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50 ways to love	By : nekochannya Category: J-Rock/J-Pop & K-Pop > GacktJOB Views: 919 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of GacktJOB. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
“Pneumonia?” Masa queried aghast. The doctor nodded somberly after a pause. He had finished examining Ren a few minutes ago and was now telling them the results. They were sitting all around the kitchen table, presenting varying degrees of disbelief.

“Luckily, we caught it at the early stages. Nonetheless we must fight it with all we have. Lung sicknesses are very tricky. He’s dehydrated and exhausted; most probably he’s been sick for sometime now but let it go unchecked. If he is to recover fast, he must have plenty of bed rest, liquids and no undue excitement. The samples collected today will confirm or deny my preliminary diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m correct in my opinion. I will send the rest of the antibiotics he needs as soon as the tests results arrive. Have someone stay with him at all times for at least a week because he’s not to strain himself. He will sleep for a while now, thanks to a light sedative I injected earlier.” The doctor instructed earnestly as he put away his instruments. “Are you sure staying at the hospital is not an option?”

The men present looked at each other and stood amidst a choir of discordant "No's!" Upon hearing such a response, he nodded in defeat. After a pause, he added seriously, “You have a very sick person in there.”

Hearing that comment, Masa sputtered in disbelief and, unable to contain it, dissolved into nervous laughter. His laughter triggered something they’d all been trying hard to hold inside and soon everybody but the doctor was busy laughing their collective ass off until tears started to roll.

Taken aback, the annoyed doctor searched the room for a responsible looking face. These hooligans didn’t seem to understand the urgency of the situation. Soon his eyes fell on a rapidly sobering Chacha. “I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation, sir. I guarantee you, this is no laughing matter. If his condition worsens he will be taken to the hospital, option or not!” he warned before straightening stiffly, a sour expression on his face.

"Gomen nasai, sensei... We are all nervous... and your comment... Um.. we understand and we will take good care of our band mate. If anything happens you will be first to know... It's a promise, ok?" Chachamaru answered looking repentant while the rest continued laughing.

Turning around with a silent nod, the doctor walked towards the living room's door, not waiting for anybody to see him off. Surely someone from the staff would lead him outside after taking care of the costs of his visit. Working for the rich and famous was never easy. 'Hoodlums!' he thought with distaste and followed the man who'd brought him inside.

Chacha leaned against the door as soon as it closed, shoulders sagging with a mix of laughter, relief and fear.

“Masa, you sick fuck! That man wanted to strangle us the moment you burst out laughing!” He gasped as once again hysteric laughter threatened to overcome his judgment. The others just surrendered as their nervous fears dissolved in a shower of forced laughter.

“Fuck! He knows our kitten all right… That doctor does… our Ren’s one sick pervert all right!” Masa giggled, holding his sides while tears coursed unheeded down his cheeks. His sides ached from laughing so much but it was nothing compared to the guilt that threatened to burst from his chest.

Chacha laughed, mixing pain and joy. “Our poor perverted kitten! God! Why didn’t I notice before! I knew he was too silent! I knew something like this was gonna happen sooner or later... That's why I was so against his moving out on his own!” he sobbed finally, his feelings suddenly too much to bear.

Seeing their unflappable bandleader fall apart, they all sobered. Silently, Gackt stood and walked towards the one he considered his older brother, who accepted the comfort he offered. The magnitude of the news left them feeling stunned and curiously detached. Each felt they had reason to believe they were guilty.

One of them didn’t even notice. Heck! He never did until Ren collapsed! Bandleader-sama didn’t want to see what lay before his eyes, he’d stupidly believed everything would fix by itself. That Ren would bounce back from his unrequited love on his own; that the listlessness that had plagued him lately would soon be resolved. Yet another always found himself too busy to realize something was amiss. He hadn’t been able to talk with his lover for the past month, let alone notice his childhood friend’s ailment before it worsened while the fourth one was secure in his belief he was to blame.

‘He would never have gotten sick if I hadn’t sprinkled him with cold water. He was naked for Chrissake! What were you thinking, Masa?’ He berated himself angrily, breathing deeply to clear his head.

You sighed and stood. “Come on, Cha! He will be well soon. You’ll see. Ren knows you care. Take it easy, ne?!” he joined his best friend in consoling their bandleader.

