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14 Years	By : lunavin Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Metallica Views: 2583 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Metallica. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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James and Jason walked into the semi-deserted hotel lobby together. The concierge nodded at them with hospitality. James hit the button for the elevator.

There was no elevator employee when the doors opened and they went inside; too late into the night perhaps. James hit the button for his floor. Jason looked over at him and when James turned to him Jason stepped closer, hesitantly.

James waited patiently and when Jason was close enough he leaned down at the same time Jason tilted his head up and they met in between in a kiss. James let Jason set the pace and opened his mouth to Jason’s probing tongue.

They kissed slowly, taking their time, until the bell of the elevator signaled their arrival on James' floor. They separated only then and walked down the hall, James leading Jason to his room.

"Is Lars staying with you?" Jason asked.

James got his key card out and unlocked the door.

"He's next door. I got the room all to myself."

Jason's mind burned with excitement and trepidation over that knowledge.

The room was dark and James switched on the lights. The room was rather unnecessarily large. There was a bedroom and small living room and open kitchen area. It was all pleasantly colored and the drapes on the window were drawn away to reveal lighter curtains that let in a bit of the New York City lights.

James took his jacket off and threw it on the sofa. Jason took his jacket off too and slung it over the armrest before sitting down on the sofa himself.

"Do you want anything?" James said. "There's water and soda. I think there's miniature liquor bottles in a cabinet somewhere here.”

"I'm all right," Jason said.

James only hesitated that second before parking himself next to the bassist with a comfortable enough separation between them.

"So…” Jason said.

"Yeah," James finished.

Jason smiled and looked at James.

"What?" James asked.

"Nothing," Jason looked away smiling.

"Just say it," James said nicely. "If not now when?"

"I'm just a little overwhelmed. I don't even know what to compare this feeling to," Jason admitted. "There's nothing to compare it to."

"I feel like I'm in another therapy session," James said.

Jason laughed.

"Except I didn't make out with anyone in therapy."

"And how does that make you feel, James?" Jason joked.

James laughed before answering.

"Good," James said. "You may have thought it was a lame thing to do, but it really helped. It wasn't just about band issues, some of us had other issues to deal with and it helped to be able to talk about it, at least for me. There was so much stuff I had bottled up for years."

"I just thought it was lame that we couldn't just work it out ourselves. Isn't that what friends do? Do friends go to group therapy? No."

"No, couples go to therapy, and baseball teams apparently."

"So you're comparing Metallica to a marriage."

"Yeah, and you wanted to have an open marriage."

"Oh, god," Jason covered his eyes and leaned back into the sofa.

"Am I wrong?"

"I guess not," Jason said. He uncovered his eyes. "But when people in a marriage start cheating it's usually because they aren't getting what they need at home."

James sighed. "You're right."

Jason looked over at James. There was no sarcasm or anything negative in that statement at all. His heart cursed the way things turned out between him and the band.

"Why couldn't it have been this easy ten years ago?" Jason lamented.

"Twenty years ago," James said.

Jason thought quietly for a moment. "I would have been happy with 13."

James counted back in his head. "When we started recording the stuff for LOAD?"

"I kept telling myself album after album that the next one would be the one where you guys would have me be more a part of the band, but it never happened."

For all his bravado James was now humbled in the face of Jason's feelings. He had talked about all this stuff at length with Lars, Kirk, therapists, his wife, reporters, fans, everyone. That was easy in comparison to sitting next to the man again. There was nothing an apology could do. There was no way he could make it all up to Jason.

"I didn't even have a song on LOAD," Jason continued. "I thought maybe it was because of that night when you caught me with that guy."

"That guy who looked like Phil from Pantera?" Now there was a day he’d never forget.

"I thought I had lost all hope of being taken seriously as a part of Metallica."

RIGHT BEFORE THE LOAD RECORDING SESSIONS. FEBRUARY 1995.

Jason was bent over his bed getting fucked by some biker he'd picked up at a bar the previous night. It was good morning thank you goodbye sex that started shortly after his alarm clock started blaring his favorite rock station. In a few more minutes this guy would be out the door and Jason would be back to a long day of doing absolutely nothing.

He'd gone to a bar the previous night having been left behind by James and Lars in favor of a radio show and Kirk in favor of an AOL chat. Jason was silently waiting for his pot dealer to show up when this dark haired guy in a Harley Davidson shirt and leather pants had insisted on buying him a drink.

