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May All Be Pain or Love	By : Skwishee Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 5674 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
WHOA! Lost a chapter and like a ton of reviews. That so blows...anyway, it's back up.X___X succccccccccky

Author's Note: This chapter is a bit...weird. If dialogue makes little sense it's because most of them ::points to story:: we're so frustrated with the things that were happening they can't think perfectly straight, so it was a bit on purpose. Though I hope it makes some sort of sense...very little was actually added to this from the orginal so I didn't feel the need to make my beta go over it, since she already had once before. So if there are any problems blame me. I think the only beef i really have with this is that dialogue still seems pretty stilted, but it's hard to write while keeping with the times, hope it's not too bad. ^^ You guys are being fantastic about reviewing, I'm loving in and I'm trying to keep putting out better things to bait you. I wonder if it's working.

Chapter 5

I stepped away from him, let loose the grip on my sword and threw it away from me. I could balance much better without it — heavy thing that it was — and I was tipsy enough just now without it's help. With Közi's words haunting the air forging an unbelievable explanation of how he knew my master, I was thrown into a catastrophic mental spin. What the hell did he just say? I was forced to go back and recall it once more.
"You made love to him?" I asked, disbelieving. I had hoped that's not what he meant by 'He was in my bed...' but the underlying intent seemed to scream simplicity. I was being entirely too slow in my thinking.
"I suppose..figuratively, though your wording is off. Anyway, it was hardly loving." said Közi. "Impassioned or not, ...that kind of emotion tends to lay low when a hanyou is impaling you into the mattress with his rather...impressive extremities."
I might've staggered all around Kyoto, brooding over just that one sentence.
"He....to you....?" My sudden inability to grasp language was both unnerving and intensely frustrating. It was like I had to stop and sift through hundreds of millions of words to find something even one syllable that could convey even a fraction of what I wanted, and while it was more than tormenting me, the sly smirk on his face told me that he was finding it comical.
"My you're articulate!" he purred. "Dare I venture for another sentence, love, perhaps a little more accusive since no doubt you've realized that I — impish thing that I am — have...well, metaphorically stuck my dirty fingers in your food. Or do you intend on puffing out shorts bursts of nothing at me in hopes desperate confusion will drive me to kill myself and leave you victor?" He cocked his head to the side and his braids fell over his shoulders.
"I..."
"I see we are going nowhere. So let me fan a few flames and tell you what will happen. I will say to you...'He came to me with sinful intentions and I let him fall between my legs. And this was either because I am completely irrisistable or because his human lover — that would be you, kitten — is unable to excite him to the point of psychosis.' Any other reasons either don't count or could make me care less. Then..."

I didn't give him time to finish. My fist was drawn like a magnet to his form, and the skin on my knuckles split, at last, as it collided with his jaw for what was quickly tallying up to be more times than I could keep track of.

I struck him until I had drained the last of my anger out and fell to the ground with him in my arms. He hadn't even fought me back, not for one second. The subtleness of his expression told me that he had almost enjoyed it, and then he had lain beneath me with a look of understanding on his bleeding face. Finally, I had let go and rolled off him, and I stayed just that way, doing nothing but sitting on the ground in shock, my hands limp and tired and bleeding, as the daylight waned. I didn't want to believe him, and I could have very easily wrote it off as a lie, but there was one cruel reality I was faced with just then. Demon's, especially kitsune, were brutally honest, possibly their only redeeming trait, but his honesty seemed more malicious to me in that moment than any fabrication could have.

I watched the demon stand, his balance forgotten somewhere on the ground and he wiped the blood off his split lips with his sleeve, his hard eyes taking me in. I watched him burn the body on the steps with tears clouding my vision. The mass of it faded to ash before me and I thought I saw him turn back to leave the way he came.

"It's him that begs for your wrath, not me. Take this ire to him, he'll love you unquestionably." Közi panted.

