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My Asrun Star	By : nanashiamai Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Vitas Bumac Views: 820 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know Vitas Bumac. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Author's Note: well, here comes the lime. be ready for it.

so i noticed in my previous chapters that i'm retarded and spelled "mechty wrong". so just for future reference, its mechty, not mechny. that is all.

Chapter 6: Mechty (In Dreams)

In the room two doors down, Vitas found himself seated on the bed with a frighteningly inquisitive Nadia breathing down his back. The female was perched on the bed beside him, her dark eyes boring into his face ever with a question on it, though the answer seemed to evade her. “What the hell is going on, V?”

“Nothing,” he answered, turning to look her in the eye. His hazel eyes were honest, though there was something else under all this and she knew it to be hidden somewhere between the surface. “Just because I’m here doesn’t mean something is going on.”

“Oh really? Then explain to me who was with me back at the airport, because that guy wasn’t the V I know…” The dark female wasn’t going to let this slide so easily, and Vitas knew it, though he was always glad for her company, it was hard to admit what was passing through his mind.

“I just wanted to see him again,” he spoke finally, turning back to look at his hands and feeling very awkward about it. “I’m sure that sounds ridiculous…but there’s something about him…I don’t know…he fascinates me.”

“Clearly you fascinate him too,” she replied, watching her friend closely and surveying his form. He was curling up inwardly as though ashamed of what might be passing through his mind. She had her guesses as to what that shame might be stemming from, but she wasn’t about to accuse her friend of what it was; now was not to the time. “Watching you two was a trip.”

Vitas shrugged and kept his eyes on his hands. “I can’t imagine we’re that entertaining.”

“You downplay yourself,” she replied and scooted closer to him, placing her hand on his leg. “Hey…if there was something going on in that head of yours you’d tell me, right?”

“Of course…” he replied vaguely, surveying his hands, taking in every detail to keep himself from looking at her for too long. Looking into his eyes only made him want to be more honest with her. And being such was impossible when he wasn’t sure himself. “As soon as I figure out what exactly it is, I’ll tell you.”

Nadia sighed and pulled her hand away, her eyes remaining on his face. “I hate to break it to you, V, but I think I already figured it out for you.” He met her eyes with a blank expression, but she shook her head. “If you don’t know…then you’re hiding it from yourself.” She then stood up to leave the room, but only got so far before she felt him grasp her wrist and hold her there. Turning, she looked at him and his lonely expression.

“Don’t go…I just…” He let go of her wrist and stood up, approaching her. “I just…I want her back. But I don’t. And…I don’t know.”

The female watched him with an unreadable expression, but finally she succumbed and sat down beside him, putting her hand on him once more. “Its been five months…I shouldn’t be sitting shiva with you anymore.” But behind the words was a friendly tone that spoke volumes to him. It said I’m here. I care. And I’ll be here if you need me. All he needed was the strength to be honest with himself.

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Ebbing, flowing, they rose and fell like waves on a silent sea. The moonlight was glimmering through the window onto the pale, slender bodies that moved in time with the soft cries of their lungs. A broken gasp escaped the lips of the Japanese male, who found himself for the first time in a submissive position, and yet did not fight the domination that was forced upon him by the slightly larger male. Moaning, sighing he felt the other press himself deeper into him, the pleasurable tremor building from his very core. His delicate hands explored the smooth, pale back of his lover, tracing the musculature gently with his fingernails, feeling them tighten and release with each subsequent thrust.

As his hands traced their way down the spine, his lover shivered under the velvet touch, a deep moan escaping his beautifully formed lips. The Japanese male was drawn to those beautiful lips just as he was to the climax the pair was so close to achieving. Wrapping his hands around the slender neck, he pulled himself up to place his lips against those beautiful ones that entranced him, drawing his lover into a passionate kiss. Their tongues mingled for a moment only before they tore apart, gasping for breath. They were closer now, so close that the smaller male could feel the pressure building within him. His lover began to increase his pace, the audible cries echoing in the otherwise empty room. The smaller male once again found his hands tracing his lover’s back, feeling the muscles down until his hands finally rested on the hips, grasping there and fisting as he fought to reach his limit before his lover. Pulling his lover closer, deeper into him, the pair’s raked, broken gasps volleyed off the night air, and with a frenzied cry his lover climaxed, sending them both to a state of ecstasy, if only for a moment. Then, panting, they gazed into each other’s eyes, hazel meeting Prussian blue. The smaller studied that mouth that he longed to kiss, longed to see broken in the throws of passion. It was the same mouth that entranced him with its ability to convey the truest joy, the deepest sadness. From this same mouth, the most beautiful music had issued, and now it had breathed silently his name. “Gackt…”

