Eros vs Thanatos: Whoever wins... We lose | By : AnkhesenpaatenRa Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 1899 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the HIM band or any personalities mentioned personally, and I do not profit from these writings. |
The next day Mige knocked on the door of the neighboring room. Zoltan met him right at the entrance, dressed up with a towel wrapped around his hips.
“Aw,” Mige said looking at him.
“Hi,” Zoltan said.
“Turn side-ways, will you,” Mige asked him.
Zoltan did as he said.
“One leg forward. And bend your arm in the elbow. Fuck, that’s it, an Egyptian. An ancient Egyptian you are!”
Zoltan was getting ready for the promos, so he has put his make-up on already. Half-naked, with a thick black eyeliner around his eyes and with his hair dyed black, because in Ville’s opinion dying blond hair black was very ‘goth-ish’, their band mate really did somewhat resemble some typical Egyptian.
“Mige, is this what you came for?” Zoltan asked him drearily.
“Indeed,” Mige said.
Somewhere inside the room, Linde snickered and turned on a hairdryer.
Suddenly, they heard a slam of the door somewhere very close to them. Reflexively, Mige hid his head in his shoulders, his mood switched immediately:
“Actually no,” he said promptly. “Do you mind if I hang in your room for a while?”
“Well, sure, come on in, ” Zoltan said and went back to the bathroom. Mige entered the room.
Linde was seating on his separate single bed (which was far too narrow for an adult, in Mige’s opinion), dressed in huge boxers, which looked even bigger in contrast with his puny, almost girly frame, and was drying his socks, by pulling one of them on the hotel’s blow-dryer.
“It’s dump still,” He answered the unspoken question in Mige’s eyes.
“Mmm,” Mige said taking a seat next to him. He glanced pensively at the mirror above the table, seeing there a reflection of Linde, who was drying his sock melancholically, and then his own reflection, and the bright day of Barcelona behind the window. There was nothing else for Mige to look at.
The telly in the room was off, because it’s been two weeks since Linde and Zoltan couldn’t agree on what to watch. About a week-and-a-half ago, two of them got into a fight during the process of negotiation, which resulted into a broken TV in their room. This made Seppo to give them a warning and advise them to be more careful henceforth, and say he will have to keep their pay for the week if such thing repeats. Therefore, being wise like Solomon, Linde and Zoltan decided to keep the TV off as a matter of principle. At first, Mige wanted to ask them to choose some TV program according to his taste, but then he got conscious that his taste might match with one of theirs, which would inevitably provoke the conflict even further. Therefore, he just sat there next to Linde, and kept staring through the mirror at Linde’s sock fluttering on the blow-dryer.
Linde wasn’t showing any signs of displeasure by Mige’s presence in the room, he didn’t try to entertain him or pretend to be a hospitable host, he didn’t care at all, he didn’t even bother asking him anything. Thus, they set on the bed next to each other in silence. Meanwhile, Zoltan finished his toilette, came out of the bathroom, and grew slightly anxious at the sight of sad Mige, who sat next to ever-pensive Linde.
“Is there something wrong?” Zoltan asked them in a slightly alarmed voice.
“What?” Mige asked, glancing up at him. “Where?”
“Here,” Zoltan said.
“We’re drying Linde’s socks,” Mige said.
“He’s been doing it all morning,” Zoltan said with a hint of irritation in his voice. “I’ve been awake for two hours already, thanks to that.”
Linde didn’t turn a hair.
“Well, he can’t walk around in wet socks, can he?” Mige stood up for his friend.
“He should’ve tried taking an extra pair with him, maybe?” Zoltan asked, walking to a table and pouring himself a glass of water.
“Maybe you should’ve taken an extra pair with you?” Mige asked Linde, for, apparently, these two didn’t talk to each other and were ignoring addressing each other directly.
“I had another pair,” Linde said. “It vanished into thin air. Tell him there’s no way he could’ve slept anyway, thanks to the unforgettable wail of a crocodile that we listened to all this morning. By the way, Mize, was it coming from your room, by any chance?”
“It was,” Mige had to admit. He decided there was no point to translate the phrase from Finnish to Finnish for Zoltan. “That’s why I came here. The thing is, I’m against the murder of living creatures, generally, but ten minutes ago I caught myself thinking that sometimes it can serve the Ideals of Humanism. You know, I don’t like it when thoughts of such kind come across my mind.”
“What happened?”
“We hit our head,” Mige said.
“How many times in one hour, may I ask? What kind of head can last for so long?” Linde grinned.
“Nah, we hit it only once, in fact. Last night. Hasn’t Zoltan told you?”
“We don’t speak to each other,” Linde stated the obvious.
“I figured that much,” Mige said. “Gap-tooth plowed the parquet in the corridor with his clock last night.”
“How bad?”
“Well, there are marks left.”
“Damn,” Linde said. “Seppo will keep our money yet again.”
“Oh no-no, the parquet suffered no damage.”
“Yay, that`s better. Hail Satan then!” Linde said.
Someone started kicking at the door.
“Tell him I’m not in here,” Mige said.
“Mige asked me to tell you he’s not in here,” Zoltan said revengefully.
“Open the door and no one will get hurt,” the door said in Ville’s gentle voice.
“Open the door,” Linde said to Zoltan, breaking their taboo of talking to each other.
