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My Heart Breaks	By : dieromantic79 Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 2186 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
Note: all my other stories are under the penname LondonzBurning, but I kinda forgot the username/password for that account =/ but u should check em out.

Sorry this one is kinda choppy, but I felt the diff perspectives were necessary. Thank you again and again and again to the reviewers!

Ch. 7
Clinically Tested to Make You Horny and Uncomfortable!

(Ville)
At first, Ville was confused. Very confused. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was reading.
‘Bam couldn’t have written this…’ he thought.
The first page was describing someone as if they were the most perfect person in the world, but
the characteristics sounded oddly familiar. And the more he read, the more scared he got…it was
all about him! Every single page! There was no mistaking,
“those damn bright green eyes always light up when he’s smoking like a freak, I think he went
through a whole pack this morning! And why do I find that hot?”
or
“Why would someone get a fucking tattoo around their nipple except to tease people with?!?
Well its working!”
…as being someone else.
Even though he was sitting by himself, Ville squirmed and blushed when Bam went onto describe in detail what seemed like all of his body parts, and speculate on…others.
‘No...this can’t be. This can’t be true, this is a joke…Bam wouldn’t…he can’t!’
His blush deepened when he came across a passage detailing sometime earlier when Ville had passed out on Bam and apparently…
‘I DIDN’T ALMOST GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB! Ok this HAS to be a joke!’
But as he read further, it became painfully obvious it wasn’t. Not even Bam would go as far this for a joke. He wouldn’t chronicle every time they spoke, touched, or even looked at each other for an entire month. He had recounted enough conversations that Ville remembered having so that he knew it was real. Ville was shocked by the precision and detail with which Bam had written everything, as though his sanity depended on it. Bam’s writing eventually branched off onto other things on his mind, but it was all obviously very personal and somehow seemed to always circle back to the main focus of Ville in the end.
Ville now felt immensely guilty for even opening the notebook in the first place, and was about to put it away and tell himself that he had learned his lesson about being nosy.
But he couldn’t.
With every page he read his eyes widened and mouth opened a little more.
He read for about an hour before he got to another amusing passage.
He couldn’t help but smirk as he read through the quick scribbles detailing the time he had been watching porn and Bam came in. He had never seen Bam look so uncomfortable before and he remembered laughing to himself after his friend had rushed out of the room.

(Bam)
Bam rolled onto the floor with a soft thud.
He had fallen off the couch.
His head spun sickly as he winced and decided to just stay put. Bam vaguely remembered drunkenly telling Ville that he liked him and Ville had laughed. He felt pathetic; he couldn’t even say “I like you” the right way. His stomach lurched as the bus moved, and Bam pulled his knees up to his chest to try and stop it. After staying in the fetal position for a minute, Bam thought maybe he should try to tell Ville one more time, but do it properly. As in, be sober. And maybe say “love” instead of “like”…He shut his eyes tightly as his mind formed twisted fantasies about how horribly that could go. Head still spinning, he sighed and found a focal point on the floor, a piece of carpet fuzz, and stared at it.
He just wanted to sink into the fuzzy floor and never come back. He had never felt so low and lost. He had been looking forward to the safe haven of home, where Ville wouldn’t be around every corner taunting him with sparkling green eyes. But now he couldn’t bare the thought of going home, and he couldn’t bare the thought of staying where he was. He didn’t belong anywhere. He wanted to die.

(Ville)
Ville felt like an asshole. He was getting close to the end of Bam’s rantings, he could tell because Bam had started to date his entries and he was about four days away from the present. Bam’s thoughts had started to become less 12-year-old girl-with-a-crush-happy and more 30-year-old-living-in-mom’s-basement miserable; he had voiced his emotions in such a way that Ville could practically feel them coming off the pages. Ville could tell his friend was depressed now, but confused as to why. At this point, Bam no longer wrote about Ville with excitement and energy, but more as if he was sick of feeling such longing with no change. He was sick of the drain it took on his emotions, and Ville’s heart went out to him.
‘How could I have been so oblivious…’ he thought.
But what really got him, what really made his gut clench and his mind decide to do something was when Bam first voiced his thoughts about suicide. It was a very small blurb, but Ville’s eyes caught it immediately.

“…but he’ll never look at me like that…maybe I oughta just end it all.”

