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The Moon	By : theProphet Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 5
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Beta reader: lurks92 (this is her Live Journal ID)
CHAPTER 6

The whole time I felt as if I was holding my breath, my lips pressed tightly together, unwilling to breathe, even though my face was turning blue.
Was it real?
Earth.
With its colours, sounds, smells, and sunshine. With the wind on my skin and food that actually has taste. The rain and clouds, buildings, cars, vans, and busses. With human touch, and… the people.
Crowds upon crowds of people.
All of that, which was all I ever dreamed of, wasn’t familiar anymore.
It was frightening.
Mind blowing.
Making me hold my breath.
But I wanted it badly, I wanted it almost as bad as I wanted Kaoru.
And here I am.
Home.
And it feels alien to me.
Frightening.
But promising as well.
Promising me a better future – at least better than the one I had for four years.
And Kaoru.
As long as the future held Kaoru in it, I’ll be fine.
I should be fine from now on.
***
Kyo opened his eyes slowly, not really wanting to wake up yet, but the sun kept irritating him. Somebody must have opened the blinds while he was sleeping. Kyo turned onto his side and stared at the floor in front of him.
The man in the black suit was not here this morning again. Probably stayed up there, in the Facility, keeping company to the new guy who was sent in exchange of Kyo.
Kyo took a deep breath, willing himself not to start panicking again.
It took days for him to let doctors and his family to convince him he was really back home. The whole time he was flying back to Earth, he kept thinking it was one huge hallucination or a dream, or maybe that this was how dying was like. And even when he came back, when his parents and his sister hugged him, he couldn’t believe it was real.
Now, slowly, the realisation was settling down and steadily, slowly, but reassuringly, the feeling of being home, of being safe, was taking place in his head instead of that constant fear.
“Home…”
Saying it out loud made it more real to him. He was afraid to let himself relax and be happy completely. His happiness was measured, careful, controlled.
Kyo haven’t seen Kaoru yet. In fact, he hasn’t seen anyone except for his parents and sister, and this made him feel restless. Nobody was allowed to visit him, even if Kyo would have welcomed his friends happily. Especially he couldn’t wait to see Kaoru. He thought of sneaking out of the hospital, but didn’t want to agitate his mother too much and worry his father and sister. So he decided he could wait. He’s waited so long; he could wait for a few more days.
Yes, he was underfed, skinny, pale, weak, and delusional, but he had nothing life-threatening and he believed he could rest at home. But of course, nobody asked his opinion.
“Kaoru…” Kyo whispered, as if by calling out his name he would manage to make Kaoru materialize in front of him, to make him come to the hospital.
Suddenly the doors opened and Kyo turned his head just slightly to see who it was. His sister, smiling gently, crossed the room and sat on a chair beside his bed.
“You’ve slept in today?”
“Yeah… I managed to get a couple hours of sleep…”
Which was one more problem among many. His insomnia seemed not to go, even if there were no pipes to unclog anymore.
“They’ll sort you out, Tooru, you’ll see” she smiled.
“I wish they would hurry, I want to see my friends.”
His sister grimaced for just a split second, but Kyo managed to catch the look and frowned, looking at her.
“Do you know anything about how they are doing?”
She fidgeted a little, looking nervous.
“I’m not sure I should be telling you anything at this point. Doctors say you’re still very much in shock.”
“Just tell me, because now I’ll just worry!”
She glanced nervously at the doors as if to make sure they are really properly closed and then looked back at her brother.
“Well, everyone’s fine as far as I know. Except for… Well, Shinya, your band mate, you know… he…”
Something stirred up deep inside Kyo and he started listening intently.
“Shinya was at his friend’s house and there was a fire and… and they both died… Police said it was a simple neglect of the old electricity system in the house, left unattended for years…”
“When… when did it happen?” Kyo asked, his voice sounding thin and shaky.
“It was around a year and five months since you left. His death was all over the newspapers and television, because since you were taken, the remaining band mates were one of the biggest interests to the media.”
Kyo’s sister gently squeezed his arm in comfort, trying to channel at least a grain of sympathy to him.
But a terrible conclusion inevitably formed in Kyo’s mind, slowly letting out the roots and getting a firm hold in place.
“When they let you out of the hospital, you can go visit Shinya’s grave with your band mates” she added silently.