“Would you like some tea? It will make you feel better, ne?” Gackt suggested softly and signaling You to bring it over, he helped his crying friend towards the sofa. Nodding, You moved towards the kitchen to get things done.

Masa grimaced. He was on edge. Looking at them surrounding a crying Chachamaru set his teeth on edge. His imagination got the better of him and he imagined himself screaming at them until his head exploded. ‘Stop the crap! Chacha is not the sick one here! You are all forgetting the truly important person: Ren!’ Edgy laughter once again bubbled inside him and he stood up. Nervous energy filled him and he paced like a caged beast. Unable to stand the tension around him, he stepped silently out of the room and allowed his feet to take him wherever they wanted.

The house seemed weird somehow. It felt empty and cold, completely alien. ‘Just like me.’ He snorted closing his eyes with a sigh. This house holds so many precious memories! Laughter, tears, anger, fear, love, pleasure, lust… so much and yet so little of it remained. Masa sighed, dropping his head. He wandered aimlessly down corridors and steps, turning left or right as the mood struck. He was tired of pretending, of fighting for a relationship he was not sure existed anymore. Standing strong to back up a man, who didn’t seem to notice or care anymore while grinning like a fool, got old after a while. His thin arms curled around himself, as if trying to stop the emptiness from spreading.

‘Please Gods, kami, Allah, Buddha, heck… somebody… anybody! I don’t care! Give me reason not give in to despair! My life has no meaning! My love, my feelings… Gackt… Ren… I can’t go on! Please!’ he cried soundlessly, as his soul crumbled under the weight of his loneliness and guilt. He leaned against the wall, ready to give up and give himself a good, long cry when he realized he stood before the door to Ren’s room.

‘Ren…’ He sighed and straightened. Out of a sudden felt the needed to see for himself his band mate was fine, to reassure himself he would soon be all right. Opening the doorknob with trembling hands, his eyes got used to the semi-darkness. A lone lamp kept at bay the shadows surrounding the small mound on the bed.

‘You seem so small! If your breathing didn’t give you away, we could pass you off as a pillow.’ He giggled softly approaching the bed. His eyes examined the small kittenish face, taking in the dark circles under the eyes and the dark lashes fanning over pale cheeks. He lay on his side, the covers tucked lightly around his body.

‘He looks so innocent! Like a little angel’ he smiled knowing his friend to be anything but whenever he was awake. 'If ever he knew I was comparing him to an angel he would surely tell me to fuck off!' It always came as a surprise to him. How can somebody be such a hardcore pervert one minute and an angel in disguise the next? He was so utterly complex that whenever he thought he had him finally deciphered, Ren would show another side of the puzzle. He always knew the right words to say to make one feel good about oneself. Images of Ren’s angelic acts invaded his bemused brain followed by countless others that proved his perverted instincts. Ren hugging him, asking him if he was ok… Ren groping his ass, wagging his eyebrows after commenting on his sex appeal… so many things! He laughed, wondering.

Ren’s contagious smile and gentle caring had saved his sanity so many times he couldn’t count them. He knew Ren preferred to live in the shadows believing himself unworthy of the light but in truth he deserved to walk in it more than the rest of them. He was very talented... and most importantly... he was free of outside pressure and he enjoyed it. He never did anything he didn’t want to do. Independent and proud... so much like a cat.

A chuckle crossed his lips, 'Ren, my kittenish angel! Incredible! Who would have thought?’ Life with Ren was an adventure, there was constantly something to do, something to discover, something to learn. His famed kitten-like curiosity always got him in trouble and he was cute even if he hated to be called that. His laughter always helped make him feel lighter somehow. Whenever he was troubled by something, Ren was there to hold him, to tell him everything would be fine. He watched over him always. And he had returned all that loving and caring with unfeeling carelessness by getting him sick. ‘Why was he naked that morning? I wonder?’ Sometimes Ren made him feel like he was playing with a Russian doll with a grinning Japanese face. His eyes sought the still form on the bed. The Ren that lay asleep before him was so different from the vitally energetic man he was when awake that it robbed him of breath.

