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The Voice of a Prophet	By : FilthyWarumono Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 2756 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Dir en grey are real people and I do not know them. Simply expressing creativity and curiosity in a work of fiction. I am not making any profit from anything I do.

Chapter List
- 1-PROLOGUE
- 2-SETSUNA
- 3-SILVER COIN
- 4-MISSA
- 5-GARDEN
- 6-ZANGEKI NO YORU
- 7-JEALOUS
- 8-PROPHET
- 9-GAUZE
- 10-YUME
- 11-COURAGE
- 12-CAGE
- 13-CHARMING
- 14-TOMODACHI
- 15-SCARLET
- 16-MYAKU
- 17-OSAKA JO
- 18-HIMITSU
- 19-A KNOT
- 20-MACABRE
- 21-SHOWTIME
- 22-SHINJITSU
- 23-AKUMU
- 5
- 6
- 7
THE VOICE OF A PROPHET
Chapter Five
ZANGEKI NO YORU
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"Are you sure you want to do it like that, Kyo-san?"
Lifting a gloved hand to brush a strand of flyaway black-again hair from my dark eyes, I nodded my head. The rest of the band was already positioned behind me, instruments ready. We were making another music video. This time though I hadn't wanted to be pretty - I wanted to hurt. Exchanging a few worried glances with the rest of the camera tech, they moved in to me.
I don't know where I got this wild idea from. It could have possibly be the sudden depression I felt myself surrounded in every day. It could have been wanting to wow our audiences with something new, something dangerous, something original. Or it could have been me, wanting to show that I wasn't afraid of pain. To show that I always hurt, and it wasn't fake. Feeling the rope secured around my wrists, making sure not to entangle the shredded cuffs of my white button down with it, they knotted my hands together. I heard Kaoru mutter something behind me, but it went unnoticed. He probably was just talking to Toshiya anyway, per usual. Moving then to my booted feet, I felt the rope slip around my ankles. I shot a quick, lifeless glance behind me, catching Die's gaze briefly as he watched me in wonder. No need to worry. I wouldn't seriously hurt myself. I was surrounded by a bunch of people that wouldn't allow for that anyway. Feeling my tiny form being scooped up in several careful holds, they began pulling on the rope, which they had looped through a rafter in the ceiling.
Maybe I really was insane.
I felt my feet being dragged out from under me, loosing all balance. I was completely in their hands now. A tiny, anxious gasp left my ebony lips, enjoying the thrill of not being in control. As the rope lifted higher and higher, I slowly tipped into an upside down position. I was hanging myself by my feet. One by one the helpful hands peeled away from me, and left me to sway slightly, alone and suspended, supported by a single rope. I struggled a bit, my body's way of telling me it wasn't happy with all of the blood rushing to my brain. I had no use of any of my limbs though, they were all bound together. I really was stuck.
I smirked.
I couldn't see the rest of my band member’s reactions to my crazy idea. There wasn't a lot of time for pondering it though, because the crew didn't want me to be upside down for too long. Before the cameras were turned on, I motioned with my head to get one of the techies attention. He seemed frightened as he headed over wide-eyed. I'm pretty sure he thought something was wrong and I was going to beg to be let down again. Instead, I flashed him a devious upside-down grin.
"Push me."
With an absurd look, he gently reached out and gave me a subtle push, sending me swaying slowly back and forth now. Perfect. I heard the music start up, and everyone began their usual routine of faking the music as the camera's flashed on. Mouthing my own lyrics, I lost myself in false emotion.
"My drifting in the street... a girl who appeared, being caught me on the eyes." Raising my bonded hands to my bandaged head, I shook the hair out of my face, putting on a mask of insanity. "Found myself taking you to somewhere we should go. Joyfully... very attracting... and playing against the will of time as you were. Soon tears trickled down one's cheek. Excess of your charm brought an inexhaustible hate for me... which forced my hand to strangulate you forcefully."
This video was very different from our last one. Where as last time we were set in a beautiful backdrop in gorgeous costumes, this video was flashy, shakily filmed, and there was lots of blood. False of course, running down the walls slowly and leaving crimson splatter marks in it's wake. I struggled some more as I hung there as if I was trying to get free, hands bending to claw at any part of me they could reach. "At you, of forcedness... again and again, 'tis my hand that was striking." My vulgar lyrics were much different than past songs where I sang about impossible love. I had changed. "In your flower garden... seeding... the buds wait ready, never be in its bloom." I thrashed slightly then as I swayed, gasping a bit as I writhed against the hold. I really was stuck - and I loved it. I could feel the worried eyes of the tech crew upon me, but if I really was in danger, I could easily say something to let them know. So they left me to rot, as I wished. "My arms cut up, blood running off, by me. My blood washed yours, tears flowed over. Then I put your body into refrigerator... and themselves under the ground deep down." I took another sharp intake of air as I began to toss myself about, a tiny wail leaving me. Still the camera crew did nothing, but that didn't mean they weren't watching me like nothing in this world. In the back of my mind somewhere I wondered if he was as worried as they were, or if he just saw it as a new thing for his music videos and left me to hurt. I don't think I would ever know.
I felt the room spin for a moment before everything started to get blurry, and as I felt my eyes begin to close, the music stopped. I panted for air, my wriggling having ceased a while ago. Now I was simply hanging, swaying lightly back and forth. I muttered something incoherently then, but I don't remember what I was whining about. Soon I felt myself being lowered once more and those hands wrapping around me again, holding me until my feet resumed resting on the floor. It didn't register in my head yet to actually stand though, so I allowed for myself to be aided by the people holding me up for now. Offering a slow blink, I watched as they unbound my limbs. "Nnh...?"
"Kyo-chan, you look faint."
I placed those words and that voice to Die, turning to shoot him a glance over the crew surrounding me. Pushing a smile to my features, I shrugged. "I'm fine." Really, I felt fine. A little dizzy, but who wouldn't feel that way after hanging upside down for so long? Pushing my weight against my feet finally I pried away from the people carrying me and shook out my hands a bit. We weren't done, were we? The song wasn't over yet. One of the crew members brought me a cup of water, which I graciously accepted, taking gentle sips from it.
"Kyo-san, maybe you should film the rest on the ground."
I lifted my painted brows towards the woman who was speaking to me, as if I didn't understand what she had said. Maybe I didn't at first. Once it had clicked though, I shrugged once again. "Okay." I didn't much care. If they mixed up the shots in the video it would look cool, I thought. Handing my cup back over towards the camera crew, I moved to stand back in the center, while they removed the rope. I brushed my gloved fingers briefly through my hair, which was sticking up a bit after having been pulled towards gravity. I heard a soft sigh escape someone behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around and look for who it had come from, and why. I just... didn't care today. Once everything was situated, the music started up again, and we finished the song.