Instead of finding his voice trailing from a few feet away, I looked up to see his face smiling down at me, venom and caustic remarks swirled inside his mouth.
"I almost feel sorry for you." he said. "Novel concept, when you consider I don't feel much of anything." He looked up at the canopy of trees and touched the open gash on his lip, eyes darting to the coating of blood on his fingers. "Oh, I don't pity you...or sympathize. Don't misunderstand. It's all your fault. Caught yourself an orphic lover and you're addicted to the taste of his skin because it's not like anything else you've ever tongued. That indict of addiction I can understand, but only that. He is delicious. What I feel sorry for...is that you waste all this glorious energy on trying to win him over while you only push him farther away— and incidentally more into me. He doesn't need your coddling, you'd think you would know that by now."
Közi stopped worrying his wounds and raised his arms in the air, gesturing all around us. "Up until this moment you have lived in a world you've fashioned from fantasy and false hope. Because love has made you a royal fool, blind to even the realness of the object you so crave. What.you.love.isn't.real. Perfection isn't real. Now you see what is. Now you have the chance to own the world, own the thing you desire most, because, you see, it is completely attainable. I hope you take it, else I find you in a years time, a piteous corpse on the steps of some tavern in the square, and people will talk of how you were once a great samurai who could have been immortalized as the man that held down a dragon."

"Should I be made to take the advice of an oni whore?" I growled, still angry with him.
In a short stride he came to me and snatched me from the ground by my collar. His eyes were balls of mismatched firelight.

"If I am a whore then I am an honest one." His voice rolled like the growl of some ferocious beast. "You should be so lucky I have not killed you yet. Take my advice or leave it to the wind and the woods, I can't be made to care. But know that I am not prepared to be insulted by some maudlin human!"
His body temperature rose uncontrollably and quickly he released me and brought a clawed hand across my face, the deep scratches cauterizing instantly from the searing heat. The pain was unbearable as I fell to the dirt as stiffly as a stick falling from a tree.

Közi looked down at me sternly, kicking me over with his feet so I was sure to see him clearly. My face burned and throbbed as though it were engulfed in flames. I was groaning at his feet. "I didn't want to do that, but you were being insolent, you understand?"

I glared at him from underneath strands of dirty black hair. He smiled.
"If you can still sneer at me after that you have the drive to take what you want. I have some hope for you yet." He played with the cut on his lips again and his expression changed to one of mirth. "You throw punches like a demon, with pain and pleasure in mind. I like that."

The heat in my face seemed to sink deeper and my vision began to blur. Kozi turned again and tilted his head as though he were a cat, curious of his prey. "Just let go." he laughed. "I'll tell him you're here."
By his final word my consciousness had been doused in boiling black ink.

o o o

[{ What do you think will happen to us when we're older? Do you think we'll still be together?"

All was too sweetly serene beneath a canopy of wispy leaf, surrounded by the sound of rushing water. Wild tetra cosmos grew where the sun had burst down on the nearby lea. I saw young yellow and blaze red maples climbing out from the ground.
As my eyes better adjusted to the light, I realized that I was sitting in front of a spring, lined by a shelling of flowering trees and soft, spongy moss beds. White pampas grass grew in the distance, beyond the ring of trees that surrounded the pool. The image before me was so vivid I could have snatched it up with my bare hands and spread it across a wash of india paper. The boy's blonde hair was free flowing, as though it were floating underwater. He could have been no more than sixteen, so said the fullness in his soft cheeks; his face rounder and more childlike than I remember at that age.
I knew this day. I knew this place: A woodland tributary, small branch off the Kamo river no bigger than a little forest pond, but the water was crystal clear — waterfall like an old woman's hair,white strands spilling over shining silver rocks, all to a pool of liquid diamond.
"Absolutely." I said.
The sun weaved through his hair, holding on to its place above, because it couldn't bear to leave him any sooner than I.
"I will always be with you." }]

I knew my grandmother was in the room before I even opened my eyes — the air around me smothered with the smell of dried mint leaves. My vision wavered as I looked and saw the tatami that covered the floor, a wide stretch in every direction — ukiyo-e paintings on the walls, composed by provincial artists. The kind that substantiated the old symbols of Japan: sakura and rolling seas, high suns and picturesque gardens.
I made a tired attempt to tilt my head but the weight of it was suddenly overwhelming. My face throbbed, hot. Still, I managed to turn it enough to really see her. Her long white hair was piled up around her matured crepe paper face, thin lips moving up and down, but the ringing in my ears wouldn't let me grab hold of her words enough to read any coherency into them. So, I was left to stare at her as she thumbed through the upper layers of my clothing as through they were pages in a book and tended to anything underneath that even looked as though it were an injury.
My head fell back on my pillow and I closed my eyes again, sucking in a pained gasp as I felt her shaky hands press a hot compress to my cheek. This time when she spoke I watched her soundless lips in a daze until my eyes grew so heavy I had to close them again and fall back into blackness.

