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When You Go	By : poe Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 2385 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Okay, so whether you guys want me to or not, i am updating this fic for the two people that reviewed it, Cherrylips and Leanne! thanks a million for the encouragement, and Leanne, i promise i'm working on the next chapter of can you stake my heart! enjoy
Disclaimer: hey man, don't look at me! i don't know mcr, and this never happened....it was all a dream.....a glorious dream.....*waves hands in the air dramatically*........
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"Fuck!" she yelled to no one in particular, pulling her truck over on the side of the road to clean the snow off of the windshield for the third time. "God-damned-fucking snow," she muttered, dusting it off her shoulders before clamboring back into her vehicle. Shitty idea, she thought bitterly to herself, moving in winter.
Maybe it wasn't so much the moving as it was the fact that she'd had that dream again last night. The one where she relived every fucking second of that first night she'd met Gerard. She hated that dream. Even now she could still feel the tingle on her lips that his kiss left everytime she even thought of it...It was fucking ridiculous to be reminded so often of what she couldn't have, what she'd never had. What she never should have done.But, isn't this what you chose, she told herself sarcastically. Well, not really...Gerard was the one who made that decision for you...Gerard and Marina.....
Marina.
Marina hadn't seen them kissing, couldn't have seen what happened, or she would have been...well she would have lost it, Luca was sure of that. As it was, she was heartbroken that Gerard had no clue that she had feelings for him. They had talked, quietly hashing things out, back and forth, over and over until the whole story came out. Marina said her piece, told Gerard about her feelings for him, and how she had never told him because she was afraid that he didn't like her back. All she ever wanted was him. She knew he'd been hurt before, but she'd make it up to him......He took in everything quietly, seemingly weighing the situation in his mind before pronouncing his judgement.
"In light of the newly presented evidence, I have come to the conclusion that I have made a grievous error...." In reality, it was more like, "Marina, I didn't know. If I would have.....But I thought you didn't like me. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, but Luca and I, well we were a little drunk, and I made a mistake...."
That was it. He never talked to her about it. Never apologized, never told her it was a mistake. He just made the choice for both of them. He'd picked Marina....
"Would you mind giving us a minute?" Marina asked quietly, her voice laden with emotion. Luca nodded silently and trudged back into the house, the so tangible buzz from earlier now completely obliterated in the wake of the sobriety of the situation. She found Frank sitting alone at the table, drinking a beer and shuffling the cards. He looked up when she entered the room.
"Hey," he said quietly, seeing it was her.
"Hey, where is everyone?"
"Went to bed," he smiled. Well, his mouth smiled, but his eyes..... "Not really much fun after you guys dissapeared....kind of a sausage- fest...."he trailed off woodenly, taking a drink.
"I guess...sorry about that......Marina's out there with him right now......" she sat down next to him and buried her face in her hands. "Frank, I'm such a fuck-up." she looked up at him. "I just did the one thing that I shouldn't have done." she shook her head, and covered her face again. "What the fuck is wrong with me?" her voice came out muffled through her hands, and she sniffed at her now running nose
"So what happened......Marina likes Gerard.......and Gerard likes you?" he spoke with no real interest, like he was just saying the words for her sake. She just stared blankly at the wall, trying to salvage some scrap of sense from what just happened.
"He tried to kiss me, Frank. Not tried.....he did kiss me.....How could.......?"
"Did you kiss him back?" His voice contained an almost pained quality, like he didn't really want to know the answer. She looked up at him again......his hazel eyes, his black and blonde hair...... he really was good looking.....so was that the look in his eyes, the dead air in his responses. He......liked her? He was jealous of Gerard?
"Frank, I--"
"No, that was a stupid question--it's none of my business, never mind." He pushed away from the table, making to put his drink in the kitchen. She grabbed his arm.
"Frank--please don't.....please, stay here with me?" She didn't want to be alone. Especially when they came inside.
"Wouldn't you rather wait for Gerard?" I can't....There was no mistaking the venom in his words this time. He obviously thought that she had made her choice and was abandoning her to that decision.
"Frank, I can't wait for Gerard. There is no Gerard. Gerard and I will never be anything. Period." She didn't who she was trying to convince more, Frank or herself.
He sat back down again. "Look, Luca, here's the thing: you are an amazing girl. You're beautiful, easy to talk to, funny.....and I think that I really like you, or could really like you, given the opportunity......Gerard, I mean, he's fucked up. He won't ever be able to give you what you deserve, unless he gets over Beth. And I know he told you about Beth. He tells everyone about Beth. But if you want Gerard, I'm not going to stand in your way....." His eyes found hers and she couldn't bear the sadness she saw in them. Oh, Gerard.....what have you done.....
"Look, Frank, you seem like a really nice guy--" he interrupted her.
"Yeah, I know where this is going--" she cut him off this time.
"Would you just listen to me?" She grabbed his hand and made sure that he was paying attention and that he wasn't going to interrupt her again.
"Look. Gerard kissed me. I don't deny that. But I didn't ask him to. And yeah, I was-- I am-- more than a little intoxicated at the time so I didn't pull back at first. In fact, I did kiss him back. But I didn't intend for that to happen. It was a big mistake. I was just swept up in the moment, and everything you know? We both got a little carried away...
"Frank, I really like you. I mean, all those things you said, well, I think I feel the same about you." Do I really? She swallowed. "But we don't know each other. I mean, I don't know Gerard any better than you, and I've totally fucked that up......." I've totally fucked everything... She sighed and let go of Frank's hand, running her hands through her hair. "I guess what I'm trying to say here is......if you'll let me, I'd like to get to know you." Why can't I just feel for Frank what I feel for.....
He seemed to consider what she said. His eyes searched her, trying to determine if she was telling him the truth or not."Luca, are you sure? Do you really mean it, or are you just saying that because you can't or shouldn't have feelings for him." She looked away from him, and didn't answer for a long time. Finally her eyes met his.
"Frank, I promise you. There will never be anything between me and Gerard." There can't be... "I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't mean it. I really like you. You. Not Gerard. That was just...." Everything I have ever wanted? Heaven? Pure unadaulturated bliss? she sighed, "a mistake."
His smile returned, even in his eyes. He liked her so much, and he hardly even knew her. Imagine when he got to know her.......
She smiled bitterly to herself at the memory. And now I'm driving -- MOVING-- back home to be with Frank..... It wasn't that she didn't have feelings for Frank. Not at all, she really did care for him. Maybe she even loved him. She wasn't really sure what that was like. The only relationships she'd had were short-term; she was a notorious committment-phobic. But she had strong feelings for Frank. He'd gotten over the whole Gerard thing, and he was so good for her......No not that at all. She was more worried about Gerard. Seeing him, being around him again. So far, it had been easy. It was almost like none of that had ever happened. Almost. She'd been 1000 miles away, she didn't have to talk to him, only Frank. And it had been, well, awkward at first. Starting off a relationship long-distance wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but she'd had to go home, she didn't have a choice. He visited as often as he could, which wasn't often enough. But the time they'd spent together, it had been good, fun. It took him months to finally work up the nerve to kiss her......She'd made her choice. She wanted to be with Frank. But now, now there was nothing protecting her from her memories, from Gerard.
She didn't know why it bothered her so much. It had only been one night, they hadn't really done anything.....but his kiss....his kiss was electric. The concentrated lust that she had held for him had never been equalled by anyone. Including Frank. And she felt horrible for that. She hated that she couldn't make herself feel that spark that she so desperately desired from him. But maybe when she got home things would be different. No, things would be different. They had to be.
- 4
- 5
- 6
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