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The End of the Road	By : theProphet Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 1311 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and don't profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Author's comment: Last chapter :) This one doesn’t really fit in the whole story. I wrote it at the time I was writing Blurry Days, so this chapter is of a Blurry Days style, nothing like Until… stories. But I guess it’s a nice last scene to end the story :) When I wrote it I wasn’t sure if it will end up in part 3, but now this is the only thing that I can offer for an ending… :)

CHAPTER 5

Kyo was right, it is a very cozy place. It would be impossible to find it without knowing where to go. Kyoto was after all a big city and this little old-fashioned café was so well hidden behind one of not so impressive temples that I was almost sure we would find perhaps no people at all in it. But to my surprise as soon as we entered, we saw that the place was quite busy at this early hour. Almost all the tables were taken. Mostly young couples were sitting and chatting. There was also an older pair and a group of girls. Kyo glanced at me with an ‘I told you’ look and I could only smile. This place was really cozy and nice.
We sat in the corner by the window which provided us with a little glimpse of the temple and the trees. The window was open and the light breeze was making the place cooler. Surprisingly, there was no noise from the street and I just couldn’t help but smile.
“You really spent your time here when you were still in school?” I couldn’t help but ask. Kyo nodded as he sat down on the chair opposite me.
“The place looks almost exactly the same. I used to come here during the time that I should have been in school. Basically I would come here when I wanted to be alone or when I was feeling very depressed. Though the second thing happened more and more often in the last year in school.”
“It’s really unusual that the place managed to keep running for so many years, especially when it’s so hard to find.”
Kyo shrugged.
“It’s popular among local people.”
When a waitress came to us, we ordered coffee and something to eat. I was glad that we skipped breakfast and came to eat here instead. This place was calming me more than I would have ever imagined.
We ate in silence and I couldn’t help but try to imagine Kyo sitting here, perhaps at the same table, having a drink while he should be in school. What was he like when he was seventeen? I can hardly imagine. He says he was a lonely kid, who was just different and thus always found it hard to find friends. Nobody thought of him as being cool, but rather a weird, too short guy with horrid teeth who always wore the same old jeans and some simple t-shirt.
I sighed silently and sipped coffee from my cup.
Would I have been unfriendly with Kyo as well if we were in the same school? Somehow I think I might have been and as soon as the thought crosses my mind, I feel sad. When we first met for the band, what did I think of Kyo?
I try very hard to remember. Who introduced us? When did it happen? Though all of that isn’t really important. Most clearly I remember that I thought that this Tooru guy was really short and skinny. Then when I got a better look at him, I thought that he’s too ordinary-looking for a vocalist, too chubby and just too simple. And after some time I concluded that he was also not very talkative and didn’t really know how to handle other people. I even thought that he would be better of just drumming at the back of the stage than being the front man of the band.
I sigh again and this time Kyo lifts his eyes and looks at me curiously. Though he keeps silent and just watches me. I smile a bit and he continues eating, probably deciding that I was just tired as we haven’t really slept so well this night.
Kyo keeps eating and I stare at his fingers that grasp the chopsticks with ease with his tattoo-free hand. I’m glad that he kept at least some part of his one hand without any tattoos. I love his tattoos, but sometimes I wonder how they will look when Kyo will get old enough for his skin to wrinkle. Perhaps I should have thought about that when I did my tattoos on both hands, but I don’t really care right now.
Kyo pushed the plate aside and lights a cigarette, his eyes fixed on something outside the window. I look at his nose, his lips, his Adam’s apple, the tattoo on his neck. He looks so grown up. So nothing like that scrawny short guy, shyly fidgeting in the corner of the room not daring to go to the others and talk.
When I first heard him sing, I thought he wasn’t bad. His voice seemed to be stronger than his posture and his whole personality suggested. But when I saw him on stage, I was surprised to see a completely different person. The Tooru on stage was not shy – he looked confident, happy and worth to be called a front man of the band.