[{ I was drinking in his voice; the sound that could leach life from me, but so pleasurably that I worshiped it with all my heart. I kissed him, seemingly attempting to swallow his sound, but it was impossible, like working a thick and endless draught down my throat with all other breath cut off from me. I had him already at the edge of the rock beneath the falls; there was no where else to go, only forward into me or back into the water.
With the way we licked at each other's mouths I couldn't understand how I could breathe, or if it was just that I wasn't and some otherworldly thing kept me from suffocating in his kiss. He pushed me backwards into the big vertical rock that set at the base of the falls, the water pounding out its rhythm on my bare back.
His hand snuck between my legs and my cheeks filled with color.
What were we doing?
I moaned loudly, wanting to burst under the pressure of his long fingers.
It was wonderfully warm in this place, despite the biting chill of the water. No fire can do what the afternoon sun can. And he was pressed up against me, our foreheads touching, and his breathing so erratic. The world was so delicious in that moment.
"Never leave me."
How could I? No. Never. The sensations he was bringing me were all consuming. But whether it was the throbbing organ that was pressed against my leg requesting silent sanctuary from my body or if it was that I was so inexperienced and proud, maybe even that I was worried I would be less of a man if I let him come into me...pompous and misogynistic as that was...something made me push him away. As much as I loved him I couldn't bring myself to let him dominate me in this way. Not even now, when I had loved him forever.
He didn't protest. In fact he invited me to take the lead, because it seemed as though as long as we were touching it didn't matter where he was in the grand scheme of things. I was thankful, even though my anxieties were perhaps disrespectful. He didn't seem to mind.

I had fallen into him in a way I never thought was possible between us. Moved inside him like an earthquake...
I had never done such things before to anyone, and I had never dreamed how much I would love it...love him.]]

It was dark when I finally came to, drowning in the lingering haze of old memories. I could see the outside lanterns now, glittering through the paper walls. There was something insanely soft in my fingers, threads of fine spun silk and a warm body pressed against my side. Kyo?

"What were you dreaming about?" I heard his voice call to me so meekly that I would have never guessed it was him had I not found him all of a sudden, curled by my side. That in itself had been an incredible shock to me.
I scrambled for my voice. "You..." It was all I managed to push out at first. My face ached when I talked. I suppose that was my own fault though. "... that day at Kano no sen..."
I remember how he cried when Kano died...he couldn't have been more than eleven. We wrapped the cat in a black silk scarf, tied with thin makeshift cord we'd made from the cattails outside and put his small body in the hollow of that big white oak by the falls. Kyo was much more comfortable around animals than people. They meant more to him somehow.
"Which day?" His voice was so continuously low it seemed like I could have been imagining it.
"Under the falls..." I said, raking my fingers through his hair.
He rolled over and regarded me silently for minutes. He was thinking about it, every bit as much as I had, but the thoughts disrupted his stolidness and he discarded them as though they were insignificant.

"Your grandmother tended your wounds." He said.
"What was she doing here?" I asked quietly, acknowledging the discomfort he had felt with those thoughts, as he changed the subject like he always did.
Kyo arranged his kimono so that he could sit up without it impeding his movements.
"She's asked me to let her stay. She's lonely."
I nodded. "She told me that she wanted to, but I...I really don't think it's a very good idea."
He clenched his jaw and I couldn't help but notice the soft reflexory movement of his lips.
"I'm not interested in what you think is a good idea just now. Listen to me," he said. "If your judgment was so ripe you wouldn't be lying on my floor covered in dried Ryozen blood, and you wouldn't have provoked an oni into taking his claws to your face."
My expression fell, so fast and with so much feeling that it was almost as if the skin of my face had been tied to a stone and the stone thrown from a bridge.
"He told you?" I whispered.
"What, that you murdered two house members in cold blood, and then called one of the proudest creatures in Japan, a whore? Of course! Not that he needed to. Any fool could tell that little love tap wasn't made by human hands. And just what did you think you were doing going after Ryozen samurai? Protecting me?"
I said 'yes' so softly that I wasn't sure if I had said it out loud or just in my head.
Silence.
I sat up. "Aren't you going to say anything?"
"Why should I? Will it do me any good? I told you that if you found it in you to cross me, I would let you. I will let you. I will tolerate it. But don't think you can justify these things by saying that you did them for me! I never asked you to!"
"No. You didn't, and I'm sorry that I did..."
"No you're not." he spat.
I sighed, "You're right, I'm not. I don't regret it..."
"Then what do you regret?" he said.
"Going to Aomori...hearing what I heard. You made me believe you loved me, when all this time you've gone to him...What should I feel? Relieved?"

