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Complicated This Feeling	By : AEMorgan Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2569 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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There’s… uhmm… there’s something I need to tell you,” Joel admitted after a brief pause. He took a deep breath, his next words tumbling out in a rush. “Aboutmeandtony.”

“You and Tony?” Benji echoed. “Well I suppose you have grown close this tour,” he laughed, a teasing tone to his voice as he tried to get Joel to relax. “You two fucking or something?” He frowned when Joel didn’t laugh as he was expecting him to, instead a bright blush spreading over his cheeks. “Joel?” When Joel didn’t look at him, continuing to stare at the floor, Benji sighed, tipping his chin up with his fingers. “You… You and Tony?”

“Yeah,” Joel croaked.

“You and Tony are… uhmm… together?” Joel nodded, not trusting his voice to reply. Benji also nodded. “Cool”

“You… you’re… you’re o…. okay with that?”

“Course I am,” Benji grinned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

A shaky sigh escaped Joel’s lips, relief rushing through him; Benji was cool with it. He sagged against Benji; feeling like a heavy weight had just been lifted off his chest. He ran his hands over his face and grinned wryly at Benji, opening his mouth to speak.

“You can be really stupid sometimes,” Benji interrupted, still grinning, wrapping one arm around Joel’s shoulder.

Joel grinned back. “Yeah, I know,” he nodded.

Benji rolled over onto his stomach, watching as Joel did the same. “Is it serious?” he asked.

Joel blushed lightly again. “I think so, yeah.” He admitted.

“Do you love him?” Benji took onek atk at the grin that spread over Joel’s face and the sparkle in his eyes and he didn’t need to hear the answer. “So, how long you been going out then?”

“Uhmm. About four or five months,” he answered quietly.

“Four or five months? Oh.” Benji was unable keep his voice from cracking, hurt clear in his tone and on his face. “Why… why didn’t you say anything?”

“I wanted to, Benji, I… I didn’t know how,” Joel replied miserably. “To start with I didn’t know if it was anything or if it was just something that happened. Then,” he swallowed hard, shrugging his shoulders lightly. “I just… I wanted something that was only mine, something that I didn’t have to share. We kept it hidden for that long I didn’t know how to tell you. Then I got scared you’d freak out.” He looked over and met Benji’s eyes; wincing at the pain he saw in them “I couldn’t lie to you any longer. I’m sorry.”

Benji nodded and rolled onto his side, propping himself up with one elbow. He smiled at the nervous look on Joel’s face. “Relax,” he told him. “I’m cool. And I understand why you didn’t want to say anything but…”

“But it still hurts,” Joel finished. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I know. And it’s OK.” He paused, a light frown creasing his brow. “Joel, why did you think I’d freak out?”

Joel blushed, chewing nervously on his lower lip as he moved on the bed, his position mirroring Benji’s. “I…. Umm… Last summer, you… Tony was flirting with some guy and you… you called him… you called him a… a… ‘Fu… Fucking queer slut’” He paused, but Benji didn’t speak, sensing Joel had something else to say. “And… And dad used to say…”

“Nothing but a load of complete and utter fucking bullshit, and you know it!” Benji interrupted. He reached out and tipped Joel’s chin up with his fingers, meeting his eyes. “And when I said… that… about Tony… Joel, I was joking. I didn’t mean it, I promise. Tony’s one of my best friends, I love him, I was just teasing him. I thought you realised that.”

“Oh.” Joel’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. He started to apologise but Benji continued.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me about Tony? Because you thought I was some kinda gay-hater or something?”

Joel nodded slowly. “Uh-huh. I guess I just panicked when you said that, ” Joel admitted, shrugging lightly.

Benji laughed dryly and shook his head. “Shit. I’m sorry you thought that. I don’t care that you’re gay, Joel. You’re my brother and I love you more than anything in the word. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or… or… I don’t know… you could be fucking Cash… actually no, that would matter cos he’s also my dog and that would just be really gross,” Benji grinned at the half-smile on Joel’s face. “As long as you’re hap…” Benji trailed off, frowning. “Joel?” Benji’s eyes grew wide and his voice quiet as he reached out and pushed the sleeves of Joel’s hoodie up, running his fingers over the fading red marks. “Joel, did… did Tony do this to you?”

