I'm Not Gay | By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
|| Bill’s POV ||
Tom has scared me at first when I was snapped at. I was sure he was freaked out by the night before. Until he mentioned he had a hangover. I guess I was just lucky! I felt completely fine when I woke up this morning, well, unless you count the fact that I had a hard on I had to take care of from dreams of Tom pinning me to his bed and kissing me all night. He looked like hell, I could tell that much. But god he still looked perfect. I was going to ask him something- when the girl I saw him looking at yesterday came up to him.
I wanted to be sick, just throw up right then and there in the middle of the hall. Girls always made me feel like that when they tried hanging on me. But this one was hanging on Tom, and that was just worse. I turned my head away from them, ready to just walk into the classroom and take my seat when I heard Tom talking. “Sorry, Natasha. I made other plans.” I was surprised. I looked up confused, so was the girl.
They fought for a moment. It made me want to laugh. I probably would have if it didn’t remind me that Tom had slept with a lot of girls before. Because as he said so many times the day before, he’s not gay. But that look he gave me, and the obvious to me excise to get me out of the school and away from prying eyes made me know he was questioning his own promise. Tom wasn’t sure if he was straight anymore.
“Bill…” I heard him say my name as we walked away from the school. He wouldn’t take my hand again, but I understood why. Inside where only his mom saw was one thing, out here anyone could. At least I was praying that was the reason and not that he just didn’t want to hold my hand again. I know I sound childish… but it seemed like he won’t do that too many people… it was like a part of him I already had to me.
“Yes, Tom?” I asked him. He just shook his head and pulled his hat over his eyes. Maybe he’d tell me later. I hoped that he would. I wanted him to me. All to me. I realized, as we walked down the street to my house, within the twenty-four hours I’ve known him- I had a few part of Tom that were all to me. I was the only one to know he was adopted. I knew he was worried about his image when everyone else thought he just went with the flow. I was the first boy he had ever kissed. I made him hard last night. He held my hand taking me up to his room. He skipped out on dinner because he wanted to spend time with me. And now, he’s getting me to skip school- something I have never done, because he wanted to be around me and no one else.
We walked up to my house and I unlocked the front door to let us in. Tom shifted from foot to foot as I stumbled with the keys and I smiled when it opened. “Come on in.” I told him, letting him go in first before I shut the door behind us. I turned to look at him but before I could say anything, Tom had me pushed against the door with his fingers threading threw my hair and his lips attacking mine.
I gasped into the kiss, my own arm sliding around his neck and I eagerly kissed him back. His tongue slid across my lips and I parted them, allowing him to explore my mouth. I tried to stay silent this time, not let a moan escape my lips. That had scared him before. That had made him stop. But god it was so hard. He sucked my pierced tongue into his mouth again and I couldn’t help but let out the smallest of moans, he didn’t stop though. His fingers tightened in my hair and he pulled my head back, lips moving down and assaulting my neck once more. He stopped for a moment and I dared not to breathe.
The fingers of one of his hands stayed curled in my hair as the other traced down my neck. Stopped where I knew he had left a mark last night. I was afraid he was going to stop. That would be the worst thing- if Tom stopped right now. It was a hardly noticeable thing. You’d have to know it was there to see it. He moved his fingers away from my skin before I felt his mouth attach to that spot and I couldn’t help but cry out. I’m loud, I know it. He sucked hard on the skin, darkening the mark that had hardly been there and I was panting. My tight pants were getting uncomfortable.
My hands wrapped around a few of his dreadlocks and I couldn’t help but to pull on them, making Tom grunt and forcing his head away from my neck as I tried to gather my breath. His fingers loosened from hair and we were looking in each others eyes. Eyes that looked so much like each others. We really could be twins… but I wasn’t adopted. “What are you doing to me, Bill?” He whispered, leaning his forehead against my own as his eyes closed, his lashes resting softly against his cheek.
My fingers let go of his hair, one of my hands moving softly to touch the side of his face. “I don’t understand, Tomi…” I told him. My pointer and middle finger traced down his cheek and my thumb moved over his lips, parting the slightly wet pink skin.
He got mad at me, his hand moved and punched the door right next to my head, and I heard something in his hand crack. He seemed not to notice. I was scared to say the very least. I didn’t move, afraid that his anger would be taken out somewhere else other then the door behind me. He was breathing heavily, his lip ring being sucked into his mouth again as he thought. I wanted to ask what he was thinking. Why he had gotten so angry. But I couldn’t say a word. I just stared at him; even in his anger- Tom looked beautiful.
“This is wrong.” He finally said, though his eyes were still closed, “This is all wrong. I’m not supposed to want you like this.” He growled, his hand that hadn’t been hurt only a moment before moved and wrapped around the back of my neck, forcing my head back so he could look at me again. I was scared, but only just. His hands were not holding onto me tight, just enough to keep my head back to look at him. Tom wasn’t angry, he was confused.
“Why not, Tom?” I asked him, finally speaking to him, hoping he wouldn’t start hitting the door again. I would have a lot of explaining to do to mom if he left a dent in the door. “What is so bad about it?” I asked him, my own hand slipping back around his neck, a few fingers lacing around a couple of dreadlocks.