He looked upset suddenly, but it was a different kind of upset...merit-less. He knew damn well what I meant. Not that his mood gave way to him saying anything. In fact, he had only turned his face away from me and kept quiet.
"Why did you...." I couldn't even say it. God dammit. I don't think he expected it either, for me to question him. Maybe he'd thought I would yell...but surely not ask him 'why'.
"Was it me?"
Kyo sighed in frustration, brushing his hair away from his face. "I don't have to tell you anything."
"Yes..." I said.. "You do."
I knew he thought I was being a child. Everything was always so inconsequential with him anymore.
"Why because you're my lover? Is that what you want to say? Right now that makes no difference. You have betrayed me, I have betrayed you. We're even. I don't feel like telling you anything further. So don't think I'm going to apologize for what I do with my own body. You have my heart, take that as some peace of mind and leave it alone."
"No."
Outrage. But I just couldn't—
"No? Because you have become such a jealous thing? Because it's not enough that I care for you and not him, that I give myself to you and not him? What does it matter?" he spat.

I felt myself become furious.
"I would think...that you of all people— bastard progeny of an..." I laughed,gasping between breaths to stop myself from tearing. "Oni whore, snakebit, reviled, unwanted, unemotional creature that you are, hated by ignorant people and persecuted as you were— would understand the value of love without limit. I would have given you anything you wanted, done anything had you asked me, but you gave me up...to be some hanyou's plaything!" I practically screamed.
That hurt him. God that hurt him...
"Selfish! Contemptuous! You have just signed our deathwarrant and you think I should be concerned with your worries? Ryozen will come for us, and if the gods aren't on our side then we will fall! Shinya, Toshiya, Dai...will be dead and you can have as much time then to weep over our corpses, and shed as many tears as you like for yourself! Worry over this now and you can be sure I will die in their arms and not yours with curses still born from my lips!" he screamed.
Suddenly he pushed me into the wall, my back smacking into the cloudy Chinese mirror behind me hard enough for me to hear the chink of cracking glass, and he captured my lips in a bruising kiss. And here I was fighting the urge to relent underneath the caress of his tongue.

When he pulled away he kept his lips to mine and allowed his own hands to pull open his kimono, then took up mine and pushed them between the folds so that they rested on his stomach. He moved against my mouth with a warm, sensual whisper in his voice that could set fire to a winter frost.
"You want to know why I fell into him?" he repeated my question with such a softness in his voice...such an amazing softness. "Because you won't let me have you, and I will not break you. Because I am not human and a part of me dismisses you because it instinctually craves dominance and hates the fact that you have been able to make me need you. " His hot breath ghosted on my lips and I shuddered. "Hates you...do you see...? You think now that I'm whore not worth holding on to?" His voice was so pained.
"No..."
He held my face in his hands. I felt his long nails edge around the gashes in my cheek.
"Then forgive me and I will forgive you, then we'll not speak of it again...." He cursed, but it was more directed towards himself than me.
"We keep clashing. And now...there's no time to sort things out. You'll have Ryozen on our heels by morning...if word gets to them so fast. Listen...You can't be what that side of me wants. You keep proving this...and I...I have no other options but to go to someone else...It doesn't mean they mean anything..."
He sighed so deeply that his intake of air looked as though it would burst his lungs. I wanted to believe him. I really did.
I moved away from the mirror, wincing at the feel of glass falling away from my back and I sat down with him and pulled him into my lap. His silken legs wound around my waist and he buried his head into my neck and I just held him. I couldn't say anything, I was sorry...I felt guilty...I understood, and yet I still felt strangely betrayed, but my god how I loved him.
"And you...? What do you want from me, Kaoru?"
I pushed my face into the wild, yellow hair that laid over his body like a wispy cloak.
"I just want you..."
"I can't belong to you without giving up a part of myself." he whispered.
"I don't think I can ask you to..." I conceded, I knew I would.
"You have to let me go then..."
In silence I did. I let him slip from my arms and watched as he pulled on his robe with a solemn face and walked to the door. He looked back at me in apology. "All these years, and still neither of us can bear to break for the other. Maybe...it's a sign that we have to let each other go."
"I don't think I could...I love you..."I coughed, attempting to even out the cracking in my voice.
"It doesn't matter. It's what has to be done."

