and gave himself a wink, already a great improvement from this morning he thought.
"So to what do I owe this pleasure again?" Jordan said as he emptied the take out bag on to the bar.
"Well" Jonathan started "I know that yesterday was…"
Jordan quieted him with a quick wave of his hand. "That's all over now - that's what all the cleanings about, I am finally moving on"
"Great" Jonathan replied "I just didn't know your first step would be a huge leap"
"What?" Jordan looked up from the Chinese take out carton
"Well…you looked right at home with that mic in you hand." Jonathan said slyly
"Oh god no…that's not what I was talking about, I am not going that far, I was thinking of taking you up on your generous offer." Jordan said not meeting his brother's glance
"Excuse me? The great Jordan is going to push paper for this big brother? No fucking way! I have changed my mind, I won't hire you!" Jon said making a no way gesture
"What? You've got to be kidding me! I was all excited about starting my new job." Jordan almost yelled, what the fuck was Jonathan playing at he thought
Jonathan didn't reply but walked back into Jordan's now sparkling office. The CD player was still running and his eyes filled. It was that song, the last one it sang together. He let out a deep breath.
Jordan walked in behind him, still wondering what his problem was.
'I can't let you do this," he began slowly, and "I can't let you give up on the only thing that has ever made you truly happy in this world"
"Jonathan I …" Jordan began
"No!" Jonathan cut him off almost gasping for air. He continued in a hurried nervous tone of a man confessing his unbearable sins to a priest. "It's my fault you are in this mess and I won't let you give up on yourself like this. "
"What?" Jonathan's words had shocked and confused Jordan. Had he felt this way the entire time? All those years since it had been over. He continued in a much more aggressive voice than he had intended. "It 's not your fault. It was time we moved on, we had come to the end that's all, its no one's fault. "
Jordan just couldn't stop the words from rushing out. He new his brother had felt this way and now the he had finally admitted it he wasn't going to let his chance to correct him get by. "I think it happened at the perfect time" he continued in that forced tone afraid of showing any emotion "we didn't shame ourselves by ruining all that we had accomplished."
Jonathan sighed heavily as the tears slid down his cheeks, he couldn't stop them from coming, and he had kept these feelings inside for so damn long.
Jordan walked up and put his hands on his brother's shoulders, the weariness in Jonathan's eyes disturbed him down in his soul.
"Listen, I did another album on my own remember, you encouraged me and even helped me with the promotion." Jordan said trying to comfort him.
Jonathan dropped his gaze but Jordan continued "it wasn't you who walked out and tore my whole world apart" Jordan added looking away
"No it wasn't but" Jonathan began shaking his head
"No is right," Jordan cut him off softly, "it was my choice and right or wrong it wasn't you or anyone else for that matter - it was just me." Jordan finished on a guilty note. He had never admitted that to himself, he had just given up.
"OK! OK! Now can we stop the Oprah show and eat lunch," Jonathan asked as he wiped absently at his face with his shirtsleeve. This conversation was going to get them no where but angry and depressed.
"Sure, no problem and you can tell me about my new job!" Jordan said slapping him on the back and bouncing out of the room like a little kid.
"I give up!" Jonathan said as he frustratedly threw his hand in to the air
He walked back into the living room, snatched an unopened Chinese carton off the bar and flopped on to the couch.
Jonathan let out a heavy sigh. "Well…if you are determined to do this then I guess I have no choice."
"Great fill me in" Jordan said as he eagerly took a big bite of his food
"Ok so what we will be doing… " Jonathan began
They talked about Jordan's new job for a couple of hours and Jordan had agreed to be at Jonathan's office at eight am on Monday morning.
Jonathan left in an almost dejected state and remind his brother about lunch at their mothers tomorrow.
"Yeah, I will be there as usual" Jordan replied as Jonathan walked morbidly down the hall
"Donnie coming?" Jonathan shouted back as he punched the elevator button
"Suppose." Jordan shrugged his shoulders. "He always does, doesn't he?"
"At least some things never change" Jonathan said with a heavy sigh as he entered the glossy elevator.
Jordan closed the door and went back into his office.
"One more room to conquer" he said to the posters on the wall.
He switched the CD player back on and stood before the big black soundproof door. The red light over it was so dusty it looked brown.
Jordan got a dust rag and a step stool and carefully wiped the bulb clean. He unlocked the door and pulled it open. A wif of stale air hit him in the face.
"Man! Smells like mom's old attic." He said to the dark space.
He stepped in, turned on the light and gasped.