Ville shut his burning eyes, and to his surprise, a small tear leaked out and onto his cheek. He sniffed a bit to ward away the next few tears threatening to fall and continued to read.
‘My Bam…my Bammie…no he can’t! All over a stupid crush! I won’t fucking let him!’ he panicked to himself. He couldn’t lose another friend to suicide…
Ville turned the page, it was dated yesterday, but everything was crossed out. Try as he might, Ville couldn’t read a thing as Bam had meticulously blacked out every single word he had written for that day with his pen.
‘Whatever it was,’ Ville thought, ‘Bam didn’t want himself thinking about it again…’
He turned the last page, dated today. Ville frowned; Bam must have written it while they were onstage.

“She emailed me and said she wanted a divorce. I guess I shouldn’t care but it still hurts…its like no one wants me. I wish I could just do it, just fucking tell Ville…”

Ville noticed it was the first time in the entire journal Bam had used his name. The entry ended with Bam debating something, then finally saying,

“Fuck it…I LOVE VILLE VALO.”

It was written as boldly as his pen would allow it without tearing through to the other side of the page. Ville shivered as he closed the notebook and rested it on his lap. His leg muscles screamed from sitting in the same position for so long, but he stayed put, just staring off into space, deep in thought.

‘Love. Wow.’

(Bam)
Bam finally rose from his spot on the floor in the back. He felt less sorry for himself after he was actually able to make it to his bunk without tripping. He collapsed onto the bed with a light groan due to the simultaneous protest from his head, eyes, and stomach. He was so tired that he fell asleep without realizing that his bed wasn’t as lumpy as it usually was.

(Ville)
Ville stood from his spot on the bathroom floor and wiped his eyes; he had been crying silently for the last ten minutes before he told himself to get a grip. During those ten minutes, he reflected on his and Bam’s friendship, realizing there were so many things he loved about the skater. He wanted to find Bam and wake him up and cover him I hugs and kisses and assure him that everything would be fine.
But he was petrified.
He knew Bam needed help, someone to reach out to him, and that it had to be done soon. Ville had no idea how to go about this though. In fact, until about two hours ago he didn’t believe love like this existed anymore. He had grown pessimistic over the years, and though he was still an old-school romantic through and through, he didn’t think people still did things like kill themselves because they love someone so much.

And it wasn’t as if he could just say, “Hey Bam, I read your super-secret personal diary last night and found out not only are you obsessed with me, but you are deeply in love with me and teetering on the brink of suicide because of it…”

Ville turned off the light because his eyes ached, and stared into the small bathroom mirror; he was just barely able to see his reflection in the dark. He didn’t know what to think or feel anymore. He only knew that Bam was wrong about one thing, Ville HAD looked at him “that way” before. But he had never seriously considered…it was just a passing fantasy, and he did that with a LOT of people!
Was Bam special?
‘Maybe.’ He thought as he continued to stare at his dark reflection.
Ville tried to think of Bam the way Bam thought of him. As a boyfriend, as a lover…
He found himself smiling at all of the potential mischief and fun they would have. He exited the bathroom, having an idea of what to do, but would decide officially in the morning. But what he saw when he entered the bunk area made his stomach drop and his blood run cold. Bam had moved and was now asleep in bed. Ville looked dumbly to the notebook in his hand to Bam in the bed.
‘Fuck-’ he started, but then breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed Bam was in the WRONG bed.
‘Haha thank God.’ Ville thought. He shoved the notebook under the mattress in Bam’s empty bed and sat on it. Bam was in Ville’s bunk, obviously too tired or too drunk to notice the mix up. Ville shrugged, just thankful it had turned out that way. He laid down on Bam’s pillow and closed his eyes.
‘I dunno what the fuck I would have done then.’ Ville thought, feeling guilty once again for even taking the notebook.
He drifted off to sleep thinking he could smell Bam’s scent on his pillow…

(Bam)
Bam awoke to the familiar feel of the sunlight stinging his eyes. He closed them and burrowed deeper into the pillow. It was a very nice pillow…it smelled like Ville.
Bam’s eyes jolted open.
‘WHY does it smell like Ville? Not that I mind but…’
He looked around and noticed he was in the wrong bed. His head ached as he turned it too fast to see who was in his bed. His stomach jolted, but not from the hangover, when he saw it was Ville. A little embarrassed, but happy about the switch, Bam stuffed his head back into the pillow and breathed in deeply.
‘Hehe yay…’ he thought childishly as he went back to sleep.

………………………………………

Meanwhile, Ville awoke shortly after with a smile. He knew what he was going to do to. He was going to make Bam’s wildest fucking dreams come true.

