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All We Are is Memories	By : Berlin Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 1159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Avenged Sevenfold. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
The days preceding Friday night were uneventful and our little fight was completely forgotten. As was the concert. Well, that's not right. It wasn't forgotten... I could see the spark in Johnny's eyes that built as we got closer and closer to Friday night and I could feel the knot in my stomach build with equal anticipation.
And then, quite anticlimactically, Friday night arrived. I was in the shower when Johnny left - I think he did that on purpose to avoid a confrontation or awkward good-bye. Quite as I had expected, I worried the entire night. The fact that we somehow managed to get free HBO on the TV didn't even make me feel better. So I sat, watching movies I had seen 15 times already, staring at the TV but not paying a bit of attention. I fell asleep watching Mission Impossible, contemplating why everyone thought Tom Cruise was so amazingly sexy... I still don't get it.
I stirred in my sleep, slowly waking to the sound of people outside my hotel room... incredibly loud people that acted as if they were trying to be quiet. You know the sound - they're practically screaming at each other but it's all raspy and whispery like. I hate that. If people aren't capable of being quiet, they shouldn't even try. Or better yet, they just shouldn't talk.
"Shh! We have to be quiet! There's... uhh... someone sleeping in there!"
I recognized that voice. Johnny. A drunk Johnny. What a shock, he goes out and comes home wasted. Wow, I've never seen that before. Normally I'm not a sarcastic, nasty person but that's the one thing that does it for me. I don't understand why he has to drink all the time. Or worse... Once I asked him if he's ever done any drugs and he almost proudly rattled off a list of names that I have never in my life heard. Why does anyone do that to themselves?
I tried to act like I was sleeping, hoping that he would see me and just make everyone, whoever everyone is, go home.
It didn't work.
The electronic lock to our hotel room door clicked and the door swing open wildly - no small feat considering how heavy those hotel doors are.
"Fuuuck... where are the damn lights?"
The bed shook as Johnny bumped into it, swearing loudly. Now there was no way I could pretend to sleep through that. No one could sleep through that. Or the bright light that was suddenly flicked on and shone in my face.
"Oh yeah! SHHH guys... Faith's sleeping."
"Faith?" A distant voice questioned.
Oh god... he didn't actually bring people in our room, did he? I'm in my pajamas, I have no make-up on, my hair's a mess... then there's the fact that Johnny more than likely had no clue who these people even were.
As quietly and discreetly as possible, I grabbed the papery, scratchy blanket and pulled it up to my chin in an attempt to conceal myself and cracked an eye open.
The scary guys from the music store!! Standing in front of me... an almost naked me... staring at me.
"So we meet again," said a quiet voice from the back of the group. Jimmy stepped around his apparent friends with a small smile. From the looks of shock on their faces, it must have been the most forward he had ever been in his life.
"Hey Johnny - your girlfriend's fucking HOT!" the kid with slicked back hair and scarily large arms shouted, glaring down at me with an odd expression.
I glared up at him, not so much angered that he mistook me for my step-brother's girlfriend, but for being so rude and inconsiderate as to refer to me like I wasn't even in the room and use the language that he did. Did he honestly think that would impress me? Make me find him attractive?
It was vile. He was vile.
"Eww - no! She's my sister dude. That's just... fucked up."
I glanced between Johnny and Jimmy, unsure why I was so suddenly concerned with his reaction to this recent revelation. He stood there, looking back at me, unashamed that he was quite obviously staring. But his expression was stone - completely unreadable. Could he maybe be happy that I am, more or less, unattached?
Wait! When did I become unattached? I'm gone for a couple of weeks and suddenly forget I have a boyfriend back home? Someone back home whom I love dearly, and who loves me back. The knot in my stomach (it seems to be there almost permanently these days) twisted up again as I thought back painfully to the last time I saw Nat. I seemed like decades had passed since we were last together... a span of time so long that I had a gut feeling was too long for him. Somehow I just knew that he was not remaining as faithful to me as I had been to him.
Or had I? After all, why was it that I was admittedly happy to see Jimmy tonight in my hotel room? Why was it that I wanted him to be elated that I was not in a relationship? Why, in the pit of my stomach, did I want to actually be unattached when I was around him?