Kyo managed a stiff nod, but his eyes filled with tears and it took all his willpower not to let them fall.
It’s like all he’s been doing since he came back was cry.
He felt like an old mouldy vase that fell to the ground and broke. It was worthless, but they still tried to glue it together. And while they managed to put the pieces back, it was left looking ugly, patched up in random places, not suitable to even be placed in a flat of an old lady who smelled of medicine and piss.
So out of place.
Useless.
He felt like a smallest thing would make him fall apart.
His sister stayed for the whole afternoon. She held Kyo’s hand and talked to him. She talked about the few times she saw Shinya and how happy he looked. How much he waited for Kyo to come back.
But Kyo didn’t hear her.
Only a whisper of a man in a black suit and his polished shoes reached his ears.
You killed him.
***
Kaoru was nervous.
It’s been eight days since Kyo had arrived back home, back to Earth and yet… No word has been heard about him. Not from television, not from his parents, not from his friends.
Kaoru didn’t want to think the worst has happened. He knew he had to wait, but knowing nothing was a torture. He already lost one friend. He couldn’t take it if Kyo was a goner as well…
A bell at his door rang and Kaoru startled, lifting his head in surprise to the direction of the hall. Die wasn’t supposed to come today. He said he’ll be back only on Sunday.
Kaoru put a cup back and went to open the door.
And he froze, starring.
“Kyo?”
He couldn’t believe his eyes.
“Kaoru,” Kyo exhaled his name with a trembling, deep voice.
Kyo was thinner than he used to be, his eyes – they looked like two dead pools of black dirty water – his eyes were permanently engraved with black circles from what could only be countless sleepless nights, slightly trembling hands, black as night lifeless looking hair and most prominent change of all – sickly pale, yellowish skin.
“Kyo…” Kaoru pulled him in his arms, pressing Kyo’s fragile frame in his embrace. Kyo circled his arms around Kaoru’s waist and buried his head in the crook of Kaoru’s neck.
They stood like that for ages.
Or what felt like the most bittersweet eternity.
Kaoru listened to Kyo’s little sharp breaths and hiccups, felt him trembling, felt his thin bony fingers squeeze the living out of his t-shirt.
“Kyo… you’re back…”
Finally Kaoru found the strength to move and pulled Kyo inside the house, closing the door behind them. Kyo looked up at him, his eyes red, his cheeks wet from tears.
“I’m back…”
Kyo leaned in and with his trembling lips touched Kaoru’s– carefully, lovingly, desperately.
Kaoru closed his eyes and kissed Kyo back gently, afraid to put more force into the kiss, because Kyo looked so fragile, so torn apart, so defeated.
“I love you, Kaoru-kun…” Kyo whispered, his voice so heavy with despair and need that it pierced right into Kaoru’s heart.
Kaoru closed his eyes for a moment, gathering all the strength he had.
“I was waiting for you, Kyo-kun… all this time.”
He felt Kyo press deeper into the embrace and there was a hardness in Kyo’s pants that was impossible to ignore. The need in Kyo’s every jerky movement was evident. Kaoru looked deep in Kyo’s eyes, but there was only complete and undivided trust and need in them.
“I’m back…” Kyo whispered, on the verge of tears again. It’s as if he still couldn’t believe it himself. It’s as if he thought he was dreaming and didn’t want the dream to end.
Kaoru slowly lowered his hand and put it gently over Kyo’s clothed cock. That was enough to make Kyo inhale sharply and push back, the pleasure on his face so sweet and desperate.
“Please…Kaoru… please…”
Kaoru unzipped Kyo’s jeans and slowly, hesitantly, put his hand inside Kyo’s boxers, wrapping his fingers around hot, tightly stretched skin, around hard as stone erection, already seeping with precum. He gave a few hesitant, experimental jerks and Kyo moaned, closing his eyes, but tightening his grip on Kaoru. Kyo’s breathing became deep, his need almost painful.
Kaoru started slowly stroking Kyo, but even he could feel Kyo was so much on the verge he will soon finish. And looking at Kyo right at that moment, so not like the Kyo he knew four years ago, Kaoru felt anger and pain.
Rage was boiling inside him for those who did all this to Kyo. To Kyo, who was a kind person, who was lovable, grumpy in the mornings, but sweet and funny. Who did nothing wrong but write controversial lyrics to their songs.
