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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
|| Bill’s POV ||

“Mom… I need to ask you something…” I said, walking into the kitchen where she was cooking dinner. The tone in my voice wasn’t anything new to her. I always sounded like this when it was something that I found extremely serious that I wanted to talk about- ever since I was little. From the little things like me telling her that I was too old to watch Barney anymore. To the bigger things like when I told her I was gay. She always accepted, never judged.

But this was going to be different, I needed to know or it would drive me insane. My mom just smiled and me and sat down at the table after she had put away the last dinner dish, “Of course, Bill. What is it?” She asked me, looking at me expectantly.

I sighed and sat across the table from her, my hands folded together as I looked down at the wood beneath them. How do you ask the woman who raised you your entire life if she had been lying to you since the day you were born? Or… at least since the day she had got me? I had never questioned it before. She was the first face I remember. She taught me everything I know. But with Tom… I just wasn’t sure anymore. “Mom… do you remember the boy I told you about yesterday?” I asked her, pulling my lip into my mouth.

She nodded, “Tom, of course I remember hunny. I met his mother yesterday. They seem like a very nice family, though she says her Tom is a little rambunctious, so you be careful.” She said with a warning in her voice.

I sighed, “I know. I’m always careful mom…” I bit at my lip, “We’re a lot alike Yanno…” I said, hoping she would take my extremely vague hint to my question. She didn’t take any notice to it at all. She just gave me that look that told me to continue. “He’s really nice. We... we’re both allergic to strawberries… We both love pasta more then any other food. Tom plays the guitar… and I sing. We have the same colour eyes. We’re about the same height. People at school thought I was him yesterday…” I looked up at my mom, “We have the same birthday.” My mom was only looking more confused as I continued. “Tom was adopted.” My mom paled. She knew what my next question was, and just by the look on her face I already knew the answer. But I had to hear it… I had to hear my mom say it. “Mom… did you and dad adopt me?”

She couldn’t say anything. Her mouth opened and closed a few times in an awkward silence making her look like a fish. I stood up and sighed. I was hurt. They really had been lying to me my whole life. I really wasn’t their son. But more then hurt by my parents’ propaganda of me being their kid… I was scared. Tom and I were both adopted… Tom and I looked alike. Were alike. Tom and I were brothers. Not just brother, we’re twins.

I stared down at the boy sleeping so close to me, his dreadlocks falling in his face as he snored softly, still clinging to me as though he was afraid to let go. How could I have let this happen? I should have found it weird when I liked him right away. I should have found it weird that people thought I was him. I should have noticed something before I kissed him yesterday. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize I did notice something. I noticed Tom. Everything about him.

I noticed what every look in his eyes meant. I could hear in his voice when he was smiling. I felt somehow connected to him when I first saw him in the bathroom at school. I pushed it all aside me liking him. But it was more then that. So much more then that. I noticed things so quickly and so well about him because he was my twin brother. And I had fallen in love with him. I had fallen in love with my twin brother in such a short amount of time. “This is wrong.” He had said to me. If only he knew how wrong it really was.

“Oh Tomi, why do you have to be my brother?” I whispered to the sleeping form who I had my own arms around, laying my head on his own, tears slipping from my eyes and into the mess of hair on his head. How could I tell him, especially after what he had said when he fell asleep? Those few words from him kept running threw my head. God I wish he didn’t say them. “I’m glad you’re not adopted, Billa… you’re not my brother.”

I wasn’t going to stay the whole night like I had promised him. He probably wouldn’t remember asking me to come over anyways. It had been a few hours since he had fallen asleep. Almost three in the morning now and Tom looked like he was in a deep sleep. I tried to move carefully out of his arms to not wake him; I thought he would be to far gone in his sleep to notice anyways. Never underestimate someone who can drink two nights in a row and plan on going to school each and every day.

He woke up the instant I was nearly free from his arms. His hands locked together behind my back so I couldn’t move any further away from him. “You promised you would stay.” I didn’t expect him to talk, hell; I didn’t expect him to be awake. I half wondered if he was or just sleep talking, his eyes were still closed but his voice sounded so clear- no longer slurred and drunk like it had only hours before.

I shouldn’t have been surprised he woke up though, I was a light sleeper, and we’re twins so it’s just as so for him. Fuck! Oh Tom why did you have to wake up? I don’t want to tell you. “I thought you were sleeping,” I scolded him lightly; he just laughed and pulled me back to him, nuzzling his face in my neck. I shivered. Trying to think of anything else, “How’d your hand?” I asked him. It was the only thing I could think to say… stupid I know.

