Tony Loves Benji | By : MyBloodItches Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2466 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
My mind screamed with so many thoughts- what was going on? WHY we doe doing this to me? Someone you think you know so well- come sometimes turn out to be the opposite of what you thought they were. He’d screwed me over- so hard. I was fucked. Quite literally. There was no way that this could be ‘patched up’. Sure- years prior Tony and I use to joke about being gay- but the laughter simply wasn’t there this time. He’d said it without even blinking. As if the thought didn't even occur to him that I’d begged him not to do something so cruel. So I sat there on the bathroom floor- for what seemed like forever, my head leaned back against the door itself- eyes closed, just crying. How pathetic I know. But I just felt so misunderstoTheyThey didn’t get anything about me. It wasn’t the fact that I wanted every guy in the world- just one. The wrong one apparently.
What was I going to say to my mother? If she ever even talked to me again. And worse still- I couldn’t imagine Joel and I going forever without speaking- I get worried if he doesn’t call me in 2 days. Much less years. He was my twin, my other half. And now I disgusted him. Shame washed over me- I must have been pretty disgusting to wish this on myself. I knew it was stupid- the idea of taming such a wild man- and actually getting away with it. And now he’d completely fucked me over. Life was sunshine and rainbows.
“It could have been a lot worse.” I thought he’d left already-but no, there came his voice echoing through tathrathrooms thin wooden door. I almost just wanted to ignore him, after all he’d probably just ruined my life. But still another part of me knew that he would more than likely be even more upset if I just didn't actually answer him.
“I’d really like to know exactly how..” I shot bacttertterly- I couldn’t help but sound a bit hurt. I WAS hurt. I didn't want to even ask why- because I was mostly afraid of what he’d say. I hate being scared all the time- about the littlest things. How is it that this man could take away all my self confidence.
“Well I could have told them you give blowjobs regularly- I spared you that humiliation.” That seemed a stupid statement- ‘I spared you the humiliation’. Doubtful, very doubtful. The humiliation was set into action long before that.
“Are you joking? Tony that was my family! How could you do that?” I hissed bitterly, still trying to figure the man out. He was so hot and cold sometimes. There was no way this situation was going to be alright.
“you don't need them Benji. That’s all. I was just trying to help you- baby..” My feelings did a complete 180. The word was like music to my ears- and pathetic enough I felt a smile forming over my features. It amazes me how I could be so furious with him and then like the flip of a switch my heart was soaring again. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t walk away- because it was so great to have something to make me feel so alive again. I’d felt dead for so long, I guess maybe Tony had always known that.
“How are you helping me…how is this helping me?” I asked him timidly- peering at him through a crack in the door- now standing with both hands on the door. I guess some times what might be for someone’s best interest isn't always what their heart says to do.
Tony’s face was so sincere it made me want to both slap him and kiss him at the same time- he was an enigma.
“If they cant accept you- then how good are they for you? Don't be stupid Benji- I know what’s best for you. Don't you trust me?” He demanded while shoving the door open forcefully- the door itself flew backwards smacking me in my nose along the way. I groaned as my hands snapped up to cup my throbbing face.
“Jesus christ!” I called to on one in particular still clutching my bloodied face. It was almlikelike the guy was ignoring my discomfort- making me want to cry. Why was he doing this?
“Benji if we’re going to be together- you’ve got to make a choice.” He told me forcefully, shoving me towards the shower stall. I froze.
A choice? A choice between what and what else? That was what got to me. Because there would never be much of a compromise on his part.
“You don't want to be with me.” I corrected him leaning against the stalls hard plastic door- swallowing hard just trying to study over his face. Unable to read his facial features- I prayed inside that he proved me wrong but somehow I felt like I was right. A man like that could never want someone like myself.
“I think it’s you- who doesn’t want to be with me- maybe you don't like me as much as you say you do.” He shrugged hiouldoulders slowly backing himself away from me- and back towards the door. I feel stupid looking at it now. He set the trap- and I just walked into it. Fell for it hook line and sinker.
“You know I do… cant you look at me and tell that?” I asked trying my best to keep him from walking out on me.
“I’ve got my doubts…look I’ll see you around Benji. I’ve got some things to do.” Liar. He was a liar- and I could tell that almost immediately- he had nothing else to do but make me miserable. But I still didn't want to let him go.
“no…no- look tone, don't go okay? Don’t leave?” I nearly begged to him- pilling him gently by the arm. He smiled to me raising an eyebrow curiously.
“Why?” He demanded coldly- still trying to shrug me off. Call me an idiot but at that moment I wanted to do whatever necessary to keep him there.
“Because….I uh,…I…think- I’m ready…” Well, I guess it had to happen some time.
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