Kneeling beside the bed, he extended his hand and pushed back the stray hairs that hid his face from view. ‘It’s been ages since the last time I could watch you sleep without fearing discovery. Last time you provoked tenderness in me. This time around… I want to hold and kiss you… darling pervert!’ He sighed. It was strange, being able to study him without having him blush or joke; strange but very appealing... sexy even. He blushed. The dark bags under his eyes did nothing to detract from the decidedly masculine features, the wide neck, pale skin and long lashes. The pain lines he could clearly see surrounding his expressive mouth made him ache inside.

“I’m sorry, Ren. Truly sorry.” He whispered, bending over his friend to rest his forehead over the fevered body. Ren sighed and turned, moaning Masa’s name brokenly, his fingers moving slightly as he apparently practiced in his sleep once more. The tension stiffening his shoulders relaxed and a dry laugh escaped Masa’s lips while tears started to course down his cheeks. For a second there, he’d feared discovery and his heart beat frantically. Looking into the small lax face, he swallowed with difficulty. There was so much he wanted to say! So much! But he didn’t dare to. Surely…

“Ren…” he shook his head, surrendering to the guilt that consumed him.

A frail hand fell clumsily over his head. Stunned, he stilled and waited breathlessly for what came next.

“Masa…?” came the soft query. “What’s… wron’?” A gasp pierced the room as Masa straightened and held the hot hand between his. The skin felt dry and tight to the touch but he was so glad!

“Ren?! God, Ren! I’m sorry!” he hugged and kissed his friend’s hand desperately, wanting to reassure himself he would be fine, needing absolution from his sins, aching to touch the one he loved. Loved? Yes, loved. In an instant he came to realize that was the true name for his feelings. He loved Ren, not Gackt. He had become a comfortable habit, something you held close because it was easier than letting go and facing the unknown. Ren was his future and he would hold on with both hands. It scared him. He loved Ren and it felt right. He chose not to think about tomorrow, Gackt or the band. He just held this warmth, this love close to his soul and enjoyed it. It was selfish, he knew. But then… he was a always a selfish bastard.

“Ren…” he trailed off, licking his lips as he stared into the dull eyes that seemed more asleep than awake. The thumb near his cheek moved slightly as if wanting to dry his tears. He shivered and closed his eyes, relishing the delicate touch while his heart absorbed it’s darling’s warmth.

“Don’t cry… Masa… ne?” he whispered again, the frown in his face speaking of the effort made to keep awake. All too soon, his dazed eyes closed again as the sedative worked its magic. “No… goo’...nya? Beautif’l… Ma…sa… I lov’…”

Smiling through his tears, he nodded and kissed the hand he held tenderly. “No… You are… even more so than words can tell… kitten. I love you, my little angel.” He whispered softly near his ear. Leaning closer, he softly kissed Ren’s lips, tasting his own tears but happier than he’d been in a long time. “Pervert!” he chuckled fondly.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?“ Gackt’s steely voice asked from where he stood by the door.

Masa turned quickly around, his face flushed and trembling like a leaf. “Nothing at all… I was just… checking his temperature…” he shrugged and looked at Ren. He was asleep again. Good. ”I was… worried. That’s all.” He lied, offering a quick prayer to whomever was watching over him he hadn’t heard his earlier confession.

“Is that the reason you were kissing him just now? I never thought you were so needy you would attack an unconscious man, Masa.” He said jokingly but watching closely every expression that crossed his lover’s face.

“Just another way to check for fever… my mother used to do it when we were young.” He said and straightened quickly. Walking over to his lover, he smiled seductively. “It’s been lonely around here for the longest time” He pouted engagingly, pressing all the buttons that would get Gackt to do as he wished and right now he wanted him to forget what he’d witnessed in this room. Fast.

“Masa…” he warned softly. He knew his lover was trying to distract him but he was not sure why. Still, he wanted some distraction from his own pain and guilt.

“Care to remind me what it feels like to be fucked by you? I seem to have forgotten…” he whispered into his neck, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his body close. His feelings were too new to be confronted like this. Pushing his heart deep inside his body, he grinned mischievously and bit his lover’s ear. Air hissed through Gackt’s teeth while his body responded eagerly to his lover’s touch. Cupping Gackt’s groin brazenly, he gave it a playful squeeze designed to make him mad with desire. “Come on, Gackto… show me what you are made of…ne?” he pouted prettily and laughed as with a growl the other man lifted him in the air and conduced them to their room. ‘Forgive me, Ren… my angel’ He thought, closing his eyes and giving himself wholly to his lover.
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50 ways to love