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Don't deny your feelings	By : Shinya Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1743 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
DISCLAIMER: Dir en grey isn’t mine. And who the fuck would think that?! ^__^

A/N: Sorry… It’s been a long time of my next update! I haven’t got any inspiration. But now finally here is the next chapter. In this chapter isn’t Shinya and Die. I don’t know why but it is difficult to write of them now…

DON’T DENY YOUR FEELINGS

Chapter 6:

Kyo broke the kiss suddenly, looking at the bassist with eyes widened. The other man stared at him for a moment but soon Toshiya was blushing and turned his head down, muttering quietly: ”I am sorry, Kyo-kun. I shouldn’t have… I was a little stupid. I didn’t mean to…”

The vocalist was smiling shyly but the other was now shocked and shaking. ”Please don’t get angry. That wasn’t anything, I just… I am sorry. Please forget everything, okay? I hope this didn’t ruin our friendship or anything… Please forgive me!!”

Kyo raised an eyebrow and stared at the younger man, who was bright red now. And then the vocalist heard sniffing. His eyes widened in surprise and he understood that the other man was really crying.
”Toshiya?” He whispered carefully. ”Are you crying?!”
”I just… I just c-can’t pretend a-anymore!!” Toshiya answered sobbing loudly. ”I can’t! You hate me now but… I have wanted to kiss you for so many years! Please do not hate me… I want to be your friend. Don’t tell anyone! Please –”

Toshiya’s voice was cut of by Kyo’s lips. The singer kissed the bassist softly, broke the kiss then and stared at the other man shyly.
”Toshiya…” Kyo sighed, not looking at him. ”I don’t want to be your friend.”
”Wha-what?!” The bassist whispered, lips shaking. ”Do you hate me now? But why did you kiss me then?”
”I like you too, Totchi. I didn’t mean I don’t want to be near you anymore… I meant that maybe I want to be with you like this. Kiss and hug you and…”
”Do you mean that you love me?” the bassist muttered still sobbing. ”Or are you only teasing me? Please don’t play with my feelings. I… I love y-you…”
”You love me?” Kyo coughed. ”Really? Am I only dreaming this? I have to be dreaming.”
”You don’t feel the same way!” the younger man cried, jumping up from the couch. ”I knew it!! And now you propably laugh to me! Because I –”
”STOP, TOTCHI!” Kyo shouted quickly and pulled the bassist back to the couch. ”Of course I won’t laugh to you… Don’t cry. I love you too. I mean it. Really mean it.”

Kyo watched at the bassist straight into his eyes.
”Do you mean it with your whole heart?” the bassist still asked and the little man nodded. ”I love you…” he answered and kissed the other’s cheek shyly. ”The bassist watched the other finally in the eyes. ”Kyo-kun…” Toshiya whispered, came closer and hugged him tightly, before Kyo could say anything. ”I am so… happy. I was so sure you aren’t gay! I thought that you are a hetero. I have loved you since the Dir en grey was founded. I know it has been a long time… Eight years. I just couldn’t tell. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.. And I was so afraid of what others would say if they knew that I am in love with you. I was so scared that Kaoru would throw me out of the band… But now I can’t pretend anymore. I have been watching you for so long. Now finally… I want you. I want you to be mine… Please.”

Kyo didn’t quite understand this. Toshiya was REALLY in love with him… This couldn’t be true. He was dreaming of course. Soon he would wake up and then everything would be like always. He would never have Toshiya. Why would Toshiya want him, when he could have anyone he wanted…? Kyo was so short and ugly. Toshiya could not want him!

”But… I don’t understand!” Kyo muttered his head down. ”Why would you want someone like me? I am ugly and short and… You are sexy and perfect and you could have anyone you ever wanted! And still you are saying that you want me! ME?!”
”Kyo, you are not ugly at all!” Toshiya whispered, taking his hand on his own, stroking it gently. ”You are so cute… I know you don’t like to be called kawaii, but that’s just what you are. And yes, you are short, I can’t say that you were tall… But your size doesn’t matter to me. Many women are shorter than you and… few men too… I guess. Your height doesn’t bother me at all. I love you the way you are. Why else would I have loved you for eight long years?”

The singer didn’t raise his head. ”I almost killed myself.. I tried to make a suicide! I am sick… I am not a normal person! Anyone who tries to kill himself is –”
”But you didn’t kill yourself”, Toshiya said firmly. ”And you aren’t sick. Maybe a little too crazy and wild sometimes but… Not sick at all. And you will not have a chance to make a suicide anymore. I won’t let you even consider it… Please… Be with me. I love you so much..”

Now Kyo finally raised his head and eyed the bassist blushing a little, which wasn’t like him at all. ”I… want to be with you. But you don’t know everything about me. I.. have loved you many years too… And I am a pervert. Sometimes I have been watching you when.. you have been taking a shower after practice.. Oh god, you must hate me now!”
”You were watching me in a shower?!” Toshiya asked quietly, little smile creeping on his lips. ”Really…?”

”Yes”, Kyo answered and his head fell down again. ”And I… I was… masturbating. And many times when I have been sleeping, I have got an orgasm thinking about making love with you. I am sorry. This is so damn embarrassing.. And you hate me now, Totchi. I am not an innocent man. You don’t want a pervert like me, don’t you? But I.. I just had to tell you the truth…”
Kyo was waiting for a slap from Toshiya, he was so sure that the younger man would now hit him and yell to him.. Or maybe not hit, Toshiya didn’t like violence, but.. the younger man had a reason to get angry now.. He was a creep who masturbated while watching his bandmate in a shover!

Suddenly Toshiya started to speak. And he wasn’t sounding angry, not at all. ”Then I am a pervert too”, Toshiya said shyly. ”Do you know how many times I have masturbated thinking of you?! And even when we were sleeping in the same bed a couple days ago… But could you.. still be my lover? And now answer to me. I want to hear your final answer…”
”I… if you really want to be with me…” Kyo muttered. ””Well, okay then..”
”OH KYO!!” Toshiya screamed and pressed their lips together softly. ”I love you!!”

They shared a few romantic kisses together before Kyo started speaking again and Toshiya was listening. ”Toshiya…” Kyo started carefully. ”I wanted to make a suicide because… I thought you would never fall in love with someone like me. I would be dead already if you wouldn’t have come back.”

”Back? What? I didn’t even leave. You started to cry when I was just closing the door… I heard that you sobbed and so I came here. I knew that something was wrong, because you cried, ’cause you never cry. And why did you think I wouldn’t love you?! You are the most good looking man I have ever seen. And you have a pure heart…”
”Stop. You are making me cry again!” Kyo whispered. ”You are saying so beautiful things to me…”

”And you deserve every single word”, Toshiya sighed lovingly, holding Kyo’s hand softly.
”But.. Kyo.. Is it okay to you if.. I really do not want to hurry in our relationship? I… want to wait before we start to have sex… I am not ready yet and… I know I may seem like a slut because of the way I look and behave but… I don’t want this to be sex only. I love you…”
”I love you too, Totchi!” Kyo whispered and the bassist hugged him tightly.

TBC…

A/N: In next chapter will be Die and Shinya a lot. I promise! Review!!
- 5
- 6
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Don't deny your feelings