No, all of this was far from ok...
"Well, you sure as hell don't look like brother and sister, but whatever... as long as it means she," the muscle-y guy pointed down at me, "is up for grabs."
Ok, now that's it. Honestly, who in God's name does this guy think he his? I glanced over at Johnny, expecting him to stand up for me. After all, I'm his step-sister and this monster hovering over me is just some random delinquent he met tonight. Unfortunately for me, he was too engrossed in the hole in his jeans to notice anyone had said anything to me.
Thanks ever so much for the help dear brother.
"Matt, knock it off," Jimmy spoke up, defending me and telling his friend to shut up. Ah, so the idiot's name is Matt. I'd prefer him to just remain nameless to me. If he's nameless it means I technically don't know him and thus his demeaning comments mean absolutely nothing to me.
Jimmy took a seat next to me on the bed where I was still curled up in the blankets, not only quite cold but also quite self conscious. "Don't worry about him, he's a dick."
"So I noticed," I laughed bitterly. At what exact point in my three weeks here in California did I become cynical and sarcastic? I don't think I like it.
"So..." he started again, "I didn't think I'd see you again so soon - and in a situation such as this. Although now I understand why you were in that music store!"
"Did I look that out of place?"
He laughed in a manner so carefree and self assured that it took me by surprise. Someone as quiet and reserved as he seemed to be by all appearances doesn't normally laugh like that. But I liked it. "Only a little bit."
A shiver suddenly ran through me as I noticed the goose bumps raised down my arms. Jimmy apparently noticed too. "Do you want some clothes or something?"
Nodding since my teeth were chattering too much to form words, I pointed to my BYU sweatshirt wadded in a ball on a chair next to the bed. He handed it to me and I quickly slipped it over my head, relishing in the warmth it brought. I ran a hand through my hair and, noticing how oily it felt, hastily yanked it up in a sloppy bun. Not like it made my situation much better... it only drew greater attention to the fact that I had absolutely no make-up on.
I hadn't noticed until then that Jimmy kept his eyes trained on me the entire time - a habit that, I had learned in this short period of time, he was completely unashamed of. And while I found his gaze slightly unsettling, I chose to do nothing about it. For as unsettling as it was, it was also... flattering?
We sat there together, on my unkempt, lumpy hotel bed, for a good ten minutes without saying a single word to each other, just as we had a couple days before in the music store. It was a peaceful silence and one that I almost welcomed. At the very least, it gave me the opportunity to survey the scene around me.
Johnny was very close to completely losing consciousness at this point. You could say it was because it was almost 2 a.m. and he had had a very long day. You could say it was from the ungodly amount of alcohol he had consumed in too short of a time span. I would say it was probably a mixture of both. I wanted to lecture him like I knew my mother always tried to do, but what would be the point? It never worked when my mother did it - it surely wouldn't work if I tried. Especially around his newfound "friends". So instead I settled for audibly sighing at his state, lying on the bedroom floor, lazily playing air guitar.
The other two members of the band were at the foot of the bed, also on the floor, laughing at an episode of Jackass on MTV. I didn't know what to make of them - Jimmy and Matt where the only ones of the group to have actually talked to me. It would be interesting to see if these two were more like Matt or if they were actually halfway decent like Jimmy. Despite their silence though, they struck me as being very close to each other. Almost inappropriately close. It was a weird sight to see them huddled close to each other like they were physically attached. And the way the whispered to each other... it all just reminded me of how Nat and I were. How we used to be, I guess.
Matt, though... he was one odd character. Don't get me wrong, I despised him already in the short period of time that we knew each other. But seeing him now, sitting at the cherry-wood desk, writing intently on a piece of hotel paper, he looked almost normal. I wondered what he was writing what he was concentrating so hard on. It looked funny to see a heavily tattooed, heavily muscled man with dark, slicked back hair and heavy black eyeliner writing so passionately. And it was clear that he was passionate about whatever he was writing - it was written plainly on the facial expression he wore. It was probably just a guise though. If I were to ask him what he was writing, I would almost definitely find out it was some garbage like a list of his favorite pornographic movies or illegal substances.
Wow, there's that sarcasm again. Bugger.
