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Boku no Bara, Boku no Toge	By : RoxanneTheWeretiger Category: > Kyo/Shinya Views: 2054 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
Chapter 6

For the sake of simplicity /blah/ = thoughts thank you.

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+A week later+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

The elderly doctor came in examining Shinya’s chart. He looked up and smiled at man in the bed, “Well, it looks as if you can leave today, Terachi-san. Are you looking forward to getting some real food and not the junk we hospital workers seem to be trying to pass off as food?”

“Very much so, Doshi-sama,” Shinya replied with a slight smile. “I really must thank you for taking care of me. I’m not entirely sure what would have happened if the other doctor had remained the one in charge. I still have a hard time believing Totchi punched him.”

“You can believe it. You seem to recovering quiet nicely, physically at least. Everything else will come in time. Remember you have an appointment in two weeks and I expect you to be here,” Dr. Doshi said trying to look stern; the slight curl at the corners of his mouth, however, ruined the image.

“Of course Doshi-sama. I wouldn’t dream of missing it, not even for all the pistachio ice cream in the world.” Shinya teased back playfully. He had gotten to know the doctor very well in the course of a week. He and Tamae had been to only two allowed to care for him. Every time something happened to Shinya, Dr. Doshi had been the one called in. Shinya was grateful for that, he didn’t know if he would have been able to handle a different doctor every time he had a panic attack. He had had quite a few of those over the past week, which was one of the reasons it took so long for him to be released from the hospital.

“Kyo-san brought some clothes for to wear home. I think Tamae-chan put them in the closet by your bed. Do you want to get changed while I go and get everything set for you to go home?”

“It will be nice to get into some real clothes again and out of this ‘gown.’ Kyo told me I would have to live with him but do you know if it will his house or mine?”

“I’m not sure Terachi-san. Which would you prefer? I imagine it will be wherever you are most comfortable.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to go back to live in my own apartment. I’ve seen Kyo’s place, it’s not as bad as you would expect. At least he keeps it clean, which is more then I can say about a lot of people.”

“You will probably want to tell him that as soon as possible. He might assume that you want to go back to your apartment.”

“I’ll try, but I don’t want to disappoint him. I don’t think he wants me invading his space, and I have to have Miyu with me. Smuggling her into the hospital for a half an hour wasn’t enough time with her. I need to get better. No, I’ll suffer through my apartment, at least I won’t be alone; I think that might be enough… I hope.”

“Whatever you say Terachi-san, just don’t push your recovery too hard or you’ll start regressing. We don’t want that. You have come so far already, there is no reason to go to your own house if you’re not ready for it just yet.”

“I’ll think about it. I might tell him. I think I’ll get to my apartment before I decide, you know see how badly I react to it.”

“Alright, just remember while I do want to see you in two weeks, but I don’t want to see you before then because you had another panic attack so bad you need oxygen, again.”

“I’ll try to control it. And Kyo does help when he’s there, he makes me feel safe for some odd reason.” Dr. Doshi left smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~ Awhile later ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kyo popped into Shinya’s room, “Hey Shin-chan. How are you feeling today? Ready to go home?”

“Sure, Kyo lets go. I have everything right here.” He replied smiling tightly and gesturing to the bag beside him.

“Ok then, time to head out,” Kyo said cheerfully grabbing Shinya’s hand. They headed out to Die’s car. Kyo went around to the passenger side of the car and opened the door for the younger man. When Kyo started the car the radio started blasting causing Shinya to cover his ears quickly. Kyo turned the radio down a bit. “Anooo… Gomen. I didn’t realize the volume was up so high. I guess Die was right I do listen to music too loud if this is everyone’s reaction. Maybe I’ll blow his speakers that’ll teach him not to call me a short hyperactive deaf koneko-bishounen [1 and 2].” Seeing that Shinya gave him a what-the-fuck look he went on to explain. “Three nights ago Die went the bar and got drunk so I had to drive him home. As payment I took over the radio, station and volume, and he called me… well he called me that. He just better be glad I consider him family or he’d be missing a chunk of flesh.”

Shinya just shook his head and grinned the older mans antics. They sat in relative silence for a while until ‘Clever Sleazoid’ came on. Kyo glanced at the radio, “Hey this song sounds familiar.”

Shinya again looked at the other man, “It should sound familiar. You sing it, and have for a year. Remember in the pv you have chrome teeth.”

“Oh yeah. I liked those teeth but Kaoru said I couldn’t make them permanent. Something about them scaring small children, old ladies, and animals… not that I don’t do that anyway. All though I did have to be careful not to cut my gums… even then I did a couple of times. Do you think anyone noticed?”

“Well they might have but I doubt it. They were probably to busy trying to figure out what you were saying,” Shinya said grinning.

“What do you mean? My English isn’t that bad.” Shinya raised his eyebrows and look at the blond haired man again. Kyo actually listened the rest of the song. “Anoo… Ok maybe it is. But hey at least you can understand the Japanese.”

“Not really, even I forget there is Japanese in that song sometimes.”

Kyo waved one hand in a frustrated gesture, “Are all my songs like that?”

“No, just some of them. But then again I hear that’s a sign of a good metal song. Although I think you frustrate the American fans with your english. I’m sure they would like to understand what you’re saying enough to sing along. In one of my fan letters it said that until they read the lyrics in ‘IIID Empire’ they thought “spark and spark” was “fuck with me”.[3]”

“Maybe I should actually make a song that says “fuck with me” then they’ll think I said “spark and spark.” Yes my next song will have a chorus that is “fuck with me” lets see how many people with sing along with that.”

