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Crimson blue	By : weelow Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Notes: I'm having difficulties writing this. I guess I'm too emotionally connected with the story. And when ending is coming nearer and nearer I'm not satified with the plots invented. It's not going to be anything else than perfect if I have anything to do with it. I'm just like Kaoru in this chapter. Wanting desperately it all to be perfect.
[I got buusted by Royal Gigolos - No milk today and Basement Jaxx - Red alert when writing that dance scene. That was so much fun. Die's so nice to write when he's dancing.]

Crimson blue

Chapter 6: I don’t want you to leave me.

They all sat around a table looking at their drinks, wondering what to say.
Toshiya’s eyes wandered from the one face to another. He wasn’t really sure why exactly was he here. Of course he was a friend but he had thought this was some kind of reunion of former La:Sadie’s’ members. Only one missing was Kisaki but no-one really even had wanted to invite him.
Die rolled his beer-glass around and around at the table concentrating to form a steady circle from the wet which had spilled from his drink. He hadn’t seen the others for a long time, or at least it felt like it. There was so much Die wanted to say but it felt so hard starting a conversation.

Kyo looked into emptiness before him and repeated some silent words now and then. ‘Akai sora, aoi tsuki’, Die thought he heard but he wasn’t so sure. Then Kyo suddenly grabbed his tequila and drank it with one big gulp. Not a single muscle moved in his face and he started to make a new shot.
Die sighed and they looked at each other with Toshiya. The bassist rolled his eyes and smiled silently. Thank god Kyo had Toshiya looking after him.
Shinya sat like some statue at his bench and he had been drinking quite a lot during that evening according to Toshiya. Die had become late to that meeting so he hadn’t been witnessing this historical event. Shinya was a special case also with drinking because he never seemed to be drunk. It was only a slight blush in his cheeks which refused to fade away and few more words coming out of his mouth that exposed him.

Die let his eyes sink into his beer-glass and at the circle in the surface of wooden table.
He knew he had to look at the last boy sitting in front of him. Well, actually a little left from where he was sitting but still. If he looked not it would be really weird.
Even though he was used to being around him, when Kaoru was just sitting there, doing nothing, it gave butter-flies in Die’s stomach. Why did he feel this way? But Die had already realized that it was something in Kaoru that he was not able to point his finger on. Something that made him want to scream. It possessed him like spell.
He wanted to grab Kaoru and shake the answer from his lips. Why are you making my heart ache, Kaoru? Why are torturing me?

Die felt a same kind of slight blush rising to his cheeks which covered also Shinya’s face.
Die rose his gaze to finally look at Kaoru who was staring at his glass whit dreamy eyes. His thick eyelashes threw a long shadows into his cheeks and at that point Die considered that view the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
Kaoru looked at Die and saw redhead’s two eyes sparkling in the twilight of the bar.
‘Damn!’ Kaoru thought eyes widening. Why Die looks so god damn arousing with his shining eyes and his soft lips parented like that? After a while an another thought rose to Kaoru’s mind. Why the hell is Die looking at me like that?

“I’ve made a song…” Kyo suddenly said and they all looked at him.
Little blonde chanced his spot at the chair bothered and then looked at them.
“I have a song and I want to sing it some day. And I really want to perform it with you guys.” Amazed eyes looked at Kyo like he had just exposed to some kind of a god.
Silence was broken by Shinya who hit his hand to the cover of the table so loudly that every one jumped.
“I agree!” He announced with extremely loud voice and people turned to look at their table like waiting for a fight. But they didn’t start just one bar rustle more but started to laugh.
Kyo had shown the ultimate solution for their problem and now when they thought about it they wondered why didn’t they realize it much earlier.

After a laugh Toshiya looked at Kyo wondering a bit and asked:
“Are you counting me in, Kyo-kun?”
“Of course I am. There’s no way we could handle without your terrible teeth haunting us. They give me just a right mood to write horror lyrics.”
“Whaa you little…!” Toshiya started but shut his mouth when Kaoru rose his hand.
“Okay then children. You can stab each other later. Let’s now just concentrate into practical matters.”

They all laughed and then Shinya looked at Kaoru his eyes shining and giving them one of his rare smiles and said:
“That’s right Kaoru-sama.” A recognizing smile rose to Die’s lips and he said:
“That’s RIGHT! Kaoru-SAMA.”
“What…?” Kaoru was a bit slow and he looked like he was missing happily the whole point.
“Kaoru-senpai! Kaoru-sensei!” Kyo started to troll.
“Don’t call me that”, Kaoru said to Kyo and tried to reach to cover little man’s mouth with his hand.
Kyo was faster and he grabbed older man’s hand to his own and shut it between his fingers.
“Don’t you understand? Don’t you see it? Even now?” He asked.
“Kaoru’s not very good with these kind of things”, said Die smiling and Kaoru turned to look at him terrified.
Holy shit! These were the exact words from his dream.
Okay Kaoru, it’s not the time for panic. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, good boy.
“Our new band needs a new leader. And you’re the one for that job, Kaoru-sama.” Shinya said smoothly.
“Are you sure?” Kaoru asked.
“Yes we are, dear boy”, Die said.
“Well…” Kaoru said slowly and everyone brushed into silent hooray.