“It’s fine. I only bruised it, trust me, I’ve done a lit worse before.” He told me, running said hand up the back of my shirt and pressing it flat against my skin. “You’re warm, Bill.” He whispered, moving his other hand under my shirt as well. His hands were freezing.

“You’re freezing…” I said back to him, his cold hands on my back made me shiver again. My own warm hand moved and touched the side of his face, it seemed like every part of his skin was cold. “It’s not cold in here, why are you?”

He peppered kisses on my neck, I could feet his lips smiling against my skin. “I can’t help it… I’m always cold. Georg says it’s because I have no heart.” He laughed a little, pressing another kiss to the dark mark he had left me on my neck.

“I don’t think that’s true,” I told him. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t be here. He mumbled something; I think it was that he didn’t either but I couldn’t be sure. He didn’t want me to know. “Tom, I need to tell you something…”

“Me first…” He said, yawning a bit and opening his eyes, pulling his lips away from my neck and looking up into my eyes. “And I have to say this now before I’m completely sober…else I won’t be able to say it at all.”

“But, Tom-”

“Please, Bill.” He cut me off, looking into my eyes with his own almost pleading ones. I nodded softly and but at my lip and he took a deep breath. “Bill… since I saw you at school two days ago I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. Since you’ve kissed me all I want to do is kiss you. And you have to understand that it’s not normal for me to be like that. I don’t think I’m gay… because I don’t like guys. I just don’t… but there is something different about you…” He paused. I hoped he would stop. Of course there was something different about me! I was his brother. “I just want to be around you all the time,” His cold hand moved from under my shirt and he cupped my cheek, “And I can’t stop myself… even drinking didn’t help me get you out of my head.”

I opened my mouth to talk; I had to tell him now, before things got too out of control. But before I could say anything Tom’s lips were on mine and I couldn’t make myself pull away. This kiss was different then the other ones that we had shared with now seemed like so long ago. I was kissing him back, brother or not I knew I had fallen. Andreas always said I fell too easily for people…

He pushed me onto my back and straddled my hips under the covers I had crawled into with him earlier that night. Our lips never parted from each other and Tom was holding himself over me with both hands on either side of my head. He pulled his lips away from mine all too soon and my mind was foggy- I had no logical reasoning to stop this left in my mind. His hands over down my sides and under my small shirt, pushing it up, “I want to see you, Bill…” He whispered huskily in my ear and I lifted my arms over my head so he could pull off my top.

He wasn’t breathing as he looked down at my exposed skin and he sucked his lip ring into his mouth. My hands moved under his shirt, ten times to big for him and in my way of seeing the other boys’ body. He didn’t object as I pulled it pulled it from his body and tossed it aside like he had done to mine. “You’re so skinny, Tom…” I whispered, looking at him and running my hands across his stomach. He was skinner then I was.

“Shhh…” He mumbled, pulling my hands away from his too small stomach and leaning down to kiss me again. I didn’t object. I don’t know how long we spent there on his bed kissing, grinding against each other; both getting completely worked up until there was layer of sweat on our exposed skin. “I want you, Bill…” He mumbled, sucking my ear into his mouth, “Let me take you?”

I couldn’t say no… nothing seemed to matter right now other then Tom not stopping. So I just nodded dumbly and his lips instantly moved away from my ear and kissed down my body, pulling down my sleep pants and boxers with ease, gasping at what he saw. Saw what he was asking for. Not a girl, nothing close to it, especially now without my make-up and my hair in disarray from out kissing.

He sat up and I was almost sure that he had gotten to afraid now. “Why’d you stop?” I asked him, I really didn’t want him to stop. I don’t care how wrong this is. Only I knew it… tom never needed to know.

He just smiled and leaned down and leaned down to kiss me, “I have to get these off,” He said, motioning to his pants. I sat up and took his hands away from his belt, telling him with my eyes to let me do it. He just nodded and my hands slipped around his belt, undoing it and his pants fell easily off his hips after that. Why someone so small wore such big clothes was beyond me. But it worked for Tom.

He kicked his pants off and pushed me back down on hi bed, grinding our naked hips together and we both shuddered in pleasure at the new friction. This was the furthest I’d ever gone with anyone… The furthest Tom has ever gone with a guy. “Shit, Bill…” He cursed, biting down on my shoulder and making me moan, “I fucking need you…”

“Lotion…” I said, grinding my hips hard up against his which made him grind down harder against mine showing he was in control. “We need lotion, Tomi…”

He just nodded, not even bothering to scold me for calling him Tomi like he had done so many times already. He slid off of me and the bed as he slipped from his room, coming back only moments later with a lotion bottle in his hand. “It’s all my mom has…” He told me as he crawled back onto me. “Spread your legs…”

I didn’t know how he knew what he was doing, but he squirted some of the lotion onto his fingers as I spread my legs in front of him. Tom was getting nervous now. I could tell. One of his hands was on my hip as one of his lotioned fingers pressed against my hole and went in. I gasped and my hips arched off the bed. It didn’t hurt, it just felt weird. Cold.