To Kyo whom he loved - it was impossible not to.
He squeezed Kyo’s cock harder than he intended, momentarily overcome by a wave of anger, and Kyo cried in pleasure, releasing himself all over Kaoru’s hand.
Kyo’s body shivered uncontrollably for a few moments, he trembled in Kaoru’s arms and then slowly, gradually, he slumped against Kaoru’s body, trapped between his lover and the wall.
And then he cried.
It was as if he couldn’t control his raging emotions anymore. Couldn’t control his body. Couldn’t control his mind.
Kaoru held him close the entire time.
It was only late into the night that Kyo fell asleep in Kaoru’s bed, but his cheeks were still wet from tears.
~~~ 2 weeks later ~~~
His mother threw a very suspicious glare at him, but Kyo could only sit and wait for her to do as he asked. Since he ran away from the hospital to go to Kaoru she became obsessed at keeping a close eye on him and never letting him be alone for even a second.
“Please, mother, I really want some real coffee and chocolate. I won’t go anywhere. Besides, my friends should be here any moment – I won’t go anywhere!”
She pursed her lips tightly, but finally nodded. She took her bag and looked at her son reprovingly.
“Since you behaved like an immature kid, they tightened the security around your ward, so even if you tried running away again, you wouldn’t achieve anything this time.”
“I won’t, mother, I promise.”
She finally relaxed a little and nodded.
“I won’t be in a hurry, I’ll let you talk with your friends as much as you like.”
“Thanks.”
She went out and Kyo closed his eyes for a moment.
Die, Toshiya and Kaoru should be here any minute. The doctor agreed to let them be the first visitors to see Kyo, and Kyo was very grateful. He wanted to see all of them, to make sure that nobody else was hurt. Because Shinya…
Kyo opened his eyes and sat up, making himself comfortable. He busied himself with straightening out the sheets and rearranging the pillows – doing anything that took his mind away from other things.
When the doors finally opened, he eagerly looked up.
Toshiya was the first one to enter the ward and as soon as he saw Kyo, his face lit up with such a huge and genuine smile that it was infectious. Kyo didn’t manage to even greet any of them as Toshiya lunged forward and grabbed Kyo in his arms, squeezing the living hell out of him.
“Oh my God, Kyo!” he managed to say between his happy sobs. “Kyo, you’re truly here!”
Kyo answered Toshiya’s hug awkwardly and smiled.
“Yeah, I’m truly here…”
He himself still couldn’t fully believe it. But seeing his friends brought him one step closer to the realisation that this was not a dream and that he can start slowly becoming happy, because it won’t disappear, it won’t go away.
Kyo lifted his eyes and through Toshiya’s messy hair he saw Die and Kaoru standing not far from his bed. They both looked tense for some reason, but small smiles were still lingering on their faces.
“Toshiya, I can’t breathe!” Kyo actually laughed and Toshiya finally released Kyo from his hug.
“I’m so happy you’re back! I’m so, so happy!”
He leaned in and pecked Kyo on the cheek, which made Kyo stare surprised at his friend, but Toshiya just grinned at him, looking like he was in seventh heaven.
“Hey, Kyo,” Die said and smiled. He came closer and managed to squeeze himself between Toshiya and Kyo to give Kyo a quick hug.
“So you really made it back?” Die said, smiling. “I’m happy you’re alright.”
“Thanks, Die” Kyo smiled back to him, but couldn’t help himself feeling this was a bit too formal for Die to behave himself like that.
Kaoru also appeared close to them and gave Kyo a hug.
“So happy to see you, Kyo” Kaoru whispered and then released Kyo from his hug.
They settled themselves around the bed, but Toshiya was the one who stayed closest to Kyo and held Kyo’s hand tightly, not willing to let go. Die and Kaoru settled themselves on the other side of the bed.
And then it was a moment of silence as each eyed the other, thinking their own thoughts, looking at Kyo.
“Kaoru told us you know about Shinya…” Toshiya said gently, his voice startling the silence.
Kyo gave a curt nod, but didn’t trust his voice to answer. Toshiya stroked his arm gently in an attempt to comfort his friend.
“We all went to his funeral, it was very beautiful. They reported it on evening news and showed a short clip about Shinya.”
Kyo just nodded, not looking at anyone. He was afraid they would see the guilt written all over his face.