The guys from Metallica were gone, the songs for the new album were written, and there was nothing for Jason to do right now but wait and fuck. This guy in particular had been a nice reprieve. It wasn't very often he found someone who was willing to both top and bottom in turn.

The radio in his bedroom was playing Pantera, loudly, and Jason never heard James ringing the doorbell. There was no reason for him to think anyone, let alone James, would be coming by today. He didn't hear James opening the door with his key, because they all had each other’s keys in case of emergencies, when no one answered the door. There was a moment, looking back, Jason thought he heard his name in James' voice.

The truth is he didn't realize James was there until James was already screaming at the bedroom door.

"What the fuck!" James yelled.

Jason looked up in his lustful haze to see the furious form of James Hetfield in his doorway.

"James Hetfield?" said the biker.

Recognition seemed to empower James’ already intimidating form.

"That's right. And you get the fuck off him right now," James yelled.

"Um, Jason?" the biker seemed unsure of what he needed to do.

"James," Jason, in a very compromising position, wasn't sure what to say. "I'm kind of busy."

"What did you just say to me?" James said looking at Jason.

James turned to the biker and stormed towards him, pulling him away and effectively out of Jason. Jason winced and grabbed the sheets from the bed to cover up with. He'd lost his erection somewhere along the way.

"I said get the fuck off him," James screamed at the biker. "And get the fuck out while you're at it."

"I'm sorry man," the guy said. "He didn't tell me you guys were together."

Jason saw the murderous look in James’ eyes and pushed him back, putting himself between the two men.

"I'm not his fucking boyfriend," James yelled. “And if you are well you’re not anymore. So get the fuck out.”

The biker reached down to the floor and started grabbing at his clothes. James grabbed some off the floor and started throwing them out the bedroom door.

"Out, asshole. And I better not hear about this on MTV or some tabloid or something."

James gave the biker one last push out the door and slammed it behind him before turning to Jason.

"It's my private life, James." Jason started to defend. "It shouldn't matter."

"Oh it matters," James said. "It fucking matters a real big fucking lot."

"Why? Reporters already ask if Kirk is gay and you guys use to tell reporters I was gay years ago." Jason started raising his voice. "So why the hell do you feel it's okay for you to come in here and throw some guy out of my house mid-fuck."

There was no way he could explain to Jason why he was angry. When he'd come into the house and heard sex noises coming from the bedroom he knew he should have walked away. But he also knew that it wasn't Kirk in the bedroom, Kirk was at Lars’ house, curiosity had won out and James went to look.

Territorial. That's what he had felt when he opened the door to see some random guy fucking the object of his sexual disorientation. In his head he always knew it was likely that Jason fooled around with men besides Kirk, but he’d never had to see it. To watch another man in a position he’d fantasized being in was too much for James.

"Answer me James," Jason said.

James shrugged out of his internal thoughts.

"I don't ever want to hear about you and some guy," James said deadly calm. "You hear me?"

"You don't get to order me around James. Not here. Not about this."

James walked over in front of Jason. As soon as he got there he realized it was a big mistake getting this close to sweaty naked Jason. He couldn't even look the bassist in the eyes.

How different would it feel to fuck another guy? He wondered as his eyes trailed down the man’s body. Jason would already be slicked, loose and ready from the guy who had just left.

The song in the background ended and James was pulled from his fantasy. Torn between fucking and punching Jason, James let his fist fly into the wall next to Jason's head.

"You hear me?"

Jason nodded. "Yeah James, I hear you."

James walked away and opened the door to the bedroom, all traces of the biker now gone.

"I came to drop off some of the tapes and sheets for the other songs Lars and I were working on. I left them on your coffee table."

"That's fine."

"We'll call you later," and with that James left.

Jason stared after him. He assumed that meant he was still in the band, but he no longer felt the same rush of pride.

PRESENT

"You were jealous, weren't you?" Jason asked.

"Something like that." James said.

"I don't even remember that guy’s name. I thought I had stepped on your homophobic sensibilities."

"You did, in a way."

"You seem so okay now with being attracted to men."

"Therapy. And Fran. She's been very understanding."

"Oh, god, Francesca," Jason suddenly remembered. "Your kids!"

"Don't worry about them," James smiled fondly.

"I’m not sure I can do that now," Jason said. A kiss was one thing, but the possibility for anything more was slowly fading away in Jason’s mind. It wasn't until he felt the disappointment that he realized he really did want to be with James tonight.

"Francesca knows about everything," James stated plainly.

Jason could feel the Earth slip out from under him.
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14 Years