Dead Like Me | By : poe Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 4827 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
and just so you guys know, these chapters are setting up the story for the present. it will soon be writing about what is going on with gee and frankie now, after they've been friends for so many years.....just thought you should know!
ps - i know what you guys want to see, and i promise, it'll get a whole helluva lot sexier in the chapters to come......i know it's killing you, and you want some hot gee/frankie man action, but you know i can't just make it all smut or it wouldn't really be a story, just pwp.......*smooch* you know you love it! ;)
DISCLAIMER: don't sue me, i don't own gerard or frankie or any other members of mcr......
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Tonight was the night. After almost 5 years of debating the pros and cons of trying to turn our mostly (well mostly from his end) platonic relationship into something not-so-platonic, I decided to fuck it. I had to tell him. It was the honest thing to do. Not that honesty was a big factor in our relationship anyway, but I was just too plagued with the sickness they euphemise as love to live with it eating away at me any longer. And he told me things too. We spent many nights talking about his hopes of making a comic book, or getting his own show, doing something big. He didn't want to be a nobody.
It took me a few years to figure him out. And even then I wasn't entirely sure that I got him pegged. He wasn't as self-assured as I had once thought in my youthful naivete. He was insecure and hated himself on a good day. That was the real reason he slept with so many guys. He wanted to feel like he was in control of something, wanted to feel desireable. And all those guys eased his self-loathing, even if it was only a temporary fix.
I was his prozac, he told me. I was the only thing in the world short of massive amounts of alcohol or vicodin that could level him out, pacify him enough to shut his brain off. He only told me about the insecurity once. And I'm not even sure he would remember that he said it, he was so drunk. He told me a lot of things when he'd been drinking.
I wanted to believe him when he slurred, "You're so good Frankie. Why are you so fucking good?" and passed out in my lap, I wanted desperately to believe that he said it because deep down he wanted me. He liked that I was the opposite of him, even though i had tried (possibly very unsucessfully) to emulate him as best I could.
But you can't live your life based on "if's" and "I hope's". I had to get it over with.
So I decided that my 23rd birthday would be the perfect day to tell him. We were having a birthday/Halloween party for me, and I was so excited, if nauseated by the thought of divulging my deepest secret. But really, what better time to do it? I was going to be smashed out of my tree, and with any luck, Gerard would be too. Not that luck was really a factor. Gerard was pretty much always smashed out of his tree.
I saw him across the room, walking towards me with a big black and orange present in his hands. He looked so adorable, his long black hair matted and greasy, like it always was. He was dressed like a zombie priest, his black suit contrasting incredibly with his stark white made-up skin. He looked ghoulish and beautiful at the same time. I'm sure that I've never thought about a priest in the same way since.
He approached me, holding out the present with outstretched arms. He had a devilish grin plastered to his face, and I couldn't help but smile back at him.
"Open it!" he yelled over the loud buzz of the room. It was full of people. some I knew, some I didn't know. I pulled at the black and orange paper, letting it fall to the floor without a second thought. I opened the box, and pulled away the tissue paper. Inside lay a medium sized metal flask, with "Frankie" engraved on the front, along with a small skull and crossbones. It was gorgeous. And functional.
I pulled it out of the box, and twirled it around in my hands. On the back side it had a larger skull, inside a crude, squarish heart. I looked up at him, truly stunned by the gift. He pulled something out of his back pocket. It was a flask as well, twin to the one he had just given me.
"See, Frankie?" He put them side by side. The front of his had his name and the same skull and cross bones on it. "Now we're samies."
"Samies?" I asked skeptically. Did he just say samies?!
"Yeah, you know. We have something that's the same. But, you can only use it when we drink together, okay?"
I nodded as he handed it back to me. It was such a......gift. I never expected Gerard to actually get me anything personal like that. It was always a card with an IOU inside, or a gift certificate to the record store. He never put thought into my gifts, not the way I did.
"Gerard, it's awesome! But you didn't have to go through all that trouble." I leaned over and hugged him before he realized what I was doing. He hugged me back, and I could feel his warm hands around my waist. He didn't let go for a long moment, and I could barely hear his quiet reply over the noise.
"I know. But I wanted to. You're my best friend, Frankie. I just figured you should know it."
He let go of me, and walked off without another word. I stood there stunned for probably about another two or three minutes before I hit the kitchen to fill up my new toy.
*****
I was well on my way to Drunkville by the time I worked up the courage necessary for the task at hand. I had decided that the gift was just the inspiration I needed, that little extra push necessary to get me to confess. He had to care about me. Why would he get me such a great gift if he didn't? Why would he have gotten the same thing for himself?
I pushed my way through the half-drunken crowd, looking for Gerard. I couldn't see him anywhere. I spotted Mikey, who smiled at me and motioned me over. He'd given me an amazing present as well. He made me a collage of all of the pictures he had taken of me and him and Gerard over the last five years. It was awesome, and I had hung it on my wall above my bed. Mikey was always like that, all sentimental and thoughtful. Basically everything his brother wasn't.
I caught Mikey's arm and pulled him aside. "Hey, Mikey, where's your brother?" I think I was slurring my words at that point, but I'm pretty sure Mikey was drunk too, so I don't think he really noticed.
He shrugged and looked around the room.
"I don't know Frank. Did you try upstairs?"
I shook my head and waved as I walked away from Mikey, and towards the stairs. He was probably just going to the bathroom or something.
I checked every room on the top floor, except mine. He wasn't in any of them. Just as I was about to give up and go back downstairs, I heard a dull thud coming from my room.
"What the hell..." I muttered under my breath, and I stumbled towards my door.
I shouldn't have done it. I heard voices coming from behind the door, and I was sure that there were two people in my room. Like, what the fuck?
I wanted to see what was going on, so I pushed open the door.
My heart shattered into a million pieces, slicing me open from the inside with every dull thud against my ribcage. Again. Like it did every night I saw Gerard go home with another boy. Like it did every morning I saw another boy leaving Gerard's house. I had never actually seen what happened between him and those boys. I knew it, but I never really wanted to find out. It was somehow less painfull if I could imagine that it wasn't the way I knew it was.
But this was more personal. There was no escaping the truth of the sight before my eyes, no mistaking the situation at hand.
This time it still Gerard and another boy. Fucking.
IN--MY--BED.
I don't really remember what happened after that.
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