“Shinya would have been ecstatic to see you return home” Kaoru said and Kyo finally looked up. Kaoru’s eyes were gentle and caring, and it warmed Kyo’s heart.
Kyo nodded, struggling with his emotions.
If only they knew…
Die put a hand on Kaoru’s shoulder in comfort and Kaoru returned the gesture with a smile.
“How are you feeling, Kyo?” Toshiya asked gently. “Did they say when they’re going to let you out of here?”
Kyo shook his head.
They said the problem was his weakness and his insomnia. But if Kyo was right at thinking they were watching him the whole time he was there, they must have much more concerns than his insomnia or weakness. But Kyo tried his best to act normal. He just sat in bed and did everything the doctors told him.
He wanted to be out of this hospital as soon as possible.
“There’s so much security around this hospital” Die said, looking at Kyo. “I wonder how you ever managed to escape.”
“I lied” Kyo said, which was exactly what he did. He told one security guard he needed a toilet, another one that he was getting a cup of tea and somehow, all the way until the exit, he managed to sneak out.
“And anyways, all of this security is not really for me” Kyo said. “This hospital is Emperor’s hospital, so many rich and influential people are treated here. I just happen to be one of those accidental unimportant crazies.”
“You’re not, Kyo!” Toshiya said angry. “You’re not crazy.”
Kyo just shrugged.
“I don’t think I am, but my doctor did tell me I am mentally unstable.”
“Well that’s bullshit!” Toshiya said angrily. “Of course you have problems, because you’ve been alone for such a long time, but you’re not crazy! You don’t look crazy to me!”
Kyo smiled at Tohiya’s anger and looked back at Kaoru.
It was strange to look at him, because he instantly remembered his plight, his breakdown in Kaoru’s arms and his unexpected release. There was nothing to do about it, he dreamed about making love to Kaoru for years. He just wished it didn’t end that way. He wished Kaoru would have given more, would have let Kyo touch him, pleasure him - Kyo would have let Kaoru take him no questions asked.
But Kaoru said it was not the time.
And perhaps he was right.
But all Kyo wanted was closeness to the one he loved. He wished Kaoru would sit close to him, would take his hand instead of Toshiya, would show affection openly. But Kaoru didn’t want the public to know about them, so Kyo had nothing else to do but agree. He even had to agree to keep it a secret from his friends. So that’s why he was left to just stare at Kaoru and wait for the day he was finally released from the hospital. Only then they could meet and be together as a couple.
“As long as they’re going to let you out, I guess it doesn’t matter if they think you’re crazy or not,” Kaoru said gently.
“What are you planning to do when they release you?” Die asked.
Kyo just shrugged.
“I didn’t think about it. I guess I’ll need to find a job.”
“Are you planning to stay here in Tokyo?”
“Yes, of course” Kyo smiled. “I want to be close to my family and friends.”
“Your family is in Kyoto.”
“My parents are, but my sister and all my friends are here.”
“I see.”
“Kyo, I’ll help you find a job!” Toshiya said. “I’ll ask in my company if they need anybody. Maybe they’ll agree to take you in! Unless you want to go back to singing.”
Kyo laughed, even though there was nothing to be laughing about.
“No, Toshiya. I am not going back to singing.”
There was something harsh and cold in Kyo’s voice that prevented Toshiya from asking more even though he wanted to.
“I’m sure you’ll find something” Kaoru smiled gently. “I’ll help you any way I can.”
Die suddenly stood up.
“I’ll go get myself a cup of coffee. I didn’t have any today” he said and then left the ward without turning back.
“What’s up with him?” Toshiya asked, confused.
“How should I know?” Kaoru shrugged.
“He’s not happy to see me” Kyo said, looking a little down for a moment.
“He is, Kyo. He just doesn’t know how to show it.”
Kyo looked sceptically at Kaoru, but didn’t say anything else.
Toshiya squeezed Kyo’s hand harder in comfort and smiled.
“Don’t worry, Kyo, when you get out of the hospital, we’ll go drinking. Maybe we can go to a hot spring resort together, just to relax. You won’t even notice how you’ll fall back in your normal life again.”
“Yeah, Toshiya’s right” Kaoru smiled as well and put his hand on Kyo’s shoulder. “Everything’s going to be fine from now on.”