Since the day it was decided that Kyo will be our singer, I tried talking to him more and found out that he actually was a nice guy. Friendly, maybe too shy, but if you gave your best shot and showed him that you were sincerely interested in talking to him, Kyo would after some time start trusting you and would reveal a totally new and different side of him.
When he dyed his hair blond and started dressing up for the stage, I remember for the first time thinking that he was quite handsome. And I was finally feeling completely satisfied with the singer of our new band.
Though it didn’t last for too long. It wasn’t even a year as we were in La Sadies and Kyo suddenly became withdrawn and cold to everyone, especially me. And for some reason started to hate Kisaki. It was hard to deal with him, and it was hard to make the band work when two of their members seemed not to get along at all. And Shinya also seemed to be on Kyo’s side and detest Kisaki as well.
I light myself a cigarette as well and think of why I am remembering those things at all. Perhaps it’s just the place. Being here, in Kyoto, where he grew up and lived for so long, was somehow very emotional for me. I was here for the first time with him. And I felt guilty that I thought so low of him when we first met. It took me a long time to start looking at Kyo as an equal. I used to think that I was more handsome, had more talents, was friendlier and just overall better than that weird, silent, withdrawn short guy.
When it became painfully clear that we had to either disband, either get a new vocalist, I was very angry with Kyo. He couldn’t stand Kisaki and didn’t even try getting along with him. And somehow he managed to make Shinya be on his side and distaste Kisaki as well. I was not very fond of our bassist as well, but it was like a job, and you never like everyone at your job. It would be easier to ditch one band member, but as Shinya was on Kyo’s side, and I didn’t really like Kisaki as well, we decided to go ourselves. Die didn’t really care, he just said he was ok with what we will decide, so we disbanded, moved to Tokyo with a new bassist and started a new band.
Kyo then moved in with Toshiya, we started making ourselves a name between other bands and there was more and more work for us. I never even noticed how we drifted apart. Kyo and I almost never talked about anything else than the band.
But one day when I for some reason went to Kyo’s and Toshiya’s place, I was shaken to the core. Kyo was joking around and laughing with Toshiya and he seemed so… so lively, so handsome, so different, so carefree. Nothing like Kyo in La Sadies. Nothing like the cold, silent and depressed vocalist I knew him to be for so long.
I stub the cigarette in the ashtray. Something changed and I didn’t even notice. Never knew the cause for it. Never really cared as long as Kyo did his job on the stage. I felt jealous for some reason. Jealous that Kyo thought so little of me that he never even tried to be friendlier with me, to try and show that I was not an empty place in his life. He was like a totally different person with Toshiya, he trusted Shinya and never made fun of him with me, Die and Toshiya. He even felt comfortable enough in Die’s company. But never in mine. Never relaxed when I was around, never confided in me, never even talked about things from his private life.
Soon after that visit though Kyo found himself in a hospital, fearing he might not hear again. And somehow, after that accident, we got closer.
I tried to ignore my true desires for so long, but one night, when we got drunk, I gave in. It was wonderful kissing him. And I didn’t see why this should stop. I was happy. Somewhere along the way of trying to make Kyo like me, I got to know the real Kyo and I liked what I saw a lot.
When we quit all the visual-kei shit and Kyo didn’t wear that horrid make-up any more, I got to see a totally new side of him. And he was gorgeous. He was sexy, he was confident on stage and lustful. He was the prophet of our band and I finally was so proud of the vocalist we had.
I finish the coffee which was almost cold by that point. And only when I put the cup on the table, I notice that Kyo is watching me. I look at him questioningly and Kyo smiles a bit.
“What were you thinking about just now? You looked so deep in thought.”
I just shrug. I don’t really want to tell Kyo all of that. What’s the point? It would only hurt him. I don’t want him to know what I thought of him when we first met. Or what I thought of him when we were in La Sadies. Though on some level he knows. There was much said when it became clear that we’ll have to disband. So I just decide on telling him something else.
“I was just thinking of you. Or actually of how you could have looked when you were living here and visiting this café so often.”
He smiles warmly and shrugs.
“I was a clumsy and weird kid. I’m happy we met much later, because you wouldn’t have thought much of me back then.”