Afterwards came the single shots. Mine went first; apparently everyone was worried I'd pass out later or something if they waited too long. Climbing up onto a tall, wooden block, my hands reached up and re-situated the rough noose hanging now from the rafters. Of course I wasn't going to really hang myself. They filmed the noose alone, and as the camera glided down to capture my feet struggling with kicking the block over, I reached up and got a good, secure hold on the rope. Once the wood had toppled over, the look on the camera would be as if I was hanging. Afterwards I dropped myself to the ground, and slipping the rope over my head and around my neck, they moved to get a top view. Morbid, yes. But that was what I wanted.
When my shots were finished I headed over towards the bus, sitting down outside of it and helping myself to some more water. I watched with false interest as the techies splattered the fake blood all over a wall, filming it running down. Off in another corner of the building another camera was capturing the lead guitarist, who was pretending to saw away at his wrists with a razor blade. I blinked slowly, watching him as he 'passed out' in the bathtub set up there, his long hair falling in front and masking his face. I tore my attention away from him before my thoughts got carried away once again. Next they filmed Die, who was placing a fake pistol into his mouth. "Bang bang..." I muttered to myself. Setting my cup down on the grass I pushed myself to my booted feet once more with a quiet sigh, and without another word, I climbed back onto the bus. I didn't want to watch anymore.
I began removing my makeup and costume pieces in silence and after I had dressed down, I lowered myself into one of the seats. Curling up on my side, I tucked my hands underneath my head and brought my knees almost to my chest, allowing for my sharp eyes to drift shut. A little nap sounded good.