“Why me?” Zoltan wondered.
“I’m drying my socks,” Linde said.
“He loves you,” Mige said. “Add to that: it is always wiser to sacrifice the least valuable member of the team.”
Zoltan opened the door silently.
“MIGE, MY OVERGROWN BABY, COME BACK TO ME!” Ville barked, his gleeful bright bass resonating in the hotel corridor as he eyed Zoltan with his shining eyes, staring right through him. “I MISS YOU! I CAN`T BE WITHOUT YOU. IT FEELS SO EMPTY INSIDE!”
“Looking for a prey…” Linde mumbled quietly under his breath. “Ghoul.”
“Gap-tooth,” Mige corrected him.
Ville mistakenly took Mige’s phrase on his account, and leaped on the bed next to him, taking a seat by his side:
“I’m sorry, Hoggie, I was terribly wrong, I’ve lost my temper,” he said, glancing at his friend devotedly.
“Hello, Ville,” Zoltan said quietly.
“Hi, guys,” Ville responded without looking at him.
“Live long and prosper!” Linde greeted Ville with the Vulcan salute. Ville rose his hand with his fingers parted between the middle and ring finger, like Spock in ‘Star Trek’.
“Warthog,” Ville pushed Mige on his shoulder gently. “Mon Amour…”
“I feel I shall pee in your shoe tonight,” Mige said.
“Deal,” Ville said. “Well, let’s get going?”
“Do you mind me being naked?” Linde asked.
“We don’t mind… In fact, Lily, we don’t mind you naked at all…” Ville said, reclining on Linde’s bed and eyeing his scantily clad mate musingly. “By the way, why are you naked, Lily?”
“The great Jah manifested a revelation on me, telling me that wearing clothes from material different than cannabis seed is a sin,” Linde said quietly and seriously.
“Was the blow-dryer thing his idea as well?” Ville inquired.
“My socks are wet because the pomaded fuckface right there poured them over with a shower,” Linde said mildly, pointing at Zoltan.
“The fuck did you just…”
“Awww, look at you, handsome,” Ville just noticed their bandmate’s wonderful make-up, apparently. Zoltan stopped short out of surprise, forgetting what he was about to say to his roommate. “You’re gonna steel all my fans tonight!”
“It’s ok, Ville, don’t be jealous, you’ve got a fanboy of your own from now on,” Mige reminded him kindly. “So you’re already set for tonight.”
“Yeaaaaaaaaaaah,” Ville said dreamily.
“What are you talking about?” Zoltan wondered.
“Well, you know, Wham-Bam.”
Ville roared with laughter.
“Who?!” Zoltan wondered.
“Bum-Bam,” Mige explained.
“Wham-Bam!” Ville kept howling gleefully, and then he turned serious all of a sudden and set up. “By the way, Zoltie, do something with my face, will you? You seem to be pretty good at it.”
“Ville, what about me to do something with your face?” Mige asked him extremely tenderly.
“No. You won’t, because my jaw hurts,” Ville replied in a deadly serious manner.
Linde turned off the hair-dryer and shouted with laughter:
“Oh, so that’s the reason why he’s been bawling the whole morning…” He said to Mige.
Surprisingly, Ville got the joke and appreciated it.
“In fact, what I meant to say is we need to cover this thing up somehow, you know, so it doesn’t strike the eye so much…” He clarified, pointing at the bruise on his chin.
“Exactly, I could kiss you with my fist on your jaw from the other side, for the symmetry, it would look great on the photo,” Mige explained his offer.
“No,” Ville said. “ I desire to be handled with care for today. Ha. Zoltie, sweetheart, will you cover up this bruise for me?..”
“Of course I will, my darling,” Zoltan said mannerly, probably imitating an experienced make-up artist and stylist.
***
An interview, a TV show for teens and a photoshoot went fine, more or less.
`Twas brillig, as they say.
They were going to have a night transfer to another city, so now their team was gathering up at the hotel lobby one by one, waiting for the bus. Ville was sitting on a leather couch with his legs crossed and kept smoking one fag after another, looking slightly edgy.
Seppo was engaged in a phone conversation at the table nearby. Gas has put his headphones on and was either napping or meditating on the couch next to Ville. Mige and Linde stood near the pile of their belongings and were having a lazy conversation about the allegedly forthcoming movie based on the Tolkien books. Their tour manager, the main technician and Zoltan came downstairs all at the same time. Zoltan joined the group, yawning and slightly quivering with cold.
The very same instant, their attention was distracted by a battle-cry:
“WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! GOOOOD EEEEVENIIIIIIIIING!!!!!” All of a sudden, a rather short, yet powerful hurricane sprang up on them, and the name of the hurricane was…
“WHAM-BAM!!!” Mige greeted him cheerfully.
“DON MIGUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Bam happily threw himself into Mige’s embrace.
“Hi, Bam!”
“LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILYYYY!!!” Bam shouted merrily, trying to leap from Mige to Linde. He almost fell on the floor in the process, as Linde mindfully took a step aside opening to Bam’s sight the reason he came here all the way from the other side of the ocean.
“WILLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!” Even Seppo gave a start, almost dropping his phone, as the expressive yell pierced the air in the lobby.
