Nexus | By : GatesVengeance Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Avenged Sevenfold Views: 1355 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: I do not know Avenged Sevenfold personally,nor am i affiliated with them in any way. This story is a work of fiction. I make no profit whatsoever from this story. |
Part 5:
Within the first few weeks of returning home, Zack could feel himself plunging into his own pit of darkness. While the other four happily fell into the arms of their girlfriends, he returned home to an empty house that didn’t even have a pet that wanted to see him. It never used to bother him after previous tours, but this time he just wished he could have someone there waiting for him, someone who would love him.
But he knew deep down that while he was still having issues like these that that person would never come along.
He had been asked numerous times by his fellow band mates to go out for dinner but he had declined, not wanting to be the ninth wheel, instead staying at home and sitting on his couch, bingeing on every sort of junk food he could find in his house. It felt good while he was eating away his sorrows through chocolate, ice cream, potato chips but as soon as he stopped eating even for a second, the guilt washed over him and he would run to the toilet and force himself to throw up, not stopping until he was satisfied that all the calorie-laden food he had just consumed was gone out of his stomach.
He could feel his heart beating increasingly faster as he looked at the white set of bathroom scales that dominated in his life each time he entered the bathroom. It frustrated him to no end when he often saw the tiniest of weight gains appearing on the scales. He would kick the set of scales hard against the wall, screaming as he let out the hurt and anguish that filled his body, the hatred of his body too much for even him to handle sometimes.
He stepped up his exercise regimen to running a minimum of 6 miles a day, spread into 3 increments, and often without eating anything before. After each run, he could feel the strain throughout his chest, his heart threatening to burst out of its own confines as he struggled to breathe and his head began spinning as he just managed to make it through his front door before collapsing into a heap on his carpet.
And then he’d do it all again after only a few hours.
It was after one of these hellacious runs that he heard someone knocking at the door. He managed to pull himself to his feet and walk over to the door, shocked when he opened it to see Brian standing there with the goofy grin he always had planted firmly on his face. He didn’t get a chance to stop his band mate from coming in, the lead guitarist forcing his way through the door and into his house.
“What do you want?” Zack asked as he shut the door, not caring if he was being rude.
“You haven’t been returning my calls.” Brian said simply as he took a seat on the blue, suede couch. “I wanted to make sure everything was okay.” He added delicately, knowing it was a sensitive subject.
“Everything is fine.” Zack said sharply.
Brian took a deep breath and rubbed his thumb and forefinger across his temple before he spoke again. “Come to dinner tonight.”
“No.” Zack replied instantaneously.
“Why not?” Brian pressed.
“Because I refuse to be the ninth wheel.” Zack snapped, folding his arms tightly across his chest as he narrowed his eyes at his friend.
“Is that why you never want to come out with us?” Brian asked, a slight smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.
“What’s so funny?” Zack spat.
“Nothin’.” Brian replied simply, shrugging slightly. “Just explains a lot.”
“Just fuck off.” Zack said quickly. “I don’t want you in my house anymore.”
“I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer about tonight.” Brian said bluntly, his brown eyes locked onto his friends green eyes in a battle for dominance.
Zack rose on of his eyebrows in disbelief. “You’ll have to drag me to come out with you.”
“Fine.” Brian said with a grin. “But there is a very pretty girl that is quite interested in meeting you.”
Zack couldn’t hide the flicker of excitement he got when Brian mentioned that and it was obvious as the tiniest of smiles came over his face.
Brian smiled before standing up. “I’ll pick you up at 8.”
“Yeah, okay. See ya.” Zack said as he watched his friend go out the front door.
He felt the excitement grow inside him at the thought of meeting a girl that was interested in him. But he remembered that Brian said she was “very pretty” and all his insecurities seemed to wash over him at once. He stood up and moved over to the mirror that was in his hallway and stared long and hard at the pale, ugly man that was looking back at him.
“Like she’s gonna want this.” He mumbled, grabbing onto the slightest bit of excess skin he had on his stomach. “Why the fuck did I say yes?”
---
By the time 8 o’clock rolled around, Zack found himself sitting anxiously on the edge of his couch, listening hard to hear the telltale sound of Brian’s car pulling into his driveway. He felt his heart start to beat faster when he heard the sound of a car pulling up and then that car honking. He stood up quickly and headed out of his front door, making sure it was locked on his way out.
He walked out towards Brian’s black Mustang and climbed into the back seat after seeing Michelle sitting in the passenger seat. He tried not to let out a groan as he did up his seat belt and sat quietly in the back of the car.
“Hi Zacky.” Michelle said, turning around to smile at him with those perfectly whitened and straight teeth.
“Hey.” Zack said quietly as he watched her turn back around and smile lovingly at her boyfriend. He sighed inwardly; he already felt like the third wheel, he couldn’t imagine what it was going to feel like when they actually got to the place.
As the trio pulled up into the parking lot of the restaurant they were going to, Zack could feel his stomach begin to churn from the nerves. He felt that feeling increase tenfold as he stepped into the restaurant, following closely behind the happy couple, and took sight of the very pretty girl sitting in between Val and Leana.
He took his seat across from the mystery woman and smiled shyly at her. He looked to her left as a huge grin spread across Leana’s face. “Zacky, this is Gena.” She giggled. “She’s been very excited about meeting you.”
He watched as a pink blush crept across Gena’s delicate face. He was so entranced by her that he almost missed the menu that dropped right in front of him. He felt a heavy blush creep over his own face as he pretended to be immensely interested in the menu in front of him.