"They're lyrics."
"What?" I asked, looking over at Jimmy, confused by what he had just blurted out after ten long minutes of silence.
"What he's writing. They're lyrics. Matt's our singer - he writes almost all of our songs."
"Oh." The revelation shocked me. Granted, I hadn't really dwelled much on the fact that the four kids lying in my hotel room in the middle of the night actually played in a band together. But if I were to think about it, I definitely wouldn't have pegged Matt as the one with the voice. He seemed too crass to sing about anything halfway decent. Then again, from the looks of them all, they probably didn't sing about halfway decent things.
"That's Zach," Jimmy continued, pointing to one of the guys on the floor. "He plays guitar. Well, him and Brian both do."
I looked back down at the two guys on the floor, still watching Jackass. The one he pointed out as Zach had deep-set, sad-looking eyes with full cheeks and heavy jowls. His skin was so pale that it looked almost sickly. The rest of his face was shadowed by the black baseball cap he had pulled tightly down on his head. But his features actually made him appear young. Childlike. It was impossible to determine his age. He looked no older than Johnny but for some reason, I got the feeling that he was probably closer to my age.
The guy he was leaning up against was the one named Brian. Brian was taller than Zach by several inches and had a much more "adult" appearance. He had more color in his face than Zach and shaggy black hair. Come to think of it, all the guys had black hair except Zach. Zach had a black baseball cap. Brian had a strong jaw line but a very pleasing face over all. His hair shaped it nicely... although I'm sure that was not his intention.
"And what do you play?" I finally asked Jimmy after analyzing his friends on the floor.
"Drums," he said with an excited tone to his voice. I looked over at him, smiling lightly when I saw a proud twinkle in his eyes.
"Ok."
We settled back into our comfortable silence, which was indeed, quite comfortable - until I noticed that my step-brother had now officially passed out. His oblivious state made me suddenly quite nervous and uncomfortable. I was more or less in room, alone, with four random and scary guys that I didn't know at all, hundreds of miles away from my family and my home. As indiscreetly as possible, I inched away from where I was sitting next to Jimmy, trying to make myself completely invisible and silently begging Johnny to wake up.
It didn't work.
"Do I scare you?"
"What?" I asked, confused. Jimmy's question caught me off guard.
"Do I scare you? It's a pretty simple question, actually. All you have to do is say yes or no." He stared at me, awaiting my answer, his unwavering eyes, intimidating.
Does Jimmy scare me?
Actually, "No, you don't."
A slight smile played across his face - a smile so completely unfamiliar and yet so genuine at the same time, that I was left wondering what a real smile of his would look like and hoping that one day I would see it.
He moved closer to where I was cowering in the corner of the bed. I wasn't lying when I told him that he didn't scare me. He honestly, and quite surprisingly, didn't. I had absolutely no reason not to be scared of him he was a complete stranger. And yet, I also didn't have a reason to be scared of him either.
That didn't mean that he didn't make me nervous though. He made me feel uncomfortable... and for some reason, self-conscious. Whenever he was around, I suddenly became unsure of myself. He made me doubt everything about me and who I am with a single facial expression.
Unknowingly, my eyes widened as he continued getting closer and closer until our legs were actually brushing. He leaned over even further, placing his lips lightly against my ear and whispering, "Do they scare you?"
I nodded slightly, too ashamed of myself to look into his eyes. Yes, it was embarrassing to admit it - I judge people based solely on their outward appearances. Because these guys looked the way they do, they left me completely terrified. I knew nothing about them (besides the fact that Matt was not someone I ever wanted to be in the company of again) and yet they made my hair raise on end and my mental warning signals go off in my head. These people had to be bad... just look at them!
How hypocritical...
"They're ok, you know... I mean, I understand why you feel the way you do, but I just want you to know that they're not bad guys. I promise they won't hurt you."
"Really?" Why was I not convinced?
"Yeah. Ok, so Matt may not be the nicest or most considerate person in the world, but aside from that, he actually is a good person. And Brian and Zach... once you get to know them better, I know you'll see what I'm talking about."
"And what makes you think I'm going to have any reason to get to know them better?"
"Just call it a feeling," he smirked, glancing quickly down at my brother.