“It’s fine for you, Bill.” He whispered, sighing and leaning his forehead against mine. “You like boys. You’re gay. I… I’m not gay, Bill. I’m just not. I like girls. But you… I just. I want to kiss you. And I don’t fucking know why.” His eyes fell closed again, his body pressing flush against my own and I gasped. “Look what you’re doing to me.” He whispered, grinding his hips directly against my own. I had already noticed. Tom was hard, and getting harder as he kept his hips rocking against mine. I can’t say I was helping much, my hips were moving back against his.
“I don’t think you’re as straight as you think, Tomi.” I whispered to him, my hands gripping on his dreads a little more as I pulled him down to kiss me again. He wouldn’t this time. He just leaned his head on my shoulder and latched his teeth onto my shoulder. It hurt, but not as much as it made me harder.
“Don’t call me that.” He said to me. I don’t know why it bothered him so much. But I couldn’t help that I wanted to call him it. I wanted to call him something others weren’t allowed too. I wanted to call him mine. He pushed his hips rougher against mine and my head fell back against the door. I was panting for breath soon enough. I could feel all the blood in my body rushing to my groin as Tom and I grinded against each other. “I should hate you.” He hissed, his teeth biting at my neck again. “I want to hate you.” I knew he didn’t mean it. He needed to hate me for his own sanity.
I could read threw his words so easily, I couldn’t even do that with my best friend. I don’t know what made Tom so different. No other words were spoken, Tom’s lips caught mine again as we continued to grind against each other, our chests rising and falling in perfect unison with the others. He grabbed my thighs, pulling them up so my legs were wrapped around his tiny waist as he could push against me harder. At this rate Tom was going to make me come in my pants.
I think that was his goal. His hands were on my ass and my ankles locked around his waist. “Oh god… T-Tom…” I moaned against his lips. He kissed my jaw line, moving his lips to the sensitive skin behind my ear and nipping there. I moaned louder and he sucked my lobe into his mouth. “Sh-shit…” I cried out, my nails digging into his back over the fabric of his shirt, “Tom, I… I’m gonna come…” I whimpered, he only responded by kissing me again and grinding harder against me. I could feel the heat pooling even more on the hard on still confined by the tightness of my pants. Tom’s grinding was creating more then a delicious friction between the two of us.
I had to pull out of the kiss and my head hit the door with a thud as my legs wrapped tighter around him, forcing our hips to be even closer then before and the friction to increase. “Tom!” I cried out, not being able to hold myself back from coming hard into my pants. Tom wouldn’t scream my name though; he only pushed his hips up against mine one last time before biting down hard on my shoulder to silence his moan, making me wince as he came in his own pants.
We stayed like that for a moment, panting against each other as we came down from our orgasms. Tom was still clutching me against the door like we would both fall if he let me go. Our breath soon evened out and he was looking at me again, both of our eyes glassed over like they were the night before- but this time it wasn’t from drinking.
“I…” He was the first to speak, his words stumbling over each other as he finally let me go and put me down, stepping back from me and his hand gripped onto his forehead. “Twenty-four hours you come into my life and completely confuse the hell out me, Bill…” he mumbled as I moved away from the door and over to him. “I’m… shit Bill, I’m straight! I shouldn’t have done that!” I put my hand on his shoulder and opened my mouth to say something but he spoke first. “I have to go, Bill…” he said quickly, pushing my hand away from his shoulder and past me as he pulled open the door, quickly leaving my house and nearly running to his own. Slamming his front door when he got inside.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt. But it would be another lie if I said I didn’t understand why he left so quickly. Even after he kissed me. After he held me so close so and we made each other nearly scream… well, in my case. Tom still wanted to be straight. He didn’t want to give up what he had thought the last sixteen years of his life. I can’t say that I blame him. I shouldn’t have kissed him last night… Tom and I could have been really good friends at least. I may have just ruined all of that now.
But I know friends wouldn’t be enough. I would constantly be wanting more with the me look alike boy. I sighed and walked up the stairs to the bathroom. I needed a shower, a long shower.
I stripped from my dirty clothes and tossed them in the hamper in the bathroom before I turned on the hot water before I crawled into it. I had a lot to think about myself… Tom wasn’t the only one confused. True enough, I was gay. I knew that. But I didn’t understand why I wanted him so badly. So much that just seeing that girl holding onto him for a fraction of a second hurt me. I had basically just met him. I didn’t know why I could read him so well. Why I knew what every look in his eyes meant.
Eyes that looked so much like my own. I bit my lip as I brushed my scented soap down my body, washing away the sticky mess that had been left from my come. Things about us were so much alike the more that I thought about it. We had the same birthday. We were both allergic to strawberries. We liked the same food. We looked just alike. Especially now since my make-up had been washed off my face by the hot water of my shower.
Tom was adopted… what if my parents had had twins and given one of us up? That one being Tom. What if my parents had been lying to me my whole life and I was adopted too…
What if… What if Tom really was my twin?
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