As his eyes read over the food that was on the menu, he felt his heart beat increasingly faster. He knew that everything on this menu had far too many calories for him to eat for dinner, knowing full well that it would undo all the hard work he had put in on his runs today. But he did feel an overwhelming pressure to not look like a circus freak in front of Gena and did what he always did when he was scared; pretended everything was fine.
“I’ll have the Chicken and BaconCarbonarawith penne, please.” Zack said as he handed the menu back to the waiter. He could feel someone’s eyes on him and turned to look and see Matt with an appreciative smile on his face which only succeeded in making him feel more self-conscious.
It was another half an hour before the group’s mains arrived, which mostly consisted of awkward conversations between Gena and Zack while the others all watched intently. Zack was thankful when their food finally arrived because for the first time that night, the attention was not on him.
He looked at the large bowl of food that sat in front of him, feeling queasy from the smell of cheese and cream mixed together and worrying about how many calories he would be consuming in one sitting. The only thing he could think about was how hard he was going to have to exercise to work this one off.
He felt an elbow in the ribs and turned to his right to look at Brian. “Everything alright with your meal?” He asked in a warning tone.
Zack narrowed his eyes slightly back at his friend as he picked up his fork and stabbed it into one of cylinder-shaped pieces of pasta. He lifted it up to his mouth and put the whole object into his mouth, sliding it off his fork as he chewed. “It’s very nice.” He said after he’d finished eating the one little piece.
Brian smiled. “Good. So is mine.”
Zack turned his attention back to the large bowl in front of him. With each of the cylinder-shaped objects he ate, the further away he felt he was from finishing it, his stomach feeling like it was going to burst with each piece of pasta he ate. He continued to eat his meal, worried about the glances he would receive if he stopped, even for a moment.
As he finished the seemingly never-ending bowl of pasta, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and put his fork into the bowl in victory. He felt satisfied for a minute, being able to enjoy his delicious dinner with his friends and look across the table and see a beautiful woman smiling back at him.
But that good feeling disappeared as quickly as it came. He could feel the churning beginning in his stomach and he knew that he didn’t have much time before it all came back up. He excused himself from the table and walked as quickly as he could across the restaurant and into the men’s bathroom where he managed to get into a stall, lock the door and drop to his knees before he watched his dinner go into the porcelain bowl.
He only had to get a whiff of what was below him before he felt his stomach wretch and he bent his head down the bowl and threw up again. He leant back against the wall, thankful that he was the only one in the bathroom as he moved his head back towards the bowl and rammed his index and middle finger on his left hand down his throat and watched as food he hadn’t even remembered eating landed in the bowl.
He forced his fingers down his throat a few more times, each time the food became less and the bile more prominent. The last time he forced himself to throw up he was horrified when he looked down and saw bright red blood staring back at him. There wasn’t much blood, but there was enough to scare him into standing back up, flushing the toilet and leaving the bathroom stall and standing in front of the mirror.
He looked at the man that stared at him from the other side of the immaculately clean mirror. But instead of seeing the ugly, disgusting man looking back at him, he saw the scared, teenage boy that had never gotten over his body issues looking at him with an ashamed look in his eyes.
He felt embarrassed as he thought about what he had just done. There was a beautiful woman out there that was genuinely interested in him and all he could think about was how humiliating it would be when he got out there, knowing that the others had probably told her that he had a fucking woman’s disease.
He washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face as he realized that he couldn’t go back to the table and converse like nothing out of the ordinary had happened whilst he was in the bathroom. He took a deep breath as he opened the door to the entrance back to the dining area and glanced over at his table, seeing that nobody was looking at him, he quickly walked across the eating area and out of the door, stepping into the cold, fresh night, ready to hail a cab.
He had just reached his arm up to flag one down when he felt someone else’s hand grasp onto his bicep. He turned around and saw Brian with narrowed eyes staring back at him. “Where are you going?” He said bluntly as he tightened his grip on Zack’s arm, pulling it down from the air.
“Home.” Zack answered simply as he tried to worm his way out of Brian’s grip, but it was far too tight. “Let go of me.”
“No.” Brian said plainly. He crinkled his nose in disgust as he got a whiff of Zack’s breath; the rancid smell of vomit burned his nose hairs. “Did you throw up?”
Zack dropped his gaze as he felt his eyes water up but he did not speak.
Brian dropped his grip on the smaller man’s bicep. “I don’t know what else I can do.” He said helplessly, causing Zack to look up and see that the lead had tears threatening to burst from his eyes as well. “This whole night was for you to have some fun and I don’t know what the fuck to do now.”
“I ruined it, that’s why I’m leaving.” Zack said simply.
“Why do you do it to yourself?” Brian asked, but Zack didn’t say anything just watched the other carefully. “Can’t you see that you’re perfect?”
“No, I’m not. You are.” Zack said plainly, his eyes locked firmly onto Brian’s.
“I’m really not.” Brian said, half-laughing.
“You are.” Zack said quietly. “You’re good-looking, fit, the best guitar player and the girls go crazy for you. I would do anything to be like you.”
Brian’s eyes widened in shock as the realization dawned on him. “No, Zacky, no.” He whimpered out as he felt a few tears roll down his cheek. “Please don’t tell me that’s why.”
Zack found he didn’t have the courage to tell his friend the truth and took the cowards way out. He walked away from the other man and climbed into the closest taxi, shutting the door as the vehicle started to move away from the crumbling lead guitarist on the sidewalk.
He took a deep breath as he tried not to cry himself, knowing that his actions had just proven to the other man that his accusations were true. He didn’t know if he could ever face the other man again.
a/n: a bit of a sadder one. thanks for reading and reviewing everyone :)
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