For a second, Mige thought that the pounce of this young lion male is going to sweep away not only their frontman, but also the couch with Gas all together. He was about to throw himself after Bam, to prevent him from causing any more damage to their injured mate, but Bam managed to lose the speed in the air and sidle to Ville on his tiptoes like a giant cat. Covertly, he slid to Ville’s side, buried his nose into his neck and whispered loudly:
“Kitty’s in pain… Mmmm… I’ll kiss you where it hurts, the pain will go away.”
“Kit-ty,” Mige tasted the sound of the word, repeating it slowly with an inexplicable silent amazement in his voice. Of course, the excessive vulgarity of the phrase was adding a certain humorous aspect to the situation, and of course Bam did it on purpose, but for some reason, the way he carefully wrapped his hands around Ville as if he was a priceless vase made of china, together with the awe in his eyes, as he froze for a second before pressing his lips gently to the corner of Ville’s mouth, called to mind some things, which were far from humorous.
Linde started giggling, nevertheless, covering the lower part of his face.
It was a long day, and Mige has shared with him the whole story, well, the most of it at least, he did skip a couple of intimate details here and there. Mige has warned Linde that it seemed like in the near future they were going to contemplate a spectacular circus show with horses, tigers, clowns, wire-dancers and sward-swallowers all in one act, all at the same time.
The wildest thing about the situation was the fact that Ville didn’t seem to notice any humor in it. Or, rather, he made a conscious decision not to notice it. He was lost in the embrace, his whole body seemed to shrink in size as he drew closer to Bam with his eyes closed, he even seemed to let Bam drag him on top of his knees.
Zoltan pulled a long face.
“But… how?” he asked the creation.
“This is our number one fan,” Mige said. “Well, he is a bit too excessive about showing his feelings…”
“Consequences of a long separation from each other,” Linde nodded.
“Isn’t he the American guy who’s been drinking with us two days ago?”
“Two days, what an awfully long time,” Linde said emphatically.
Bam’s hand was gently sliding up and down Ville’s thigh, his palm reaching further and further every time. Mige and Linde were barelly holding in a laughter looking at the uttermost shock written on Zoltan’s face.
“What is this?” he gestured in the direction of the living replica of Roden’s ‘Eternal spring’, bewildered by Bam’s hand on Ville’s butt especially. Just like that, in the broad light of day, in front of every-fucking-one.
“It seems like this is going to live with us,” Mige said seriously.
And then, something even stranger happened, something none of them expected to happen at the moment. In some miraculous way, Ville managed to put his knees on the couch and throw Bam over himself in a clean judo technique with a delighted yell. Apparently, Bam didn’t see that coming as well, because he shrieked at first, but then he burst out laughing, because Ville didn’t drop him, but put him on the floor ever so gently and carefully. Bam didn’t ease his grip, so in the end both of them flopped down on the floor.
Bam pulled up his knee and put it against Ville’s chest throwing him aside, making him fall on his back and climbing on top of him. Ville regained the leading position in a matter of seconds.
“Is this a fight or a just a mating dance?” Gas asked from a couch, taking off his headphones and watching the scene with great interest, just as everyone else in the lobby.
“I don’t know,” Mige said. “We’ll see how it goes. You can never be sure when it comes to this kind of things, you know. GAP-TOOTH,” he called loudly over the hall in Finnish. “ARE YOU FIGHTING OR HAVING SEX THERE?”
“What’s Miguel shouting?” Bam asked delighted by the fact that Ville was sitting solemnly on his hips, pressing him to the floor with his weight.
“He’s asking whether we’re fighting or having sex,” Ville translated.
“IF HIS ASS STAYS ON MY DICK,” Bam yelled happily in English from under Ville, so everyone in the lobby could hear him. “THEN I’M NOT SURE ABOUT HIM, BUT I’M GOING TO COME! SO I’M HAVING SEX HERE FOR SURE!”
“HOLY SHIT!” Ville hopped off Bam like a rocket, making Mige, Linde, Zoltan and Gas reel over with laughter. Even Seppo tittered sneeringly, adjusting his glasses. Bam’s visit was not a surprise for him, because Bam had asked his manager Daniel to give Seppo a call.
Bam got on his feet as well, giggling, same as everyone else around them. Even though his victory in this round was sneaky, it was quick and decisive. By this time, the bus approached. Linde patted Bam on his shoulder as he passed, and Mige said approvingly:
“Bravo!”
***
Bam pushed Ville up the stairs of the bus, poking his head against Ville’s ass, and let everyone know straight away that he was there to entertain them, to make sure they don’t throw him out of the window as an unnecessary cargo at the first gas station.
Peculiar, Ville made a note to himself. Bam brought with him some videotapes with all the pilot episodes of his ‘Jackass’ show, and was more than eager to show it to them. It wasn’t a bad idea considering the night transfer. They were laughing their asses off for three hours straight, since there was noting else to do, anyway. They sat there sipping beer, watching the show and laughing. Bam was hopping around the bus, telling them about his friends and the project in living colors. Steve-O, Ryan, Novak, Raab… Even Zoltan seemed to accept his presence. Ville forgot about his goddamn undying erection even, looking at the self promotion that Bam put up for himself.
“One day, I want to make a video with you guys as well,” Bam said. “That’s a dream of mine.”
