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May All Be Pain or Love	By : Skwishee Category: > Kyo/Kaoru Views: 5673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Disclaimer: God X_X Come on people! The only thing I DO own is a cat and a PS2 and about 236127361 jrock memorabilia so please leave me alone, you wouldn't be interested. This story is not for profit...I don't think I could make any anyway. Be gone with your accusatory selves!
Author's Note: Thank you everyone that reviewed!! I really appreciate it! It's been really crazy and my brain has been dysfunctional trying to rework this chapter. It's a filler, so there's not a whole lot of fantastical story twists. Next chapter it gets interesting, and there shouldn't be much of a gap in between because the next two chapters are already done and I seem to be satisfied with them both. Amazing! On with the story!

(6)Easier to Run

Something was definitely going on. The world was weighed down by a stale-smelling air and the clouds were so thick over the moon that it was as if the sky were brewing its own blustering indignation. I could feel the rain in prospect. Soon it would smell sweet and clear and the sky would open up and pour, though some feeling in my gut told me that this storm meant to swallow us all.

Responsibly I wondered if anyone else had felt it coming and shut up the house or if I should go back and check. No doubt the winds would howl tonight...

No, no I wouldn’t go home, and I didn’t. Maybe it was the very idea that Kyo was there, possibly waiting for me to return. Maybe he wasn’t, maybe if I went back he’d be in his room, faithfully ignoring my presence in the house, like always. Kyo was certainly good at pretending things didn’t exist if he didn’t want them to. I didn’t want to see him...not after I had followed him and saw what I did. After he told me we were more or less finished, after I found out he’d had another lover...for years...how long was uncertain. I couldn’t believe how utterly gullible I’d been.

I wandered around for what felt like hours before I had set my mind on sneaking into the temple for the night where I could think things over more thoroughly, at least that was my intention. What really happened was that I went straight to my favorite izakaya and downed seven cups of too strong sake in an attempt to bore the riotous thoughts out of my head.

As much as I hated to admit it, I think Közi had been right, I had never stopped to look at myself clearly before. Always much too concerned with someone else to bother with it, but now that I had and thought of only that, I realized what a complete fool I’d been.

The fat statue of the tanuki outside had beckoned me in, the sign in his hand spouting promises of good fortune for those who entered. What this plump racoon was really saying was that if those inside drowned themselves with spirits, ultimately passing out with their heads on their tables, no mortal trouble would bother them while they slept. It was false fortune, but even then false fortune was better than none at all, I could surely attest to this. I myself seemed to have no manner of fortune at all anymore, and there was very little hope that it would improve.

I’d like to say that upon sitting in that dingy tavern for an hour or two I was struck with a revelation. I had of course been too blind to see it before, but now that everything was clear I was infixed with a new resolve. This new understanding would steer me back to Miya-tei and I would throw Kyo down and show him how much I loved him. If this meant that I should hurt him to prove it...well, so be it.

I’d like to tell you that I was sound enough in mind and body to have arrived at such a militant solution, but I would be lying. In fact, I had no revelations...no miracle answer to my unasked questions and I wasn’t so sure that even if Kyo himself had asked me to that I would have forced the idea of my devotion into him. Really the only thing that I did have at that moment was one cup too many of mentally clouding spirits.

So what did happen? Did I ever reach a conclusion? Did I go home defeatist or victorious? Did I go home at all?...or...did I throw caution to the wind and end up worse for wear? Well...sometime in the long while that I sat and gauged all this, myself and the world around me, I had caught the attention of a young tayuu that had situated herself in front of the ornamental screen in the back of the tavern. Her pose was one of purposeful seduction and she had all the grandiose air of a heian princess; her face an oval, her skin was left nude, not painted like her gaudy counterparts.

The kimono she wore fit her snugly, red as blood, as her painted lips. This woman was not dressed like a traditional tayuu, no over elaborate robes, no heavy ornaments in her hair. Rather, her simplistic style was refreshing but still provocative.