Except that Shinya’s dead because of me.
“Come on, Kyo, don’t get upset” Toshiya pulled Kyo’s hand to his chest and cradled it there.
“I’m just… it’s too much to take at once… coming back home is… overwhelming…”
“But you’re not alone, Kyo. Not this time” Kaoru’s gentle voice was just inches away from his ear.
Kyo turned to look at him and saw Kaoru’s dark eyes staring intently in his. There was gentle understanding and warmth in Kaoru’s eyes - all that Kyo wanted and needed for the past long four years.
The doors opened again and Die came back with a cup in his hands. He stopped for a moment, looking at Kaoru and Kyo just inches away from each other, looking at Toshiya cradling Kyo’s hand close to his chest like it was the most precious thing in the world. Then he made himself to move and sat back on the chair next to Kaoru.
Kaoru drew back and put a hand on Die’s shoulder.
“We were just talking about how all four of us can go somewhere together when Kyo is released.”
“Uh-huh.”
For the rest of the time they stayed, Die didn’t lift his eyes to look at Kyo anymore. And when they stood to leave, Die was the first one to go out of the doors muttering a short ‘bye’ to Kyo.
And that left Kyo wondering if Die knew anything about the call Shinya made and how that call killed him.
And how it was Kyo’s fault Shinya died.
***
He was itching for a cigarette, but knew it would be absolutely foolish to do so. What would then be the point of meeting in the unlit alleyway of a shitty, barely existing night club and trying to get unnoticed?
He fidgeted a little, trying to blend with the shadows and waited, listening to the noise of a busy street just round the corner.
Finally the back door of the club opened and a man in a black hooded coat came out. All he could see was the man’s silhouette, but he knew who it was just by looking at the contours of the man’s body. Nobody he knew was so tiny and short.
“I was already thinking you won’t come” he said, looking at the hooded guy.
“I was help up. Sorry, Hisoka-san.”
“It’s alright. Just get to the point” Hisoka said, not wanting to spend any more time in this place talking to the shorty longer than necessary.
“It was decided that we need Nishimura Tooru. He is, as of now, in the priority list.”
It’s not like Hisoka never saw that coming, but he still frowned, displeased at the news he thought he wouldn’t be hearing.
“But why? We’ve got enough of these moon workers. It’s unnecessary trouble and risk.”
“It might be risky and troublesome, but if he would perform as we want, he would make the final goal easier and quicker to achieve. We need as many sane moon workers as we can get.”
“So he’s really sane?”
“The first one who makes most sense out of all who ever came back.”
That made Hisoka silent for a while. Clearly, this was something he didn’t expect.
“So just tell me what you want from me, Ryuu. Why am I here instead of doing the job I was given?”
“You’re here, because they chose you to watch Nishimura until it’s time to take action.”
Hisoka sighed, taking his eyes off Ryuu for a moment and looking at the darkness of the empty alleyway.
“We don’t need any more of those crazies.”
“It’s not for you to decide.”
Hisoka was quiet for a moment, then put his hands in trouser pockets and stared at Ryuu.
“So Nishimura’s in the priority list?”
“Yes.”
“All right then. I assume you have the men ready?”
“Yes. As of tonight, we will give you six of them for you to supervise. They’ll be under your command. Nishimura’s family and friends are left unwatched, but if the circumstances change, it might be reconsidered.”
Hisoka nodded.
“That’s all then” Ryuu turned to leave.
“What about you?” Hisoka asked and Ryuu stopped, though he didn’t turn to look back at the other man.
“Are you still on the same task?”
“I am still in the Emperor’s palace, if that’s what you’re asking.”
It looked as if Ryuu wanted to leave right then, but he paused again and half turned to Hisoka.
“We’ve waited for so many years. Shit will hit the fan very soon. We just needed them to make a tiny mistake. Nishimura was the one we so desperately needed.”
Hisoka took in a breath and stared at Ryuu.
“They’ll be sorry they let him live” Ryuu smirked in the darkness. Then finally turned away and left.
Hisoka waited for another four minutes and then left the alleyway himself, disappearing in the crowded street without being noticed.

TBC

I’m sorry it took me so long to update. I hope you liked chapter 6 ^^ And have you noticed? Chapters are getting longer! :D LOL
Comments would be absolutely lovely! ^^
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The Moon