I don't know exactly how long I was out, but as I heard the clamor of everyone else boarding the bus once again, I awoke. Pushing myself to a seated position I lifted a hand to rub the sleep from my eyes, listening to the crew members thanking us for our time. Shifting my dark hues over I caught Kaoru as he fell tiredly into his own seat, brushing his thumb gently over his cheek. I couldn't help the soft frown that suddenly pulled at my tiers to his expression - he seemed so sad. I immediately blamed myself, of course. The usually talkative leader was probably bummed out that I seemed so anti-social today. Sighing again, I slumped in my seat. What was I to do though, honestly? Plop myself a seat beside him and crack a joke? I didn't want to try for him anymore. I just wanted to be me. To work for me. There was no point in chasing an endless dream.
As the bus started up, the ride back to Tokyo was again, long and silent. It was usually like that though; everyone was usually dead tired after working all day for the perfect music video. As we disappeared into our houses one by one, only me, Kaoru and Shinya left, two techies and the driver, I couldn't stop the yawn escaping from me. My apartment was the next stop. Once there I stood, bidding a quiet goodnight to everyone when I felt a hand drop lightly on my shoulder. I turned only to look into the concerned eyes of my leader. His gaze held me a moment, eyes darting from one to the other as if he was trying to read me. I didn't know what to say, shifting my weight uneasily from foot to foot. Eventually he pushed a soft smile to his lips though, and spoke in a low tone.
"Call me if you want to talk."
And that was it. He released my shoulder and fell back into his own seat, busying himself once more as if he hadn't said a word. I watched him for a brief second, but soon turned and stepped reluctantly off of the bus.

As I closed and locked my door behind me, I took a deep breath of my vanilla-scented apartment. It was almost as if he knew. He could read my mind, and knew something was wrong. He knew I was upset, and that I wasn't myself. And he... cared? He wanted me to call him. I was never really given 'permission' to call him just to talk out of the blue. But today, it was almost as if he really wanted to fix me. Or perhaps it was just him doing his job. I'm sure if somebody else had been quiet all day, he would want to comfort them as well. He was the leader, after all - had to keep an eye out for his band members. Yes, that was it. He didn't really care for me, he just wanted to make sure his precious vocalist was fine enough to still make music. A deep sigh filtered my lungs once more. I really had to break away from him. It hurt too much to fill my mind with stupid hope. Kicking off my shoes and discarding them by the door, I shuffled to feed my pet rats. This time I actually picked up my stuff from the day and put it all away though, hanging my costume up in my closet and putting my boots, makeup and hair accessories away accordingly. Dropping lazily onto my bed I groaned a bit, curling up on my side again. I felt so out of it today. Perhaps it was all the blood in my head now. I didn't even bother to change out of my dress-down attire either, as I allowed for my eyes to drift shut once more. Before I knew it, I was out for the night.
I never called him.

Not long after that we had our first tour, traveling around Japan performing in small concert halls. Though they weren't the biggest in the country, we still had amazing shows. They were packed, and there was so much energy coming from the audience that there may as well have been more of them. We had a blast seeing all of the different prefectures, getting to shop in all of the districts and trying out a bunch of new food. It never got old either. Despite the fact that we were playing the same songs at all of these concerts, we still never knew what to expect. And it was still exciting. The stages kept getting bigger and bigger, the tickets selling higher and higher, the crowds getting more and more demanding, and us getting more and more into it. We all loved it.