………………………………………

Ville squirmed in the ridiculously tight black jeans he had managed to wiggle on. The only reason he had even brought those pants on tour was for when he ran out of clean clothes and got desperate. He squinted at himself in the bathroom mirror. The pants may have been uncomfortable, but at least he looked damn good in them.
He smirked to himself and leaned over the counter to begin applying copious amounts of eyeliner. He hadn’t worn it in awhile, but it was another sacrifice he was willing to make for his plan of seducing Bam. His friend had left enough repetitive hints in his journal that Ville didn’t have to think very hard about his outfit to know it would drive him crazy. He had also decided against wearing a shirt, even though it was still morning and wasn’t very hot.
Ville lounged around the bus with Linde, waiting for everyone to return from a card game on Linkin Park’s bus.
Linde stared icily at him, refusing to say a word.
Ville was now getting annoyed. Linde always had a way of making him feel badly even when he wasn’t doing something wrong. So naturally, when he really had done something wrong, he felt like shit.
He had finally relented after being unable to stand the awkward silence and glaring and told Linde why he was looking through Bam’s things.
Linde seemed startled by the end of the story and eyed him warily.
“You…still shouldn’t have done that.” He finally said to Ville.
“Well yeah but…ugh never mind it’s done.” Ville answered, “So you gotta help me get everyone back off the bus once Bam comes back, ok?”
Linde frowned, “Why don’t you just talk to him about it…it’ll probably just confuse him more if all the sudden pretend like you like him now.”
“Its not pretending, it’s more like…acting on previously…ignored emotions.” Ville said carefully.
“Soo…you USED to like him,” Linde began, “and since you’ve found out he has feelings for you, now you like him again?”
“Well, knowing the other person likes you is half the attraction isn’t it?” Ville said.
“But he LOVES you…there’s kind of a difference, Ville.”
“I can always grow to love him…” Ville said after a moments thought.
“Psh, yeah but you can’t fall in love with someone in a day.”
“I KNOW that Lily!”
A long silence issued between them, before:
“Are your pants tighter than normal?”
…………………………………

Bam stepped onto the bus with Mige, Gas, and Burton cradling his Rockstar drink and wondering when the aspirin he had gotten at the first aid station would start to kick in. His head didn’t hurt as bad as it did this morning, but it was still lightly throbbing. As soon as their presence was known, Linde immediately walked over to Mige and muttered something quickly to him in Finnish. A second later, after the message was passed along, all four of the band members had hastily left, leaving only Bam and Ville.
‘That was weird.’ He thought.
Ville sat on the couch nervously picking at his freshly painted black nails, refusing to look up. Bam couldn’t help but instantly notice he had no shirt on, ridiculously tight black pants, and heavy eyeliner.
‘AH! The eyeliner! Since when is he wearing that again…fuck.’ He thought, shifting nervously, then deciding to sit on the couch too.
“So uhh…I guess I got pretty wasted last night…” he began, lacking a better conversation starter.
Ville looked up suddenly as if just noticing he was there.
“Hey! Y-Yeah…so you ok now?” Ville said quickly.
“Yeah, I’m fine. So, yeah sorry about stealing your bed too, heh.”

Ville took his chance and scooted closer to Bam in the couch, answering, “It’s ok.”
He noticed Bam immediately stiffen at the invasion to his personal space, and Ville smirked inwardly.
“S-So, glad for tour to almost be over?” Bam began nervously.
“Nope, I’ll be sad.” Ville lied.
‘I can’t wait to get off this goddamn bus and sleep in a real goddamn bed!’ he thought.
“What for?” asked Bam, looking at his shoes.
Ville smiled, “Cus I won’t get to see you anymore, of course.” He said slyly, while slowly wrapping an arm around Bam’s shoulder. He could feel Bam’s muscles tighten at the contact.
‘Jeez, I gotta think of a way for him to relax!’
“B-But w-won’t you be glad to leave…to get off the bus?” Bam asked.
‘Damn, he knows me pretty well…’Ville thought, frowning.
“Uh I guess but…” Ville lost his sentence as his thumb started to rub small circles on Bam’s shoulder. If possible, Bam tensed even further.
“Why are you so tense? Relax, darling.” He said, now starting to fully massage Bam’s back.
Bam shivered and whimpered quietly; Ville took this as a good sign and moved behind him so he could use both hands.
“It’s ok…you don’t have to…” Bam mumbled before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. It was obvious to Ville that Bam hadn’t been touched in a kind, intimate way in a long time. After a couple of minutes of the repetitive massaging motions, Ville could tell Bam was getting turned on; and it wasn’t exactly leaving Ville unaffected. He desperately wanted to tell Bam to take his shirt off, so he could feel his skin. But Bam was pretty far gone inside his head at this point. So very, very slowly, Ville ran his hands down Bam’s back and played with the hem of his t-shirt.
“Take this off.” He whispered, not noticing his voice was heavy with lust. Bam said nothing just obediently lifted his arms to help Ville take the shirt off. While lifting the shirt over Bam’s head, Ville couldn’t help but notice the impressive tent Bam’s erection was making as it strained against his jeans. Ville knew he would have to act fast before Bam noticed it too and fled again. He brought his hands back up to Bam’s naked shoulders, and let them fall down his back. He repeated the motion until Bam was shaking lightly. Ville’s eyes drifted to Bam’s tanned neck, and he suddenly had the strong urge to bite it. He was afraid this would freak Bam out though, so he held the urge in, but the throbbing in his cock was telling him to do different…

