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Is it hard understanding	By : screwthisimouttahere Category: My Chemical Romance > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: i do not own the frerard fandom, nor do i know My Chemical Romance, Gerard Way, Frank Iero or Mikey Way. i do not make any profit from this story and it is completely fiction.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Chapter 6
Redemption (GPOV)
On Tuesday I arrived really early to school, because Mikey had to talk to a couple of teachers before he could take off for the day to see his girlfriend on New York. My mum had let him go only if he came back the next day in time for dinner, and if he left everything settled at school. So he had to talk to a couple of teachers to explain his absence for the day and the next, and to settle all homework and test issues, the nerd.
Since I had about forty minutes until first period, I decided to just sit and chill for a bit before everyone else arrived. I was so exited and expectant to see Frank today. Yesterday had been so amazing, he was very patient going into every single store I looked remotely interested in until we found a perfect bag, I couldn’t wait until I could design a new artwork for this one. I guess a new school, new home and new friends meant a new bag as well, and I was happy with that now.
We had lunch since we had both skipped, and talked for hours until we had to be back home. He was so nice, he even walked me home, helping me with some books, and talking all the way there. I was starting to deal with the idea that maybe I liked him more than just a friend, and the thought lingered constantly in my mind. The fact that I could be thinking of another guy that way was scary, specially if he was my only friend and I could loose him by feeling the way I did, plus I couldn’t afford to ruin my reputation here as well, which is why I hadn’t plan on talking to anyone, much less making friends… friends I felt weirdly about.
I suddenly felt inspired, so I took my sketchpad out and my pencil case throwing coloured sticks until I found the one I wanted. I began drawing and writing thoughts and annotations on the sides. I was so into it I never noticed how the parking lot was now packed, I only diverted my eyes from the now filled paper to find out what was that burning sensation I felt, like when you are being stared at. And sure enough as soon as I looked up I saw Frank standing near the front door looking my way. He had a very torn expression and all I wanted was to hug the anguish away from his pretty face, but I didn’t have a second to process the situation cause he just bolted. All of the sudden he was power walking away straight into the school building.
I was perplexed at the situation, and I noticed the blonde girl from the cafeteria and the physics lab (which I had learned was his girlfriend-Lizzie I think her name was?) was standing a couple feet away from where Frank had been seconds ago. She had a shocked look on her face and I saw a tear run down her cheek. She glared my way and I looked away, picking my stuff up from the grass. When I went to pick my sketchpad I saw the drawing of a profile of a boy with a scorpion tattoo on his neck, he was beautiful, but it didn’t compare to reality. I smiled and closed it before putting it away and making my way to class.
As I sat in Spanish thinking of anything but what the fuck a transitive verb is, my mind started racing, my smile leaving my face.
He ran away. When he saw me… he… he ran away.
He looked like he was in a very complicated situation, but I saw it, in his eyes… when they locked, he made a decision… he ran. So he had decided to stay away from me.
Hold on… you’re probably just jumping to conclusions. Just breath, and when you see him later on the day you’ll see nothing has changed, you’re just being paranoid.
I managed to take a somewhat reassuring breath and convince myself that it was all paranoia, and that he wasn’t in fact running away from me, cause that would mean I did something wrong, and I hadn’t. Had I? Had he realized I liked him? Was I that obvious? I wasn’t even sure if I liked him. How could he have noticed?!
Just calm the fuck down! Wait until you see him and then draw a sensible conclusion, don’t rush into thinking the worse, you’ve seen enough movies to know that the moment someone misinterprets a certain situation it all goes to shit.
I was brought out of my self chastise by the ring of the bell signifying end of period, so I picked my stuff and walked out of the room as fast as I could without looking mental. As soon as I was out I walked slowly to my locker looking around, peering to see if I caught a glimpse of the only person who could calm me down in this moment.
When I reached my locker utterly frustrated at my futile attempt of casually “running into him” my mind was still freaking out, only slightly less under the restraining whip of my conscience. I decided to be bold and just go to his locker and hope he was there. I mean there’s nothing weird in searching your new friend to say thank you for going shopping with you and carrying your stuff, right? Nope, nothing wrong or weird. Unless he knew your real intentions. But he doesn’t… so nothing weird.
I waited for what seemed like forever by his locker after I gave up and went to class, maybe he was avoiding me.
A brilliant idea popped into my mind as I sat on the bus waiting for everyone else. Mikey wasn’t here, so I’d be sitting alone. And Frank usually sits alone, or at least that’s what I think. So if he sees me sitting alone he should come up and sit with me right? That’s what friends do. And if he doesn’t maybe I can… just approach him and sit with him. He shouldn’t have any issues with that… right?
As I sat there alone and excitedly waiting, I pushed all insecurities aside with every person that got on the bus that wasn’t the boy I hoped and longed to see. But as more and more people got in and none was the one expected, my hope faltered, and as the last person got in and the bus began moving the paranoid in me won.
He isn’t taking the bus… he’s definitely avoiding me now.
As it hit me that I had done something wrong to push him away so suddenly, my old plan kicked into motion without me noticing. I had lost my only friend. From the beginning he was the only reason I talked to anyone in this place, and if I didn’t have him anymore then there was no real point in breaking my original plan. Spend the next two years under the radar and then get the fuck out of this city asap.