Her red lips turned up in a sly, knowing smile and she moved away from her —no doubt bordello sanctioned—spot. I turned my attention back to my dusty grey cup and brought my free hand up to rub at my temples, not even giving her a second thought after it. I swirled my cup around drowsily, the small amount of liquid remnant inside swishing around the clay container. Suddenly I felt a soft hand on my arm letting me know to keep my cup steady as another hand held the bottle that would replenish my dried fount.

“You look bored.” her voice hit my ears like a spring breeze, breathy and sweet. I glanced at her warily, not even bothering to move my head up to look at her directly. I wasn’t so sure she was worth it.

“Do men who drink alone often look entertained?” I mumbled.
She laughed, probably just to catch my attention. “Why no, but with me around they seem to brighten up.” She slid a long nail under my chin and guided my head upwards. “Now, why haven’t you brightened up yet sweetie?”
I turned my head away and took a sip of my drink. Sake had too strong a kick and a horrid aftertaste, but somehow it felt divine sliding down my throat. “Nothing personal.” I said. “I’m just not in the mood for company.”
“But I think you need some. My name is Kohana,” she offered. “And I’m very good company...ask around.” Her smile made the throbbing in my head subside ever so slightly. I blinked slowly up at her before caving and I motioned for her to sit down. She shook her head.
“I’d rather we went somewhere private, you look like you’re kind of uncomfortable in here.” She took my hand and I let her pull me up. “Come on, I have a room.”

O o o

Being led into the room gave me more of an opportunity to absorb my surroundings instead of having to watch where I was going. An opportunity that normally I would have taken from the start, but the stale fragrance in the upstairs halls told me that wherever I was going wasn’t interesting enough to take notice of in the first place. She was either too used to it or unconcerned.

Plain room. Flat, neutral color. Little daruma doll display on the left.

Remarkable face, this woman. Lush mouth, cool dark eyes. Her black hair was pulled back, a few pieces in the front in a sort of charming disarray that no sophisticated woman would have allowed. She touched the still fresh marks on my face. She seemed to have been dying to this whole time.

“What happened?” Her voice was mellow, but unconcerned.
“A fox...” I took another sip of my drink, I was beginning to feel the strong effects of the liquor.
“I don’t think a fox would do that.” Skeptic smile. She was trying her best to entice me. “At least...not unless you did something to it first...”

“Maybe a little bit of something...” I slurred. “But maybe it had it coming.”

“Oh no.” She said, her voice gaining some sort of supernal undertone that drew out as if she were singing. “Foxes aren’t inclined to do anything but sneak around...anyway, it doesn’t matter...” again she drawled out the end of her sentence compellingly. “You don’t have to tell me anything. You really don’t have to talk at all...” she kissed the side of my mouth. “...if that’s what you prefer.”
She climbed over me, straddling my legs and pulled the sake cup from my hands.

"You don't look like all the other ronin around here.” she observed. “ Those bastards just follow the smell of money and sex into Miyako. You seem different. Much too beautiful to be one of them."
I couldn't focus on her, I don't think I really wanted to. She was unimportant, and yet I was here with her now...what did that say about my sense of priority? I contemplated a moment whether it was really such a good idea for me to bury myself in a cheap whore before staggering back to Miya-tei. Somehow I didn't think betraying Kyo's trust after he had betrayed my own made the ball swing suitably in my favor. Then again, he had let me go, hadn't he? Just that easily? I wanted him to hurt as much as I had been hurt, but was I really able to strike this kind of blow against him?

"I'm not ronin." I told her. "Not so beautiful either, come to that." I looked for my cup again, but she'd hidden it, hadn't she? The witch. "I mean, obviously I'm not even pretty enough to entice my own lover into my bed, why should you be any different?"
She slipped her thin hands behind my head while I pawed the floor behind her for my cup. Her fingers pulled the tie from my hair and raked it loose until she was satisfied with the way it fell over my body.
She pressed firmly against me, her breasts soft against my chest. Was she even wearing anything underneath those robes?

"Samurai?" she purred, absolutely elated since that lone word implied that I could afford her fee. "Aren't I lucky! Well, samurai, your lover is blind; because you..." kiss "are the most..." kiss "beautiful man I've had the pleasure of touching in my career."
God, how insanely simple it would have been to lose myself in those eyes. They seemed as vast and deep as Kyo's. I licked her full lips and brushed my hand across her thigh. She was so incredibly warm and her body much more receptive than his. "Liar." I whispered.

