If I Never Knew You

She had spent a day exploring the city until she found a quirky shop that sold exactly what she was looking for, tarot cards and other mysticism items. In her past life, she was into mysticism but gave it up. Yet in her timeline, there was someone who believed in the psychic phenomenon, John. In the 1970s, people believed in zodiac signs and other otherworldly phenomena.

She needed John’s help to save Graham. His partner, David, seemed to do whatever Graham wanted, but John may be the only person he listens to. Since Graham died from throat cancer and he quit drinking 7 years later, she figures that's her most significant hurdle.

                But this was 1970; there were no cancer warnings, no celebrity campaigns, no cultural fear around smoking yet. Graham was a doctor by trade. If that wasn’t enough to stop him, then a strong urging from her wasn’t going to do it. She was hoping that with John in his ear, this could be the thing that stops him. So when she got home, she set up the cards to give the impression that she had done a reading. She used her tarot book for the meanings, and if she forgot, she planned to flub the rest.        

                There was a knock at the door; it was John. He wasn’t exactly happy about coming over; she had to tell him not only that it was important, but that it had to be in private. She opened the door to a tired John who was staring daggers at her. “Right, I’m here, so what was the big emergency?” “Well, you'd better sit down.” “Are you sick…wait, are you contagious?!” “No, but thanks for the concern.” “Then what was so important?” “John, there’s something I’ve been keeping from you guys.” “Go on.” “I’m of Haitian descent.” “I’m very sorry, but that wasn’t worth the drive over here.” “Will you listen in Haitian culture, we have voodoo priestesses, black magic, my great-grandmother was one.” None of that was true. From a genealogy test, she was Nigerian, and she didn’t know much about Haitian culture or whether she was being politically correct, but then again, neither did John. John's eyes widen, “So what are you trying to tell me?” “I got a little bit of her psychic prowess. It’s not perfect, but I had a dream that my chance at fame would come true, so I had to come to you guys. I wasn’t escaping the war like Terry, LA would’ve been much closer to home, hell, even Canada, but I came right here, of all places, isn’t that a bit odd?” John sat back, a seriousness went over his face, “Yes, it almost seemed something was at play for everything to line up the way it did.” How right he was.

                She continued, “Well, I had a vivid dream…” ‘What happened to me?!” “It wasn’t about you, selfish, it was about Graham.” “Then why isn’t he here?!” “Because he won’t listen to me, I mean, I kind of told him when we were drinking.” “Well, there you go then. Try it when he’s sober.” “John, please, I really need your help.” “Okay, but I need more convincing, your psychic.” “I knew you say that.” “Lucky guess. Go on, prove it.” “Alright, I had a dream you were trying to tell me your name, but you couldn’t finish past your first name. I did a tarot reading, we need tools to make our dreams more concrete, and not only did I get the 7 of wands deception, but look,” she shows him the card. “See wood, even though the wands represent fire. So that means your real middle or last name has wood in it.” John looked a little spooked, and she continued. “Then I charged my crystal and tried to see which one called to me, and it was Malachite. So I tried to think of names, the closest I got is” She starts grabbing her head, really trying to sell it. “Malwood?” John jumped, “Was I right?” “No, but you were damn close. I haven’t told anyone this, but my middle name is Marwood.” “Marwood! Oh…wait, where did you get Otto?” “Never mind all that, besides your psychic, I’m sure you will figure it out.”

                Now she had John's full attention. John leaned forward. “Well, tell me what this dream was about?” “Ok, look at the cards.. these 3 in prominent places: the Hermit, body deterioration, slow decay, isolation. The 10 of swords, premature death, and the knight of wands reversed. I told you wands represent fire. It represents unfinished business and fiery passion turning destructive. It shows he’s going to die of cancer. I did the same with his drinking just to be safe, and it ended with the fool.” “What does that mean?” “Signifies new beginnings, a leap of faith. He’s going to quit.” “When?” “John, if any psychic can be that accurate, there will be a bunch of lottery winners. Come on, think.” John sat back, crossed his arms, and nodded his head like it all made sense.

                John gets up and gives her a stern look, “I’ll help with whatever you need me to do.” “Well, it won’t be easy. I know you get frustrated with his drinking, but it’s probably best to let him keep one vice. It also may help if we all stop smoking. I’m starting today. “How will we convince the others?” “It’s more important that we get them to at least stop smoking around him, so the studio and when going out for drinks are off limits. I have something that might help.” She shows John a book on different cancers and their effects on the body, mouth, and gums, and John says, “Yuck.” “And you may have to spend the night at his house.” “Why?!” “We can control him at work, maybe, but what about when he is home. David seems really passive.” “I think I might have something that works.” The two of them talk over their plan for tomorrow.