It’s important to understand the way he said it. He was standing under the table on his all fours. Ville was sitting near the window, and Mige was right next to him, so Bam crawled under the table resting one of his hands on Ville’s knee and the other one on Mige’s, and whispered the above-mentioned phrase in a seductive tone.
“Does that mean that as a director you see our band getting hit on the balls, steppling underpants to our asses and running around the streets of New York… or whatever it was, Philadelphia.. Dressed in thong?” Mige specified.
“You’re gonna do whatever he wants you to,” Bam said, and bestowed a passionate smooch on Ville’s knee.
“You have no idea what you’ve signed yourself up to just now, brother,” Mige said. “Or do you?”
Ville cracked up throwing his head back and crossing his hands on his chest. Just as passionatelly, Bam theatrically imprinted a smooch on Mige’s knee.
“You bastard,” Mige said. “For fuck’s sake, you can’t even see anything from there.”
“Everything I need to see is right here,” Bam said, making both of them laugh again and drag him from under the table onto their knees. Now he was taking the front row seat lying on their knees, and moreower, Ville was thoughtfully scratching him under his chin, as if he was some kind of kitty or doggie.
“Fucking meow,” Bam said cheerfully. “Hey… Hey, don’t… Stop choking me,” he said a second later, when his ‘fucking meow’ reached Ville’s brain. “I’ve told my manager were I was going! So you’ll be the one in charge in case of a casualty.”
“Awwwww,” Ville said, extremely upset.
“Scratch me there some more,” Bam asked.
“Yeah Ville, scratch him there some more, will you,” Mige seconded him. “What’s the big deal?”
It was no big deal for Ville. To scratch him there. No big deal at all. The thing was, Bam didn’t just lie with his head on Ville’s knees, he was touching Ville’s palm with his lips and his tongue every time Ville’s hand came close to his mouth with a nonchalance of a child. Ever so lightly, so it was almost invisible from a side, yet very sensitive for Ville. By this time, Ville’s mind was clouded, to say the least. His whole entity turned into senses. He felt the weight of Bam’s body on his knees, he felt the gentle touch of his lips that was giving him a prickly sensation somewhere below his tummy in a bulging area in his pants somewhere under Bam’s back. He felt Bam’s scent, the smell of his perfume mixed with the smell of his fresh clothes, the scent of his skin and his hair, and most of all, he felt sorry for himself. Because he wanted to fuck, and instead of that, he had to sit there, stare at the TV and watch the stupid stunts Bam and his friends were doing on the screen.
“And this is Missy, right?” Ville asked when he saw some chick on the screen next to Bam.
“No, this is Jen,” Bam said.
“That explains everything,” Mige flashed his eyebrows, opening a pack of nuts.
Linde and Gas shared a short laugh.
“She’s my girlfriend now,” Bam said.
“The one you’ve been friends with since sixth grade?” Ville asked him, melting Bam’s heart with a totally unexpected attention to details of his biography.
“Nah, the thing is I was in love with her since I was a kid.”
“In love with Jen?” Gas prompted.
“No, with Missy.”
“But she didn’t let you into her pants and this one did?” Linde helped him.
“Linde, man, you’ve got the very essense of the problem right there,” Bam agreed easily. “You see, Jen, she’s older than me, and she has a kid.”
“Wow,” Ville said unexcited.
“So, in a way, that makes me a father as well,” Bam giggled. “A hero-father! Only… without the ‘father’ part.”
“Ha-ha-ha. It happens that way,” Mige agreed. “More often than all of us would like it to.”
“We’ve got an open relationship!” Bam said with a tone of apology in his voice. “She knows about the other girls! Well, and so what? But I’ll bang Missy anyway. Actually, a couple of times I was this close… Ville, why did you stop petting your pussy?” Bam asked cunningly.
“Stopped petting my what?” Ville asked him, making big pauses between the words, so his bandmates burst with laughter.
“Your Bammie-cat,” Bammie said innocently.
“I’m tired,” Ville said coldly, he didn’t like that in the end everyone was laughing at him. “Bam, I’m tired of you.”
“Howcooome?” Bam drawled. “I’ve only just begun.”
“And I’m already bored,” Ville said sharply.
“It’s not faaaaaaair…”Bam whined. “I’m gonna bite you on your knee.”
“Go ahead. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! ARE YOU NUTS?!”
“Hurts, right?” Bam asked happily, unclutching his teeth. And why not? The knee was right there, within his reach.
“It does,” Ville agreed.
“Let me kiss you where it hurts,” Bam whispered tenderly.
“For chrissake, Bammie,” Ville said anxiously. “We let you to lie on our laps, so lie the fuck still.”
“Like a dead fish?” Bam prompted innocently.
“Like a dead fish,” Ville agreed.
“Do you like dead fishes?”
“I do.”
“I’m a dead fish.”
“Splendid.”
For a couple of seconds the dead fish lay still, pondering over the situation. Mige was crunching his nuts loudly. The silence of the dead fish didn’t last for too long.
“Why are you so angry then? You don’t approve of open relationships?”
Automatically, Linde and Zoltan exchanged glances behind their backs, Gas snickered and stole a couple of nuts from Mige.
“I only fuck the ones I love,” Ville snapped. He fell into a muse for a couple of seconds and then added:
“Right, Mige?”