“Kyo, people sing along to ‘Embryo’ and ‘Mazohyst of Decadence’ why would “fuck with me” deter then from singing along? In fact how many do you think people will offer to let you fuck with them or ask to fuck with you?”

Kyo thought about this for a moment, “On second thought never mind. I think I’ll just stick with my normal lyrics.” Kyo took one last turn into the parking lot. “We’re here. Why don’t we go on up, ok?”

Shinya looked around noticing that they were indeed there. He was suddenly very tense. /Breathe in, breath out, breathe in, breathe out, and keep repeating this action. You can do this remember you won’t be alone. No one is going to hurt you. I refuse to have a panic attack now I simply refuse./

“Shin-chan, is something wrong?” the vocalist asked worried about how pale his friend had become.

The auburn haired man looked up, the panic in his eyes receding, “No, Kyo-kun, I’m fine. I’m just a little tired.” /Why are you lying to him? Doshi-san told you to tell him. He can’t help if he doesn’t know./

“If you say so Shin-chan. Why don’t we go on up to your apartment? We can figure out what to do from there.” Shinya nodded at this statement.

It didn’t take them long to get to climb the steps to Shinya’s floor. Kyo kept glancing over at the thin man; he was getting tenser and tenser the closer to the apartment he got. The shorter man moved closer to him in case something should happen. When they got to the drummer’s apartment, Kyo unlocked and opened the door. He heard someone breathing heavily and turned to look at the other. He noticed how pale and close to hyperventilating Shinya was. “Shin-chan? Shin-chan? Shinya, can you hear me?”

~~~~~~~~ Shinya’s POV~~~~~~~

When Kyo opened the door Shinya couldn’t help but remember that night. When he came home alone and in pain after what all those men did to him. He could still hear the leader calling him ‘sweetie’ as he took his virginity. He couldn’t breathe; he was suffocating. Why couldn’t he breathe? He was so dizzy. He was falling, any minute he would connect with the ground. Something grabbed him. /They found me. I knew they would. I have to fight them. I can’t let them do…that… again. But what if I can’t? What if they do? I have to get away. I just have to./ Shinya started struggling and lashing out with all his might. He connected with something. “OW! Shin-chan that was my nose. I know I have a nose bleed in ‘Ryoujoku no Ame’ but after all the teasing I got from Totchi I really don’t want to repeat the experience.” Shinya vaguely heard Kyo’s voice, but it was muffled and sounded far away, as if he was under water or wearing headphones. “Come on shin-chan breathe in, breath out. Good that’s right calm down.” /Kyo! I have to concentrate on his voice. It’s only Kyo. He won’t hurt me. Kyo good. Calm down it will be all right. Listen to the voice. Breathe in, breathe out./

~~~~~~ Kyo’s POV~~~~~

Kyo watched as Shinya struggled to breathe. /What can I do? I to get him to calm down but how?/ The taller man started to sway as if dizzy. When he started to fall the vocalist rushed forward to catch him. Just as Kyo closed his arms around the frail man he went completely limp for about a minute before he started struggling. His hand came up and popped Kyo in the nose. “OW! Shin-chan that was my nose. I know I have a nose bleed in ‘Ryoujoku no Ame’ but after all the teasing I got from Totchi I really don’t want to repeat the experience.” Shinya seemed to pause at this so Kyo continued on. “Come on shin-chan breathe in, breath out. Good that’s right calm down.” As the younger man calmed down Kyo laid him on the ground just outside his door and started to stroke his hair and hum ‘Ain’t Afraid to Die’. Two moves both Kyo and Tamae had found calmed the other man down.

~~~~~~~ Regular POV~~~~~~~

When calmed down enough to see he found himself lying on the floor outside his apartment. The next thing he noticed was Kyo stoking his hair and humming. “I had another panic attack, didn’t I.”

“Yes you did. Is there something you want to tell me, Shin-chan?” Kyo asked in a soothing voice.

“I thought I could but I can’t do it. I can’t live here anymore. Please don’t be mad at me. I know I should have told you sooner but I thought I could tough it out.”

“I’m not mad at you. In fact I kind of expected it. Come on lets get you a few essentials and then we can go to my house. Miyu is waiting for us there.” Kyo stood up and pulled the other man with him. They entered the apartment to gather only what they would need for a couple of weeks.

1. Kitten
2. Simply: pretty boy (I’m not sure what the exact translation is but that is what it basically means.)
3. This actually happened to Nin-sama and me. When I was singing along with it I said fuck with me… lets just say I got some odd looks from other people close enough to hear me in class… but not nearly as many as when I recite ‘Berry.’ I love reciting the song (in class it really fun to recite.)
“I’m sorry
I didn’t mean it
I’ll be good
I’m going to kill you
I’m going to blow your head off like raspberry jam.”

Isn’t that just the thing everyone should recite in class?

Gomen >.< it took so long. And the ending was kinda bad. I'll try to make it up to I really will. I just started college and I had writers block. I will try to get my next chapter out sooner. Gah, so how do you all like this chapter? I think it’s my longest one yet. Hey if any of you want to contact me for any reason (except to flame and scream at me for not reviewing) you can either e-mail me at kitsune_spyk@yahoo.com or yahoo message me kitsune_spyk. I would love to hear from you. And please don’t forget to review it fuels the creative fires and right now they are more like creative embers. Thank you so much for reading my humble fic and if any members of Dir en Grey are actually reading this (I doubt you are but just in case) I do like you and I’m sorry for being so mean to Shinya and Kyo please don’t kill me for calling you a short hyperactive deaf koneko-bishounen.

Anyway I better go before you all kill me rambling on in this section when I take so long to update. So yeah.

Ja Ne

Kitsune Spyk
Aka: Hana
- 5
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Boku no Bara, Boku no Toge