...and all the sinners, [are] saints! | By : runningnakedinthepark Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 2308 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
VI
Title: ...and all the sinners, [are] saints! (6/10)
Author: Mr. Naked
Rating: NC 17
Pairing: Till/Olli/Christoph
Disclaimer: Yeah, me too, wish it was real:P
Summary: Lust
Archiving: Only with my express permission.
Inspired by “Asfalt” & “Ma-nconjori” - Luna Amara
VI – Lust
“And I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain”
- The Rolling Stones: “Sympathy For The Devil” -
A kiss is my wish. Take me to your hell... I'm totally obsessed by him; yeah, it's true, I want him. My angel, my demon, putting me in a devil's mood.
His blue gaze fixes us; all bodies tensed waiting for that split of the second when he has to start his part. Keyboards, bass, guitar... then the little drummer boy has to turn on the switch to release all that energy that animates his body.
And his body... wearing sleeveless shirt, jeans - his parted thighs profiled deliciously through the blue fabric. His bare feet; I don't have a foot fetish, but looking at his skin, my lips get ticklish and, somewhere deep in my mind, is a picture of my mouth kissing and sucking his ankles.
My glance meets his...
Now!
Long, strong arms start moving. And those movements, apparently angry, are in fact very precise beats. I can't unglue my glare off his biceps profiling under the silky layer of his skin. And, god, his muscles trembling under the texture of his jeans as he moves his legs too. Rhythmically, accurate, like all his fibers possess this magical vibration and unknown to the rest of us knowledge. He's our pounding heart.
He leans forward a bit; he's not looking at us anymore. His eyes half closed, his very being lost in the beat itself. Under his closed eyelids, he's lost in his own world.
And with each beat, I can see his pectorals, moving, trembling, twitching, luring and hypnotizing me. His half open mouth, relaxed lips, he's abandoned to the very music - an image of ecstasy tempting me to stretch out my hand and cup my palm around him and bring him close to my body, to contaminate me with that bliss running through his veins with the speed of light.
Droplets of sweat gather over his temples; the exposed parts of his chest glitter wet too. Suddenly I'm thirsty and I want to put my mouth on his skin to sip the rivulets streaming on his body, his very essence. And those little gaps on his collar bone, at the base of his neck, are perfect cups to drink that divine nectar from.
He's just an explosion of energy, the air vibrates around those drums he's pounding on. He is on a pedestal, up there, I'm down here. Around me is an ocean of noise and I'm supposed to concentrate upon it.
His ankles aren't bare, he's wearing those black boots. And his thighs aren't covered by blue fabric; they are exposed, going up...
His skin shines in the colors of the rainbow under the stage lights, blinding my gaze; I'm hypnotized already by the repetitive jumps of his knees; I'd cup my lips over the roundness of those knees and feed my desire with their shapes and taste.
But something feels so wrong. Panicked, I throw a fleeting look over the stage; near me it's Richard squinting angrily at me. Few seconds ago, it was my turn and I've missed it. Damn, I fucked up this tune too!
So, I close my eyes, open my mouth and throw myself all into to the swirling waves of our music, following the beats of its very heart.
I don't have to turn my head to know that on my left, Richard is playing his part, but shakes his head slowly, annoyed.
***
“Christoph...” slips between my panting.
I feel his long fingers on my forehead, the blindfold is snatched off my face... I can see.
“That's what you're doing, eh?” Olli grumbles, obviously unhappy.
I look at him unable to even say that I'm sorry.
“Shit, Till, why was I that stupid to think you'd be any different?” He mutters and sits near my naked body. “You're fucking with me, but imagining it's with him, that's how's it's going?”
And what am I supposed to say: “Yes, that's how it is, Olli. I fuck you as I'm blindfolded while I'm fantasizing that I'm with Christoph”?
“What the fuck is going on, Till?” snaps Olli. “Why does it seem like everyone is involved or running after Christoph?”
“Who is?” I ask pretending that I'm looking for my cigs.
“Everyone!” He bursts. “Richard, Paul... you...”
“I'm not!”
He only sighs loud and rubs his bald head.
“And, you?” I'm interested to know. “Are you fucking him too or just running after him?”
I could just talk with him, to find out who Christoph is messing around with. But that probably would make him feel even worse. I swallow this bitter and disgusting wave that invaded my mouth only at the thought of Christoph fucking around.
“I'm both”.
He barely whispers.
I clench my fists, but, realizing what I'm doing, I force myself to relax. I'll do that later, suffering, scratching old scars until they bleed again, bathing in my own misery. I'll have, later, the opportunity to be with myself and curse my stupid way of being that pushed me to do the mistake of refusing Christoph. Now...