“Yea-ah, you do…” Mige nodded thoughtfully, and then he considered it a little, and repeated in an inquiring tone this time:
“Do you? Oh, how sweet of you…”
Even Ville couldn’t believe his ears. Bam fell silent all of a sudden. Ville cast a sidelong look at Mige, but his friend was completely wrapped-up in Brandon’s TV show.
“Ville, do you want some nuts, my dear?” Mige asked.
“Choke on it, sweetie,” Ville said tenderly in a breathy voice.
“Midge, can I have some nuts as well?” Bam asked.
“Of course, take my nuts, Vanessa,” Mige said, pouring the snack generously into Bam’s outstretched palm.
Everyone started laughing. At the nuts. Bam got the joke about the nuts:
“And why did you call me Vanessa?” he wondered.
“Because of Midge,” Mige explained.
“Will-ah!” Bam drawled in a fretful voice, hitting his head against the wall of the bus. “They are making fun of me and I don’t even get where to laugh!”
“Erosfe-e-e-era,” Mige drawled.
“Ero-what-the?!” Bam exclaimed in despair.
“Mige’s been reading this vintage erotic novel…” Ville started explaining.
“Midge loves vintage pornography,” Mige said.
“…about lesbians,” Ville continued. “The main heroine of the book is called Midge and her lover’s name is Vanessa.”
“AHAHAHAHAHAHA,” Bam said happily.
“And Ville shares this affection of mine,” Mige finished his thought.
“Affection to Vanessa?” Bam specified cunningly.
“No, to vintage pornography,” Mige clarified. “Although, in fact, I haven’t asked him that question. Ville, do you love Vanessa?”
“I hate all of you in general,” Ville said ungraciously, resting his head against the window glass.
Gas was giggling into his ear and his over-grown Amour of a friend, who held Bam’s ass on his knees, was crunching his shack loudly, making comments about the events happening on the screen. All of a sudden, Ville thought that he didn’t even want to fuck anymore.
What he wanted to do now was to stretch out languorously on some bed with Bam, just two of them, side by side, skin on skin, breath to breath, in a bed, so there would be no need to hurry, no need to snatch every given moment to jump on each other feverishly behind every corner, like a pair of fucking dogs. Or maybe it was because he was tired and that’s all?
“And this is Ryan, he’s my best friend,” Bam said. “He’s a skater, too, we always go to all the contests together, we’ve been friends since childhood.”
Thoughtfully, Ville took a leak and meditatively washed his hands in a tiny sink under a thin trickle of water, holding onto the mirror with his forehead, if you could put it that way. He nestled his forehead against the glass to keep himself from falling in a jolting bus.
He didn’t know what has gotten into him all of a sudden.
He had no rational reason for that. Feeling of self-pity, together with fear and anxiety flushed all over him suddenly, causing a desperate gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach. Of course, he had no grounds or rights to feel jealous. Moreover, it was rather hard to tell what exactly should be the cause of his jealousy. Whether he should be jealous of Ryan, Missy, Jen, or Bam’s friends, or the lifestyle he was living all together.
He only just fell in love, he didn’t even have time to sort out his feelings yet, but he already felt the phantom dragging sensation, the ghost of the future pain that Bam will cause him merely by the fact of his existence in his life. Dear god, he was being ridiculous. He knew nothing about the guy, and he just fell head over heels for him, trusted him just like that, believed in a fairy-tale like a little fucking kid. The jealousy was stupid, the fear was foolish and the self-pity was gutless, but on the other hand, his mind that has been dazzled by the overwhelming sensual intoxication felt a little bit clearer.
Maybe, he should brace himself somehow and leave it all as it is, leave it a fairytale, which he invented in his head. Sure, it will hurt for a while, the pain of not getting what he wanted will bother him for a some time. But then it will go.
Probably.
Some day.
Well, at least they say it should.
At the moment, the prospect of putting it into practice looked pretty easy to him.
He heard outbursts of laughter behind the door. It felt like the way Bam talked, the intonations of his voice, which became so near and dear to him already, were caressing him from the inside.
All of a sudden, the idea didn’t seem so easy to accomplish anymore. But to be honest with himself, there was absolutely no need for Bam to have him in his life. Week in the knees, he creeped out of the toilet, only because it would be impolite to stay there for so long. If it were up to him, he would’ve spent the rest of his life in there.
“Hey, Gap-tooth, are you fine?” Mige shouted in Finnish.
“I am tired,” Ville said. “I need to lay down for a bit.”
In fact, he wasn’t even lying so far. He really needed that. He needed to lay down. He really was tired. He smoked a ciggy or two in the back side of the bus, lay down, and even seemed to dose off on the couch for a couple of hours.
When he lifted up his head, he saw that the setting in the bus has changed quite a bit.
The light got dimmed, and everyone was crawling back into their dark corners and burrows little by little. Linde put his headphones on. Gas went back to his container to play some games, while Mige and Zoltan were preparing to turn in.
In fact, it were their movements that woke him up.
Bam approached him with a certain tint of uneasiness.
“Are you feeling alright?” He asked, taking a seat next to him on the leather couch hesitantly. “You look kinda pale…” It sounded a little bit stupid, the way he was trying to baby-talk Ville, but what else was there for him to do?