I called out for him to wait but he was already gone.

o o o

The geta he wore hit the wooden floor outside so hard that I could still hear them when he stepped off the outside corridor and into the courtyard. But then the sound stopped so abruptly that I had to go and see what had happened. I crept down the hallway so quietly that even the gods wouldn't have noticed me. The shoji walls were shady and dark, the only light coming from the end of the hall where the walls spilled into the open air. I walked to the edge of the last panel and stopped, seeing Kyo's sillohette cast on the wood slats behind him. The wind that gushed in the open hole made me fight off anxious shudders.

I fastened myself behind the wall and I waited for my master to move, when at last he did it was to speak.
"Why are you here?"
"What a stupid question." Instantly I recognized the voice and slid down the wall in defeat. I could see the hanyou's shadow, showing through the screens, come closer to where I perceived my master was standing and heard a light rustling of clothes that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up with anxiety and he whispered under his breath.
"His scent is all over you, you know? What were you two doing in there?"
"Talking." Kyo said calmly.
"About me I hope." he chuckled under his breath.
"There are things in this world that are even more important than you. Don't let that surprise you." Kyo said scornfully.
"It doesn't. So he lived up to his potential after all? Should I be proud?"
Kyo said nothing.
"He just let you go?" he scoffed.
"I...it's done...he and I...We're finished..."
After a few moments of listening to the wind breeze through the courtyard I heard Közi's voice again coming from some yards away.

"Aren't you going to follow me?" asked the fire demon.
"I wonder if I should. You ruined me today."
"You ruined yourself." Közi scowled. "...taking a human lover. What madness possessed you?"
"I don't think you should be chiding me. Look, I've known him since I was five..."
"You're not afraid that he'll turn on you? With as unbalanced as he seems I wouldn't be surprised if..."
Kyo cut him short gruffly, but a little sad. "The only thing that I feared from him is that one day he'd realize I'm not worth all the praise he gives me and he'd leave."
"Hasn't that just happened?" asked the redhead.
"I left. I suppose this is me cutting him off before I am made to be the victim." he said, I could hear his voice waver.
"Then what's to fear anymore?"
Kyo didn't respond, in fact for moments he was deathly silent.
"You should follow me,you know. I'd be happy to lick up all that self pity that's dripping off you." Somehow I could feel Közi's heat steal the air and I closed my eyes, presaging what was to come.

o o o

Firelight burned flamelessy amidst the trees -- licked the leaves with an orange glow, singed the branches, smoked the stones, incensed the water. I could hear the two of them splash into the spring, devouring each other with bites and kisses, as the light from Közi's body emitted a hushed marriage of red and orange hues just bright enough to have lit a small, formless area around them. Közi's skin was flickering dimly like the last passing ember of a once incandescent hellfire. From a distance, it must have looked like nothing more than a campfire dying in some deeper part of the woods.

The knot in my stomach grew tighter as I watched that demon wade through the shallow water with my lover in his arms and set him up on a large rock that extended from out the pools surface. I hid myself behind a colossus of a tree. It's thick roots broke the soil all around it, making little dips and comfortable swells to sit in. Which is what I did, finding one that both obscured me and allowed me a bit of a view of their play.

Suddenly I didn't know if this was such a good idea, having followed them. My whole being tensed noxiously as his hands slid up my master's silky legs till they rested flat against his thighs. He was right though. It was his body, his decision who touched it and I could tell there was no emotion in their caresses, but that still didn't make the revelation any less bitter.

So I watched in complete silence as Kyo's fingers threaded themselves in those insanely red braids, and after a moment they pressed the head attached to it down demandingly. Kyo arched up when Közi pushed his kimono up off his legs and sunk his head in between them. I think my eyes closed reflexively then.

I had begun to argue with myself by this time and I was pretty sure that it wasn't a good sign. Even my body was combating itself, churning in every imaginable way. So I just tried to will my mind into acceptance, even the bitter kind, and watched. Seeing it... that was something entirely different than being told of it. Even though I was strongly against either taking place.