I hope he doesn’t wait for me to protest to what he’s just said. My silence clearly means agreement and Kyo leans back in his chair, his smile wavering a little.
“Were you popular in school, Kao?”
“Huh?” why does he ask that? School is many years behind now. But he looks with curiosity in his eyes and I guess I’ll just have to answer.
“Well, it wasn’t like I was the most desirable guy in the whole school, but I had my circle of friends and I was popular among them.”
“And among the girls?” a tiny note of jealousy could be heard in his voice and I look him in the eyes. Kyo tries to look aloof, but I can so see through his mask. He’s jealous, even though there’s no reason for that.
“Well yeah, girls wanted to date me, I never had a problem of finding a date while I was in school. Though already then I knew I was also interested in guys as well. But I never let myself even think of making this wish a reality. It happened later, when I was out of reach for my parents and relatives, of my friends, when I moved to Tokyo where nobody knew who you are and you could explore your non-traditional interests without any fear.”
“Was that so easy to do?”
“I got it easy. For me it never was hard to just go with the flow. I knew I wanted to try it with a guy and I went for it as soon as it was safe.”
Kyo looked thoughtful for a moment and suddenly stood up.
“Sorry, I really need to go to men’s room right now or I’ll burst.”
I can’t stop myself from laughing. I wave him off and he disappears somewhere at the other end of the café. I order myself another cup of coffee and a cup of orange juice. I would prefer something stronger like beer, but one of us needs to drive.
Suddenly I notice that it got quiet and look around. The group of girls and a couple that was sitting very near us are gone. And it’s much quieter without them. I was about to turn to stare out of the window but a lonely figure enters the café and catches my attention. It is a guy. I would say not older than 20. He had blond and spiky hair that looked so much like Kyo’s. He wasn’t too tall, but not too short either. He wore jeans and sleeveless t-shirt to show off his muscular and well-built arms. I get startled a bit as I notice that he’s looking at me as well. He’s got a nice face. Actually, I could even call him handsome. Dark piercing eyes, straight nose and thin lips, but as he continues staring at me, the left side of his lips goes up and the smirk he’s now giving me is impossibly sexy. I didn’t manage to stop myself from thinking that he’s hot. Young, handsome and hot.
Suddenly he starts to move again and goes right directly at my table. Did he think I was checking him out? Well, I actually was. I’m not blind. I can see that he’s gorgeous. But he thought my starring and eyeing him was an invitation to join me at my table. Shit.
I turn from him not knowing what to do. Was I so blunt at starring or is this guy just overly confident with himself?
I didn’t manage to think more as he suddenly sits in Kyo’s place and smiles sweetly at me. When his face is so close to mine now, I can actually see that he is really gorgeous and damn sexy. I haven’t seen such a hot guy before. I was taken aback unexpectedly and could just stare at him. If I were younger and single, I would already be buying him a drink and thinking if my flat was clean enough to invite him over.
He opens his mouth to say something, but stops as somebody else suddenly appears at the table. We both turn to look and of course Kyo’s standing there, his arms crossed over his chest, a murderous look on his face.
“Sorry, but I got here first” the youngster says and I can’t help but think that he’s got a sexy voice. It’s deep and lustful, but at the same time young and sweet. Kyo looks at the guy as if he wants to burn a hole in his head.
“Get lost, brat. It’s my seat.”
The guy turns to look questioningly at me and I just smile apologetically.
“Sorry, but he is sitting here with me.”
The guy glares at me and stands up.
“Well then don’t flirt with others if you’ve already got a buddy, old man. But if you decide that you want somebody young and pretty, don’t hesitate, I will be sitting right there.”
“Fuck off already” Kyo almost growls and the guy goes away throwing a last glance at me. Did I really look so irresistible to him? He’s so young, but he found me attractive.
“What was that all about? Did you flirt with him, Kaoru?” Kyo asks not even trying to hide irritation and jealousy in his voice.
“No, I didn’t. I just looked at him as he entered and he misunderstood my look. He thought I was interested.”
“How the fuck did you look at him if he thought you were interested?”