The whole week went by smoothly. Mikey had ask to stay the week in New York so he wasn’t coming home until Sunday, so the house was pretty quiet. And at school I tried and stayed in classrooms or I would walk to some lone tree and sit under it and just think, write or draw as the mood see fit. Though my mood hadn’t changed much all week. I was sad, depressed almost, but my mind wouldn’t let me, so it was a repressed, unacknowledged sadness… which left me in an automatic mode. I just moved from place to place, listened to classes and did work as asked, but I wasn’t really there. Apparently I had memorized the schedule at some point cause my body always knew where to go next, no hesitation, even if my mind wasn’t sure… and it never failed.
I caught myself heading to the music room, so I assumed that’s what I had next, but I realized everyone was migrating to the cafeteria which meant it was lunch time.
Guess I can draw for a bit until the bell rings? I wasn’t hungry anyways, I never had lunch, the cafeteria sort of scared me. It’s just too many over exited, starving and screaming people with sharp, pointy objects… not a good combination.
As I sat on the floor of the music room I looked around and wished I could play something. I was hopeless when it came to musical instruments, I could barely sing, and I did that very bad, yet music seems like such a cathartic way of expression, and it looks like genuine fun. If I were more talented I would definitely play something, but I wasn’t, so with a sigh I limited myself to taking my sketchpad out and giving it a shot.
Since I had been operating on autopilot I hadn’t been able to draw. Not really. I guess without emotion and passion there is no art. Makes sense. What didn't make sense to me was how someone I barely knew could possibly evoke such emotions, and drain me so much in such a little time span.
I was doodling the outline of the word Hallo on a hand’s knuckles when I heard the door click shut. I hadn’t even hear it open, and as soon as my eyes fell on the intruder my body reacted, a smile appeared on my lips and it was like my heart had grabbed a club and knocked out my conscience cause it was letting himself feel and pound in my chest in pure joy of seeing the face he had missed so much. It made me realize just how much I cared about him…and without thinking my heart spoke.
“You reappeared…”
He was smiling too, and he chuckled at my remark. “Yeah you could say that…”
He then came closer and sat in front of me, my heart was pounding and I couldn’t stop looking into his gorgeous green eyes. I felt myself blush and looked down to conceal it, only to make it worse when I saw I had the sketchpad on my lap, where he could easily see it. As I “subtly” tried to turn the pad over I saw his hand reach over and grab it. My whole body froze and I was too embarrassed to look at him, so I stayed still, hoping that maybe some of the Jurassic Park rules applied, and if I stayed still enough, we wouldn’t be able to see me and he would walk away.
Alas! Its fucking fiction. He grabbed the pad but didn’t move it, sort of like asking if it was okay. I guess he took my lack of movement as approval, finally retrieving the damn thing and looking at it closely. Maybe I was really bad at drawing and he wouldn’t be able to figure out what the hell it was?
No such luck, as I dared to lift my gaze, I saw him holding the pad with one hand closely to his eyes, his right hand fisted and close to his face for his inspection. A smile grew into a smirk on his face, and after minutes of silence I couldn’t take it anymore, if he was going to run away or mock me it would be better if he did it already.
“Sorry.” was the pathetic whisper that left my lips.
He lifted his gaze and it was too intense for me to hold, so I resorted to look at my hands that were squishing each other in between my legs.
I heard rustling and felt him come closer, but before I could look up, I felt his lips make contact with my cheek. I gasped and looked up to see his eyes only inches away from mine, a smile playing on his lips. The electricity on the air was intoxicating and the tingly feeling on my cheek made it feel like it was on fire. The fact that I was probably blushing uncontrollably wasn’t helping matters.
My mind was fuzzy and I couldn’t think straight. Ha! No kidding. I hate my conscience, even she makes fun of me and my confused sexuality.
“So where have you been the past week?” My fucking conscience blurted before I could stop her, but it came out choked and barely audible so I hoped he hadn’t heard that. A fact possible had he not been less than ten inches from my face, breathing heavily, making my mind even foggier.
In the back of my head I registered the ring of the bell, not really caring at the moment.
“I…”
Just then a group of five people entered the room making Frank sit back quickly on the floor, snapping us back to reality, leaving me unanswered. I was staring at the small group taking seats and looking back at us with strange looks on their faces, but I felt Frank staring at me, not moving his eyes from my face. I saw him move and looked back to see him picking my stuff up and shoving them in my new bag, I was perplexed not knowing what to do. He stood up and extended a hand towards me, I took it unthinkingly and stood up next to him, still dazed, not reacting. He led the way to a couple chairs in the back and sat in one of them motioning for me to take the other one. He threw his bag on the floor and carefully put mine on my desk in front of me, he looked inside for the sketchpad and a pencil he’d thrown in.
I’ve been thinking
He scribbled down on a random page on the pad. He probably noticed my lack of movement and confused face cause he added,
This past week? I’ve been thinking…
That made more sense. He was answering me. It made me smile, like he wasn’t avoiding the subject, he wasn’t running away.
What about?
I scribbled back and handed the pad to him.
A lot of things… life… had some decisions to make.
And how did that go?
I heard him chuckle at that and then sigh as he answered.
Well, ~~I made the decisions~~ he scratched what he had written and started over the decisions got made… I’m working out the rest :)
His answer confused me a bit, but I smiled regardless, cause it meant he had thought and made decisions and still chose to hang out with me, which meant I hadn’t done anything wrong, and we were still friends. I smiled at him and nodded, his answering smile bright and happy making my stomach flip. I reached over and grabbed his hand squeezing it reassuringly, his smile grew even bigger matching mine, and when I heard a cough in the front of the room I dropped it disappointed sighing. I heard him exhale as well and took comfort in that, at least he didn’t take that the wrong way.
I think its time to finally admit to myself that I like Frank. I really like him, and not just as friends… even if that’s all I have to settle for.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Is it hard understanding