What on earth was I doing? Must I really fall into bed with a woman to prove my masculinity? Dear god, but this was the first woman I had ever touched in this way. Not once in all my years had I bedded a girl. Not once. Am I supposing then that my submission to him would take what I have left of my dominance away? I don't suppose I had ever thought about it, considered it like I should have. It was all he really wanted from me, wasn't it? An equality? And hadn't his own submission earned my respect when he offered it freely to me despite his controlling personality? Did it not make me feel loved? He had played my woman all these years and if that had done anything to affect him, it was that the act of submission had empowered him and now because of that he owned me more than he had before I found myself inside him. I couldn't help but wonder if my own surrender would make me his equal in all things.

"You've had too much to drink." she laughed.
"Yes." I could tell because it made my mouth terribly dry, and my eyes were growing heavier by the minute. All my resistance was failing.

She kissed my mouth and I responded clumsily, letting her do the work. She laughed. "You've got to help me a little. There's only so much I can do with a limp thing like you."
For some reason I found that terribly funny and I laughed. "Isn't it your job to coax limp things into a more...self-supportive position?" I said flirtatiously.
Her black eyes sparkled. "So it is." She put her hand on my groin. "Seems I'm not doing too bad a job here."

I wanted to groan into her mouth when she started to palm my half-hardened organ, and I may have, but I couldn't tell you for sure. Despite my seduction I found myself becoming uncomfortable and I wanted to leave.

"I should go." I told her, but I couldn’t stop kissing her. All of a sudden I couldn't stand the smell of this place anymore, and that body that she pushed against me was too soft, too female; the mouth between her legs no equivalent to the organ I'd grown familiar with all my years. But I hadn't yet moved from my spot and she crooked her head to look at me.

"Thinking about that girl of yours?"
I chuckled at her obvious misinformation, but nodded.
She smiled, picking up my hands again and placing them between the folds of her robes so that they fit around her bare breasts perfectly. "Just pretend I'm her, okay?"

Strangely enough...that wasn't so hard to do.

Her lips were on me faster than my brain was able to process and her tongue was sliding into my mouth lusciously. Her hand furiously kneaded the steadily growing bulge between my legs. It was strange...the way she touched me, the way that she smelled, even the way the silk kimono slid against her skin...they all reminded me of Kyo. Things that I thought were unique only to him...

I had once been similarly straddled by my love. He had pressed me against the wooden supports in the shoji, determined to bring my body to the hardness of his. All of a sudden it seemed that I could feel his hair in my hands, raking my fingers through it as it lay on his naked back. The stale odor was fading, replaced without warning by the smell of his perfume. It was almost as if my memories were drowning me.

“Kyo...” I moaned as I imagined that it was his tongue lapping inside my mouth, his hand that was palming my organ into full arousal. I made myself busy by pulling open her robe and latching on to one of her breasts, devouring the rosy nipple with licks and bites. When she moaned I shook my head to clear it, her voice had sounded deep...masculine. I think I was too absorbed in pretending she was my lover to get a hold on reality. Had I changed the way I heard her voice as well?

She was grinding against me, her bottom pushing against my clothed arousal. My hands caressed the length of her body in ravenous surrender. The curves felt familiar, the smell of her passion, the feel of her soft lips against my neck...

A churning in my stomach pulled me away from her and I drew back quickly hoping to curb my nausea before I expelled the proof of my previous thirst all over the floor. After dry heaving for a few moments I managed to get enough control of myself to settle my body again, regaining also some sober clarity. I realized that she wasn’t Kyo, that this was a brothel and that I had no business being in that place. If that wasn’t enough the stale smell seemed to be worsening in the room. Either this room was used for sex so often that the thick odor had seeped into the mattresses and the tatami, or some wandering creature had died outside the window...perhaps a rat or a bird....I hope it wasn’t the one my grandmother thought was her husband...she’d be dreadfully upset.

"Really, I have to go back, before I do something stupid..." I murmured, shivering for some reason.