I reach out my hand and brush Olli's bare arm. I don't even touch the skin, I keep the tips of my fingers only millimeters away, enough for him to feel the caress, enough to tease him. And the effect of it doesn't wait too long to show up.
His eyelids squeeze a little, he's still upset; he's fighting his arousal. I rise in bed and touch the skin on his neck with my lips, right below his ear lobe.
“No blind fold, this time, Olli” I whisper in his ear while I cup my palms over his nipples. “It will be with you, not with Christoph” I add and peck his bony shoulder.
***
“Then what is the problem?” HE asked.
I looked at my own fingers, gripped nervously onto each other. I had the answer on the tip of my tongue, but I was still wondering whether to just tell HIM and free myself off this torment, or shut up for forever and avoid the shit I was anticipating to come in the moment HE would find out.
But my soul was screaming for that freedom, my own soul and mind, both locked in that cage by my own decisions.
“I like men.” I confessed.
Only then I dared a quick glimpse at him, begging for understanding. I was wishing to be drunk, but -- bad timing -- I was very, very sober.
HE didn't seem surprised, HE didn't appear disgusted as I was expecting and fearing. HE tried to approach the problem like the adult HE was.
I still have THAT image in my mind, after all these years. HE was sitting at that table, with HIS back toward the large window through which white radiating light was flooding the room. I was sitting at the same table, facing HIM and the window, in the small room. I could see only HIS dark silhouette carved on the glittering ocean of light coming through the big window behind him.
“What's wrong with women?” HE inquired of me.
I shrugged. I was wishing for a cig, but I was too young, compared to HIM, I respected HIM, I couldn't have dared to smoke in front of HIM.
“If it were for men to have sex with men, God wouldn't have created women. You know it is not natural, and what is not natural is just wrong” HE said calmly.
“Don't take me with that Bible sh...” I growled, shaking in anger and frustration, but I stopped myself from pronouncing that word. “If that God of yours is like they claim, good and forgiving all the sins, if we are all his creation, then why would he hate me? Why send me to Hell, when he made me like this?”
Now I'm glad I wasn't able to see HIS facial features when I was glaring at the dark shape of HIS head surrounded by the sparkling background.
“God couldn't have created you like that,” HE said.
“You mean it's my choice?”
“Yes, and if you decide to go along with that lust, you are committing a sin.”
In that, moment the walls around us trembled, shaken by my howling, bitter laughter. But HE didn't seem to be impressed at all. HE only waited patiently for me to finish.
“And what's between a man and a woman isn't lust?” I smirked.
“That's how God made this world to be. Between a man and a woman is love...”
“So, it's not possible for a man to truly and genuinely love another man? It's only pure lust?” I hissed standing up.
In that very second the last trace of respect I had for HIM faded out. With that gone, I could feel the hatred in all its splendor, all that hatred I was carrying for HIM, until then choked in some dark corner of my soul. I thought I knew HIM better, such a brilliant mind HE had, but in that day HE proved to me HE was just as narrow minded like everyone else around me. HE fell off that pedestal I've put him on, from where HE ruled my world and amazed me with HIS wisdom. But that was only a lie, like all the lies in my life; HE wasn't a god, HE was just as human and limited as the rest of the humans. That day HE fell at my feet; I stopped fearing HIM. More, I was despising HIM.
“You cannot blame God for your choices. He might be testing you, but he surely...”
“Shut up!” I exploded. “Shut up! Don't you see that you're bringing me only pain? I hate you, I hate everything you did to my life! Shut the fuck up! I don't want to hear you anymore! Don't you think I'm tired of all this shit of yours?”
I was young, scared and puzzled by all that I was going through back then. I needed to be a whole again, I needed to be myself again, and not only that HE refused to help me with that, HE even pushed me even further on that downward slope. I felt like HE just killed and buried me with HIS misconceptions.
All HE did in HIS life was to push me, to make me struggle for that stupid fucking perfection HE was striving for. But in that day, I was willing to tell HIM to take from me all HE ever gave to me, because I didn't want anything anymore from HIM. HE could take away from me all I've dreamed of, too; HE started destroying me long before, and in that day HE just finished HIS work. Cutting off my wings even before I started to fly. I wasn't meant to fly, I was meant to live a stupid long boring life and then die. And inside me all died long before my body started to decay.
That sunny warm day was just another end, like all the days before it, and I was the same fed up, confused and lost man.
Now I just don't give a shit anymore.
***
I cup my palms over Olli's head as his mouth travels along my abdomen, slowly, kiss after kiss, to get to my already stiffened cock. His lips encircling the tip of my member... I moan slightly, leaning my head backward, closing my eyes and arching a little; I rub my thigh against his bicep. I rest my shoulders against the wall behind me, relaxing, allowing the sweet shivers to take over my fibers.
