Heaven Help Us | By : EmilyRose Category: My Chemical Romance > Slash - Male/Male Views: 926 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I hadn't been running for five minutes when they caught up with me. Of course I was a guy, and was supposed to run faster, but remember that I was a chain smoker, almost an alcoholic and also 35 years old. She grabbed my arm and made me stop, and I applied since I had no more strength to run, due to the facts stated above.
"Frank, wait" She said and I turned to look at her with sad eyes. She was so beautiful, she looked just like me and Gerard used to imagine she would. She had the same style, and also her nose and lip pierced, just like I had once. Everything about her was simply amazing, and I felt my heart ache when I realized what I had left behind. Not only Gerard, but Jenn, my daughter who needed me. I felt horrible, and after a few minutes I couldn't fight the tears anymore.
"I left you" I said between tears, and soon she was crying as well, with her arms wrapped tightly around me. Pixie-Light had stepped away to give us a moment together, something I made a mental note to thank her for later.
"Why?" She asked when we broke the embrace.
"Not here, come with me to my apartment" I said and she nodded. I wanted to tell her, after all this time I had to tell her the reason for me leaving. And I had to know how Gerard was doing, I just had to.
+
It was not without shame that I showed her and Pixie-Li… no, Shannon, into my dump disguised as an apartment. I told them to sit where there was less crap, and they pushed some things down from my raggedy old couch then sat down. Before we had a time to start talking there was a knock on my door and I excused myself to go answer it.
When I opened the door I saw my landlord and I knew why she was there.
"I'm here to tell you that you've been evicted and I want you out within the week" She spat at me then left before I had a chance to beg her for more time. I felt my heart sink as I knew I now had one week to find another dump to live at.
Jenn at some point had walked in from the living area and laid a hand on my shoulder.
"Go live with dad" She said but I shook my head violently. I hadn't seen Gerard in ten years, and look what I had turned in to. A wreck. I couldn't face Gerard looking or living like this, I just couldn't. I told her that but she tried to pursue me to think again, but I stood my ground.
+
After five hours, the sky was now since long dark and it was almost time for me to go to work. We had told each other everything that had happened for the last ten years. Of course I had left some parts out, but I still managed to let her know what kind of loser I now was. And that was why I told her I couldn't go back; I couldn't let Gerard see what I had become.
When she spoke of Gerard my heart ached and I found it hard to breathe. But I was happy that Gerard was doing well for himself. Working as an art teacher at one of the colleges in New Jersey and still living in our beautiful house.
I caught myself thinking about our house, and wondering how it was looking these days, but then I snapped out of it. It was dangerous for me to think of such things, since I was not going back.
Finally when it was morning again and we had talked through the night I told her I had to go to work, and that she should go back to school.
"No, I'm not going anywhere until you go back and talk to dad" She said and stomped her foot. I couldn't help but smile at the expression on her face, I could remember that. Her pouting and stomping her foot when she didn't get what she wanted. But I also remembered how stubborn she was.
Sighing I nodded my head slightly, knowing full and well that nothing good could ever come from this. But I made a promise, I promised Jenn I would at least go back to New Jersey to see Gerard, and then see what happened after that. I told her I'd do it the following morning, and that I would just call in sick for a few days.
Maybe I should've waited longer, but I knew that if I didn't do it right away I would just keep putting it off.
As I walked to work my mind was spinning and my throat was sore. I lit my second cigarette in five minutes and took a deep drag. Jenn had begged me to not smoke so much but I couldn't help it. I was extremely nervous, thinking that the next day around noon I would see my Gerard again. Except he wasn't my Gerard anymore, since I had left them, I had lost him forever.
Jenn tried to convince me that Gerard missed me as much as I missed him but I couldn't believe it. He should hate me, he would hate me. Who wouldn't? I just left them when they needed me the most; and that is the most unforgivable thing one can do.
Finally I arrived to work and as I stepped inside I threw my cigarette to the ground. I nodded to my colleagues as I made my way into the boss's office. I should get it over with, and just hope that I could get a few days off. I had planned to call in sick but then I figured it would be better to just try and be honest.
I knocked on Mr. Kensington's door and took a deep breath as I heard him telling me to enter. Mr. Kensington was in his forties, had a scar just above his left eye and always looked cheerful. I really liked my boss; he was the best boss I had had so far. He never gave me too much shit when I was late, and he didn't complain so much about my… choice of clothes.
When he saw it was me he gave me a smile and motioned for me to sit down in an old chair, which I did. As soon as I had settled he leaned back in his office chair behind his desk and folded his hands behind his head.
"What's up Frank?" He asked and I took a few seconds to choose my words.
"Well, Mr. Kensington, I'd-" He held up a hand to stop me and gave me a meaningful look. I blushed and started again.
"Well, James, I'd like to take a few days off" I said and he smiled again. He always told his employees to call him James and not Mr. Kensington. He said it made him feel so much older then he really was, and besides he had never liked his last name much.
He seemed to be considering my words for a few moments and then he furrowed his eyebrows.
"May I ask what the occasion is?" He asked and I thought for a second. Should I tell him, or not? James was the one that knew the most about me, mostly because I was the only guy in his age working here. And, he said, because I reminded him so much about his younger brother that had passed away from a long term illness a few years earlier. He had taken a special liking in me, and I saw nothing wrong with being friends with my boss.
"I have to visit someone" I said finally and he leaned forward in his chair, running a hand through his brown hair.
"I didn't think you had anyone to visit" He stated and I nodded.
"Neither did I James, but I really have to do this" I pressed and he scratched his ear before replying.
"You don't belong here Frank, you never have. I suggest you go, and then stay away forever. You're worth more then this life, and more then that dump of an apartment you have"
His words touched me in a way I didn't think possible, and I felt my mouth drop. It had been so long since anyone had said such kind words to and about me. I shook my head a little, not sure if I was dreaming or not.
"I could always tell you missed someone, your eyes told me you know" He continued and again I blushed, then I looked away.
"Just go back to that someone, and stay there, I don't think you'll ever be happy until you do" He finished and I gave it some thought. He was right of course; I knew I would never be happy until I was with Gerard again. But I also knew that what I had done was horrible, and that Gerard might, or shouldn't, ever forgive me.
"It's not that easy" I said and his smile widened.
"Of course not, but you have to do it just the same. So take a week off, then call me and let me know what you're doing" He said and I smiled back, my first genuine smile in what felt like years. Not counting the smiles I had given Jenn.
He even hugged me as I left, and wished me good luck. He said that since I wasn't meant to be here, maybe I was meant to be there. He also told me not to worry, that it would work out. I thanked him over and over, but he just silenced me and told me that he hoped he wouldn't have to see me again.
As I walked home I felt something stirring inside me. Something I hadn't felt for a long, long, time. Something that I had missed dearly.
Hope.
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