My eyes shifted from Jimmy's face back to the TV screen. What could I possibly say to that? He has a feeling... ok, well I had a feeling that his feeling was wrong. But instead of starting an inane argument about whose "feeling" was better than whose, I chose instead to force him back into our silence. While talking with him was actually quite nice, I liked our silence better.
And so we sat there, watching the hideous music videos that MTV plays at 3 in the morning. Slowly, Jimmy pulled the covers of the bed back, shoving his legs underneath and pulling them back up around us. He reached across me and grabbed the two pillows that were usually reserved for Johnny and placed them behind his head, sighing and shifting around until he got comfortable.
I sat there motionless, not quite sure what I should do.
He looked at me silently, his eyes asking if this was ok.
I looked back at him.
Yes, it was ok.

When I woke up the next morning, there was no longer another body in my bed and there were no longer any strangers in my hotel room. I thanked God for that small miracle. Jimmy didn't bother me, obviously. If he had, I wouldn't have let him anywhere near me, unconscious brother/protector or not. But the fact that I let him lay in a hotel bed with me, and apparently fell asleep with him, did not mean that there would be anything between us. Not even friendship. And especially not a relationship. Did I want his friendship? I suppose so. He seemed like a nice enough guy. Outside of that fact, he was so interesting and different that I wanted to be near him just to find out more about him. But sadly, Jimmy's not just Jimmy. He's a collective - a member of the band and while I knew nothing about their music, I did know that they were definitely a bad influence on Johnny and people that he did not need to be hanging around. Especially once I was gone.
Speaking of my dear step-brother, he was still asleep on the floor, a puddle of drool rapidly expanding on the carpet below his gaping mouth. I seemed to remember seeing a couple little sample packages of Tylenol in the guest toiletry bag in the bathroom and after digging through the bag in the dark for it, I finally felt the small package. Success!
Walking back into the bedroom/living room/study, I hovered over Johnny, debating on the best way to rouse him out of slumber.
I settled in kicking him in the ribs. Repeatedly. The kid is a heavy sleeper! Especially when he's hung over.
"What the fu- Faith? What are you doing? Why am I on the ground?" he stared up at me with glazed eyes.
"Waking you up, moron. You passed out last night due to the ungodly amount of alcohol you more than likely consumed with the help of your new little "friends". Here," I thrust the Tylenol into his hand, more delicately placing the glass of water in his other so it wouldn't spill. "Take these. We both know you need them."
As I rooted through the paper bag sitting on the small side table, trying to find the package of granola bars we had bought a couple of days ago, I noticed the clock read 1:43 p.m. That was officially the latest I had ever slept in. It made me feel like a slob, and glancing down at myself, I quickly realized that I looked like a slob too.
"Eat this," I said to Johnny a little too harshly, tossing him the granola bar and walking towards the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."
After I exited the shower, put on a pair of blue jeans and the same BYU sweatshirt that I had been wearing last night (Johnny has a horrible habit of setting the a/c to high), and applied my make-up, I walked out, rubbing my wet hair with a bath towel.
"So what are we--" I stopped short of asking Johnny what our plans were for the day when I noticed the other bodies in the room with him. "Hi... everyone," I greeted them in as unenthusiastic voice as I could muster. Although it wasn't that far of a stretch - these were quite possibly the last people I wanted to see today.
There was no need to finish my question, for I knew exactly what our plans would be. Absolutely nothing.... wasting the entire day with these people, doing so little that it actually made you exhausted. And for some reason, I had the feeling that I would come out of this entire experience with less intelligence than I entered the day with.
With a huff, I slumped down on the small sofa next to Johnny. I was getting a headache already.
"Whats up your ass?" Matt joked harshly from across the room.
"Excuse me?" I didn't understand what his problem was with me. We hard hardly even met and he didn't know a single thing about me aside from the fact that I wasnt my step-brother's girlfriend. I didn't deserve the attitude and it was far too early for him to be starting already.
"I said, what's up your ass, princess?"
My mouth dropped, appalled that he had the audacity to speak to a complete stranger like that. It's not as if I expected him to be friendly... I didn't even expect him to be nice. But he could, at the very least, be respectful and kept his mouth shut of he had nothing nice to say.