                The next day, John and Patricia were ready to put their plan into motion. When everyone arrived, John was the first to speak, “Everyone, I have an announcement. Yesterday, I went to the doctor with my mom; she’s been having a bad cough for a while, and we thought it was serious. She started to fear it was cancer. Turns out it was a bad cold, but while I was waiting, I was out of sorts. I am deciding to quit smoking, and even though I might not express it, I do care about you all. I think we all can do best if we cutback.” John looked Graham dead in his eyes, but Graham seemed to look through him. It was Eric who spoke up, “Nope, if I want to smoke, I will.” He starts to light up, and John throws a glass of water at him. Eric gets up angrily, but Patricia steps between them. “Please, Eric, John shouldn’t have thrown water, but he is being sincere. I’m quitting too, and it will help me a lot if there were no smoking at the studio or when we go out for drinks.” Eric looked angrily one more time at John, but when his eyes met hers, he softened and said, “Fine, I can at least do that.” And she smiled up at him.

                Terry J, seeing that Patricia was quitting, said, “I want to help you, Patricia. I will quit too.” John gave him a look and said, “You don’t want to help me?” “Ugh, and you too, of course, John.” John just kept giving him a look. Then she said, “Here I thought this book might help.” She showed the group the same images, and Michael said, “Oh, nasty, yes, today is a good day to quit.” Terry G said, “Well, can I just do it in the animation studio?” She took that as a win, “Sure, Terry, but you may want to think about it long term someday.” “We’ll see.” He said. Graham was the odd man out, and everyone stared at him. All Graham said was one word, “No.” John put his fingers on one of the cancer pictures and said, “Are you getting this doctor?” Graham unphased said, “I’m in good health, if I start feeling something off, I will re-evaluate it then.” Patricia, in a panicked voice, said, “No, then it will be too late, by the time the signs show it can already be progressed…Or, so I read. Graham, you smoke the most out of all of us. If anyone’s body is going to break first, it’s yours!” John put a comforting hand on her back, knowing she was trying to restrain herself.

                Graham just shrugged, “Only time will tell.” Patricia looked at John with worry in her eyes. John looked at her with a serious face, then back at Graham, and said, “Alright, Graham, I think you won’t quit because you can’t quit.” “Don’t be daft.” “Then prove me wrong, doctor. Go a week to prove you can outlast any of us.” “Easy.” “Not so fast.” John then held a 20 sterling banknote. “Every month you go, I will add 20, doubling each month.” Graham's eyes widen. “If you can make it a year, not only will all the money be yours, but I will run naked across the River Thames.” Terry Gilliam fell out of his chair laughing and said, “Oh yes, I’m quitting too. I got to see this, I’ll put money into it.” The others laughed, and Eric said, “I love nothing more than to see you get carted off for an indecency charge. I’m in, too.” Patricia egged him on, “Come, Graham, cold, hard cash and a bare ass John.” Graham fidgeted a bit, but then he exploded in laughter. “Okay, okay, I will take the wager and extend his hand.” John said, “Not so fast, for the first week I will be staying over, not going to let you run over poor David. I have to see it for myself.” “Deal.” And they made a gentleman's agreement.

                To Graham's credit, he held up for a week, and afterwards John decided to be the one to pick him up, giving his clothes and fingernails a sniff each time, but John was also not smoking, so he was a bit testy, and after a while they couldn’t stand each other. One night, he called her. “Patricia, I’m at my wits' end, as every day seems like a struggle.” “Think of the big picture,” “I know, I know, but he makes it so damn hard. I’m frustrated. Do you mind doing another tarot reading?” “Um, okay, but I already told you, I can’t give exact dates, and so far his future still looks the same.” “No, about me. Mind if I come over?” “Well, I was about to make dinner, but you can join me, oh, right, you’re a vegetarian. Don’t worry, I can make you something.” “Sounds lovely, I’ll be right over.” She suddenly started to panic; she didn’t know what he asked, so she skimmed her tarot book and tried to take in as much as she could before he arrived.

                At dinner, they made small talk, and John thanked her for forgoing meat in her spaghetti and complimented her cooking, which made her swoon a bit. After dinner, John made his way to her couch, and she brought the cards, trying to hide her nervousness. She asked him, “What is it you want to know?” “Will Monty Python be my last shot at success?” She didn’t shuffle the cards but looked him in the eyes. “Of course it won’t, are you thinking about leaving us?” She knew the answer to that: after season 3, he was gone, but he would be very successful and come back for 3 of their movies. “I just don’t think Python can last forever, and honestly, I think Graham is funnier than I. We came as a package deal. Maybe I only shine because I am in his light.” “John, that is crazy. I’m sure you will be a success with or without Graham.” “I still feel better with a reading, please.” She had an idea, “Sure, but can you go make me some tea?” “Alright.”

