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(Promise to) Keep Your Heart Broken	By : ceeceebullet Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rasmus Views: 975 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rasmus. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Chapter 6

xx Skylar

"I…I can't be," I muttered.

"It's true," the doctor told me. "You're one hundred percent pregnant. Your body's been changing for awhile now and that's why you've been feeling different. I want to do an ultrasound and get the information correct so I can give you a proper due date," she told me as she instructed me to lie back on the bed. She pulled a large machine over to us and began getting the tools ready.
"This can't be happening," I sobbed as she pulled my shirt up revealing my still flat stomach. She put jelly on the tip of the device and pressed it firmly against my abdomen. I yelped as the coolness of it hit my skin.
"Sorry," she said. I nodded and looked at the screen in front of me. It meant nothing to me so I faced the other way. "It looks like you're about four weeks along," she said. "You said you're last period was about that right?" I nodded. "Then everything is checking out then."

When I left the doctors office I was still in shock. Here I was twenty-six years old, pregnant, and the other half of this horrible mistake was a galaxy away from me. When I sat in my car I was still in shock. I don't remember how I drove home without causing an accident. I felt numb. When I walked into my apartment and sat on my sofa, I broke down. It was too much finding out that I was pregnant and that I didn't have you there to experience it with me. You would never find out though, because I would never tell you. You needed to be free, you needed your space, and you needed to not worry about your actions. I wondered then how many women you had gotten pregnant before me; How many children that was on this earth belonged to you too. It was stupid of me to think like I was, but I had so many emotions running around inside of me I felt like I was going crazy.
I found out I was due in mid November. I was so scared. I had always feared I would become pregnant and forced to raise the child by myself. But as another month passed moving onto April, I began to get excited. I knew I would always have a part of you with me forever. But I was upset that my child would never know you. Maybe someday you would find out.
I remember watching you on TV. MTV did a nice interview with you guys. It was calming to hear your voice. I remember I turned the volume up on the TV and pressed my belly to the speaker.
"Take a listen sweetheart," I had said. "Because that's what you're Daddy sounds like. You're going to be half American and half Finnish," I told my unborn baby. It was then that I began talking to my stomach. I told stories to it, and I told stories about you so that when my baby was born it would know details about who you were. I wanted my child to know that I loved you very much. I also played your music every chance I could. At night I would put headphones on my stomach and play Dead Letters or Hide from the Sun because it lulled us both to sleep.
But I would cry myself to sleep every night after everything wishing that the coldness next to me could be warmed by your body. It often made me wonder if you ever thought about me.

xx Lauri

I thought about you constantly. I wondered what you were doing and if you had found love. I knew I couldn't be mad at you if you did because it was my fault that I had lost you. I had pushed you away to save my own feelings. But in reality they backfired because I was more miserable now than ever before. I kept myself as busy as I could to make myself forget you. But when night came you were there, haunting my every desires. Your passion was amazing and I could feel your love for me whenever I closed my eyes and focused on you.

You inspired me. You inspired me so much that I began writing phrases, words, and eventually I had a few new songs ready to be looked over by Eero, Pauli, and Aki.
"These are deep," Eero had said as he looked over my newly created piece. "I like it," and Pauli then snatched it out of his fingers to look it over.
"Yeah, it's good," he agreed.
"I feel a jam session coming on," I told them.
We worked well into the night on that song. It was amazing to hear it laied down. The chords, bass, and drums blended well and made it a haunting and chilling song. But it was a beautiful piece, one of the ones I'm most proud of to this day.
That morning after coming home from the jam session and semi-recording I opened my backpack looking for a good book to read to lull me to sleep. As I pulled the book out, a piece of paper fluttered to the floor. Picking it up, I scanned its content. It was your writing. It had been in my backpack for a month now. I opened it and began to read your message.

Lauri,

I can’t begin to tell you what you mean to me. Ever since I first saw you when I was researching you on the Internet you drew me in. But it was like I could tell you were in pain. You're heart hurt so badly – you'd been hurt just as much as I had in the game of love. I quickly became your fan, and I really dreamed that one day I would love you properly and that I'd make you see that I could take away the hurt and keep you safe. I wanted to protect you, love you, and maybe even be your wife as stupid as that sounds. There was just something about you and your eyes. You can't lie behind those eyes, Lauri. They tell too many stories.

I know I am only a fan and I knew this was going to hurt, but I wanted this so much. But I was a fool to believe that I could make you love me the way I love you. There are some things I guess we can't ever change. If I could, I'd take away your bad habit of smoking and drinking, and I'd love to see you as a family man. You'd make for a wonderful father and husband. I see you, Lauri. I see the real you under the hard exterior you show people. You gave me a glimpse of it last night. I am in love with the real Lauri Ylonen. But I wished you could be in love with the real Skylar Harding.

I'm giving you my phone, email, and home address. If you ever feel the need…you know I'll be waiting. I won't ever find anyone that I'll ever want to love as much as you, so I'll be waiting. If you don't call me by June then I'll know that you never cared about me. Until then…I'll always wait for you.