“It’s the make-up,” Ville snapped rather stern. “We must have gone a bit too far trying to cover up the bruise. Want some?” He offered Bam a pack of smokes.
“Sure. Aren’t you happy to see me?” Bam asked him point-black.
Ville was glad that Bam decided to be straightforward about it. He tilted his head back, sliding down the couch:
“Why are you here, Bam?” he whispered simply, without a hint of dare in his voice.
Bam scratched his head:
“Asking for the second time ‘aren’t you happy to see me’ isn’t an option, is it?” he turned to whisper as well, taking a drag on his cigarette.
They kept puffing in silence for some time.
“Why are you here, Bam?” Ville asked him again in the same tone.
“First of all, ‘why’ wasn’t the question from the start.”
Ville exhaled the last cloud of gray cigarette smoke into the air and stubbed out his fag in an ashtray.
“Moreover, even ‘when’ wasn’t,” Bam said. “In fact, the only thing in question was where is it the fucking ‘here’. I know, I chose a bad place to come, but you see, I couldn’t be sure you’d meet me in a warm bed with your open arms these days. All naked and ready.”
“And why is that?” Ville resented all of a sudden, he suddenly felt underestimated. It was contradicting to his previous thoughts, but it was honest.
“Now we’re getting straight to the point. What’s you problem?”
“I’m scared,” Ville said. Funny, but for some reason he felt it would be easier for him to tell Bam what he is scared of straight away, rather than keep eating himself out with these thoughts from inside. Maybe it was because he had nothing to lose, or maybe the dark night on the common couch, together with the dimmed light and snoring of his band mates were making the atmosphere more intimate.
“You? Scared?” Bam looked astonished.
“Why do you need me?” Ville asked him.
“Huh?” Bam asked.
He put out his cigarette, too, and slid down the sofa. Now they lay athwart to each other, abutting into one another with their heads and shoulders.
“Listen, you have your life, and I have my own,” Ville half-whispered. “Fuck, I feel myself like an idiot.”
He hasn’t withdrawn neither his shoulder, nor his face from Bam. Bam could feel his breath, his warmth. In fact, even if Ville were to explain him the quantum mechanics right now, the result would be the same. Bam could get a hard-on anyway. And it wasn’t just your usual erection, it was the kind of arousal that was causing a hurricane of burning pleasure in him. Bam could break into purr right there, but he was afraid Ville’s friends would wake up. So he just turned his head a bit, and licked Ville into his ear. Ville jerked, and tried to shrink back with a hiss, but failed to do so, and quickly lay back, and it was a good fucking sign. Bam thought this must be the way tantric sex should feel. Well, he read about it somewhere. It is something about lying next to another person, not even too close, but in such a way that your heads are touching each other’s. You get wrapped in a dense cocoon of eroticism, when everything, be it even the slightest change in the pitch of voice, or breath, or simply a pause between the words, causes the feeling of ecstasy in your body, and inflames you even more.
“I’m too old for you,” Ville said. “You and I, we’re too different. Fuck, I don’t even speak English…”
“Oh, you don`t?” Bam asked him amazed. “Well, let’s switch to Finnish then. My Finnish is much better than your English, I guess.”
Ville laughed. Exactly what Bam wanted to achieve.
“I’m always wrapped into all this music stuff, always on the road, it’s a part of my soul, but I… I don’t know, I’m a flatliner without a sense of humor… Fetch me some beer, I can’t talk about all this shit while I’m sober…”
“Sober my ass, you’re at least six beers deep, I saw it with my own eyes.”
“No. I am sober,” Ville insisted.
“Oukaaay… As you wish, Master,” Bam chuckled and reached for a can of beer. He even opened it for Ville. He even tried to save him the bother, holding the can for his mate and inclining it slightly, so Ville could drink without using his hands. But it all went wrong, of course, the beer poured all over them, so Bam had to catch it with his mouth and lick it from Ville’s chin, which turned out to be injured. Ville tried to yell and push him away, so after all, they ended up pouring even more beer all over them. Bam covered Ville’s mouth with his hand, feeling his lips under his palm, feeling the willing body under him and, as a matter of fact, he had no regrets what so ever.
Well, of course, he was a fool for hoping to catch the band in some sweet little hotel and quietly snick Ville away at night to have the time of their life in a separate room. He couldn’t even imagine rock stars like HIM would be travelling like some cheap fucking tourists. But he had absolutely no regrets. He was glad he brought the videotapes with episodes of his MTV show with him, he was glad he got to meet the guys. He understood that if the gang accepts him so will Ville, and if they don’t – Ville won’t as well. Well, all in all, he did realize he has goofed up.
He lifted his palm from Ville’s mouth and touched his lips against Ville’s. Carefully. Gently. Minding the wound. But persistently at the same time. And holy fuck, it killed him again. The hot tenderness of Ville’s lips was giving him a brain paralysis. The overwhelming sensation of touching each other with raw nerves, which was making him lose control. And he hasn’t even dared to turn the kiss into a classic French one yet. I’ll fucking die once I fuck you, Bam told to himself. If you fuck me, I’ll fucking return from the land of the dead. Holy cripes, they were kissing like two little girls with the tips of their lips, but it was impossible to put into words the way Ville was blowing his mind. Bam was ready to ask the bus driver to stop and go get the nearest motel on all of his money.