There was no doubt in Bam’s mind now that Ville was hitting on him. He had no idea why, but he knew he didn’t want it to end. All he could feel was Ville’s hands all over him, they continued trailing and rubbing his back, but would occasionally drift around to his chest. And all he could hear was their heaving breathing, and it got hotter every second. The way Ville was rhythmically breathing in his ear, he could’ve sworn they were having sex. He was sure he probably sounded the same.
Bam’s eyes snapped open when he suddenly felt a sharp pain invading his neck.
‘Holy shit…he’s BITING ME!’
There was no way in hell Bam could have held it in; the long, loud, sensual moan that escaped his lips only made Ville bite harder. Bam felt his warm, tattooed arm wrap around his chest and pull his body flush against Ville’s chest. God, he could’ve exploded right there. He could feel that Ville was just as excited as he was, and it was an incredible turn on.
Ville pressed his cock against Bam’s back, and once again his mind was fucking reeling. His thoughts raced as Ville continued to suck and mark his neck.
‘F-Fuck…what the fuck is going on? Is this a dream? Shiiit it fucking better not be…’ he thought as he desperately tried to clear his mind.
He felt Ville back off from him and he groaned from the lack of contact. Bam hadn’t realized it felt so good until Ville moved.
He barely registered Ville turning him around to face him, before Ville kissed him. It was the lightest, softest kiss he had ever experienced.
But it was in no way sweet, it was just…hot.
Ville’s hands were all over his chest and his lips came back to softly attack Bam’s again and again. Every time Bam leaned forward to deepen the kiss, Ville leaned back before swiftly kissing him again. So light, Bam hardly knew it was there.
Ville’s hand on his chest told him to lie down, but he wasn’t sure how his brain was even working right at this point. The pressure on his cock was unbelievable, and now Ville was lying on top of him making it pleasurably worse. Ville finally released his mouth so he could breathe; he leaned forward until their foreheads touched, breathing as if it had taken a large amount of energy to lie them down.
Using this break, Bam shakily asked, “W-What was tha’ for?”
Ville pressed their foreheads together again before answering,
“I don’t know…I just wanted to kiss you.”
‘That’s fucking good enough for me’ Bam thought as Ville began kissing him again.
It seemed too surreal to Bam, so he just let go, deciding to enjoy it rather than worry. Besides, Ville was making swirly patterns with his tongue on Bam’s collarbone, which was way too distracting for him to be thinking about anything else.
He moaned again when Ville placed a hand over his crotch and lightly squeezed, causing him to jolt his hips up.
“Vi-” the name got lost on Bam’s tongue when Ville kissed him lightly again, squeezing harder.
“T-Take…uhhg” he couldn’t even finish his sentence. But he was hoping that by clawing at his pants, Ville would get that he NEEDED to get them off NOW.
Being the smart boy that he was, Ville got the message and undid the buttons on his jeans, and slid them down his hips. Bam helped him out and pushed his boxers down with his pants, freeing his erection. Bam sighed at the relief as Ville kissed him in the center of his chest. Bam’s fingers itched to touch himself, but as he took a hold of the base of his cock, Ville moved his hand away impatiently. Bam made another pained noise at the denial, and flung his arm over his eyes instead.
Ville continued to kiss slowly down his chest, occasionally nipping at the heated skin. He paid special attention to their shared pelvic tattoo, until stopping when he reached Bam’s cock.
Ville blew on the purpling head lightly, making Bam writhe. After Ville continued licking slowly around it, Bam couldn’t take it any more. He HAD to touch himself somehow, and placed his hand back where he had tried before. Ville slapped his hand away again and Bam whined incredulously.
‘God, he watches too much porn! Torture-teasing ISN’T fun!’
Ville laughed shortly at Bam’s distress, before swallowing as much of Bam’s cock as he could take in his mouth. Bam gasped as though he was struggling for breath, his hands immediately latching into Ville’s hair in encouragement. Ville quickly found a rhythm to work his mouth up and down on Bam, and soon Bam was shaking again.
Much, much too quickly for Bam, he felt himself getting ready to let go. He wanted it to last forever, but at the same time he wanted Ville to go faster and bring him to completion.