                While in the kitchen, she quickly looked for the tower card, then set up the arrangement with pentacles, cups, and random cards, making sure the tower reversed was at the end. After he put the kettle on and sat down, he said, “That was fast.” “But efficient.” “Well, what does this mean?” “With this many placements of the pentacles, I see money; you won’t be broke. But what is interesting is the Tower.” “Looks bad,” “No, it’s different when it’s reversed. Resisting change, but also averting disaster, avoiding tragedy.” John perked up, “So Graham will be saved!” That wasn’t her intention, and she still doesn’t know, but that means she'll have to work harder to make sure he is. “Yes, it looks promising.” John sat back happily. Then he said, “But it’s amazing I had this idea for a show, may never get to it, about our time at this hotel where we met this surly hotelier. I had been thinking of the name Fawlty Towers, and then I saw this. I’m amazed.” That was her intention, but she hoped to convince John to stay on longer. She didn’t really enjoy season 4 without him. So she said, “Just don’t forget about us Pythons, maybe they will work as skits.” He looked away; that wasn’t what he really wanted, but he looked back at her and said. “Maybe you’re right, not enough for a show, I guess.” She felt guilty but didn’t want to lose John.

                He became solemn again, and she asked, “Something else is on your mind?” “I’m worried about Graham. Maybe I will be a success without him, but I can’t imagine him still not being there. I love Graham; we’re like brothers. I remember when I first saw him perform, I knew he was magic. He is an amazing sounding board for what is funny. Can’t we tell him about the dream?” “I doubt he will believe it, him being of a doctor's mind. Besides, if he knows we’re doing this all because of a dream, he may go back to smoking. We can’t risk that.” “No, I guess we can’t, but I’m still worried about his drinking. I want to shake him out of it. As much as I’m in awe of him, I couldn’t just do a two-person team with him and his drunkenness, that’s why I called Michael.” “Yes, I know.” She places a hand on John, and he flips it over to hold hers. His hand was strong, and she blushed. She looked into his almond eyes, and he seemed so serene.

                The tea kettle went off, and he went to get it. When he returned, he blew on his cup and gave a sip. Then he said, “You know, sometimes I don’t think I’m funny. I can tell you how many crumpled-up papers I have in and around my waste bin when I try to make skits on my own. You say I will be successful, but maybe it be something mundane like law, make use of my degree.” “It’s comedy, John, trust me. I got a good feeling about it.” He smiled at her, and they just sat there talking into the late hours when he finally excused himself. He said, “Thank you for tonight. I need to keep you close, you’re my good luck charm.” Then he placed a kiss on her cheek, smiled at her, and turned to leave. She giggled to herself like a schoolgirl. Michael Palin was her first Python crush, but John was very handsome and her favorite Python; she definitely wanted to be kept close.

                At the studio, she was making coffee, and John came over and tickled her side, and she let out a laugh. Then he winked at her and walked away. She wasn’t aware anyone was there, but Terry J. was, and he said, not hiding his jealousy. “So are you and John kind of a thing now?” She was caught off guard. She did have a nice time with John, and they were working together for Graham, and she was the only one who knew his future. It felt a bit sacred, then there was his kiss, but it could have been friendly. She then said, “I’m not really sure. But it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it?” “It could be, I know John has a thing for American Blond women, he may have a type. So I wouldn’t have too much hope in him.” All she could manage to say was “Oh, excuse me.”  Terry J was right, all 4 of his future wives have been blond American women. She was a little pissed at Terry J, but she couldn’t really hold it against him.

                After the shoot, John invited her to dinner at a bistro, and they had a nice talk, but Terry's words stayed on her mind. John then asked, “Is something on your mind?” “John, what do you think about me?” “I think you’re wonderful, smart, caring, and funny. That is a huge bonus.” “Am I beautiful?” John looked away, blushing, then returned his gaze and said, “Very beautiful, Patricia.” She gave a small smile, but she wasn’t satisfied. Then she said, “If I were the only woman in a bar, would you come up and talk to me?” “Of course I would.” “Now, in that same situation, if there was a woman exactly like me, but she was blond and American, who would you talk to?” John stiffened and looked embarrassed. Then he stammered, “Patricia, look, you’re great and…” “You don’t have to do that, but thank you for the compliments. I should remain just your good luck charm.” John nodded as he understood, and then she decided not to be selfish and say, “And John, I think you should pursue Fawlty Towers not just as a few skits, but as a whole show. If you decide to pursue it, you’ll know when it’s time to leave Pythons. Just don’t forget me.” “I would never do that.” Then working through the selfishness again, she said, “And if Graham does get too much, I think Connie would be an amazing sounding board too.” She was referring to Connie Booth, John's future wife and co-writer on Fawlty Towers.

Sometimes she hated being selfless, but then again, she wouldn’t be here if she weren’t. She liked the idea of being John’s girlfriend. No matter what he did, she never divorced him if she were his wife, but she is sure there is more to the story. No one is perfect, so she should keep the idea as just a dream.