Spiel Mit Mir | By : lisathecat Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Rammstein Views: 1402 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Rammstein. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
7. Wind
I get out of the cab and suddenly… I don’t know when this wind has started. It blows madly, threatening to pull out branches from trees and roof tiles from houses. Thin, irritant waves of dust in permanent motion are making my eyes sting. I feel the damn dust through my teeth… I’m struggling to keep my way straight through the night. Finding some newsstand or something, to buy cigarettes, seems an impossible mission. The streets near the railway station are empty – everybody seems to have run to take cover from this dry hell.
…
The day started in Christoph’s bed. The mist of last night’s dream dissipating. Was it a bad dream? It didn’t matter. Not as long as I could feel my brother in bed near me. I stretched lazily and I rubbed my eyes. Christoph was looking at me, his head propped on the elbow, his blue gaze tender and a little sad.
“Have you been up long?”
“No. I didn’t move because I didn’t want to wake you.” His hand reached to stroke my shoulder. I tilted my head so my cheek could caress the back of his hand.
“We should get up.”
“How about a few more minutes of … this?” And I stole a little kiss from him.
“I guess the army made me feel guilty for every minute lazed in bed…”
I leaned to kiss his naked belly.
“Come on, you’re not in the army anymore - laze in bed with me.”
He crawled over me and reached out for his watch on the nightstand. He put it on.
“Do you feel less naked now?” I laughed.
He pinned my hands to the bed, as reprisal. I laughed and pulled out my tongue at him. He leaned to capture it in his mouth. He was so warm and his kiss so maddening… My arms wrapped around him in an attempt to melt our bodies together.
“What did you dream?” he whispered. “You said my name…”
…
I suddenly remember the dream. It was night time and the skies were shattered by a massive thunder storm. I was alone, looking for my brother. I needed to find him – I could feel this unknown menace in the air and I couldn’t find my peace until I knew he was safe with me. It was so hard to walk against the wind. Just like now. The streets kept changing – I couldn’t find my way. There were elements that I could recognize for a second, then it all turned back into a labyrinth. But I kept trying to find my brother, getting even more lost. And I was feeling this excruciating pain, because something in me knew that Christoph got lost while looking for me too.
I’m shivering at the memory of the dream. The wind howls through the tree branches. The trains coming and going are wailing their sad song. I feel the same fear in my chest. And I need some damn cigarettes.
…
“Why do you want to take the train? Take the car!”
“It’s dad’s car. I need to prove to myself that I am more than my father’s son. And we all decided to take the train”
“Let me drive you there.”
“I don’t want to say good bye to you at the station.”
“I… I don’t want you to go. I mean… I understand. And I want you to do something, pursue your passion for music and… maybe we all got a bit crazy and… I don’t want you to go.”
“You’ll always have me.”
“I know. But… Is it the best solution now? I don’t know how I can… be without you.”
“You have Paul.”
“I have Paul.”
“He loves you.”
“I love him.”
“I love you more.”
“I’m mad about you… Or maybe I’m just mad…”
…
I’m early. The guys will probably be here in half an hour. They will come with beer, guitars and big dreams about making our own band. I sit on the dirty stairs at the railways station entrance and I’m thinking of Paul.
Paul. A stranger in my brother’s bed. And it’s all supposed to be for the best. I swallow the bitter knot in my throat. What the hell am I doing?
The wind power increases and some paper wrappings are flying by me. I feel just as lost and insignificant. The only thing that gives me an identity in this moment is my jealousy. Paul. I hide my face in my palms.
…
The pain of the thought of leaving my brother with Paul sneaked into my heart this morning and didn’t leave. When my brother was fumbling for some slippers under the bed, I seized the opportunity and his narrow hips and sunk my teeth into Christoph’s sweet ass. Not deep. But enough to leave a little red mark.
“Ouch! You, cannibal!” He punched me in the stomach, jokingly.
“Oh, shut up! I know you like it!”
“It hurt!” He whined.
“But you’re fucking hard!” and I pointed to his hard cock accusingly.
“I was hard before you bit me!” And I kissed him. And he moaned and wrapped his long legs around my waist. I bent to rub my face on his chest. Warmth. His heart beating like mad. So I kissed him again. Breathlessly.
“I’m sorry.” I panted. “Do you want me to make it better?”
“Oh yeah…” Christoph’s cheeks were flushed, his mouth wet and half open, pupils dilated, darkened gaze. He was all want. Like drugged with our forbidden love. And I wanted him just as much.
His legs slid down my sides, caressing my skin with their silk. He let me turn him over, so weak in my hands. I cupped his sweet little ass in my hands and I kissed the little red mark I left there, feeling him shiver.
…
My brother is all perfection. Sometimes I’m jealous of his beauty. I want it all for myself. I want him all for myself. My brother is all love. And I see how his love for me consumes him. Do I love him enough to let go of him? My chest is aching with this crushing emptiness. Do I really know where I’m going? I’m stuck on these stairs, somewhere between yesterday’s decision to leave and tomorrow’s incertitude. Blown by the wind. And I’m cold.
…
This morning I wanted to spend eternity between my brother’s perfect, long, slim legs. Watch his face illuminated by bliss... Hear his voice coarse with arousal, demanding more… Hear him moan at each thrust… Get lost in the heat of his blue gaze…
He came screaming my name. I kissed his brow and continued, thrusting deep and making his exhausted body shudder with more pleasure. I came inside him when, all flushed and breathing heavily, he managed to tell me that this was too fucking beautiful.
It was…
I greedily licked his sperm off his chest. Not wanting to waste a drop, like a strange communion. He caressed my hair with trembling hands.
I looked up at him.
“It’s not like I’m going at the other end of the world. You can always reach me.”
He smiled and rubbed his thighs on my sides.
“Reach you like this?”
I caressed his legs. I didn’t say anything. My finger traced the fine sweat drops under his bottom lip. He closed his eyes and I kissed him.
“I love you, little brother…” but his voice sounded broken.
…
I get up. I start climbing the stairs. The wind pushes me and it’s hard to walk. Just like in my dream… Only now I have control of my way. I’m done waiting and doubting.
One ticket for the first train out of here.
I find my place in the compartment and get out to finally smoke a cigarette. And, like all other travelers, stare at the window like in search of a familiar face. There’s only one I need and he’s not here. And it’s better like this.
“I love you Christoph” I whisper to the empty darkness flowing rapidly along the train in movement.
And I realize that the wind has stopped.
THE END
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