In Love And Death | By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Bert curled up on the bed, still sobbing. After a good while, when his crying slowed down, he picked his cell phone up and dialed Frankie's number. It only rang twice this time-Frankie must have been getting used to these late-night calls.
"Yeah?" Frankie answered groggily.
"Hey... Gerard stormed out again."
"Alright, you go left out of the hotel, I'll go right. We'll meet back in an hour if we haven't found him."
"Ok," Bert sighed as he shut his phone. He was getting so tired of this.
They searched for an hour, going into every late night diner and convenience store. Bert even got a little desperate and started peeking into dark alleys, though he knew he wouldn't find Gerard in any of them. They met back up in front of the hotel, both of them exhausted and extremely worried.
"Any luck?" Bert asked as they went inside.
"No, I was hoping I'd find him walking down the side of the street like last time but..." Frankie trailed off, yawning.
"Look, there's not really much we can do but wait and hope he comes back before we have to play tomorrow. Go try to get some sleep, and I'll stay up and call you if he comes back tonight."
Frankie clapped Bert on the back in thanks. "I'm really sorry you have to see Gee like this, man," he said, pulling Bert into a hug. "He really is a great person, somewhere under all this."
Bert sighed as he pulled away. "Do you actually think I'd put up with this shit if I didn't know that?" he asked, allowing himself a small chuckle.
Frankie smiled back. "I know," he said as they reached his room. "Goodnight."
"Night, Frankie," Bert said as he turned to go to his room. When he reached the door he saw that it was open slightly and his heart leaped into his throat. He stood outside for a minute, not wanting to open the door to find it trashed, or worse to find Gerard beaten or dying from an overdose. He took a deep breath and pushed it open. He found Gerard curled up on the floor next to the bed wearing only his boxers, his body heaving with sobs. Bert rushed over to him and pulled him into his arms, thanking whatever higher power that Gerard appeared not to be hurt. Gerard clung to him, still shaking.
"I'm sorry baby," he cried between sobs.
"Shh, its okay Gee," Bert whispered soothingly, rocking him gently. "Where were you?," he asked when Gerard's sobs had quieted.
"I just, I had to go for a walk... cool down or something. When I got back and you weren't here and I remembered what I'd said... don't know, I just lost it. I thought I'd lost you. I love you, Bert and I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said the things I said," he burst into tears again, burying his face in Bert's hair and clinging to him tighter. "Please don't leave me," he whispered.
Bert forced back his own tears and ran his hand up and down Gerard's back, still rocking him softly. "Shh, baby I'm right here," he said as he pulled them both up. "Let's just get some sleep now, okay?" he said as he lowered Gerard onto the bed. He pulled the covers over them both and wrapped his arms around him. "I love you, Gee. It's gonna get better, I promise." He sighed as he turned off the lamp beside the bed, not sure if he was making the promise to Gerard or to himself.
********** Bert caught MCR's set the next day. He was constantly worried about Gerard now, so it had become a habit to watch the performance and make sure he made it through. He missed the days when he would just watch the show to see his love sing. He knew Gerard was high again. He could tell by his overly grandiose gestures and slightly rushed lyrics. When Gerard sent Bert a quick wink and grin during one of the songs, Bert forced a smile to his face and waved, but his face fell as soon as Gerard turned back to the audience.
"Hey, he's smiling. That's a good thing, right?" Quinn said from behind him. Bert jumped, startled. He didn't know Quinn had joined him.
"That's not a smile," he said sadly. "I haven't seen him smile in a little while." He paused, studying Gerard. "See?" he asked, pointing to his boyfriend. "There's no light there. Just a mask. Sometimes I'll still catch a glimpse of the real Gerard, but its so rare now..." his voice trailed off into a sigh. Quinn draped his arm around his friend's shoulders, and they watched the band wrap up the set in somber silence.
When the band was finished, Gerard and Bert made their way back to the bus, talking and even laughing a little. Bert tried to pretend that it was genuine happiness making Gerard smile, but he was forced back to reality when Gerard suddenly stopped short, bending over slightly, his breath heavy.
"Gee, what's wrong?" Bert asked as he threw his arms around Gerard in an attempt to catch him as he fell to his knees, clutching his chest.
"I-I don't know," he panted. He let out a loud scream as he felt another stab of pain shoot through his chest. "Bert, help..." he gasped as he fought to catch his breath. Bert looked around frantically, not knowing what to do. He saw Quinn, Frankie and Mikey running his way.
"Quinn!" he screamed, waving him over. He looked down at Gerard, who was growing incoherent as sweat poured from his face. "Call an ambulance! NOW!"
********* Bert sat slumped in an ER waiting room chair, tapping his foot anxiously and watching ambulances pull up through the window. Frankie and Quinn were sitting across from him, one on either side of Mikey, trying to comfort the younger Way, who was sobbing uncontrollably into Frankie's neck. Bert spun around as a nurse tapped him on his shoulder.
"Excuse me, are you the gentlemen who came in with Mr. Way?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah," Bert replied, sitting up.
"He's okay," the nurse said before anyone asked. "But the doctor wants to speak to someone close to him. Only two can come back at a time, so decide who's going and just go through the first door on the right." She pointed to the hallway behind her before she made her way back to the nurse's station. Bert turned to Mikey, who had stopped sobbing when the nurse arrived.
"You're his brother, so you're definitely going first," he said as he glanced at Frankie. He knew Frankie should go with Mikey, he was Gerard's best friend and had known him the longest, but he was going crazy. "Quinn and I will wait for you here," he said, slumping back into his chair.
"Its okay Bert," Frankie said, helping Mikey up. "You go. I'm sure he'll want to see you first."