“Puss, are you on PMS or something?” Bam chuckled into his mouth regarding Ville’s speech earlier.
“I’m scared to fall in love with you,” Ville said, catching his lips. “I want to. But I’m scared. I’m afraid that... I… That I… Perhaps, I do love you already…” And damn, the way he showed Bam that he’s not ‘a kitty’ made it only worse.
“So I can fuck you right now?” Bam asked. But no one could hear him for sure, as he said it into Ville’s mouth.
“Are you insane?” Ville asked him indignantly.
Bam forced their jaws open, thrusting his tongue inside. Somehow, he managed to climb on top of Ville at the same time, seizing his leg between his thighs. Contrary to the stated indignation of its owner, Ville’s leg was eagerly stimulating Bam’s ass, and his dick, and his balls all together. Well, Bam understood where Ville's reasoning was coming from. That was the problem. He understood that. He understood everything. Bam understood why Ville was whimpering against his will when he was pushing his tongue inside of his mouth.
“I won’t hurt you, unless you want me to,” Bam chuckled. “Do you want me to stop?”
“That’s the problem,” Ville chuckled as well, taking Bam’s tongue back into his mouth, letting it go and then catching it in the air and letting it go yet again. “I don’t.”
Bam pushed his palm inside of Ville’s pants, thank god, or whoever was responsible for this, there they were pretty loose around Ville’s slim stomach. Straight away, he found there everything he needed – a tuft of hair on his pubic, his stiff cock and his balls and the main thing he found out that Ville wasn’t wearing any underwear.
“You were waiting for me, weren’t you?” He whispered hotly and ecstatically into Ville’s ear.
“I was waiting for you,” Ville said.
There was something about it that was making Bam turn into an animal. He took his palm out of Ville’s pants, licked it up and put it back inside. This way it would slide better on his dick, and he liked to feel Ville’s taste right now. He leaned down to share the taste with the guy under him. Crushing his mouth against Ville’s, thrusting his tongue deep inside of his mouth and feeling his palm sliding smoothly along the coveted genitals. And the next time… next time Ville grabbed his palm by himself and licked it up, causing Bam’s jaw drop to the floor at the sight of it. He’d only seen such things in porn. All of a sudden, the tuft of hair in Ville’s pants together with his dick in his palm that was making the sweetest barely audible squishing sound because of all the saliva, became the center of Bam’s perception. The center of his Universe.
“More,” whispered the mouth under him.
Here, Bam had to make his apologies to the creation. He did mean well. He didn’t want to cause Ville any trouble and by no means did he want to discredit his goddamn male authority, but at the moment, he wanted to tear off these fucking pants from his ass and molest over Ville’s boyish dignity in the most prosaic way, not giving a flying fuck about the consequences. Why bother mentioning this? Because despite the darkness that was scorching his eyes and his heart, trying not to look down, not to hear Ville’s breath and not to feel his desire driven body clinging to him, with hatred in his voice Bam forced himself to utter through his clenched teeth:
“How do you want to come?”
Bam was just hoping the other guy won’t ask him ‘and how do you want?’ He was ready to get down under the table and suck his dick, and he would be glad if Ville would do the same for him. In fact, petting would go too, anything would go, as long as Ville didn’t make him choose.
Because Bam knew perfectly well how exactly he wanted to come, he just didn’t know what will be the cost of it.
“Get off me,” Ville told him in a painfully rude tone.
“Fucking where?” Bam asked. This came completely unexpected for him. He withdrew from Ville, sitting up in a shocked anticipation.
“Fucking there,” Ville said, gesturing with his head in the direction of the opposite seat. He was lying on his back as he said it, touching himself obscenely where Bam has been rubbing him so joyfully just a moment ago.
And it was the moment when actions spoke louder than words. Bam was fucking lost for words seeing that he left Ville in such a state. He was fucking gobsmacked by the feeling that Ville enjoyed being with him so much that he was literally jerking off right there in front of him, spreading his legs wide and copying the way Bam’s hand was touching him before. And Bam saw his face as he arched his back desperately with every move of his hand on his dick. This view shocked Bam so fucking much that he would probably agree to jump out of the bus at the full speed after that, if Ville asked him to, he was so fucking shocked that he leaned down and kissed Ville’s hand before climbing off him and seating where he’s been told to. He wouldn’t get off him, but Ville got up on his feet and started rumbling through his belonging, looking for something.
On his wobbly legs, Bam stumbled over to the stated seat, holding with his hands to the table. He pulled down his pants as low as he could and sat down. He didn’t know what HE had on his mind, he didn’t give a fuck as long as it included some interaction between Ville and his erogenous zones.
Eventually, he was sitting there on a couch in HIM’s tour-bus with his bare ass and with a boner straight and beautiful like the goal of the Founding Fathers, waiting for further instructions from the Deity. He couldn’t even dream anymore. He was in such a state that he would approve of anything, even if Ville decided to pee in his mouth. Truly. He would be pretty much satisfied even with that. For that reason, he was trying not to dream too much, and he only regained his consciousness when he felt something plastic touch his stomach.
“What’s this?” He asked astonished.
“A condom,” Ville said tenderly.
“What for?” Bam asked.
“There are like fifteen liters of water in this bus for everyone to share,” Ville said, unzipping his pants thoughtfully.
