In Love And Death | By : VenusMoon Category: My Chemical Romance > General Views: 1741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of My Chemical Romance. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Gerard took another long swig from the bottle of vodka on the coffee table and lit up a cigarette. He picked up his pen, attempting to put the emptiness he felt into words. It was an impossible task to try and think through the fog in his mind; the fog that had accompanied him since they'd gotten back to Jersey to the house the band was sharing. He stared at the lines he'd scribbled, unable to make them out as they blurred and danced before him.
Fuck it, he thought, throwing down his notebook and draining the rest of the bottle. He stashed it under a cushion, hoping he'd remember to throw it away before Frankie found it. The last thing I need is another speech about how my drinking is 'out of control' or some fucking thing like that, he thought, remembering the argument he had with Frankie just before everyone left to grab dinner. I quit the fucking coke, what the fuck else does he want?
Frankie could never understand that Gerard needed this. He needed something to dull the slow, empty ache that burned through his chest, threatening to stop his breath. Something to stop the whispers of memories that chased themselves around his thoughts, showing him flashes of things he'd said or done. Something to block the visions of Bert's face the night he left him in that cold, empty hotel room. Something to prolong the realization that he'd lost the only person that ever loved him, and the only person he'd ever loved.
Gerard suppressed another flood of pain that no amount of alcohol could seem to kill and reached for his bottle, forgetting he'd already drained it. He cursed under his breath as he stood up and stumbled to his room, digging through his dresser for the bottle of pain killers he'd hidden there. He tore open the bottle and poured the last four into his mouth, chasing them with more vodka he'd found under his t-shirts.
He made his way back to the living room, clutching at the wall for support as everything started spinning around him. He fought back a wave of nausea and tried to make it back to his chair, but the room wouldn't stop its dizzying, taunting dance. He fell to his knees, banging his head against the coffee table as his vision went black.
********** Gerard awoke to a sharp pain in his ribs. He opened his eyes, trying to figure out where the pain was coming from and where he was. Frankie kicked him again.
"God Damnit, Gerard, get the fuck up!"
He sat up quickly, wincing as pain shot through his head and the room spun once again. He had no time to recover as Frankie hauled him up by his shirt and pulled him into the bathroom, shoving him into the shower. Gerard screamed as he felt ice-cold water wash over his skin.
"Jesus Christ Frankie, I'm not a fucking dog!" he yelled, reaching for the knob to turn off the water. Frankie grabbed his hand, stopping him.
"No, you're staying in there until you sober up," Frankie snapped. "We need to have a serious talk." He folded his arms across his chest, his face serious.
"Whatever, man, I've heard it."
"I know, and its obviously gone in one ear and out the other," Frankie replied, grabbing a towel with one hand and Gerard's wrist with the other. He pulled Gerard out of the shower and toward Mikey's room. Gerard stared, stunned at what he saw when Frankie pushed the door open. Mikey was curled up in Ray's arms, sobbing. He tried to free himself from Frankie's grip and turned his head away. Frankie's grabbed Gerard's chin with his free hand, forcing him to look at his brother. "Look," he said, his voice as icy as the shower Gerard had just been hauled out of. "Do you see what you're doing to your brother?" He asked, his voice rising. "You may not care what happens to you, but there are still people here that do. Mikey loves you, Gee. Damnit, I love you. I'm not letting you do this to yourself anymore."
Mikey looked up, his eyes meeting Gerard's. "Please, Gee," he wailed. "Please stop. We'll get you help if you need it, just... I can't lose you again!" He erupted into fresh tears, burying his face in Ray's neck. The emotionless mask Gerard had been wearing since the end of the tour crumbled when he saw the pain and pleading in his brother's eyes. He ran to him, pulling him from Ray's arms into his own as a torrent of tears streamed down his face.
"I'm so sorry, Mikey," he whispered, stroking his hair. "I'll get better. God, I never meant to hurt you," he said, rubbing his brother's back soothingly as he looked up at the ceiling.
"Promise?" Mikey asked, pulling back to look into Gerard's eyes.
"I promise," Gerard replied, smiling warmly as he brushed the tears from his brother's face.
"Fucking right he promises," Frankie said, tossing Gerard the towel as he joined everyone on the bed. "Because if I find you passed out drunk again, I'm kicking your ass then hauling you to the nearest rehab center." He threw an arm around his best friend. Gerard sighed and leaned his head against Frankie's shoulder. The younger man squeaked at the sudden cold dampness on his sleeve. "Dude, you're getting me all wet!" he laughed, shoving him away playfully. Gerard managed a small giggle and started drying himself off.
"Oh my god, he remembers how to smile," Ray gasped sarcastically. Mikey grinned and pulled his brother into another hug, Frankie and Ray joining him. Gerard smiled as his friends embraced him, the tide of emptiness inside him ebbing slightly.
*********** When Gerard awoke the next morning his hand flew instinctively to the bottle of vodka he had stashed under his pillow. He unscrewed the cap and put the bottle to his lips, pausing as he remembered Mikey's pleading eyes from the night before. He sighed and put the bottle on his dresser, his eyes falling on his cell phone. He grabbed it and flipped it open as he took a seat on the edge of his bed. He sat motionless, staring at the first number in his directory before finally sighing and pressing the call button. He chewed his lip nervously as it started to ring.
"Hello?" Bert answered.
"Hey."
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