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Tease Me	By : Zarim Category: > Kaoru/Toshiya Views: 1714 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Kaoru looked anxiously around the room. It was the same as always, a projection room normally used for presentations decorated for the occasion of handing out the company’s scholarship. As every year there were several people who work for the company, such as researchers and other staff members, as well as the press. He sighed looking at the ever-empty chair reserved for the president of the company. //Why do I have to be here if even HE won’t bother to!? Why did I let Kyo talk me into this?//

Kaoru managed to hide in a corner away from praying eyes and pesky reporters, yet he still felt very tense. His mind insisted on reviewing the events of the past few weeks which kept haunting him. His heart fluttered for a brief second as he remembered the lovely night spent in the arms of the beautiful man who made his entire being tremble, when his thoughts drifted to the morning after in which the same man he had given everything to crushed it like it had been nothing. His soul was empty now, deprived of feelings or emotions. He had been foolish and had to pay his mistake at a very high price. He was now nothing but a slut, wanted by everyone, and loved by no one.

The stressed man jumped in alarm when a pair of unnoticed hands touched his shoulder. It was Mori-san, one of the researchers working for the company who had helped Kaoru throughout the years of investigation. He was very grateful of this old man. It was thanks to him Kaoru’s research time had been more pleasant.

“I was going to ask how you are, but it’s obvious you’re very tense. Do you need assistance of some kind Kaoru?”

“No Mori-san, thanks for your concern. I’m a bit edgy, but I’ll be okay”

“I’ll be around here if you need me. You should come to the front soon, the ceremony is about to begin”

“I will thanks”

Several minutes later Kaoru dragged himself to his seat after it was announced the ceremony was ready to commence. It had been enough time though to immerse himself in his gloomy thoughts. The reticent man rested both hands on his lap fixing his eyes on them and finding they were the perfect target to keep himself oblivious to his surrounding for the next few minutes or at least for all the time he could steal.

A nudge on the side by the person next to him brought Kaoru back to the present state to notice the moderator had called his name and everyone was now staring at his bewildered face which he now saw projected on the big screen. At once Kaoru walked to the stage, ready to say the little speech he had memorized. Part of him felt tired and reluctant to be on stage in front of so many scrutinizing gazes, while the other was just glad this was almost over. The moderator had to keep on talking because Kaoru’s ascent on stage was taking too long after his previous dazed state.

“As you all know this is the third year in a row that Niikura Kaoru wins our scholarship and we are very proud of him. This year President Hara Toshimasa will present the award in order to persuade Mr. Niikura, once his degree is completed, to join the company that regards him in the highest standards and wish for him to…”

Whispers were heard all over the room. The moderator tried his best to remain calm, praising Kaoru over and over, however nothing seemed to work. Kaoru had frozen halfway up the small steps leading to the stage, his eyes shut tight. Some staff members sitting close by approached him believing he might be feeling ill.

Toshiya watched Kaoru intensely from the stage. He had kept hidden from Kaoru until now, although it hadn’t been necessary, since he could have stood in front of the bemused man all this time without him noticing. Toshiya had rehearsed the words he’d tell Kaoru over and over, but nothing had truly prepared him for this moment. Now facing him he was at a loss of words and actions, and all he could do was control his stomach of emptying itself from all the commotion.

Kaoru could barely breathe. He hadn’t realized his body wasn’t moving, or noticed any of the people standing next to him asking for his state. For him the world stopped at the mention of that name. He didn’t or couldn’t care for anything else after that. The struggling man had closed his eyes involuntarily concentrating on just breathing, else the spinning images of his surroundings would have made him collapse. Kaoru was void of every sound, except the soft voice of Toshiya brushing his ears.

“Hello Kaoru”

Toshiya had finally managed to gather enough courage to approach Kaoru. He still wasn’t sure if it was such a good idea to keep this up, but he had already started it. For both his and Kaoru’s sake it was best to finish it, for better or worse. After standing next to Kaoru unable to talk or even touch him, Toshiya finally willed himself to at least talk. The words that had been practiced so many times flowed through his lips without much thought.

Kaoru felt very queasy knowing Toshiya to be so close to him. His voice had been soft, meaning there were only a few feet between them. He didn’t know what to do. His heart was racing at an incredible speed, both from stress and rogue emotions.

“Please Kaoru come up to the stage to claim your prize”

“It’s not enough turning me into a slut you’re determined to make me a whore?”

“Kaoru that was never my intention, but please let’s talk about that elsewhere”

Kaoru examined every puzzled face in the room. He and Toshiya had been whispering to keep anyone from knowing of their torments.

“You and I have nothing to talk about Hara, here or elsewhere”

At the moment he felt an illusory satisfaction since he managed to say many things that had been troubling his mind for days, but as soon as his gaze returned to the waiting Toshiya everything changed back to the same sorrow that had been consuming him. He wanted to turn around and leave at once, but he was sick of running away. Besides, he had earned that money, and whore or not he was going to get it.