"You know what, Matt? I don't know who you think you are, but I don't have to put up with your shit. I'm out of here," I hissed, propelling myself off of the couch and towards the door, grabbing my purse on the way. With a force and anger that I very rarely exert, I threw the door open, slightly cringing as it smacked into the wall.
The last thing I heard as I walked out of the room and towards the elevator was Johnny.
"Woah. Dude, you must have really pissed her off. She never cusses."
As I stepped outside of our hotel, I looked around, trying to decide where to go. So far, most of our time has been spent doing what Johnny wanted to do - going to places Johnny wanted to visit. And while I would have rather had him here with me, enjoying the things I like, I wasn't going to let it ruin my fun. At least, that's what I tried to tell myself... there's no reason to be mad; just be thankful for some alone time and enjoy sunny California in your own way.
Our hotel was only about a quarter mile away from the boardwalk and yet we hadn't visited it yet. That was to be my destination. After all, it was beautiful outside, there were always a lot of people milling around so I had nothing to really fear with being alone, and most importantly, there were about 10 concession stands located on it.
Pulling a few precious dollar bills out of my pocket, I purchased a mango smoothie and a soft pretzel and found an unoccupied bench towards the end of the boardwalk, discreetly sitting down and avoiding eye contact with all the passersby.
Somehow this all didn't feel right. I always figured I would be here with my family; my boyfriend. We would be on some sort of vacation, or maybe Nat would even take me here to propose. I never imagined that it would be the result of running away from home with my step-brother, and then getting angry and running away from him. That's just not how I work. I don't act irresponsibly, I don't act irrationally and on emotions.
With a sigh, I crumpled the wrapper of my soft pretzel and pulled my journal from my purse. Even with Johnny around, this trip had still become very, very lonely and I had begun relying on my journal more and more to pour out my thoughts - to simply get them out of my mind before they consumed me.
"What are you writing?"
I looked to my left with a gasp, not realizing anyone was sitting next to me. Although I shouldn't have been surprised when I saw the body occupying the other half of the bench.
"Hey Jimmy."
"Faith."
He turned his head as if ready to thrust us back into our almost permanent silence, but this time, for some reason, I didn't let him. I didn't want to sit here, wasting another day with him, saying absolutely nothing. What was the point? Why does he even bother? The boy should have better things to do in his life besides sitting silently next to some girl he hardly knew.
"Why did you come out here?"
Jimmy looked shocked. Although, I suppose he had every right to be. I think this was the first time I actually spoke to him of my own volition.
"Uh... I dunno. Your brother said you were upset?"
I laughed at how confused he looked, like he wasn't sure himself why he was out here.
"So... BYU, eh?" he said suddenly, pointing at my sweatshirt.
"Yeah."
"What's a girl from Utah doing all the way out here?"
I sighed, unsure whether I should be telling him anything. After all, running away was illegal, wasn't it? At the very least, it had to be illegal for Johnny to be out here. The kid was only 14 after all. What in the world was I thinking, even considering telling a more or less complete stranger personal information. Had I not learned anything in my past 18 years?
"Look, it's quite obvious something's up. I'm not going to run to the police, if that's what you're thinking."
The long, contorted story flowed freely from my lips and I felt a weight lifting off of me, oddly comforted in the fact that I was finally able to tell someone about what had been happening in my life the past few weeks. I was never one to keep secrets nor was I one be so within myself and antisocial. I hadn't realized how secluded and lonely I had been until then until I felt the joy of actually being able to talk to someone. Why I chose him to talk to, I honestly don't know. It was nice having him sit next to me though, simply listening... not judging my poor decisions, not lecturing, not even patronizing. Just listening.
"So he actually is your step-brother?"
I nodded.
"And you just up and left everything behind for your step-brother?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"He's a lucky kid then."
Shrugging, I felt a sense of satisfaction... someone actually thought I was doing a good thing here, that I wasn't a complete fool. "Well, I couldn't very well let a 14-year-old wander around California by himself."
"He's only fourteen?"
"Now you see why I was so worried."
"And how old are you?"
Why does it matter? "Eighteen. I was going to be a freshman at BYU until all of this happened."
