In Love And Death | By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
It had been two days, 13 hours, and 47 minutes since Bert had walked out on Gerard, and he hadn't heard from him since. Jeph and Quinn were still spending most of their time with the other band, but whenever Bert asked about Gerard they'd just say he was okay and quickly change the subject. Bert didn't mind the short answers. He'd rather not hear about how Gerard was slowly killing himself anyway.
He was alone in his hotel room now, the rest of his band having gone to Frankie's room for another night of alcohol and laughter. He sat on the bed with his notebook and a pen covered with teeth marks, attempting to turn some of his pain an anger into something he could call a song. He glanced at what he had so far.
If we cut out the bad well then we'd have nothing left
He rolled up his notebook as another wave of pain and longing surged through him. He found it almost impossible to write without Gerard's warm body pressed against his. God he missed his smile-not the one the fans saw every show, or even the one Gerard had when he was laughing with his friends. He missed the smile, the one that was meant for only him. The one that didn't even need to involve Gerard's lips. The one that glowed from his soul through his eyes and always rendered Bert helpless. He missed that smile.
He threw down his notebook in frustration. Fuck it, he thought as he pulled on a t-shirt. I'll make him see that what I can give him is better than anything cocaine has to offer. I refuse to lose him to drugs. He marched determinedly to Gerard's door. Okay, he really needs to learn how to close hotel room doors, he thought when he found it slightly ajar. He pushed it open, stepping inside.
He stopped short as his eyes found a boy, probably eighteen or nineteen, shirtless and stretched across the bed. He giggled as Gerard leaned over him, snorting a line of coke off his perfectly flat abdomen.
"No. Fucking. Way." Bert's voice was dangerously calm.
Gerard's head snapped up and he stared at Bert with an expression of shock and horror. "Bert... I-" Gerard stammered, standing up.
"What the hell is going on?" Bert asked, his voice still icily calm.
"We're just having a little party," the boy giggled. "You can join us if you want."
"Or perhaps," Bert replied as he grabbed the boy by his long blond curls and hauled him to his feet, "You can leave!" He threw the boy into the hallway, causing him to slam into the opposite wall and crumple to the floor. He stood up and looked like he was about to lunge at Bert, but took one look at his eyes, which had glazed over into madness, and ran down the hallway, tripping over his feet in his haste to get away. "You better run you little bitch!" Bert called after him as he disappeared into the stairway. He stepped back into the room, slamming the door. Gerard was still standing by the bed, gaping at Bert in wide-eyed shock. "I guess you've made your decision," Bert said coldly.
"No baby," Gerard finally managed. "You left. What did you expect me to do?"
"Don't even try to blame this on me!" Bert snapped, letting some of his anger seep into his voice. Gerard looked like he was going to respond, then lowered his head, unable to meet the hurt and wrath in Bert's eyes any longer. "Tell me, baby," he nearly spat the word, "was it worth it? Was he the best you ever had?" Gerard winced with every question. "Did he take you to places you'd only dreamed of? Did-"
"Stop it!" Gerard cried, looking up at Bert with pleading eyes. "Just stop," he whispered, his voice heavy with shame.
"Fine," Bert replied stonily. "I hope you're happy. From now on you can only hurt yourself." He left the room, closing the door softly behind him. "Goodbye, my love," he whispered. He choked on tears he refused to let fall as he made his way back to his room.
********* Almost instantly, it seemed, they were in Boston for the last leg of the tour. In a way, Bert was sorry to see it end. He'd learned so much over the past few months-much about the music world, about love, about himself. Now he was ready to go home and pour all of his lessons into his music. He could feel the emotions that would become the next album searing through his veins. He was ready to turn his pain into power.
Of course, there was an inevitable party after the final show. Strong friendships had been forged on this tour, and there was a bittersweet flavor to the beer and laughter that night as Mikey and Frankie shared stories and drinks on The Used's tour bus for the last time. Bert didn't have much to say, but managed a few smiles as he watched his friends, old and new, say their goodbyes. When Mikey and Frankie got up to leave, Bert followed them out. He needed to say goodbye to Frankie privately.
"Frankie," he said as he stepped off the bus into the night air that was growing chilly with the approach of autumn. Frankie turned to Bert and smiled with sadness and understanding in his eyes.
"What's up, man?" he asked.
Bert pulled him into a hug. "Thank you," he whispered. "Take care of him." When Frankie pulled away his eyes were shining with tears.
"I'm sorry it ended like this," he said. "You were the best thing that ever happened to him."
Bert swallowed his tears and smiled. "Keep in touch, okay?"
"What are you talking about?" he asked in mock confusion. "We'll be doing this again next year," he grinned, winking.
Bert smiled in response. "In that case, I'll make it a 'See ya soon' instead of a 'Goodbye'."
"See ya soon," Frankie smiled as he walked away.
Bert sighed and opened the door to his bus, but stopped as he heard gravel crunching behind him. He turned and found himself face to face with Gerard. "Hey," Gerard said after a heavy silence.
"Hey."
They studied each other for what felt like an eternity before Gerard finally pulled Bert into a tight embrace.
"I'm sorry," Gerard whispered. Bert held Gerard tighter but didn't respond. There really wasn't anything to say. When Gerard pulled away his face was streaked with tears. He leaned forward and placed a single kiss on Bert's lips.
"I'll always love you," he whispered, then turned and ran back to his bus. But watched until he disappeared behind the door, then climbed onto his own bus. He found Quinn standing at the top of the stairs, waiting for him. Quinn held out his arms in invitation, and Bert collapsed into them, releasing the ocean of tears he'd been holding back as Quinn folded his arms around him and gently stroked his hair.
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