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Starting at the Beginning	By : Katma Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Savage Garden Views: 2042 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Savage Garden. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Sunlight flooded the hotel room and shone directly on the bed where Darren lay, forcing itself through the shields of his eyelids. With the bright light came a return to consciousness. Slowly
Darren’s eyes fluttered open, and he groaned as the harsh light of day hit his still-sensitive eyes. He felt awful. While he had begun to drink more often than he had previous to Savage Garden’s breakup, it had been a long time since he had let himself go like he had last night and his body was reminding him of that fact. With another soft groan, Darren moved to stretch unaccountably sore muscles when he was stopped by something warm and heavy pressed up against him. Darren froze, suddenly completely awake. What had happened last night?

He lay there, completely stiff and wide-eyed, trying to remember what had happened. Darren was almost scared to look at the warm body next to him, afraid of whom he might see. Biting his lower lip hard, he slowly turned his head and scanned the figure so close to him. Short, tousled dark blonde hair, long, slender neck, broad shoulders, well formed back… definitely a male, then. ‘Well, isn’t that interesting,’ Darren thought, trying to ignore the sudden pounding in his heart.
His body already knew what his mind refused to acknowledge. A little voice in the back of his mind was telling him that if he didn’t think the name, it wouldn’t be that person. Almost as if the man next to Darren had heard his thoughts, he turned over and snuggled closer to Darren’s trembling
form. Darren looked into that incredibly familiar face and whispered inaudibly, “Oh, God. Daniel…”

As if someone had flicked a switch in his brain, memories suddenly came pouring back. He remembered the drinking, the laughing and telling jokes like old times. He remembered telling Daniel that he could stay at the hotel, as it was within walking distance and neither of them was in any state to drive. He remembered tucking a sleepy Daniel into the bed and the crazy urge that had led him to try and drop a kiss on Daniel’s cheek. And finally, he remembered what that friendly kiss on the cheek had ultimately turned into. Darren also remembered the feelings attached with last night, and could feel a lump rising in his throat. He knew what he felt was real; he had only to look at Daniel now for the feelings to rise up in him again. There was, however, the very real chance
that Daniel didn’t feel the same; that it had been the alcohol talking last night, not the man. They say in vino veritas*, Darren mused. But I’m not sure if it applies in this case. There are some… extenuating circumstances here. I guess I’ll just have to hope he meant it when he said he loved me.

A fine trembling overtook Darren’s whole body. He hadn’t felt this exposed, this vulnerable, in a long time. A part of him wanted to shake Daniel awake and find out right now how he felt. Another larger part just wanted to stay right here and not move, to savor the experience of sleeping next to Daniel. Although Darren hoped that everything would work out, he had the horrible feeling that this encounter was going to go incredibly wrong. If it was, he didn’t really want to face
that right now, barely awake and with a horrible headache. So he lay there, unmoving, and made a memory of this moment. He took note of the way Daniel smelled, of how his soft hair tickled Darren’s cheeks as his head bobbed with every breath he took. He memorized the texture of Daniel’s skin under his fingertips and the sound of his even breathing. And for once, Darren felt
completely and utterly at peace.

For almost an hour, Darren lay there basking in this newfound contentment. The rhythm of Daniel’s breathing lulled him into a half-doze. The headache had almost completely disappeared, replaced by the happiness Darren was now feeling. He had almost fallen completely asleep when movement from Daniel shook him back into full awareness. Darren’s heart began to pound again. His stomach twisted into nervous knots. Daniel’s eyes slowly fluttered open, and bracing himself, Darren met that emerald gaze.

“Good morning,” he whispered softly, heart in his throat.

“’Morning,” Daniel responded. His green eyes were unfocused. It was obvious he had not
yet truly awakened.

“Ugh, my head hurts,” Daniel groaned lightly, stretching his long frame. Darren knew the moment Daniel’s nakedness registered. He tensed, and his eyes widened. Carefully, he turned to face Darren, taking in his similar state of undress. A dawning awareness began to take shape on his face, and Darren watched it carefully.

“Did we…” Daniel asked cautiously. Darren nodded, still watching Daniel’s face for clues.
Daniel’s face went through a great change as memories returned. Shock and amazement were in the forefront, until it truly hit him what had happened. Then the shock was replaced with horror and disgust. Darren’s heart broke.

“Oh, my God,” Daniel said, his tone of voice containing all the emotions on his face. “Fuck.”

Darren’s eyelids swept down to shutter his eyes for just a moment. When he opened them, there was a wall behind them, concealing any emotion he might have felt.

“Well, that isn’t exactly the reaction a lover would wish the morning after, but considering the circumstances, I guess I’ll have to let it go,” Darren said lightly. He quickly got out of bed,
wanting to be as far away from Daniel as possible, and grabbed his boxers from the floor. Finding Daniel’s, he tossed them to the man who was still frozen to the bed in shock.