"So am I. 18, not a college student. College isn't my thing."
"Mmm," I muttered, not finding anything to say to follow that up, and not particularly feeling like anything needed to be said.
Jimmy pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his long, lanky arms around his black pants. He laid his head on top of his knees and stared out at the ocean, as if signaling that our conversation was now over.
I was ok with that.
My focus shifted back to the discarded journal that I had sat next to me on the bench when Jimmy announced his presence. I picked it back up and flipped to the most recent page, picking up my writing where I had left off. I had no reason to worry about Jimmy trying to look at it. Call it a hunch, I just... didn't.
The sun eventually started to set, prompting me to stash my journal back in my purse and assume a position much like Jimmy's curled up on the bench, staring out at the ocean and the slowly setting sun. It was a beautiful sight.
It made me think of Nat. He was such a romantic guy when it was just the two of us... we had watched many a sun set together, holding each other close and murmuring how much we loved one another.
"What's wrong?"
"Hmm?" I asked absentmindedly, still gazing at the orange-colored sky.
"The tears," he said plainly, reaching up and touching my cheek lightly. It was damp.
Unconsciously, I recoiled at his touch. "Oh, uh... it's nothing. I'm fine."
"Sure," he said, not sounding as if he believed me but leaving it at that nonetheless.
Five minutes later and the sky was dark, the sun finally hiding beneath the ocean horizon. I glance over at Jimmy, only to find him staring at me, unashamed. For some reason, I smiled at him, the small movement seeming to extract him from thought. "I'm going to head back to the hotel."
He stood up, reaching his hand out to me. Hesitantly, I took a hold of it. It felt rough. The minute my feet were underneath me, he dropped it as if it were dead weight. Silently we made our way back across the street and through the parking lot of the hotel. Why was he doing this? Sitting on the boardwalk with me all afternoon, walking me back to the hotel... he hardly even knows me.
"How much money do you have?"
He had such a funny way of suddenly speaking up, as if his thoughts hit occurred to him out of thin air and if he didn't voice them immediately, he's lose them. It was an endearing quality, I suppose. At the very least, something I had quickly come to expect. "What do you mean?"
"How long can you afford to stay here?"
Good question. Honestly, not very much longer at all... a week at most. Secretly, I had planned on asking Trevor at the music shop if I could work there part time. Sure, I had absolutely no musical knowledge, but he was one of the few people that had befriended us. I suppose if you don't count Jimmy and his band mates (and I was still not ready to admit that they were indeed friends), he was the only person we could call a friend in California. Hopefully I could make enough to keep us in the hotel for a few a couple more months until Johnny turned 15... or until I could finally convince him to come back home.
"Another week."
"Then what are you going to do?"
I shrugged my shoulders, staring at the numbers in the elevator, each one lighting up as we got closer and closer to our floor. The truth was quite embarrassing. I had no business being out here... no business being on my own and no business trying to take care of Johnny. I was all but doomed to fail.
"We'll figure out something."
The elevator 'ding'ed and the doors slid open on the 10th floor but I stayed firmly rooted in my spot, gawking at Jimmy like he had just grown two head. Since when did my business become any of his concern? And more importantly, why did he care?
I didn't reply to him - I didn't really know what to say. The door clicked as a swiped my card key and I pushed it open, noticing that the only one still there was Johnny. "Hey."
"Where have you been?" He actually looked pretty worried.
"Just over at the boardwalk. Sorry I was gone so long."
He shrugged but craned his neck, trying to see around me. "Hey... Jimmy."
"Johnny."
Truly two men of little words.
"The rest of the guys left about two hours ago. Going back to Matt's house I think?"
I turned around as Jimmy grunted in what I could only assume to be acknowledgement. His lips formed into a partial smile as he looked down at me. "See ya later, Faith."
"Mmm," was the only thing I could get out before he turned on his heel and nonchalantly walked back down the hall towards the elevator. What a strange, strange guy.
Johnny's eyebrows were raised when I looked back at him, his mouth contorted in a strange sort of smirk. "You were with Jimmy, eh?"
I shook my head, tossing my sweatshirt at him. "Shush you."
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All We Are is Memories