Toshiya was astounded with Kaoru’s coldness, especially because he had called him by his last name. Somehow he had convinced himself into believing Kaoru would immediately forgive him and return to his side. Reality was now slowly sinking in. The sea of faces whispering from the audience along with this new perspective on his situation had Toshiya practically shaking with nervousness. It had been long since he felt the risk of losing everything. He was almost able to hear the sound of breaking glass as his crystal castle shattered. He thought Kaoru would need him, that he would crumble at his feet, and now watching his Kaoru standing still before him made him feel so foolish. Maybe it had been him who had needed Kaoru all along?

Kaoru finally willed himself to move towards center stage where the moderator had been waiting for him. He managed to avoid Toshiya who had seized the moment to try getting a hold of his arm. He wished from the bottom of his heart Toshiya would disappear since he couldn’t take facing him anymore, but figured that was impossible. Worse, he had to receive his so called prize from those hands, the same ones who had caressed his skin so dearly one night only to stake his heart the next day.

They both reached the microphone relatively fast. Toshiya immediately took it and began his practiced speech which fell on Kaoru’s deaf ears, who was instead repeating in his mind the horrible words Toshiya said that fateful morning. His thoughts were in turmoil not letting him focus on the time and place he was. Forcing his mind to clear Kaoru could hear all the praises Toshiya was feeding the audience. His falsity and stoic manner increased Kaoru’s chaos. His confused heart was in uproar, ripped between rage and sorrow, but most of all he felt disappointed. He had mistakenly believed to have found a person who understood him, who might even love him, but in its place found the bitter face of snobbish fools who thought money could buy everything. He felt weaker than ever before, but was determined not to show it. Just a look at Toshiya’s face was enough for Kaoru’s emotions to stir, but he had to keep them down because his heart would only be broken once.

Several minutes passed, which weighted like hours for both of them. Finally it was time for Toshiya to hand over the controversial check. He had imagined this moment so many times, but in all of them it had been a happy occasion which would lead to a much awaited celebration. Now he wasn’t sure if handing Kaoru the check was such a good idea. It just brought memories back of the piece of paper as it had lain on his bed where Kaoru left it. One look at Kaoru’s face was enough for Toshiya to know he too was probably reminded of the same thing. At long last Toshiya didn’t delay it anymore and plastering a fake smile on his face he fully turned to meet Kaoru, extending his hand to present his earned scholarship.

The routine had become overly familiar to Kaoru. For a few seconds he merely stared at the outstretched hand. //Not again, this can’t be happening once again// Kaoru closed his eyes, took a big breath and grabbed the check. Still with his eyes clumsily shut he turned away from Toshiya, hand firmly clutching the heavy paper. Kaoru could hear the whispers in the crowd again, along with footsteps behind him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to stay another second breathing the dense air that threatened to enclosure him. A few people stood up to meet him on his way from the stage, but he couldn’t make out their faces. Everything had turned into an undistinguishable blur. Trusting his innate sense of direction Kaoru headed to the exit the best way he could, trying to avoid any obstacles he could make out with his distorted vision.

Finally outside bright sunlight cleared Kaoru’s vision. Breathing free air made him feel better already. Made it all seem like a distant dream. Kaoru proceeded towards the car Kyo let him borrow when he heard the door behind him open. He didn’t have to turn to know who was there and his voice calling him confirmed it.

“Kaoru wait!”

Kaoru continued walking to the car completely ignoring Toshiya’s voice. Toshiya hurried in Kaoru’s direction cutting his path.

“Please wait”

“Hara, I’m sorry for leaving abruptly, but I have other business to attend and can’t stay around”

“That’s not it. I don’t care about protocols. We need to talk Kaoru”

“I said we have nothing to talk about”

“Yes we do! Please come with me, I can explain everything”

“There is nothing to explain. I understand perfectly well I was just fun for you, a one night stand”

“No Kaoru, please…”

“Stop saying please as if you were actually begging me. I can’t stand anymore of your lies”

“I am begging you Kaoru! Please let me explain…please don’t leave me”

“It is you who left me”

Toshiya threw his arms around Kaoru’s neck roughly pressing his lips against Kaoru’s frozen ones in a wild attempt to change his mind and make him understand. Kaoru didn’t move at all. If Toshiya had kissed him earlier he was sure he would have fallen and kissed him back, but now he felt it was too late. Toshiya pulled back, tears visible at the brim of his eyes. He felt the hopelessness of it all crushing down on him.

“This is it then, Kaoru?”

“Yes”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I wish it had been different. Goodbye Kaoru”

“Goodbye Toshiya”

Toshiya stood silently before Kaoru. He watched in sadness at Kaoru walking around him in order to reach his car. He thought of calling Kaoru again, give it one more try to make him stay and explain, but he had seen how stern and determined Kaoru’s face had been.

When Kaoru’s car disappeared from Toshiya’s sight he felt his blood halt as if his heart had lost the reason to beat. Unknown tears stained his face as desperation filled him. He never thought he could feel this way about anyone or anything. Now his own foolishness had pushed away the one person he needed close and he felt truly at lost.
- 6
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