At our last show for the tour, we were utterly amazed at the size of the concert hall. What was more amazing was the fact that we were a sold out show. Dir en grey was getting huge. Backstage, we were all getting ready. I was dressed pretty simply, in a white button down and a pair of vinyl pants, matching boots. My blonde-again hair was up with one of my feather pieces from Garden, giving me an almost cutesy look. I had sparkles under one eye, both lined in thick kohl, and my lips were also painted ebony. I paced back and forth before the door, a bit nervous. I had never performed for an audience this big. Taking in a deep breath, also enjoying the second hand smoke I was getting from Die as he puffed at his cigarette, I sighed. I would be fine. Shinya was getting his hair done, and Toshiya was messing around with the backstage camera man. As for Kaoru, I had no idea where he...
"Uwaah!"
That was him. I turned to pinpoint where his trademark sound had come from, and saw him stealing a peek. His fingers had pulled back a part of the curtain and he was peering out at how many people were in the crowd. I figured it was huge due to the excited, broad grin on his features. I headed over for a small peek myself, peering out from below the elder. It really was full. The entire bottom floor was a sea of people, and that wasn't even all of it. There was an entire second level balcony that framed the concert hall, and that was crowded as well. Holy shit.
"Whoa..." I felt that spill from my lips before I could stop it, but before I got even more butterflies in my stomach, I pulled away and shook the hair out of my face. And then we were on. With a quick fluff of our hair and a simple stretch, we stepped down the hallway and onto that stage, where we were greeted by an appreciative roar.
As the guitars wailed the beginning of our opening song, the crowd screamed some more, and the entire bottom floor all had their hands up and were going with the beat of the drums. I held my hands out to my sides, and letting the first words fall from my lips, I released a throaty scream as well. The audience exploded into excitement, singing along with me and moving with the beat of the music. We played our hearts out; this was the best crowd we had yet. So full of energy, so full of devotion and love.
During one of the many solo's the guitar's had, I leapt off of the stage. Surprised I hadn't killed myself in the heeled boots I wore, I ran straight into the crowd. They screamed with glee as they fought to touch me, to hold me. I screamed back at them, struggling to keep my shirt on. As the guards came by to tear me free from their needy grasp, I turned away and took off once again, before diving into another section of the audience. I stumbled as the guards pulled me out of the sea of people, yanking my arm free as someone had a death grip on my poor white button down. And again I ran off, leaping up onto the bars holding the fans back from the stage. I didn't stay standing up there for long, as the hands grappled for my lithe body and tugged me into them once more, causing my feet to slip out from under me and send me into their awaiting arms. I had a good three or four stage hands helping to pull me out, and this time as I was released, I pulled myself back onto the stage quickly.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Die and Toshiya standing on one end of the stage, taunting the fans with the necks of their guitars just out of their greedy reach. To my right Kaoru had ran off and down the sides of the floor, where people grappled for his instrument and wouldn't let go. Rather than yanking it free though, the leader just grinned and drank up all of the attention. The guards had to go and pull Kaoru out themselves, wrenching the man's guitar out of the crazed fans hold.
As we finished up our last song, tired and spent as usual, I headed off one side of the stage, making faces at the crowd as I left. No more stage diving for me. The others threw handfuls of picks out into the awaiting crowd. I watched them from off in my little corner as they handed out their gifts, and as Kaoru stripped free of his guitar, I was surprised at what he did next. Moving towards my little box that I usually stood on in the center, dragging his guitar by the neck, he lifted it above his head - and smashed it down onto the ground with all of his strength. The sudden motion even caused me to jump a little bit as I watched the strings snap. And again, his instrument hit the stage roughly, until it snapped into two. He left the pieces to fly off wherever they would, and walked off. Toshiya apparently thought that was cool and started grinding his own bass against my box, back and forth. He eventually sat down and started plucking all of the strings, until they snapped apart in his hold. I turned away, moving to scoop up my bottle of water in my hands. At least Die and Shinya had enough sense not to cause destruction to our expensive instruments.