Love, Sky

I folded the letter closed and laid back against the headboard of my bed. I began to think. It was April now and I had a couple more months to go. I began to think of all the things I loved about you. I thought about your words in your note, about your kisses, about your smile, about your laugh, but most of all I thought about your love. There was only one thing I could do. I reached over and flipped open my cell phone. Dialing a number I waited as it rang twice before I got someone.
"Yeah…I need to get a plane ticket to Massachusetts," I said with anticipation.

I liked New England weather. I remember everyone saying, "If you don't like the weather…wait a minute." It was so true. It was still mildly chilly because of it being only April still.

I walked out of the airport and hailed a taxi. Giving the driver directions to the address you had given me; I sat back and began to enjoy Boston traffic. It seemed like forever until we finally made it to the suburbs of where you lived. I remember stepping out of the car and getting my belongings.
You lived in an apartment building so I beeped your number. The door buzzed and I quickly stepped inside the building. Climbing the stairs I found your apartment. Sucking in a breath I lifted my hand and knocked on your door. My heart leapt in my throat when you opened the door just a crack, the deadbolt still firmly in place.
"Lauri?" you asked.
"Can I come in?" I asked. You opened the door wider and smiled at me slightly.
"What are you doing here?" you asked holding a hand to your belly like a pregnant lady would do.
"I read your letter," I said and reached out for you.
That was all it took. I dropped my bags on the ground as you rushed toward me, jumping into my arms, wrapping your legs around my waist. I held onto you and wound my hand into your silky hair. Breathing in your ear I said, "I missed you."
"Lauri…I…" but I stopped you as I pressed my lips to yours in an intense kiss. "Lauri…Lauri…slow down," you said as I dropped you back to the ground. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you that I read your letter," I said. "It had everything I needed to know."
"I'm a fool," you said. "Come in," and you waved me into your small apartment. "It's not much, but its home," you said as you showed me around. "I don't have a spare bedroom. I don't normally have company."
"We can share your bed," I winked at you. You rolled your eyes.
"You've done enough damage Mr. Ylonen," you said tapping my nose playfully.
"And what damage is that?" I asked kidding with you. You grew quiet and proceeded to ask me if I wanted coffee. "That sounds nice," I answered you.
We sat and talked over coffee about stupid, unimportant things. You spoke briefly about your job that you hated. I would make sure that you would never go back there once I figured out in my head where I was going with you. I didn't like seeing you unhappy. While you showered I began looking at photos scattered around your home. On your fridge you had an ultrasound picture of what looked to be of a human fetus. I wondered if you were going to be an Auntie or something. When you came out of the shower, you noticed me looking at it.
"Are you going to be an Auntie or something?" I asked curiously. You didn't say anything for a few seconds. You just looked at me with an unreadable expression.
"No I'm not going to be an Auntie," you told me.
"Then what's a picture of a baby ultrasound doing on your fridge?" I asked. You hesitated for a few more minutes, making me anxious to hear some exciting news in your life.
"It's a picture of my baby," you said. I gasped. You had been with another man while I had been out of your life. But pregnant so fast? I didn't think one could tell so soon.
"You're going to be a mother?" I asked and you nodded. "Congrats. Who's the lucky guy?" I asked. I was so hurt, Sky. So hurt that another man had touched and felt you the way I had. It made me seethe on the inside. And it made me jealous. You hesitated again before answering me.
You walked over to me, and placed your hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes. There was happiness and anxiety in them. Rubbing my cheek tenderly you gave me my answer. "You're the lucky guy," you said and waited for my reply.
"What?" I asked. "Are…are you serious?"
"Very serious," you said. "I haven't had anyone touch me since I left you."
"Is it really true?" I said in shock.
"Yes Lauri it's true," you said. "I'm due November 17th," you told me. "I would never lie to you about something as life altering as this is," you continued. "Believe me I was in shock when the doctor told me. It was the last thing I was expecting. But now, I'm happy and I know that no matter what, I'll always have a piece of you."
"I'm going to be a father," I rambled on. I was beyond shock. After it hit me, I began to get excited. And the first thing that popped into my mind was that I had to do the proper thing and marry you right away. "Sky…marry me," I said.
"What?" you asked.
"Marry me," I repeated.
"I can't Lauri," you said. "I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant. That's no good reason. I only want to get married when it’s the right time and when the person I'm with loves me."
"But I do love you," I said.
"Prove it," you said.
"How?" I asked.
"I don't have to explain it to you," you said. "People show their love in different ways, small ways. You don't have to go out and buy things, but it's just the little things that count," you explained.
"I still think we should get married," I said.
"I don't," you said. I looked at you with confusion. "You're in the moment. You need to look ahead. I promised myself when I got married that was that. I am going to be in the marriage for life. If you marry me Lauri, you're stuck with me. I need to know that the person I spend my life with really loves me too."
You got me thinking. And I would wait. But I would make you my wife. It would fall into place and I would wait until the perfect moment. In the meantime, I wanted to take you back to Finland to meet my family. They had a right to know I was extending our family. I just hoped they accepted the fact that you were American. For the most part, my family was extremely nice and accepting.
I hoped your family accepted me as well.
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(Promise to) Keep Your Heart Broken