“Ai…aishiteru…Vitasu…”

Panting, Gackt sat up in his sleep, his body hot and tired, his pleasure clear in the wetness of the sheets. “Oh shit,” he cursed, his hands fisting the sheets and tearing them back, his naked body glistening with beads of sweat. He couldn’t believe it. That dream had been too real, too incredible, too…enjoyable. “Oh shit shit shit shit shit shit! I did not just dream that fucking dream!”

The Japanese male stood up and tore the sheets from the bed, wiping himself off before casting the sheets on the floor in a heap. That dream did not just happen. He did not just enjoy that.

Making his way to the bathroom, Gackt turned on the shower; lukewarm water sprayed from the shower head, and he stepped in before the water adjusted to a more comfortable temperature. He wanted to wash away his night fantasy. He wanted to wash away that dream and completely purge it from his mind.

How could he possibly have gone this far? He had spent the day thinking about Kami, mourning for Kami, missing Kami, loving only Kami. When had his mind decided to desire the Russian? When had that even been an option? He wasn’t even attracted to the male, was he?

As the cool water rushed over his body, it soothed him and at the same time shocked him to wakefulness. “Fuck,” he muttered as he ran his fingers through his now wet hair, the water warming steadily as it ran over his trembling body. “Fuck.”

Not only had the dream placed him in a sexual relationship with a male that he had, until that moment, thought he only respected on a professional level, but it had also placed him in a position of weakness, the uke. What was even more shocking was that he didn’t oppose it. In his mind, he felt like he was betraying Kami’s memory simply because of his mislead thoughts, and as the water washed over him, washed away his sin, washed away his stain, he felt worse and worse about the dream.

He felt worse because he enjoyed it.

“Gomen nasai, Kami-sama,” he whispered as he leaned his bare back against the tile wall of the shower stall, tears forming in his eyes and mixing with the water. He felt so dirty that it was hard to forgive himself, and as lyrics formed themselves in his mind, he slid down the wall until he was sitting on the shower floor, sobs beginning to shake his body violently. “Gomen nasai…gomen…”

As he tried to soothe himself with the warm water running down his back, his thoughts returned to the intriguing Russian. The image of his warm body covered in sweat, his mouth gasping as their souls mingled…how could he possibly relate to him now? “My mind…how could that possibly have come out of my mind?”

“It couldn’t have come out if there weren’t feelings there,” that rational part of himself responded, throwing his desperation into a deeper sense of worthlessness.

“I feel nothing. Its how I’ve survived,” he replied to himself, his eyes open in slits as he stared at the shower wall, trying to block the truth he was trying to tell himself.

“That’s a lie and you know it,” his emotionless self spoke evenly, each word clear and ringing for an eternity off the tile walls. “You do feel…but you think if you hide it, it’s the same as not feeling. Unfortunately you are human like everyone else.”

The sobs overtook him once more and he buried his head in his hands, his body so enclosed upon itself that he seemed to disappear entirely within himself. He was so lost and so frustrated by the thoughts that plagued him that he felt lost.

In the next room, Hyde was sitting at the bedside table in his own room, a sheet of paper before him as he had spent a good deal of the night writing feverishly. For the moment, however, he sat silently with his eyes on the wall that separated him from Gackt, as the cries that had been coming from him of late were disconcerting, to say the least.

He was positive he heard crying amidst a chorus of I’m sorry’s and Kami-sama’s. He didn’t really listen for what was being said, but he could hear the running of the water and knew that his friend must have been soaking himself in the shower, hoping the water might rid him of his pain. Hyde kept his ear focused on the sound of the running water, wanting to be there for him when he needed it. He had been having difficultly sleeping because of what he’d said to his companion, but now the danger had taken its toll and he could hear the outcome of his words working themselves through his friend. Gackt was mourning again.