“Come on, put those on.”

Daniel turned to face Darren, his eyes still wide with shock and horror.

“How can you take this so lightly?” he asked angrily. “We fucking slept together!”

“Yeah, so?” Darren asked, pulling on his boxers.

“So?” Daniel echoed, his voice rising. “SO?”

“So what? It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t MEAN anything?? I fucking slept with a guy, and you’re saying it doesn’t MEAN anything?”

“Daniel, you were drunk. We both were.”

“Well, maybe you’ve woken up next to some guy after a night at the bar, but I sure haven’t,” Daniel retorted. Darren’s eyes flashed with anger.

“I haven’t woken up next to some guy before,” he snapped. “This is just as new for me as it is for you, but at least I’m not freaking out about it. It was just a one-off, Dan. It didn’t mean
anything. We were drunk. Our friendship has always been physical, and I guess the combination of the stress we’ve been under and the alcohol just made it something more. Don’t worry, it’s not a statement on your sexuality or your relationship with me or anything like that.”

“Good,” Daniel said. He was looking down at the boxers he still held in his hands, and so missed the brief flash of pain that crossed Darren’s face at his words.

“Good,” Darren said tightly. “I’m going to take a shower. I suggest you take one, too. Then you can go back home to Kathleen and forget this ever happened. I know I’m going to.”

With that, Darren stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. Once inside, he leaned back against the door, his heart breaking. The headache, which had almost completely disappeared while he was resting with Daniel, returned with a vengeance. Darren swayed
dizzily, a wave of nausea overtaking him. The combination of nerves, heartbreak, and hangover proved too much for him, and he barely made it to the toilet before he was violently ill.

Darren kneeled on the bathroom floor, pressing his forehead against the cool porcelain
of the toilet. It took all he had to reach up and flush, and he slowly, mechanically, rose and turned on the water in the shower. He turned the temperature as high as it would go, then stepped in. The scalding water poured over him, turning his skin bright pink, but he didn’t notice. Darren moved
automatically, shampooing his hair and scrubbing his body. The singer felt like as was wrapped in a
cocoon. Everything felt far away and unreal. He didn’t even notice as some of the water pouring down his face became tears.

The shower ran until Darren began to feel guilty. I probably should save some hot water for Danny, he thought. Reluctantly, he shut off the shower and stepped into the incredibly steamy bathroom. He looked for his clothes, only to realize that he had only brought his boxers in with him.

“Fuck,” Darren said with feeling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is just what I need.” He pounded the countertop with an angry fist. He did not want to go out there in only his underwear. Or
even a towel, for that matter. Lack of clothes would make him vulnerable, and he was sure Danny would be dressed, even if he was just going to walk into the bathroom and take a shower in a
moment. He didn’t want to be exposed in front of Daniel in any way, even physically. It hit too close to home right now.

Well, there’s nothing for it, I guess. I’ll just have to waltz out there like it doesn’t bother me to have Daniel see me like this after what happened. I can do this, right? After all, I am the Diva. That thought made him smile, even if only a little. Deciding that the towel was the lesser of two evils, Darren wrapped it tightly around his waist. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped outside. Daniel was sitting on the edge of the bed, completely dressed. Ha, knew it, Darren thought. The guitarist looked up at the sound of the door, and their eyes met for a moment.
There was a worried look in the green orbs, and Darren wondered briefly who it was for. Then he jerked his eyes away before he lost himself in Daniel’s gaze.

“The shower is all yours,” he said with an airy wave of his hand. “Although you might want to hurry it. I think I used most of the hot water.”

Daniel stood up, rolling his eyes. Whatever softness had been in that gaze had disappeared.

“What a surprise,” he said dryly. Then he stepped into the muggy bathroom and shut the door. Darren stifled the urge to throw something hard and heavy at the closed door and hunted around for some clothes. He wasn’t going to meet Daniel unprepared again.

Daniel, in the meantime, was leaning up against the bathroom door just like Darren had
before. His thoughts were in turmoil, and his mental agitation was not helped by the splitting headache he had. The calm way Darren had reacted to last night had helped him regain a little of his composure, but not much. The guitarist had no idea how he was ever going to face Darren again. The shock of finding himself naked in bed with Darren had brought memories of the night
before flooding back, and Daniel embarrassedly realized that much of what had happened last night was his fault. Darren had tried to stop him a few times, but Daniel had been insistent.

That was what really worried him. Daniel had absolutely no idea why he would have behaved in such a way. It threw everything he had ever believed in his life into doubt, and Daniel hated doubting himself. And what on earth was he going to tell Kathleen? He had promised her he
wouldn’t stay out too late with Darren last night, and then he didn’t even return home. Daniel was pretty sure he’d been too drunk to call and let her know, so Kathleen probably had no idea where he was. This was not going to be pretty.