Joel shook his head. “No!” He denied automatically, pulling his arm away from Benji. “Well, yes. Uhmm… kinda?” He offered, mind racing as he struggled to come up with a believable story. “It wasn’t… he didn’t… we were just… mucking around,” he finished lamely.

“Mucking around?” Benji echoed, repeating him, a grin replacing his worried look, teasing tone in voice. “Mucking around in a sexual manner?”

Joel frowned and looked to his side at Benji. “What?”

Benji’s eyes grew wide and he giggled. “I don’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “You… of all people you… you were doing the kinky, weren’t you?” Joel opened his mouth to reply but Benji’s laughter cut him off. “And they all think you’re the little innocent one, sweet little Joely. But no! My baby brother; the sexual deviant!”

Joel started to shake his head. “Benj…” He broke off in shock when Benji pinned him to the bed, holding his hands above his head and sitting on his stomach.

“Let me guess; he tied you to the bed and fucked you senseless?” Benji asked, playfully humping Joel. “Or did he tie you up and ride you hard?”

Joel turned bright red and squeezed his eyes shut, but was unable to stop his own giggles. “Shut up, Benji! I am so not having this conversation with you.”

“Yes you are,” Benji insisted. Peels of laughter interrupted him before he could continue and both twins’ heads snapped to the side where Tony was leaning on the wall in fits on hysterics. “Tony…” Benji’s grin grew even wider as he drew the blonde’s name out. “We were just talking about you….”

“Oh, really?” Tony choked out. “Well, don’t let me stop you!”

Joel snorted with laughter and took advantage of Benji’s distraction to roll out from underneath him and slide off the bed, stalking across the room to pin Tony against the wall, kissing him hard.

Tony moaned into the kiss, pulling Joel closer against him, one hand cupping the back of his neck as he deepened the kiss. “I’m guessing you told him then?” Tony muttered against Joel’s lips, glancing over his shoulder at Benji who was watching them from the bed. Joel nodded, blushing at the feel of Benji’s eyes on him and his laughter. “He ok?” Joel nodded again, resting his forehead against Tony’s. “You OK?”

“Yeah,” Joel replied eventually, straightening up and taking Tony’s hand in his, leading him over to the bed where Benji had turned his attention back to his magazine, looking up with a grin when they sat down; Joel between Tony’s leg, back to his chest and Tony’s arms around him. Joel sighed softly as the three of them started chatting, the normality of the situation lulling him into a half-daze, Benji and Tony’s laughter reassuring him that everything was going to be fine. “Hmm?” He blinked and looked up when he realised someone had said his name. He looked between Tony and Benji, shaking his head and laughing with the realisation he’d zoned out. Still grinning, he met Benji’s eyes and, sensing his twin needed to talk to Tony, wriggled out of his lover’s arms. “I gotta piss,” he told them, kissing Tony and walking to the bathroom.

Benji watched Joel walk away then turned back to Tony. “Do you love him?”

Tony frowned at the suddenly serious turn the conversation had taken but nodded. “Yeah.”

“He’s crazy about you.”

“And I’m crazy about him,” Tony reassured Benji.

“Good.” Benji stood up, glancing over his shoulder at the closed bathroom door. He grabbed Tony’s upper arm. “If you hurt him, I will kill you,” he promised. “Do you understand?”

“What?” Tony tried to pull his arm away, wincing when Benji squeezed it tighter. “Benji, I wouldn’t…”

“Do you understand?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good. I’m going to grab something to eat. Tell Joel I said ‘bye’” Benji didn’t bother waiting for Tony to reply, just grabbed his jacket and left the room, leaving Tony stunned and sitting on the bed, rubbing his arm.
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Complicated This Feeling