"Thanks man," he said, standing up. He put an arm around Mikey's waist as they headed for the door the nurse had indicated. They found the nurse's station and stopped to ask which room Gerard was in. A young male doctor looked up from the chart he was studying as they approached.
"Are you here for Gerard Way?" he asked, glancing between the two of them. They nodded in unison. "Are either of you related to Mr. Way?"
"I'm his brother," Mikey said quietly, stepping forward as Bert let go of his waist.
"Okay, I need to talk to you about what happened to your brother today," he said.
"Umm," Bert interrupted. "Why don't you let him visit his brother. Just tell me whatever you need to tell him," he said, hoping he would understand.
The doctor looked back and forth between them, then gave Bert a knowing look. "Okay," he said, turning to Mikey. "He's over there, room five." He pointed past the nurse's station. When Mikey had found the room, he pulled Bert to the side. "How do you know the patient?"
"He's... well he's a friend. Our bands are touring together," Bert replied, looking at the floor. He'd never had to address his relationship with Gerard publicly before.
The doctor nodded. "Right. Where you aware that he's been using cocaine?"
Bert's shoulders slumped forward. "Yes," he replied, never taking his eyes off the ground. "And I've done all I can to try to stop him, but..." his voice broke. The doctor placed a hand on his shoulder. Bert looked up at him with tear-filled eyes.
"I understand," he said. "I thought you should know, Mr. Way suffered a mild heart attack today, due to his drug use. Its very important that he quits using. If this happens again it could be fatal. Do you understand?" Bert nodded as he wiped away a tear that had escaped. "Good. He needs his friends right now." He pulled a business card from his pocket. "Here's the number to a support group. If you need help dealing with this, please call," he said, leading Bert to Gerard's room. "I'll be back later with the results of his EKG." He left Bert standing in the doorway.
Bert glanced in the room and found Mikey sitting by the bed, holding his brother's hand, fresh tears spilling from his eyes. Gerard looked so fragile and pale in spread across the bed in a baggy hospital gown that showed the dangerous amount of weight he had lost. Gerard pulled him into a hug and must have whispered something funny in Mikey's ear, because he pulled away giggling between sniffles. Gerard glanced up when Bert cleared his throat, and smiled.
"Hey baby," he said weakly. "C'mere." He extended his arms to his boyfriend. Bert nearly ran to him and threw his arms around him, thanking that higher power again that Gerard was okay.
"Hey, I'm gonna let Frankie and Quinn know Gee's okay," Mikey said, standing up. Gerard sent his brother a warm smile as he made his way out, then turned back to Bert, his face serious.
"Baby, you have to help me," he said, eyes suddenly filling with tears. He clung to Bert like he had nothing else keeping him alive. "I can't do this anymore," he sobbed. "Please, I don't want to hurt the people I love again. I know how scared everyone was today... shit, I know how scared I was."
Bert held on to Gerard, stroking his hair softly. "Whatever you need, Gee," he whispered. "Just tell me what I have to do to help."
Gerard pulled away, wiping tears from his face. "The rest of the coke is in a bag under my mattress on the bus. Go get it, hide it, destroy it, I don't care. Whatever you do, don't let me find it again." His voice broke again as he pulled Bert into another hug. "I'm so sorry, baby," he whimpered, running his hand through Bert's hair. "I love you."
The tears Bert had been holding back for months finally spilled out and he clung to Gerard. "I love you too, Gee," he sobbed. "Please don't leave me again."
********* Gerard did well for a couple of weeks. His nose wasn't permanently red, he was sleeping at night, and he was eating like, well... like he hadn't eaten in a month. Despite dealing with the inevitable depression that always accompanied cocaine withdrawals, everyone was thrilled to have a sober Gerard back. Bert really thought Gerard was going to be alright, until he was awoken one night a few weeks after the heart attack by the sound of Gerard searching through his suitcase, throwing clothes and shoes across the hotel room.
"Gee, what are you doing?" he asked sleepily, sitting up.
"Where is it?" Gerard snapped, his eyes burning with near-madness.
"Where's what?"
"My fucking coke, dumbass!" he screamed. "What the fuck did you do with it?" He grabbed Bert by the shoulders and shook him violently.
Bert was scared. He'd seen Gerard get angry when he was coming down before, but this was beyond anything Gerard had done before. He swallowed and tried to remain calm. "Gee, I destroyed it. You told me to. You told me not to give it back to you no matter how much you begged."
Gerard's eyes flashed with anger. "I don't care what I said. Give me my shit, NOW!" he screamed, gripping Bert's shoulders painfully tight.
Bert shook himself from Gerard's grip and stood up. "No, Gee. You don't need it. Just calm down. Here," he grabbed Gerard's cigarettes off the table beside the bed and held them out to him. Gerard slapped them away.
"Damnit Bert, I said now!" He hit Bert hard across the face, causing him to fall backward against the wall. Bert's head spun from the pain of the blow, and he clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white as he fought the urge to hit him back. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to see Gerard standing in front of him, his hand clapped over his mouth, a look of horror in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered, almost inaudibly.
"I know," Bert replied calmly, turning away.
"Where are you going?" Gerard cried, grabbing Bert's arm. Bert shook his hand away and headed for the door.
"I'm gonna crash with Quinn tonight," he said, keeping his back turned. "I can't do this anymore. I'll send Frankie or Mikey to stay with you if you want." His voice was cold. He opened the door.
"Baby, please!" Gerard cried, falling to his knees. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave! I love you!"
Bert turned to Gerard, choking on the tears he was holding back. "Gee, I love you, too, but I don't need to be around this right now. I can't take it anymore. You have to decide. Its either the drugs or me. Call me when you choose." He walked out of the room, leaving Gerard sobbing on the floor.
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