I Hate How Much I Love You | By : YoshikiLove Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > X Japan Views: 1870 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of XJapan. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I do not own X Japan, any of it's members, and I do not claim that this is all real events. Oh, and I make no profit.
~~~~Yoshiki~~~~
It was a lump in his throat, or so most would say. It didn't feel like that though. It was as if all the hurt and formed into a ball, a ball of twisting vile feelings, that threatened to tear his heart into pieces. So it ran away, lifting until it was just stuck there, choking his words... Tightening around his air supply, and making his entire chest hurt. Like a searing mark had slithered up his ribcage...
The tears filled his eyes, and those seemed to burn as well. Had some acid risen in him with this unimaginable sorrow? Had the pain in his heart turned into a beast? A thick oily heat that stole away everything... These acrid tears... made everything blurry, and hazy almost as if he were trying to look through frosted glass... but they were so wet... just... dripping down his face... Coating his collar in the proof of overwhelming sadness.
Why was he even crying? He'd left hide, standing as perfect as normal... Back straight, fluid movements. He'd walked down the hall, said hello to a passing fellow guest in the usual polite tone. The door to his room had clicked as it slid open... and clicked again as it had shut, but then he'd felt weak... Normally strong legs just collapsed.
His knees, still slightly bruised from practice had sent splintering pains up his legs when he landed on them, and that large brown door had sounded with a thud as his shoulder slammed into it... and right there behind the door... where no one could see or hear...
He sobbed... and sobbed... and the tears wouldn't stop... His great raking breaths burned trying to slip through the cracks of the twisting demon in his throat. Why was he even crying?
Because...
~~~hide~~~
The sun felt too fucking bright... and he couldn't even see it yet! Fuuuck, he'd been drunk last night. What the hell had he done? Hell if he knew. Slowly he opened his eyes, wincing when that fucking light touched them. When he went to do his morning check though... he was.... NAKED!? WHY THE HELL WAS HE NAKED!? Ewww had he been drunk and slept with someone who took his clothes off?
He could have sworn he'd seen Yo though... Probably just a good dream haha "beautiful'... HAH! Like Yo would call him that! The pain from the hangover seemed worse. It was only when he'd been getting dressed, pulling on a nice old worn kiss shirt, that he remembered the cut. This was fucking bullshit. Everything bad always seemed to happen at the same time. What was up with that shit?
He wanted to go and get a nice healing glass of vodka. Nothing fixed a hangover as good as more liquor, which he'd learned ages ago. After lightly pulling a hat on his head, and slipping on a dark pair of shades, he was ready to go. But the second he stepped outside of his door, his unlaced booted feet crunched on something. hide's dark chocolate eyes widened into saucers behind his glasses.
If this was a cartoon, they'd have shot out his skull, and the lenses would have popped out of his sexy shades... Funny as a kid, but kinda gross now that he thought about it...
The entire floor was coated in fucking... everything! The pictures that had hung here and there on the walls were long gone, broken up and tossed every which way all down the hall, and that fancy looking gold wallpaper was ripped up in places... Glass and food were all over the floor... whoaaaaaaaah!
Where was one to go in case of a big huge disaster? Hah! Like that even deserved to be a question. Without a second thought he started his... Journey beyond the wreckage... Really he just hopped on glass, and jumped over nicknacks and broken wood thingys... and maybe ripped a little extra paper here and there, and before he knew it, he was at the great end of the journey... Yoshiki's room. Yo fixed everything. It was just the way it was. Get really drunk and wake up to a crazy messed up hotel? Get Yo. It was the law of the universe.
Considering it was the law of the universe and all, he wasn't that surprised when he opened the door, just to see Taiji and Toshi standing by Yo's bed. The more surprising part was that his room was even more fucked up than the hall... Yo-chan on the other hand looked a bit er... frazzled, not that it was that surprising with all this junk. He was pacing back and forth, his long hair loosely tied at his neck. That little pace path being the only part of the floor not filled up with shit.
"Oh hey it's you!", Taiji was grinning widely, a hand on top of his rich purple hat. "If you're expecting Taisho to fix this, you're out of luck."
hide just blinked, not that anyone could see it. It was pretty rare lately to hear Yo's nickname, but he took it in stride, cool and collected with his response....