*

That restaurant night ended with laugh. Toshiya grabbed Shinya to his other hand and Kyo to his other and screamed for taxi his voice cracking ‘cause of laugh.
“I don’t want to go home yet,” Kyo said and they decided to continue their way to some nice club.

Music was loud, no, actually it was just perfect. Kaoru felt cheery watching his dear friends around small tables. Kyo was by the bar desk ordering something Kaoru had probably never heard of and he was talking to some dude. Go Kyo go. It had been so long since he connected with any boy or girl. It’ll be good for him.

Kaoru stood and leaned his back to the desk.
Everything seemed so perfect. Every single cell in his body was relaxed.
The bass hit him gently and it felt like it found that certain spot in his brains’ that produces endorphins. He felt like dancing.
Kaoru looked at people that moved on the dance floor. Disco lights were smoothing their movement and his head nodded at the same rhythm with it. He loosed himself from the desk and let his eyes wander through the crowd.
On the dance floor, behind a hippie guy and a long-haired blonde western girl he saw something. Some kind of familiar figure. Kaoru moved a bit and now he could see it perfectly. Red hair covering his eyes, shoulders pushed a bit forward Die was moving his body. And god that hip!
Kaoru felt like turning his head away ‘cause that smooth movement made him really uncertain about himself. But he didn’t.

Kaoru hadn’t seen Die on the dance floor for so long time and now the sight made him feel even better of him-self.
Die smiled. Kaoru could see his white teeth even from the half side of the dance floor.
Die smiled to some girl and grabbed her hand and rolled her carefully below his arm.
Kaoru felt happy for that girl. She was having redhead’s full attention. That must feel divine.
Kaoru smiled to himself. Here was he. Watching his dear band member dancing like nobody’s watching. In-stantly feeling himself better. There was something very wrong with him.
Suddenly Die looked at Kaoru’s direction and caught him observing.
Die smiled and lifted his eyebrows curiously. Kaoru answered at no way.

Redhead moved a bit closer to the girl who was dancing with him and put his hand gently towards her back. Die smiled to the girl but looked then Kaoru and didn’t move his eyes.
It was blonde man’s turn to lift his eyebrows looking surprised. Kaoru smiled and rose his hand to caress his cheek and chin.
Die smirked at him.
That smart-alecky kid!
Kaoru laughed a bit and lowered his gaze. He’s such a flirt.
Then Kaoru heard a deep voice by his side and saw a tall, dark haired and handsome boy greeting him. His eyes were shining and he leaned to say his name to Kaoru’s ear. He smelled good.
Kaoru started to flirt with him, just because Die got him aroused and he was feeling the whole world was on his side that night.
When Kaoru listened the man he glanced to the dance floor and saw Die watching them. An evil thought slipped into his mind and first he smiled a summons to Die and then turned to hid new friend and started with his ‘Let’s laugh to everything what he says’- switch.

Kaoru was standing there looking gorgeous with his loose jeans and black t-shirt, talking to some guy.
Die felt a sweat on his forehead and couldn’t take his eyes off them.
Girl’s supple back was moving under his hand but Die wasn’t paying attention to enjoy it anymore. She was just friend.
“Are you okay Die?” she asked.
“Yeah. Sorry,” he smiled to her but still his eyes were fixed to the bar desk. She followed his eyes and recog-nized Kaoru.
“You know that boy standing next to Kaoru-sama?”
“No. Do you?” Die asked eagerly.
“Never seen in my hole life.”
Die pouted a bit and she started to laugh.
“You should go to him,” she said. Die looked at her amazed. Then he simply laughed ‘cause of relief. She has never been an idiot.
But could he go? What if Kaoru would reject him?
“Wow! Almighty Die is having second thoughts! You must really like him,” she said.
Well then. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Die kissed girl’s cheek and thanked her.

The boy was really nice.
They laughed a lot but Kaoru know where the limit went. Without saying anything concerning the matter he let him know that he was there just for fun. Nothing serious. Kaoru was glad he understood.
When he looked at the dance floor again saw Die nowhere to be found.
He didn’t have a time but move his gaze back to his new friend when Die suddenly stood before him. Die said nothing, just grabbed his hand and lead him to the dance floor.
Kaoru blushed but followed leaving his tall friend behind. Kaoru never saw him again but always had warm memories of him.
There under the purple light Die danced for Kaoru.
First Kaoru was little stiff. He hadn’t danced for long time.
But Die’s swinging body made him feel warm and Kaoru started to follow the beat.
Die is one of those people who are so easy to dance with. He makes eye contact, smiling trying to courage you to move more and then follows your movement.
The floor was suddenly crowded and Die moved closer. Kaoru smiled to him and earned a stunning smile him-self.