Hyde knew that the male hadn’t mourned enough when he lost Kami. He had hidden the pain beneath a frozen exterior, only causing more hurt as he suppressed the feelings he didn’t want to express. He needed to mourn, but it felt wrong even now, as Hyde thought he was the cause of it.

As the sobs faded, he heard the characteristic sound of the water being shut off, and catching his cue, the male got to his feet and made his way to the door. Stepping into the hall, he glanced briefly at the door to his right that belonged to the Russian. Voices, too, seemed to be stemming from there since early in the evening; the dark female who had come with him on the plane had gone in shortly after their arrival at the hotel, and apparently hadn’t left, as their conversation had made its way into the night. Hyde was unable to understand the words that passed between them, as he wasn’t fluent in Russian tongue like his friend, but he could tell by the tones that filled the female’s voice that his wasn’t the only suffering friend in the area. He paused and stared at the door for only a moment before turning to his left and knocking on the door.

Inside, Gackt jerked at the sound of knuckles on the door. He was afraid to see who might be on the other side, but wrapping a towel loosely around his slender waist, he approached the door slowly and peered through the small peephole in the door. He recognized Hyde and opened the door, standing in the doorway and looking rather weathered from his expression. “You heard me, didn’t you?” Hyde didn’t get a chance to answer before Gackt muttered “God Damnit,” and stepped into the hall, closing the door behind him.

“Are you okay?” Hyde asked as he looked him over, taking in his tired eyes and blank expression. Though the musician was trying his best to hide it, his friend could easily see his mental unrest. He had grown so used to trying to read Gackt and his many fronts that this one was like a road sign that pointed to his mind.

“Do you think I’m fine?” Gackt replied through gritted teeth, hiding his sadness under a front of anger. “I just had a fucking dream where I…” His voice dropped off when he realized just what he was saying, and he turned around and opened the door to his room, stepping in and leaving the door ajar for Hyde to follow him. His companion followed the unspoken command and stepped through the threshold, closing the door behind him. “God…I hate my mind. I hate my fucking mind.”

Hyde came behind Gackt and stood there, watching as the male paced the room. He was mumbling in his own language which Hyde had yet to master, and as he watched him he felt a guilt rise up in him. “This is all my fault.”

Turning on him, Gackt suddenly became quite feverish and glared daggers into his friend’s face. “Yes it is! I hadn’t even thought of fucking him ‘til you fucking mentioned it!”

If Hyde had been expecting Gackt to say something, that definitely wasn’t it. His thoughts hadn’t even been on his accusations of his friend’s relationship with the Russian. Was that what was bothering Gackt then? His eyes widening, he reached forward and caught Gackt by the shoulders, stopping him from pacing more and holding him firmly. “Now wait a minute…what happened?”

Gackt sighed deeply, trying to contain himself and locked eyes with his friend, a deep rage hidden behind the irises, which for the first time were their natural colour – ebony. “I had a fucking wet dream about the fucking Russian!”

After he spoke the words he covered his face with his hands and tried to suppress his shame. He couldn’t stand it and he turned his back on Hyde, hiding his frustration and his tears. Hyde was stunned into silence and simply stared at his companions back, now knowing what to say to ease his pain. All he could do was stand by in silence, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do.

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As morning began to twinge the earth with the soft rosy hue of sunrise, Vitas stood by the window, watching the horizon with his mind wandering. Nadia had been unable to keep consciousness the whole night and he’d lost her somewhere between talking about how he could repair his relationship with Svetlana and his confession that he cared for the Japanese male more than he wanted to admit. She had missed that part, and at the moment he was partially thankful for that. He hadn’t been thinking straight that evening; it was nearly 3 in the morning when the words had escaped his lips, and any revelation had in that state of wakefulness and dreams were not worth sharing. It is all because of your eyes, poison in one of them, a tear in the other, I've brought you flowers…Or are these only dreams? Yes, these are dreams...

Turning to the female who lay sleeping on the second bed in the room, he watched for a moment before coming beside her and sitting on the side of the bed, glancing over her sleeping form. It was unfortunate for him that the two of them could be such good friends and yet not lovers. No, he couldn’t even imagine that, and he erased the thought completely as he roused her. “Nadia…we have a show to start preparing for.”

Stirring, she rolled over to face him, her dark hair disheveled and her eyes barely open. When they focused on his face, she looked slightly more cognoscente and smiled. “Did I fall asleep in here?”