She stroked my hair as she sat beside me, "Mmm, back where? What could possibly be better than being in this room with me?"
"Miya-tei." I tried to say it firmly, tried to sober my tongue but it hadn't come out as articulate as I would have hoped.
"Miya...oh no." The shock in her voice made me look up at her suddenly. I couldn't help but wonder if she'd heard rumors of my house. "Get out! I don't want anything to do with Ryozen's bastard samurai. Just...out..." she growled, pulling her robe closed again. "Don't worry about paying me, just leave."

All I managed to do was look at her in a daze. When I moved to stand I must have looked angry because she grabbed my katana from its sheath and pointed it at me awkwardly in her defense.

"What are you...?" My mind was working too slowly and standing up I swayed. "Put that away."
"No. I told your men before I want nothing to do with you. No matter how much you pay me. Why aren't you at Miya-tei with your friends anyway? Rather pick on girls than boys, is that it?"
I grabbed her arm, narrowly avoiding the swipe of the sword as she waved it furiously at me. I pulled it from her harshly, but held it down in a non-threatening way. "I'm not Ryozen samurai!" I growled, angry at her accusation.

She looked at me suspiciously.
"I'm Miyamoto." When I said it her expression changed.

"I...I'm sorry. I didn't meant to...please don't be offended. I've just had bad run ins with Ryozen and..."
I cupped her soft cheek in my palm. "It's fine. Don't worry."
She nodded, her face hardening into a confused expression. "But...if you're Miyamoto then...why are you here killing yourself with sake? Weren't you called away, I heard..."

I stared at her in anxious confusion. "What? What did you hear?"
"All the ronin are talking. All day they are saying things like, "Pretty price Ryozen's offering for that little oni." and "Wonder who will claim Miya-tei tomorrow when he's gone..." And those bastard samurai are boasting how all of Miya-tei will be dead by morning. Oh...you really are from Miyamoto, aren't you?"
"God! They're coming tonight?" I all but screamed at her. All of a sudden I felt nauseous.
"Yes, they say as much, but please, don't go. You'll be killed like this, at least sober up first ne? I can make you some tea..."

I cursed. "There's no time." I pulled a handful of mon from my coin purse, I didn’t count how much, and tossed them on the low futon. "This is for your information. Thank you." She tried to call after me, but I had already taken my effects and left.

[[ The tayuu bent on the futon and ran her delicate hand over the coins, brushing them with her fingertips. The copper melted and twisted underneath her touch. "Pay me in something other than useless coins next time kitten." she said in a newly deep and richly accented, sing-song voice.
Her red lips turned up into a devilish smile. "I was so looking forward to seeing what the hanyou favors so much about you. " she sighed, "But...that would have ruined all my careful planning and that would be a waste, wouldn't it?"
Nimble hands caressed the length of her body, pulling the robe off her naked flesh. Her long fingers played over her breasts and slid down her lower belly till she frowned.
"Maybe something...a little more male next time, I think." The womanly form gave a soft chuckle and pulled back the dressing screen in the far corner of the room, there a voluptuous figure was laying nude and motionless. The woman's face was a perfect doppleganger of 'Kohana's' own beautiful form. Her milky white throat was slit, large burn marks ran up her thighs where long trails of pearly white semen trickled down to sooth the scorches.
"What do you think, was I demure enough? Did you see what I did? I could have had him, but I let him go. I can be merciful, can't I? I mean..." she chuckled. "I'm giving him all the opportunities in the world. It's not my fault if he makes a mess of every one."
The tayuu squatted down, her eyes flashing a brilliant red as she played with the girl's loose black hair.
"Ko-ha-na" she sang in a seductive male voice, "Don't look at me like that. I treated you well." Swiping a long finger through the stark whiteness on the dead woman's thigh, the tayuu brought it up to her mouth and licked the fluid off her digit sensually. "It's not my fault you can't take a fucking like a true whore."

A wicked smile...she whispered, "But...I feel generous, you know. I'll take you to a friend of mine, he likes your kind." 'Kohana' frowned as she looked at the frightened expression still etched into her twin's face, a deathmask. "Sweetheart, don't look so scared. He's beautiful, you'll be loved."]]

TBC...

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May All Be Pain or Love