"Taaaaiiiiishoooooooo.... Uh wait, why?", maybe a little more :Taisho meeeeeep: than he'd intended, but he still had sounded pretty cool until he heard the rest of what Taiji said.
Yo just ignored the two chattering men, pacing away as they yelled over him. He wasn't much for conversation when he was at his breaking point. Probably super pissed at whoever did it. Since he hadn't been chucked out the window though, it probably wasn't him, which was a good thing by all means. Taiji just grinned even wider, sweeping his hand in front of his face in that rough rougish manner he had.
"Cause he did it!"
"..........."
He was in shock. Sure Yo had had some major temper tantrums before... He'd once gotten so pissed at recording, he'd stormed out of the studio and gotten in his car... He'd burnt out, making smoke go EVERYWHERE! Then he'd come back a few hours later, with his sunglasses on, and demanded we work all night. No one had dared to argue... but this!? This was just crazy! hide wasn't sure what exactly he'd been expecting, but THIS wasn't it.
"Taiji, this is very serious...", it was the first time Toshi had spoken. His calm voice worked like a balm, instantly calming down. Toshi might not be the hardcore leader, but he had a very normal soothing effect on the two rowdy men. "This mig-"
"This will look bad for X!!!!!", Yoshiki suddenly screamed darkly. He spun around, looking straight at Toshi. hide and Taiji almost flinched, sure he lost his cool often but whoah... "We'll fix this!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
"Yoshiki... I spoke to the manager, the crew can't replace all of this damage in one day. It's a weeks worth... we're having enough trouble keeping the employes out", Toshi spoke calmly, reaching out and patting Yo's lower back. It almost made him bristle... This was the reason Yo had done it, right!? Toshi! He felt anger dancing around his thoughts...
"I... I can fix this! I CAN FUCKING FIX IT IF I WANT TO!!!!"
It was in the heated silence! In that sharp hot anger! THE SEARING RAGE!... Sparks in the air, and all that tense stuff... You could seeeee Yo's blood boiling beneath his icy pale skin! THAT IS WHEN.... Pata opened the door... The rhythm guitarist looked inside, and at one glance... He went to leave.
"HEY HEY HEY! NO LEAVING US IN HERE!!!", hide barked out.. well... maybe more whined out, but he was feeling pretty barkish. He grabbed Pata's sleeve and dragged him inside. Just like usual, he looked pretty tired, his long hair down, and the light smell of Jack coating him.
"I'm guessing I'm late for the meeting then?", Pata said softly, lightly scratching the back of his head as he pulled the door closed behind him.
"There was a meeting?", Taiji and hide spoke at the same time.
"SHUT UP!!!!", All three instantly lost the slightly cheery mood once Yoshiki yelled.
hide adjusted his hat a bit before leaning in, and cupping his hand over the sleepy looking newcomers ear. It only took a few loud whispers into before he knew what was going on. What were they supposed to do? This was pretty serious... I mean he didn't have the panic Yo seemed to have, but something like this wasn't good? At least he guessed not... It was Pata who spoke up.
"Lets just say we all did it"
Yo didn't say much, just walked over to the mini bar. He grabbed a cheese knife off the top of it and walked back, handing it to Toshi. Everyone's jaws dropped when he pulled back his sleeves, holding out his hands.
"Cut my wrists, cut my legs"
"AHHHHHH!!!!!", It was a collection of everyone, except maybe Pata who leapt into action, dragging Yoshiki through the glass and away from that knife! By Toshi's horrified expression, and the way, he dropped the knife like it was molten hot it was highly doubtful that he'd have ever done it, but it looked like Yo was at his breaking point.
"No no, I mean we could make it look like a publicity stunt.", Pata kept speaking calmly as he pulled a bit on his sleeves, making his rumpled clothes straighten a bit. "X... Greatest Rock band in Japan goes wild and trashes the hotel in a wild celebration... You know"
Yo just looked dazed, but he still wrenched his arms away from Taiji and hide. No one could tell what he thought from that blank expression... He just stared away at the floor. After what seemed like forever, he glanced up from the floor, nodding slowly.
Because... I....
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