I hurried off through the backstage area, skipping steps as I went until we were in our little room. If Kaoru was pissed, I most certainly didn't want to be in his way. I had no idea why he would be so angry, but I figured it'd be a better idea to stay out of his business. Die somehow had beaten me, already stripped down and revealing his torso as he lit up a cigarette and began removing his makeup. I started taking down my hair and removing the feathers when Kaoru walked in, Shinya not far behind him. Keeping my mouth shut, I figured it better to not even bother asking if he was all right. After all, if he wanted to speak, he would, right? We hadn't really talked much for the entirety of our tour anyway... I figured it was my own damn fault though. I was trying to fall away from him, trying to will my heart to forget about the feelings he stirred deep within me. And the only way I knew how to do that, was to stay away.
As I pulled a simple t-shirt over my chest now, having removed my button down, I kept a careful eye on my leader. He too was dressing down back into normality, as were the rest of us, and the look on his face didn't seem angry... but I still didn't bother. Perhaps he was just as good at hiding emotion as I was. Feeling my long blonde hair tumble down as I removed the feather headpiece, I reached for a brush. Behind me I heard Toshiya cheering mindlessly for us, joking back and forth with Die. We would likely go out to celebrate after we were finished here, and the crowd had cleared out. It was our last concert of the tour after all, and it had been a huge success. As the stage hands went about picking up after us and packing things away I sighed softly, tossing the brush back to the table in front of me. Pushing myself up from my chair, I felt my feet carrying me across the room without another thought.
"Ne, Kaoru-kun..."
My sharp eyes were soon met with the opposing auburn hues as they lifted from the reflection in the mirror to me. What the hell I thinking? I shifted my weight from foot to foot once again nervously as he put down the cloth he was using to remove the makeup from his angled features, giving me his full attention.
"Hai?"
I pursed my painted lips, having not removed my own makeup quite yet, and lowered my gaze bashfully to the floor. Why had I bothered him anyway? Hadn't I just mentally vowed to stay out of his way moments earlier? "Nn... ... If you want to talk, I... ah..." Stealing his words, I hoped to get some sort of point across, even if my brain had no idea why my body wanted to talk to him.
"You don't have to if you don't want to." Was his simple reply, and he returned his gaze to his own reflection, lifting the cloth to his face once more. But I didn't want to talk about me.
"Iie, you... you seem upset, and I-..." Sigh. This was a lot harder than it looked. I felt his eyes upon me once more and when I looked up to meet them; I was met with a small grin, which only confused me. Did I really sound that stupid to make him find some sort of amusement in my words?
"Me? Iie... for what I did?" He chuckled then, leaning back comfortably in his chair and setting that small towel down once more. "I've always wanted to try that. All the American rock stars do it after their shows."
God, I felt like a fucking idiot, again. He wasn't upset at all, and here I was, worrying obsessively over his complete happiness. I bowed my head low and muttered a quiet apology for bothering him, and before he could stop me with another word, I quickly shuffled away back into my corner of the room.
Falling with a flop back into my chair, I lifted a hand to rub at my temples. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I should just stop caring. He was perfectly fine before me, and he would be perfectly fine without me. Releasing a soft breath, I reached out and went about removing my own makeup silently.

We went out for drinks later that night. Nothing extraordinary happened, nothing out of the ordinary. Die got drunk, Shinya was quiet, and Kaoru and Toshiya were practically flirting with one another.

I was still depressed.

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You guys are almost caught up now to me. That's not good 'cause then you'll have to wait longer in between chapter updates. xD I'm working on chapter ten right now though, should finish that by tonight or tomorow.
I'm so sick. -_-; Someone gave me Bronchidis. I guess that means more writing though, since I feel like crud! xD; Enjoy and leave me love 'cause I'm dying. xD
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The Voice of a Prophet