The beat got slower and Die kept getting closer. Their bodies moved at the same pace.
Die took his hand to his own and Kaoru couldn’t see his eyes because he lowered his head shyly. Die’s red hair smelled in Kaoru’s nose.
Then Die looked at him his eyes glimmering.
Kaoru didn’t know what to do. He just wished that music would never stop. That they could dance there like that forever.
Die rose Kaoru’s hand and put it towards his smooth cheek. It felt amazing. To touch him like that. Everything around them vanished and music did not sound so loud anymore. They were not dancing anymore. Die took his breath away and Kaoru just couldn’t take it anymore.

The kiss came as a surprise even to Kaoru and he backed off after a second. Kaoru saw Die’s big dark eyes looking at him in awe after a small peak like that.
First blonde felt ashamed of himself and panicked.
What did he just do? Oh shit. This wasn’t suppose to go like this. We always flirt but it doesn’t mean anything. Now, in few seconds, he had ruined the years of friendship.
Eyes wide opened he took steps backwards but Die didn’t let his hand go. They looked at each other and their eyes passed their unspoken words on.
‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Don’t be.’
‘I have to go. I feel so embarrassed.’
‘I don’t want you to leave me.’
Die looked at Kaoru’s serious eyes and decided to do as his senses right that moment told him to. He dragged Kaoru to his arms and burst to boy’s lips. Kaoru’s knees went weak.
It felt so right. Finally tasting his mouth. So soft… Just like Kaoru had dreamed it would be. Kaoru tickled Die’s lower lip and followed the line of his teeth.
Die’s hands rose to press Kaoru’s back just like that girl’s back a moment before. He pushed Kaoru towards him like his life would depend on it how close he could get the other.
Their kiss didn’t seem to break ever and Kaoru liked to keep it so.
They just stood there in the middle of people and kissed each other.

Suddenly Kaoru got himself loose from Die’s arms.
“No,” he said and he didn’t know why he said it.
“What do you mean?” Die asked slowly. Boys brown eyes were watching Kaoru closely.
“What have I done?” Kaoru whispered.
“You mean what WE have done. I was also here.”
Kaoru looked at Die’s eyes and felt himself confused.

Like in every relationship it felt like nothing was planned, things just happened.
So was this a good timing when you think that they were so fresh and their band was so fresh? Kaoru didn’t know how was about to produce their singles or where to record them. Hell, he wasn’t even sure if they could use their former training place for practise. Everything was definitely so unplanned in their band. If one could even call it a band yet.
So was he ready take his shot with his band mate? How would if affect on everyone else? And how about when they suddenly would start to go out when their former band had just broke up because of doubts concerning their relationship? Was Kaoru ready to take to his shoulders the problems of a relationship with the troubles of leading a band? Kaoru wasn’t so sure if he wanted to jump into as uncertain world like that.
And when doing anything at all Kaoru was very sharp with things. Starting a relationship with another human being was something important. It would have to be perfect. Nothing else would satisfy Kaoru or he would feel himself failed and not being enough.

Convincing him all the possible reasons not to do it with Die flashed through Kaoru’s eyes and it was like Die would have seen every single one of them.
He sighed and tried to approach Kaoru but he dodged.
“Come on Kaoru. Don’t be like this. I just got to kiss you. I’ve wanted to do it quite a long.”
“It doesn’t matter. If this causes more troubles than benefits than this isn’t happening.”
“You can’t control everything, Kaoru. Just once please do as your feelings tell you to.”
Kaoru shake his head.
“What if I feel like this only because Kisaki pointed that there could be something between us?”
“Kisaki?” Die said surprised. “He was so suspicious that he even thought that Toshiya was trying to steal Kyo to his band! Don’t think about his sayings.”

Kaoru left Die standing to the dance floor so fast that Die had to rush after him.
“Please Kaoru. We have to talk! I don’t want to leave things like this.” Die pleaded him.
When Kaoru turned to face redheaded boy whose arms had just made him feel so special Die saw his eyes were a bit wateary.
‘Did I made him cry? I’m never going to forgive myself if he now starts to cry,’ Die thought.
“Die… I’m so sorry but this is not going to work.”
“You’ve decided that already? You aren’t going to give us even a chance?”
“I…” Kaoru spluttered.
”You see now? You have to put yourself into every relationship. You may get hurted but you never know until you try,” Die explained.

His heart felt heavy. He talked and he didn’t know anymore what he was saying. Some kind of a urge made him continue.
Die realized it was this huge fear that forced him to try. Fear of loosing Kaoru. He didn’t want him to leave him now when they could be real. It felt like when you think there’s no more stairs and then there’s this last step that makes your whole stomach turn upside down.
Die took Kaoru’s hand between his own fingers and hold it carefully.
“Please Kaoru,” he asked.
Kaoru didn’t know what to do. Everything was mixed in his head into one big mess. He would have wanted to run away and scream.
But he staid. His hand in Die’s hand.
- 5
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- 7
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