Britpop Circus
ACT TWO, scene five
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Scene five
(The next day. Blur is together in the practiceroom again. Damon runs through the door.)
Damon, gasping: You’ll never guess what happened last night.
Alex: You remembered that one melody again. After all these years.
Damon: No. I wish I would.
Dave: It’s got something to do with those posers of Oasis, hasn’t it?
Damon: Yes!
Alex: Were they on tv again?
Damon: I don’t know, actually.
Graham: Just tell us!
Damon: Guess! Don’t be lazy!
Graham: They broke into your home.
Damon: Close.
Alex, startled: What the fuck? Did they steal something?
Damon: No.
Dave: They wrote insults on the wall.
Damon: Nope.
Dave: They wrote insults in a letter.
Damon: Nope.
Dave: They gave you a call to insult you.
Damon: Almost!
Dave: They called you at home?
Damon: Liam did.
Graham: Are you serious? He’s got some nerve.
Alex: What did he say?
Damon: It was weird…
Graham: Whatever he said to you, Damon, don’t believe him! He’s trying to get to you!
Alex: Let him talk, Graham.
Damon, looking at Graham: He didn’t insult me or any of you.
Graham: Huh, that’s new.
Damon: To tell you the truth, he said he was sorry. He said he never wanted Noel to go that far.
Dave: Hmm. I can believe that.
Damon: But then he made the weirdest proposal ever. He wants us to stay over for the weekend.
Dave: Huh.
Alex: Did he go mad or something?
Damon: I don’t know! He sounded really serious. He’d send the address today. He told me there would be good food and all.
Graham, sarcastic: Yeah, let’s all go on a cosy picknick.
Damon: That’s what I thought, too! But he really meant it, I’m sure!
(Silence.)
Alex: Well. What do you think?
Damon: I don’t know. I personally don’t really mind. It’s just…crazy!
Dave: We need a couple of conditions. First, they can’t pick a fight with us. Second, we demand clean rooms and lots of privacy.
Alex: Yeah, you’re right.
Damon, sitting down next to Graham on the floor: What do you think, Graham?
Graham: I want his apology, to be honest.
Damon: So you’re okay with it?
Graham: As long as they’re not being retarded.
Damon: He promised me they would behave themselves.
Graham: And you trust him?
Damon: I trust him enough.
Alex: I guess it’s decided. We’re going on a cosy picknick with the Gallagher brothers.
Dave: Look, the address arrived.
Damon: That’s in the country!
Graham: The middle of nowhere.
Damon, cheerfully: Oooh, I bet their home is colossal! And I bet they have a huge garden, with roses and all! Maybe they even keep animals! Horses and rabbits!
Rest of Blur: …
Alex: You’re looking forward to it. Unbelievable.
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