With a low groan, Daniel scrubbed at his face with a shaking hand. He needed to get back home, to get away from Darren. He needed time to sort out his thoughts. And he needed time to think up a good excuse for Kathleen. He somehow doubted, “Where was I last night? Well, I got drunk, went back to Darren’s hotel, and made wild, passionate love to him” would work here. An almost hysterical laugh escaped him. Things were so messed up right now. With a sigh, Daniel levered himself off the door and turned on the water. Sure enough, it was only
lukewarm. Darren hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d used most of the hot water.

Darren… that brought up yet another issue. He distinctly remembered telling Darren he
loved him. Daniel stripped and stepped into the shower. God, he hoped Darren didn’t remember him saying that. That would make things even more awkward than they already were. He supposed that the words could be explained away in many ways. He did love Darren; Darren was once his best friend, and if they hadn’t screwed things up royally with last night he was well on his way to regaining that position. Daniel guessed that maybe he expressed that feeling of love out of a combination of alcohol and satiation, because he couldn’t really love Darren, right? was was straight. And in
love with Kathleen. He was. No matter how often a pair of soft, loving blue eyes entered his thoughts, or how turned on he had gotten by the sight of Darren dressed only in a towel, it was only lust.

And the lust was only natural after last night. After all, it had been one of the best sexual experiences of his life. That was saying a lot, considering how much he’d had to drink. But, like
Darren had said, it didn’t mean anything. It was just a one-off. Darren was straight, he was straight. They had just had too much to drink last night. Riiight, said a voice in Daniel’s head. If
that’s true, then why do you have to try so hard to convince yourself of this? Daniel firmly shunted that thought aside. In an effort to avoid thinking, Daniel concentrated on the physical. He
shivered slightly. While he had been lost in thought, the lukewarm water had turned cold. Daniel stepped out of the shower and grabbed a nearby towel. Guilty as it made him feel, he was glad
Darren was leaving tomorrow night. The absence of Darren’s compelling presence would make this so much easier to sort out.

Daniel quickly got dressed, then slowly opened the door. Darren was lying on the bed, fully dressed, reading a book. Daniel cleared his throat, and Darren looked up.

“Ah, you’re out,” he said unnecessarily.

“Yeah,” Daniel nodded. The air around them was heavy with the discomfort they felt.
Daniel noticed with a sense of both annoyance and disappointment that the atmosphere was quite similar to the one that surrounded them prior to Darren’s visit.

“So…” Darren said, letting the word hang in the air. He set the book down and fixed Daniel with a serious gaze.

“So?” Daniel repeated, unwilling to be the one to broach the topic.

“Where do we go from here, Danny?”

“What do you mean?” Daniel asked, slightly panicked. “I thought you said last night didn’t mean anything!”

“It didn’t!” Darren exclaimed with more than a touch of exasperation in his voice. “But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t affect us at all. I mean, look at you. You’re obviously not
comfortable with me, and you were before. I think we need to talk about this.”

“Not now, Darren. I really don’t want to talk about this right now. I need to get home to Kat and get something for this headache.”

“But, Danny…”

“No. We can talk about this later, ok? Or even better, not at all.”

“Fine, we’ll talk about this later,” Darren conceded, stressing the last word so that Daniel would be in no doubt about it. “What about dinner tomorrow? Do you still want me to come?”

“Kat will wonder if you don’t show up,” Daniel evaded. The thought of seeing Darren so soon was not a happy thing, but he couldn’t really tell Darren that, could he? He really needed time to curl up and think of what happened, but he got the feeling he wasn’t going to get that in the near future.

“Which doesn’t really answer my question, Danny. Do you want me to come?”

“Dare, please. Just drop it, ok? If you still want to come to dinner, you can. Does that work?” Darren nodded, not looking at Daniel. “Good. Now, I’ve really got to get home. I’ll see you tomorrow, or not, whichever you want. If you decide not to come to dinner, then call me when you get back to wherever you’re touring. Ok, mate?”

“Yeah,” Darren said, still not looking at Daniel. Daniel hesitated, torn between his need to escape and Darren’s obvious distress. His need to escape won.

“See ya,” he offered, hand on the door.

“’Bye,” Darren returned colorlessly. Daniel hesitated for another moment, then stepped outside. The moment the door shut behind him, Darren’s façade crumbled. Silent tears coursed down his cheeks, and his shoulders shook. That was the most horrible thing he had ever experienced. God, Danny, he thought despairingly. How am I ever going to face you again?
But can I just leave? Why did this have to happen now?

Darren curled on his side, pulling his legs close to his chest. Daniel’s scent still lingered on the pillowcase, and Darren inhaled it with every breath. The sobs came harder and harder until they were wracking the slight singer’s form. Darren cried until he could take no more and he fell into the blissful oblivion of sleep.

*In vino veritas is Latin for “there is truth in wine.”

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