“Unfortunately…I’m sorry. I should have brought you back to your own room.” He didn’t look terribly tired, though Nadia was positive he had stayed up the entirety of the night. It was a very typical thing for him to do when he was wrestling with himself like he had been, and she doubted the situation would improve from there. She did shake her head though and forced herself to sit up, pulling at her day-old clothes in an attempt to make herself feel more presentable.

“No, don’t worry about it. You needed a friend, I don’t mind…really.” Then she stood up and stretched, walking across the room and looking at herself in the mirror. “What time do we have to leave?”

“You have about an hour to get ready,” he replied nonspecifically and stood up, taking her by the arm and leading her to the door. “I figured it would take you a while since your female.”

“Very funny,” she joshed, following him and allowing him to open the door for her. She stepped out into the hall in a dazed sort of wakefulness, but he didn’t abandon her and held her arm all the way to her room. She wanted to pull away but she knew if she did she would probably lose her balance. “You can let go when we get to my room, you know. I don’t need any help in there.”

He rolled his eyes as they reached the door, and slowly turned the doorknob, holding the door open for her. She slipped inside steadily, and for a moment he stood outside the door, staring at the wood door before finally turning to return to his room. It was then that he noticed he was not alone. Gackt was standing just outside his room, watching him silently with a tired, emotionless expression crossing his pale, beautiful face. “Hi…”

“Rough night?” the Japanese male asked quietly, gesturing in the direction of the door Vitas was standing beside. He was insinuating something about the female, clearly, and Vitas shook his head.

“Hell no…she’s more of a sister than anything,” he answered and walked over to where Gackt was standing, meeting him in front of his room. “Are you kidding? I haven’t been with anyone since Svetlana left me.” The thought seemed absurd to him, though he didn’t voice that to his companion, as it was likely the Japanese male would have no idea what he was talking about.

“Mm,” he murmured in response and stood there in silence, his door ajar and the two standing across from each other with a new awkwardness between them. Vitas couldn’t quite put a finger on it, but something had changed in his friend, and he didn’t know whether there was anything that could be done to fix it.

“Are we just going to stand here, or do you want to sit down and talk for a while in my room?” he offered, taking a step toward his room and keeping his eyes on the Asian male’s face. His eyes were a deep black – his natural colour, Vitas assumed, and much more natural on him than the contacts he wore so often.

Gackt bristled at the offer, but tried to steady himself at the realization that there was nothing implied by the statement. After all, the Russian had no idea what had passed through his thoughts that night. He was completely naïve to it all, and it only made Gackt feel all the more awkward. With the way Vitas was looking at him, though, he couldn’t fight it and shook his head. “That’s stupid…my room is right here. Come in.”

Vitas was glad Gackt offered and followed him into his room, crossing the floor to the table and sitting in one of the two chairs that adorned its sides. Gackt walked about the room a bit, picking up stray articles of clothing, sheets, and piled them all before gathering them together and casting them into the bathroom. The Russian’s eyes scanned the room, in quite a sorry state, but he refrained from saying something about it until Gackt joined him at the table. “How about you?”

“Me what?”

Vitas nodded towards the bed that was more like a naked mattress, stripped of all its coverings. “Rough night?”

“You have no fucking idea,” the Japanese male breathed, at once becoming reserved and refusing to look at Vitas. The Russian picked up on his discomfort and directed his eyes elsewhere.

“Sorry,” he replied and instead rested his eyes on the window. “Mine wasn’t so grand either. I didn’t sleep at all.”

“I slept more than I should have,” Gackt broke in and stood up, starting to pace about the room as though he wasn’t sure what to do with himself in the other’s presence.

“What happened?” Vitas pressed, curious what could have pushed the overconfident, cocky male over the edge. However, when Gackt wheeled around and met his eyes dangerously, he decided it was best to let it lie. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to tell me.”

“Lets just not talk about it, okay?” Gackt stopped in his tracks and took in several calming breaths before sitting across from his companion once more, trying to look more composed. “Besides…I don’t think a naïve boy like you could handle hearing it.” The mischief had returned to his eyes, and although Vitas could tell that it was a front, he didn’t fight it and instead smiled lightly, shaking his head.

“You’re incredible.”

“I know…"
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