It was becoming completely useless to feign disgust anymore, no matter my intense desire to do so. The blazing hanyou's glamour was absolute. Not quite so much as Kyo's but enough that my body reacted just as I knew it would, even as I thought it such an abbhorent response, but it was such an unstoppable thing.

Közi's mouth was wrapped around Kyo's arousal. My only view of the scene was the back of his red hair as his head moved on the rigid flesh. I knew all too well the slow stretch of muscles, trying to swallow him down. A regular occurrence in our younger days. God I hated saying that. But if I didn't want to lose him it was something I was going to have to take control of...just one more thing I had to learn to take.

As Kyo freed himself from his kimono the wavering fire-like hues ensnared his wet body with their glower. Impressively, Közi never once deviated from his task, no matter which way Kyo moved as he had removed his clothes. With a wet, popping sound, Közi detached himself from my master and licked his lips succulently.

"Lovely endowments," he smirked. "Better suited for the use of an oni with some skill in bedding. Why waste this pretty morsel in the hands of a human?" The demon took Kyo into his rough hands, stroking him lazily.

At the same time that I narrowed my eyes in offense, Kyo narrowed his. In a heartbeat his claws were back, pulling a fistful of crimson hair and the head attached up to look at him.
"A word of advice." said Kyo, his voice dark. "If you're going to open your mouth for anything other than using it to please me, make sure what comes out of it is something wise."
The smirk set upon Közi's face was thrown out of kilter, but clearly unafraid.

"Wiser than your views on the matter I think." he said boldly.
Kyo's face was taken over by wrath.
"If the human pleased your demon side as thoroughly as you imagine why then are you made to come to me?"
My master smirked wickedly and climbed off the rock and back into the water. "I come to you when I can no longer stand the thought of having something inside me." Taking the half-kitsune by the shoulders he slammed him hard into the side of the rock and leaned into him so that his mouth brushed his ear. "Because you will never top me. Because I can make you bleed without feeling one shred of guilt." He slid his claws over Közi's bare chest, thin trails of blood following their rapid descent. "Because when I'm through with you I can toss you away and never feel sorry for it."

"Oh, you do have a pretty way with words." Közi purred.
He gasped as one slickened nipple was caught between two very sharp talons, drawing out tiny beads of red from the pinpricks. The other Kyo assaulted by means of his mouth, sinking his fangs into the sensitive skin and drawing in a mouthful of searing hot fluid. I was transfixed to the sight of his full mouth and the bloody mess that ran out of it, so hot that it steamed in the night air.

The hanyou was in ecstasy, as I imagined any demon would have been. The affluence of pain an aphrodisiac of rattling proportions. I could tell he liked it by how he had taken my punches earlier.
Kyo tore his mouth away and closed his eyes, his mouth falling open in a sort of pained gasp, rivulets of red plumetting down his chin and he winced as they stung his chest. "Even your blood is like fire."
Közi smiled distractedly, " You're going to be a bitch, I'm going to raise my temperature. It's fair play."
Hoisting Kyo out of the water again and back onto the rock , he licked his lips, settling his upper body between Kyo's legs and threw out a deadly smirk. All around him the water began to boil and Közi's sun browned body began to smoke, a haze taking hold of the whole spring. "This will teach you to speak down to me."

I saw Kyo's eyes tear when the demon swallowed his projecting organ whole, and I could only come to the conclusion that the inside of Közi's mouth was as hot as the outside. Still, Kyo's hands went straight for his hair and drove his anguished member in and out of the metaphorical furnace, determined to dominate. Közi didn't seem pleased that he'd lost control and at once his eyes grew brighter and angered and the heat engulfed the area, so much so that the leaves on the trees crisped and dried in seconds and I had to fight to keep from gasping out my discomfort. As soon as this happened Kyo screamed and clawes the demon's face, sending him tumbling into the water.

Kyo covered his erection with his hands, gasping in pain and hurled a string of curses at the water. "I'll kill you!" he spat. And to back up his words he pushed himself off the rock, recoiling at the burning sensation of the still rumbling water, and pulled the hanyou up by the hair. In anger that can only be described as monumental he drug the demon back towards the rock and smashed his face against it, both their bodies going off balance from the force of the the blow. And both tumbled back into the water.

