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You Learn To Love the Pain You Feel	By : heartgrenade13 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Green Day Views: 1521 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Green Day. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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"Pregnant? This is some kind of a sick demented joke right?"
"No, Ms. Manson you're having a baby. Congratulations!"
"Thanks..."

I walked out of the doctors office with a cloud over my head. I could not fathom the idea of me as a mother. A mother!? I took the long drive back to the hotel. I gathered my thoughts and pulled myself together enough to stop at Billie's hotel.

I looked in the mirror of my car and gasped at how despicable I was being. I wasn't the only one that had to deal with the sudden news. This was also Billie's child. I prayed that he wouldn't get upset as I knocked on his room door.

"Hey, Shirl! What are you doing here?"
"I have some news...that's not so great."
"What's wrong? Oh, fuck. Get in here and tell me what happened."

I knew I would never be able to tell him verbally. The words were stuck in my throat. I thought I wouldn't ever say those two words. Alone they were nothing but together "I'm" and "pregnant" are devilish. I pulled out the printed results and shoved them into Billie's face. I watched him cower as he read allowed from the paper. He slowly slid from off the bed and asked "You don't want it do you?"
"Of course not but what am I gonna do? You know what I mean?"
"Just remember everything happens for a reason. You were meant to have this kid ok? Damn, I'm a dad. I'm going to be a dad. I am going to screw this kid up so badly! Ha! IT's gonna be like two with a nose ring and a Mohawk not one of those faux hawks that all those pussy celebrity babies. "

I bit my tongue to keep myself from saying anything to knock Billie down from his high. I forced a smile and said "Yep, a Mohawk... but what if it's a girl?"
"It can still have a Mohawk! Unless you want it to have like long, luxurious hair like you."
"Right, I should get going. I have some stuff to do."
"Don't avoid me now. Don't think that because were in this shitty situation that you can avoid me to make yourself forget. It's been three great weeks of us dating. We can make it."
"I'm not going to avoid you."

I started walking off then Billie grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me into his arms. He looked me dead in the eyes and said "You're going to be a great mom."
"No I'm not. I can't be a good mom if I hate myself. My kid is half me, right? What if it overhears me saying 'I hate my eyes' and they have my eyes, how do you think their going to feel?"
"I hate to break this to you but you're pretty. Get the fuck over it."
"I can't help it if I lack confidence."
"Maybe, just maybe, if you would let all the compliments seep into you're brain you would finally think something good about yourself. Trust me, ok. I'm not a good liar. You can tell when I lie trust me!"

I pulled my hair over my eyes. I needed to get over my insecurities. He was right. I knew I couldn't though. He didn't know I had a mental illness called BDD. He didn't know that I take the teeniest tiniest of flaws and make them seem so much worse than they really are. I obsess over the little flaws. I see flaws that aren't there.

I stood near bare in front of my full length mirror. I was 16 and already had begun showing the symptoms of BDD. I starred at my body and winced. I looked like a boy. I had no breast or hips even. My face was stern looking and the when I would smile I looked like a fool because of my large mouth and teeth. My eyes were way too big and my hair made me stand out when all I wanted was to fit in.

Billie didn't know a lot about me so I decided to tell him. I told him everything. After it was all said and done he just smiled and said "I can help you get over it. Mental illness or not. I can be your cure!"
"Think what you want."
"I am your cure! Be friggen quiet. You've already done enough for my self esteem!"
"Oh, poor Billie."

I kissed his him lightly. He brushed his cheek against mine. "Didn't you say you like a man that goes down.?"
"What? Oh, yeah. I suppose."
"May I?" he asked with a smirk and raised eyebrow.
"Knock yourself out kiddo."

His tongue slipped inside if me. I gasped and growled and moaned and groaned. "Fuck..." I grunted. "God, you are perfect Billie!"

~~Later during an interview!~~

Reporter- "Ok, Shirley, do you have a boyfriend?"

Shirley- "I believe I do."

R- "Is it turning out to be your fairytale romance?"

Shirley- "So far so good but when things get bad, my boyfriend does dance for me...he's a pretty snappy dancer."

R- "Steve, what is your most irritating personal habit?"

Steve- "Acting weird so that Shirley thinks that I'm really weird, then getting all upset because I don't know why I was weird."

Duke- "What?"

Steve- "Shirley thinks I'm totally weird and I can't figure out why."

Shirley- "We don't want to go there now. Now do we?"

Steve- "No."

Shirley- "Duke, would you iron my underwear?"

Duke- "Absolutely not. Well, maybe if you were pressed for time. No, wait a minute. Get your dancing boyfriend to do that!"

~~Ten Commandments of Love(By Ms. Shirley Manson)
# 7
Thou shalt embrace cunnilingus fully~~

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You Learn To Love the Pain You Feel