I open my eyes a bit and... Christoph is there, at the end of my bed, smiling, his beaming blue eyes looking over Olli's naked frame. He comes closer, but Olli is too busy working his mouth on my cock to notice that. Christoph lays gently his palm over the lanky man's back as he's kneeling near him. I touch Olli's ear with the tip of my finger, caressing it slowly along its curve. He moans with my cock in his mouth, the vibration of the sound being sent through all my body, making me shiver and twitch. He can't see the other man stretching his neck to touch his earlobe with his mouth, to pick it between his lips and to suck on it. But my glance is caught by that image, though I keep my hand on Olli's shaved head. If I'd dare to run my fingers through Christoph's dark and curled hair, he'd disappear in thin air. I try to smile back at him, seeing him kissing Olli's jaw, getting closer to his mouth, then over Olli's lips folded around my cock, as he's sucking me. I bite my tongue not to call his name again and put Olli off, not to betray again that little secret. I just push my hips upward, to shove my cock deeper in the scrawny man's mouth, as I feel Christoph's long thin fingers traveling along my thigh, his strong arm getting under my lower back, his palm caressing my spine, as he is continuing to kiss Olli's face and the back of my hands.
A rebellious thought crosses my enthralled-by-lust mind, like a seagull calling while flying like an arrow through a blue summer sky above the ocean - Christoph played with all of them, thus, sending them one by one, to me, as presents, for my own pleasure.
My body is an ocean, waving restless, animated by the desire building up; through my eyelashes I see Christoph's hand coiled over Olli's fingers that are pumping at the base of my cock. Then, Christoph's ethereal body rises above me, leaning his chest over mine. His lips lay gently over my parted lips. Under my closed eyes I see his azure eyes gleaming, his perfect mouth getting ready to pronounce the magic words - he wants me, deep inside him; I want him, all, mine, only mine.
I open my eyes, wide. I push Olli's face. He is startled by my abrupt gesture, his eyes questioning me.
“Come here!” I groan with a hoarse voice.
He rises and, putting each leg on the side of my thighs, he sits in my lap. His long, scraggy arms encircle my back, he cups his palm over the back of my head, holding it tilted so he can start kissing my mouth. His muffled moans, and the way he's rubbing his chest against mine, make me grow even harder. I search for the lube on the night stand, while still kissing him. And keep my mouth locked under his, as he chews on my lips and caresses my face. Behind his back, my hands manage to uncap the tube and pour the oil on my palm. He only moans louder into my mouth, as I'm grabbing his ass into my hands, sliding my fingers over his hole to spread the lube. He shudders into my arms as I'm inserting my finger inside him. But he gets the message, positions himself better and pushes himself downward onto my cock as I'm holding it steady just for him. He grips his fingers painfully into my shoulders, he hisses, with eyes closed, but when he starts feeling comfortable again, it's like this frenzy that unleashed in him. His teeth clutch on the skin of my neck, threatening to rip my flesh off. Then he starts sliding up and down on my member, like in a mad, sweaty and exhausting dance.
Under my closed eyes it's Christoph's hips I'm holding in my hands, it's Christoph's choked moans against my skin that he's biting, it's his chest rubbing against mine, it's his thighs over my thighs, it's his body shivering slippery under my grasp. It's Christoph's cock I'm stroking until his seed invades my abdomen. And this demented swirl spins with us both, drowning us both, until, for few seconds I cease to exist, I'm only this huge eruption, dissipating myself, flying above this world, finally.
Then, for a split of the second I'm completely awake, wide open, and realize how far up there I am. So, I begin to fall until I collapse under the sweaty, lanky body over mine.
Little by little I'm hearing Olli panting, accompanied by my own gasping, I'm sensing the wild speed of the blood through my veins. I raise my arm in a futile attempt to caress that poor man's shoulder, but I end up dragging my fingers over his wet sticky skin on the back of his neck.
***
“And who decides whether it's love or lust? Who the fuck decides which love is right and which isn't?” I spat through gritted teeth.
HIS black shape moved against the white rays of light coming through the window.
“God,” HE whispered.
“Isn't it the same god that says we should be tolerant with each other, that we should love one another more than even ourselves?”
“That's not the case here...”
“Then where?” I exploded. “You know what? Fuck you! And fuck all this shit! It's only one big shitty hypocrisy! Doesn't it say in those sacred books that envy, jealousy is a sin?”
The shadow carved through the warm shiny white light nodded slightly, in agreement.
“Yet, that very same fucking god, when he dictates the ten commandments he says he's a jealous god! You can shove up your ass this god of yours, cause he's just another sinner...”
To be continued...
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