Közi's busted lips curled upwards in a twisted smirk as he spit water and blood into the spring. "You're so good at that." His head rolled back in rapture.
Kyo stood chest deep in the water and fumed, his wet hair shimmering in the firelight as it wound and stuck to his body, reminding me of the vines that took the outer walls of Miya-tei. He panted hard, eyes fixed dangerously on the hellish form by the rock.

Közi smiled. "Tell me your going to do that again and I'll concede to being your toy."
Kyo growled and moved forward, shoving Közi back against the side of the rock and when Közi's head fell back against the stone with a crack, and his eyes glassed I could tell Kyo had forced his way into him, even though the entire coupling was obscured by the dark, rolling water. Kyo lowered his head and gnashed his teeth, no doubt spinning from the feeling of being embraced by the demon's burning insides.
"You will concede, because I will make you, you mongrel."

I was beginning to understand. It wasn't that I couldn't please him, it was that I never did, because I didn't know how. I had always been so sweet with him, not realizing that sometimes it was the worst thing I could have done.

Közi's wild moaning belied his miserly words, "Mongrel? Ahh, you hanyou brat. If you're going to fuck me, do it properly!"
Kyo leaned in and took Közi's lips in his own, hungrily kissing him before biting the already wounded lip, making the gash there bleed again. He scowled into the oni's face as he panted. "Careful what you wish for." Kyo maneuvered himself in the water, and his whole body was thrown forward, the water splashing around him violently as he set an inhumanly hard rhythm into Közi's body. The half-kitsune screamed into the woods, his head and body thrashing as they were forced to slam against the rock with each powerful thrust. His nose was starting to bleed from the furied shoves that brought the back of his head in to the heavy stone. I couldn't watch anymore so I turned towards the woods. It was so strange to see Kyo act this way. But I suppose that's what the oni had meant when he said that what I loved wasn't real. He was right, at least...if this was what "real" was.

Crouched behind the base of the tree, I could see Aomori through the darkness. The trees encircling it stained in nighttime colors, blackened branches seemed to reach down, scraping the ornate gables.
I had never come here at night, not without the distraction of my master's company, never before realizing the vast divergence between night and day. My memory recalled the beauty of these woods beneath a bath of sunlight, a stark and strange contrast to the sight before my eyes; the dense dark wood and the branches who's new nighttime configuration shared consistency with the rotten hand of a seven month old cadaver. The skinny twigs were barren finger bones, all pointing towards the break in this above ground grave and the shrine that lay inside.
Whenever the light from Közi's body wavered beyond the tree, I could grasp a faint anamnesis of faces sunk into the gloom ahead of me.

It suddenly frightened me that I could not escape from this nightmarish landscape. Not with the only thing keeping the distance between myself and being discovered , the trunk of a hundred year old tree. It's bark was chipped and flaking underneath my back. I could feel the small splines bend and break as I leaned against it, falling to the dusty soil without a sound.
I felt Kyo's voice escalate. It made a home in my body as though it were something tangible, solid, and shook me like the rumbling of an army of horses pounding against the ground.
Behind me I could hear the tempestuous splashing and panting, and I could almost picture Közi's curt smirk as he drawled out his words in Kyo's ear. "I bet he never fucked you like this..."
I took a steadying breath. It seemed he was just trying to rile him up. Like he truly enjoyed seeing him exasperated.

The water sloshed and Kyo groaned.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

I turned around to see a bewildered fire demon smoldering against his stone and my lover slink out of the water with his kimono wrapped loosely around his still very aroused body, the bottom of it dripping on the already sodden grass. He turned back and scowled. "I'm through. Go."

"You didn't even..."
Kyo viciously stared him down. "It doesn't matter. I can't with you anyway! Not tonight..."
Közi folded his arms on the wet grass, the sleek slope of his backside disappearing into the water underneath him. "Don't be so dramatic." he purred. "You've must have come for me a hundred times before... Now come back in here so I can lick you till you burst, ne?"

I recognized the look in Kyo's eyes, even though he was trying his best to hide it. It was the same look in mine when I had killed that man, when I realized I had made a terrible mistake. Regret...Only I couldn't figure out which of the many scenarios in his mind he was reconsidering. At last he shook his head and bent down to run a gentle hand over Közi's swollen lips. "I'll see you later."

I realized in that moment that he was right. What purpose did we have, being with each other, when we couldn't even allow ourselves to break. It wasn't that I had to make him belong to me to keep him from the oni...it was that I had to belong to him.

TBC

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May All Be Pain or Love