“Aw, right,” Bam said, taking the tip of the condom with his fingers and obediently rolling it down on himself. “And there’s lube on it as well.”
“Exactly,” Ville nodded.
“Come here,” Bam said. And Ville didn’t object this time. He pulled his pants down as low as he could without actually taking them off and climbed on top of Bam’s knees facing the table, basically straddling him.
In fact, the only thing Bam could see at the moment was Ville’s bare ass in front of him. Ville’s ass that was stripped down just for him, sitting on top of his knees. Right above his hard dick. Showing his enthusiasm, he smacked both of the cheeks, and even kissed each one a couple of times. He couldn’t tell anymore whether it was him or someone else looking at this, once he felt his Idol and his God sliding down on his dick, slowly, stopping somewhere at the first third of it.
Still unable to bear this sight, Bam simply pushed Ville away from him, making him stretch out on the table in front of them with his thighs spread wide. He stood up, pulling Ville closer to him and put his tongue where it was probably desired the most, but expected the least. And so what? So what?! He would love to make him come just like that, huh, and why not? He didn’t expect it. Well, of course, he was waiting for something like that when he was jerking off at Ville’s image back at home, but in no way did he expect that his mischievous tongue will get such a warm reception. Ville was moaning mildly, keeping the volume down for the sake of sanity of his bandmates, but at the same time every millisecond he kept moving towards his tongue. In fact, Bam was ready for whatever comes once he realized Ville’s been preparing himself for their meeting, but this came to him as a surprise anyway. All of a sudden, he realized that he could easily spend the whole night licking Ville’s ass, simply because he knew that he had never had sex like this before in his life, and simply because he believed that after this he would be allowed to do anything.
He took Ville’s booty back onto his knees and this time knowing his rights and responsibilities he was more persistent, pushing his hips up and pulling Ville’s hips down at the same time. Making him go further down on his shaft. Understanding his indignation, which he showed by grabbing his forearms, but at the same time Ville turned his head to Bam, so they managed to lock their lips in a kiss. Fucking hell, the fact that Ville was doing it by himself was knocking Bam off his feet like no other situation would.
Bam would have never dared to do it by himself for the first time.
He knew it was painful. He knew it was terribly uncomfortable at some point, and he did know what happens afterwards, but he would never have made this first revelation by himself. And for that reason at the moment he saw an angel in Ville’s ass that was already half way down on his dick. An angel fallen from grace. A fucking witch-angel. He couldn’t care less which angel exactly he saw in Ville’s ass on his dick. He just said his prayers to himself, called unto a couple of Satans and one Buddha, together with Baphomet and Metatron… everyone who came into his mind basically, and forced his lover all the way down on his dick.
A couple of minutes later, when he realized that this whole thing was working up and down by itself without his help, he immediately wanted to get up and cross himself, but again, he wasn’t sure whom he should thank for this.
“Fuck, Ville, c’mon, c’mon, yeah… Do me, baby…”
“Don’t yell, dammit.”
Well, it’s not like it was an unexpected response.
“If you saw what I see, you would yell, too,” Bam said.
“Sorry, dear” Ville said suddenly, turning his face to Bam and kissing him over his shoulder.
That’s some fucking brotherhood right there. But in this case the fact that Ville was so understanding about what Bam wanted from him was probably making the situation only worse. All of a sudden, Bam realized how it could be, what and how they could be doing right now, so he tried his best to keep his head. He understood that in this situation it was better for them to get off in the shortest time they could manage, making use of as little space and furniture around them as possible.
Besides, he wanted to feel Ville’s body under him so bad. Incredibly grateful, he snapped his hips roughly against Ville for about fifty times, feeling him sliding down.
Just what he was waiting for. He threw him back on the couch, spreading his legs and thrusting his hips into him as he wanted to, because nothing was restraining him anymore from giving HIM pleasure. One, two, three, faster, faster and faster. Bam knew that in this position Ville’s cock was getting just the right stimulation for them to come at the same time, even though he was already close to the climax. Maybe.
“Yeah, oh yeah… God damn……… I want you so bad, yeah….” He added some more expletive words while he was coming, but he pushed his hand forward to grab Ville’s weener, because he had to make sure, and it has taken him aback a little…
An interesting thing happened at the moment when Bam, who was turned on to the limit forgot about himself and was fucking the body under him, caressing it with his hand at the same time, to make sure it came before him. It seemed like even the body under him didn’t want it as much as he did. Anyway, a couple of minutes after he has pushed Ville face forward on the couch, he gladly felt the sperm of his dear rascal moisture his fist, while his own cock shot inside the rubber bag. By the way, it was a pretty good idea, Bam realized it after he’d come. The only thing he had to do now was to pull off the condom, clean himself up with a wet tissue and that’s it, he’d be fresh and clean like a newborn. But the treacherous thoughts about what he could do with it started bothering him too much all of a sudden.
Sure enough, those thoughts let him go once he and Ville started cleaning up the couch of Ville’s cum with tissues… Well, Bam did try to lick it up at first, but Ville threw his legs apart and said that this view turns him on too much. Acknowledging his mistake, Bam pulled Ville down on the floor, while he was cleaning up the couch. Fucking hell, he felt Ville clinging to his leg and was praying – dear God, let us just reach the motherfucking Drezden and then…
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