The latter came true, and he exploded hard through a haze of white hot pleasure and nothing else.
“Ahh…uhg..” he whimpered out, and probably making some other odd sounds too. But just as he was letting himself fall into the paradise of post-orgasm relaxation, he realized he hadn’t exercised the universal rule of warning someone before just coming in their mouth.
“Fuck, sorry!” he whispered, looking down at Ville. But what he saw made him want to get hard and do it all over again. Instead of being grossed out, Ville had just swallowed Bam’s cum like a pro and was now lying in his lap stroking his own bulge through his jeans.
Bam just watched as Ville closed his eyes and pressed himself against his hand, moaning lightly as the rough fabric of his jeans rubbed against the bare skin of his erection.
“God, Bam…” he moaned out, rubbing himself harder.
Just the knowledge that Ville was thinking about him while touching himself made Bam moan as well; Bam ran his fingers through Ville’s hair as Ville ran his unoccupied hand up his own chest teasingly. Ville opened his eyes to look up to Bam and make eye contact, to be sure he was watching.
Bam couldn’t believe it, he knew Ville was going to jack off for him, and he was gonna get a real show.
Bam watched with rapt attention as Ville closed his eyes again and went back to his task; he ran a couple of fingers under his pants-line, but didn’t take them off. Instead he went back to touching himself all over his chest, pausing at his nipples to rub them roughly. Ville moaned lightly at his own ministrations, and moved his hand down to undo his pants and take them off completely.
Now laying there in Bam’s lap, in all his glory, Ville spread his legs and slowly ghosted his hands over his proudly standing manhood. Bam shivered at the sight and leaned in closer to watch. Ville groaned when he finally allowed his hand to come in contact with his cock, and slowly started stroking himself while his other hand went back to roaming his body.
He continued this for about a minute until he suddenly jerked his hips forcefully into his hand, causing some pre-come to spill out of his already glistening head. Ville used the hand that had previously been playing with his tattooed nipple down to lightly touch his balls. But Bam was surprised when he quickly stopped that and went down lower, testing his entrance.
Bam tensed at this, now painfully hard again, and wondering if Ville could feel the heat of his cock coming onto his head, since they were so close some of Ville’s hair was actually touching him down there. He thought about moving it, but he was sure Ville didn’t give a fuck at this point, especially now that he had two fingers inside himself and pumping his cock wildly.
Ville suddenly stopped and grunted in frustration and pain, he took out his fingers slowly and looked up at Bam; wordlessly, he brought his fingers up to Bam’s mouth, and Bam didn’t hesitate in helping him out. Bam captured the fingers in his mouth and made sure they were all wet before releasing them. Ville went straight back to his previous position and moaned at the easier access Bam’s saliva had given him.
He curled his fingers into himself and gasped, his other hand immediately wrapping around his cock again as he found a winning combo.
“Uhhhg fuck!” he moaned loudly and began to speed up his efforts, now letting out a small sound with each thrust of this hands working himself.
“Fuck,” he muttered again, “fuck,fuck,fuck…” he suddenly jerked in Bam’s embrace and froze, coming all over his chest. He stayed in this position for a few seconds before relaxing all of his previously tensed muscles and dropping his hands to his sides.
There was silence while Ville recovered, until Bam finally spoke.
“Holy fuck, Ville.”
Ville looked up and smiled lazily. Bam had been stroking himself in time with Ville and had released into his hand, but he wasn’t as covered in it as Ville was.
Ville ran his had languidly through the cum on his chest, smearing it more, but not caring as he was lost in thought. Bam, meanwhile, was meticulously moving each hair that was plastered onto Ville’s sweaty forehead and putting them neatly back into place. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, and as Ville drifted off to sleep, he thought he was pretty damn lucky to have someone who was so in love with him.

………………
phew! That one took a long time! This story is almost over!!! Noooo!! Don’t worry...there will be an epilogue/closure type thingy soon! And possibly/maybe/hopefully a sequel…IF you review!
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My Heart Breaks