First he thought someone had gotten in and wrecked the place. Sheets of music covered the floor, his keyboard was upside down in the corner, and reels of recording tape littered the floor like streamers from a long gone party. The drums were scattered about the room haphazardly, a guitar with the strings busted lay on the ledge of a blacked out window. The door to the recording booth was shattered and there were slides and dials missing off the producer's board.
"Jesus Christ!" he said out loud his mouth gaping
He then remembered the night he had done all of this. His knees got week and he sat on the floor right inside of the door. Jordan's mind flashed back to that May evening just after his birthday.
The door flew open. He looked up from his keyboard. Sarah stood there in a beautiful cocktail dress makeup running down her face that was scattered with angry tears.
"What the fuck is going on?" She bellowed
Jordan jumped up and switched off the background music that had been running.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he replied in shock
"The message." She stammered through angry gritted teeth." The message I got off the machine just now."
"What message?" Jordan asked totally confused. What the fuck was going on here?
"Donnie," she paused to control her rage. "Donnie left a message about new stuff and when did you want to start setting dates.
I thought all of that was over." Her voice rose again. "The fucking touring, recording and freakaziod fans, I thought that was through." She finished shaking her balled fist. When he just staired at her in confused shock she raged on.
"When you gave me this," she flashed a large princess cut diamond he had given her just two weeks ago when he had asked her to be his bride, "you promised me it was just us now." she finished with an almost growl to her voice
"Sarah listen," Jordan tried in vain to interject.
With out warning she yanked the ring off her finger and threw it at him.
"You fucking lied to me, you bastard!" She was yelling again and pacing around in an emotional rage
"Sarah, listen." His voice was shaking with an unusual loss of control. "Two days ago we agreed that I shouldn't give up music because that is who I am and what I love." he tried to remind her as diplomatically as he could.
"Funny," she cut him off; "I thought I was what you loved."
"Its nothing serious," Jordan began in an almost begging tone, "I don't even have a label interested." He tried to touch her arm but she jerked it away.
"Cut the bullshit Jordan." She bellowed again, and Jordan could see the sound meters jump into the red out of the corner of his eye. "I have put up with this, the traveling, the odd and hellacious hours and we can't forget those adoring fans," She ticked the points of violently on her fingers "for seven fucking years and I am damn tired of it." She finished exasporatedly
"You weren't so tired when I was making all that money," Jordan snapped back coldly.
Her expression was pure ice as she turned back to him. "It's over Jordan I refuse to do this any more." She clumsily took off the silver ID bracelet he had given her shortly after they had met. Sarah flung in and it boomed off a drum as it bounced across the room.
"I am sorry," she gasped and tears began to stream again, "its over, I am leaving."
She walked out of the room and Jordan had not seen her since.
He had come home one morning after a night out drinking to find all her stuff gone and his key on the bar. No note, no goodbye.
He had gone into a drunken rage and shredded all their pictures in his office. When that didn't satisfy his carnal lust for blood he had come in this room and took his rage out on anything in his way. After the damage was done he had passed out cold in the middle of the floor. When he woke in the morning, he had locked this place up, vowing never to set foot in here again.
The memory helped him compose himself. He looked around again surprised that he could do this much destruction to things he loved so much. Equipment and people he thought as a side note.
He began gingerly picking up the reel tape and winding it up onto the reels. He couldn't believe that none of it was damaged.
He gathered up the sheet music and up righted his keyboard, he then carefully stacked the music on to its stand.
Jordan placed the drums together in the corner and picked up the guitar. He took it out to the living room and stood it beside the door. I will have to get someone out to fix that shattered door, he thought absently.
He went to the hall closet surprised to find his leather jacket on its usual hanger. God, I don't remember hanging that one up, he said shaking his head. Jordan walked back into the kitchen and called down to the desk to have someone bring his car around to the front.
He grabbed his keys, scarf, gloves and the busted guitar and headed for the stairs.
"Your car's outside Mr. Knight," Kevin the young door man said has he walked by.
Thanks man Jordan replied slapping him a 5$ bill as he walked out.
"No problem sir, anytime," Kevin piped happily after him.
Jordan placed the busted guitar gingerly in the back of his Yukon and slid behind the wheel.
He absently switched on the radio and slowly crunched out on to the frozen streets.

As he pulled out of the ice covered drive, across town a guilty woman sang Jordan's first big hit as a lullaby to a little tired boy with his big deep brown eyes.
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Cross My Heart and Hope to Die