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Infatuation	By : Firithfalaswen Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Panic! At The Disco Views: 998 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Panic! At the Disco. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Ch.5: Burn another bridge. Break another heart.

Ryan's POV

Two days after out hotel stay I stumbled out of my bunk, where Firith had slept with me the night before, and headed into the bathroom. I was being torn apart by my feelings for Brendon, and wanting to be with Firith. I loved him, but as my best friend. And I was ready to rid the both of us of this emotional crutch for good.

I showered hurriedly, and I waited until I knew for certain that both girls were gone before I finally caught up with him. He was sitting peacefully on the couch flipping through a magazine and sipping a can of red bull.

“Hey Bren, “ I began, “We need to talk.”

“Hey, what is it?” He smiled.

I sat down beside him and tried, unsuccessfully, to keep from fidgeting. “I think we should talk about… Just… moving on Bren.” He looked at me, obviously confused, but I really didn’t know how to say what I need to. I lowered my head, and mumbled back, “I’m talking about this. Us. I want to be with her, Bren. Serious.”

I glanced back up to find him staring. “I mean, you can have us both right?” The solemn look on his face slowly turned into a smirk. “She doesn’t have to know…”

I sighed and shook my head. “I would know. I don’t want it like that. I don’t want to hurt her later on.”

“Oh come ON… You said it yourself that this was just for fun! Besides, remember your last relationships? You sure you wanna go through that again?” Brendon groaned.

I really couldn’t argue there. I’d gone through some shitty relationships. “The fun is over Bren. I want more. And the rest is just something I’m going to risk. I’m not you, I can’t just toy with people’s emotions.”

“I don’t play with people’s emotions!”

I shook my head and stared at him. “You’re a predator with an innocent face, you and I both know it. You don’t even know who or what you want!”

Brendon blinked and crossed his arms defensively. “Why are you attacking me now? I do know what I want!”

“I’m not attacking you Brendon, I’m just saying… If you want this,” I said, pointing to myself, and then to him. “…then why are you stringing her along too?”

I noticed him try to hide the smirk crossing his face. God, he was such a whore. “What about her? She’s just a fuck. You know that. “

“Well then. You fuck her. Leave me out of it.” I said simply with a shrug.

“C’mon, you can’t be serious.” Brendon rolled his eyes and groaned again.

I was tired of it at this point. “Why are we even fighting about this? You don’t need me. And I want a real relationship. Not just having you warm my bed whenever you feel like it.” I sighed.

“Whenever I feel like it?” He challenged, raising his voice a little, “I did it cause you ASKED me. It happened because YOU wanted it!”

That part was only partly true. "Well, now I’m telling you I want to be with her, and just her. Whatever we were doing is finished, and you can go back to breaking girl’s hearts.” He threw his hands up in frustration.

“Fine! Go and get your heart broken… And I’m not a manwhore!”

I looked at him like he’d grown an extra head. What exactly would he call it then? “You are. And it’s too bad you don’t realize it. In fact, I don’t know why you care about MY feelings so much. Hell, what are you going to do when Kris finds out you’re playing her?”

“Okay, first of all, you’re my friend, so I guess I can worry about your feelings, and I’m not playing her! She knows what she’s doing with me…”

I raised an eyebrow then and sighed. “She does? You’re doing the same thing to her that you don’t want happening to me, Bren. Just think about her feelings okay?”

“Pppffttt! That’s the great thing about it Ryan, there’s no feelings between us, and even if there is, she knows she’s just a fuck and that this is just a game.”

With another roll of my eyes, I started to walk away. There was no getting through to him. And I felt bad for Firith’s friend, I really did. Not that I don’t like to mind my own business, but I seriously started thinking about giving Kris some sort of head-up about Bren. A warning…

He fell back onto the couch and growled sarcastically. ”Good luck Ryan,” Automatically going back to his magazine.

I stepped down the bus stairs, heading into the venue where I knew Firith would be. I couldn’t wait to tell her everything between Brendon and I was over, officially.

Brendon's POV

I slumped on the couch, flipping through the magazine pages in annoyance. Who the hell does he think he is? I think the curse speech in my mind would have been longer if it wasn't for Kris, who came from the back glaring at me and holding a water bottle. I knew immediately she had heard us, as she dumped the water on my lap.

“Wow, looks like you’ve lost both your toys in a matter of minutes haven’t you?”

She stormed out of the bus with that. I stood up and tried to dry myself, for a millisecond, before storming behind Kris.

"Hey..." I called, but she didn't stop. "Kris!!"

She huffed, and again didn't turn around. "Hey.... fuck off."

I ran faster and blocked her way. "Stop! please..." Kris rolled her eyes at me and crossed her arms, waiting. I really didn't know what to say, after all she had heard me and what I said. There was no point in denying it. "Look, I'm sorry if you thought this was going somewhere else..."

"Wait... what?" Kris shook her head giving me a weird look. "I don't give a shit about it going anywhere, Brendon. But I thought we were at least friends. You made me feel like shit just now." She started walking again. I groaned and blocked her way.

"But we are friends." I sighed. "I didn't say anything you didn't already know. And, hey! You could say the same about me!" I was really trying to make look what I said less hurtful, though I know I was failing for sure.

"Oh, fuck yourself. It was really fucking harsh. You know what? I'm sorry I even got in the middle of this shit." Kris' lips got tense, really tense... There was no way I was getting away with this.

"Fine then. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I got you caught in the middle, okay?"

"You're full of shit, Urie, but whatever..." She said looking bored and playing with her hair. I didn't have time for drama, this was supposed to be just about sex and I was actually having fun with it. Maybe too much fun... I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, knowing I had to end it.

"Maybe--- I shouldn't have dragged you into this." I looked down, trying to pick my words carefully. "You wanna stop?"

"I'm not going to let you use me..." Kris sighed and looked down too, biting her lip, making me realize there were things she wasn't telling me. And I'm not so sure I wanted to know them. I lifted her face up.

"Hey, it's okay. We'll stop. Back to being... your boss, I guess."

She nodded and said almost in a whisper. "Yeah." Then a pause, then a cough. "And as an employee I guess I should go do something. Want breakfast?" She asked with no clear emotion on her face. I don't know why it made me feel really sad. I shook my head as response.

"No, you go and eat. I'll just--- be on the bus." I tried to smile, but not even a fake one managed to form.

"Okay. Send a message if you need me." Kris turned and walked off.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked back to the bus, realizing that what Kris said when pouring water on my crotch was true.

I crawled inside my bunk feeling suddenly lonely, thing I hadn't felt in AGES. I always had someone there, someone I could call, someone to, as Ryan so kindly put it, keep my bed warm. I sighed and flipped through my cellphone, reading the endless list there, but this time I didn't feel like calling anyone.

The uncomfortable feeling followed me around the next few days, giving me funny stomachaches at the sight of Ryan with Firith and making me stutter and fall quiet when talking to Kris. The latter bringing me to a sudden realization: I fucking missed them.
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Infatuation