“I thought he was hot. And I guess I stared at him more than it was polite, so he misjudged me.”
“Kaoru, what the fuck…”
“Kyo, please, don’t even start” I stop him before he goes on further. “I’m not blind, I notice sexy guys around me, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean that I want to fuck them or leave you.”
“You let him sit beside you!”
“I didn’t think he’ll do that! He sat down and you showed up just then, I had no opportunity to tell him to get lost.”
Kyo glares at me. I actually enjoyed the guy’s attention, I admit. It made me feel wanted and still on the list. But I would never exchange Kyo to him or anybody else in the world. But I’m not sure I can tell Kyo the first part of the truth.
“Kyo, please, be reasonable. I just enjoyed the fact that a youngster like him would find me desirable. I don’t feel so old now” I laugh, but Kyo’s face is still stern and unhappy. I sip my coffee that already arrived while we were talking.
“Are you still angry?”
Finally he relaxes and looks me in the eyes.
“No, I’m sorry. I just overreacted. Sorry.”
I smile and caress his cheek gently. Kyo looks up at me surprised a bit of such a display of emotions in public, but I just smile back at him and then withdraw my hand. I hope the guy saw all that. I love Kyo and I don’t need an eighteen year old to be happy. I wouldn’t give up on Kyo for anybody else in the world.
When we finally leave the café I quickly steal a glance at the guy still eating, but he doesn’t look at us. He seems to be a bit annoyed and I smirk. Did he really want me that much?
Kyo nudges me in the guts and I gasp. I turn to look at him and I find Kyo smiling evilly.
“You sure made this poor guy’s testosterones go mad. He’s almost exploding from jealousy and lust for you!”
I stare back at him but Kyo just laughs.
“Well I’m happy that you find it funny, Kyo.”
Kyo laughs again and looks up at me.
“I’m just so proud that you’re with me, Kaoru. So many guys and girls want you, but you’re mine. I’m so lucky.”
I honestly don’t know what to answer to that. It suddenly made me feel uncomfortable. I was not a perfect person, not the best Kyo could find for himself, but he always talked about me as the most perfect lover on earth. It always made me feel guilty.
Because I’m not perfect. I hurt Kyo too often. I usually put my work before him. I’m ashamed to tell my parents that I live with a guy – with Kyo. And it’s Kyo who’s always loved me more than I will ever love him. I could never understand what he sees in me, why the hell he worships the ground I walk on. It scares the hell out of me. His heart is in my hands and I can do whatever I please with him.
No, Kyo, you’re wrong. It’s me. It’s me who got lucky. Because anybody else wouldn’t have put up with the shit I made him go through. Anybody else would have dumped me long ago and found somebody better, not so obsessed with work and more devoted.
It’s me who got lucky. It always was me and will always be.
I smile at him gently and put my sunglasses on.
“Come on Kyo, don’t get all mushy so early in the morning.”
He laughs and hits my shoulder lightly.
“I’m not mushy! It’s just the truth.”
I smile again and look at him quickly.
Yeah, Kyo-kun, you’re sweet as hell and you can turn blue from arguing, but it won’t change anything.
“At least no one’s calling you cute anymore” I can't resist reminding him.
“Huh, well it’s because I’m not!”
“Yeah, not anymore!” I utter and Kyo slaps my shoulder again.
“Shut up” he mutters and I actually laugh. I barely resist the urge to tell that I just changed my mind on what I have just said. Kyo can still be cute in front of me. I guess he will always be.
We head to the place where we left the car. It’s a strangely calm day for me. It’s just me and Kyo and I love it. We rarely get a chance to be alone and without any pressing matters. And when I sit in the passenger’s seat I already look forward for an afternoon in onsen and a calm evening at kabuki theatre.
We should visit Kyoto more often.

THE END

I don’t know if it would’ve been better to just put discontinued on this story and not have these last three chapters… I’m sorry they’re so half-assed! :(
Anyways, that’s it for Until You Lose Your Breath! I’m never touching this story again, it’s finished :P Hopefully you enjoyed these last three small bits from me at least a little :)
<3
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The End of the Road