Tom worked that finger in and out of me for a bit until he added a second on and I winced a little. It hurt, but not so much. And I was used to the intrusion soon enough. But when Tom added the third finger I nearly cried out and I tightened around the limbs and Tom groaned. “Fuck Bill, you gotta fucking relax…” He hissed at me and I whimpered a little still.

“How do you even know what your doing?” I mumbled, blinking back tears as he started moving his fingers in and out of me again. I was starting to relax a little.

He chuckled and placed a kiss to my stomach, “Did you miss when I told I’ve had a lot of sex?” He whispered, and I blushed. Right… just not with a guy. But we couldn’t be so different. Tom crooked his fingers inside of me a bit and I cried out, not from pain though. From a pleasure I had never felt. “Oh god, Bill? Are you okay?”

“Y-yes…” I stammered out between my staggered breathing. “Touch that again, Tom… it felt so good.” I begged him, wiggling my hips down on his fingers and he grinned, curving his finger again and pressing hard against my spot making me cry out again, “Oh god! Fuck me, Tomi, just fuck me!”

Tom didn’t need to be told twice. I doubted he needed to be told the first time. He pulled his fingers from my body and I whimpered at the loss of contact before I heard him groan and I opened my eyes to look at him- his hands moving quickly and spreading lotion up and down his hard cock. He grabbed my hips and lifted them off the bed, I nodded at him and he leaned down close to me, catching my lips in his own as he pushed inside of me, catching my cry of pain in the kiss.

He held still as he felt me tighten around him, his head falling against my shoulder and his hands holding tightly onto my hips, “Shit,” he cursed, biting down hard on his lip, “You’re so fucking tight, Bill…”

I took that as a compliment, hearing Tom praise me was making it easier to relax around him. He wasn’t moving yet, I think if I was anyone else he would have just kept going weather or not I was hurting. “I’m okay, Tomi…” I whispered to him, my fingers clinging onto to some of his dreads and he nodded, pulling out and thrusting his hips back into him. It hurt, but not as bad this time.

His pace was slow at first, not going to hard in fear of hurting me, but the pain was nearly completely gone and I was in an overwhelming pleasure I couldn’t handle anymore. I needed him to go faster, harder, this was more of a tease then anything now. I pushed my hips down against Tom’s and he got my hint, pushing his hips harder into me and I moaned loudly.

My legs wrapped completely around his waist and my ankles locked around one another as Tom continued to thrust into me. Sweat was gathering on both of our bodies as we got closer and closer to our orgasms. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to hold on. “Tomi…” I moaned his name.

He groaned in response, angling his hips a little differently and I screamed. “Shhh!” He warned me, leaning down and catching my lips in his to keep me quiet as he rode against my spot over and over. My hands that were I his hair were now desperately clawing at his back; I knew he’d have marks from me and that made me feel proud. He pulled out of the kiss and nipped at my lip, warning me to not be so loud as he started hitting me harder. I had to bite down on my lip to stay in the silence he wanted me too.

One of his hands moved off my hips and ran across my stomach, shaking a little as he wrapped it around my already leaking cock and my entire body arched off his bed. My teeth cutting into my lip and making me bleed from trying to be quiet. “So close, Tomi…” I whimpered threw my staggered breathing.

“Come on, Bill... Come for me…” He said back to me, pumping my cock in time with his thrusts and with those words… telling me to come for him, I lost it. Not being able to help but scream his name as my toes curled painfully and my come spilled over his hand and onto our bodies.

Tom groaned ad bit down on his own lip, panting as he continued to thrust and I tightened around. “Sh-Shit…” he cursed, “Bill…” He moaned as he went ridged and came inside of me. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. He couldn’t hold himself up any longer and his small body collapsed onto mine, breathing heavy and trying to let his heart speed return to normal before he winced and pulled himself out of me.

I was sore already, and I knew it would be worse in the morning. Tom rolled over to his side, his hand over his stomach as he took in a few deep breaths. The way he pulled away from me reminded what Tom had already said before- he slept around. I doubt he let any girl stay the night after he fucked them. “Maybe…” I was still trying to catch my own breath. “Maybe I should go…”

Tom rolled over and looked at me, pulling me close to him and running his fingers threw my hair, “No you shouldn’t… you promised to stay the whole night…” He said, his own voice was ragged and I could feel his heat beating fast as I was held against his chest. “So you’re staying.”

I just nodded and took in a breath, taking in Tom’s scent. He smelled… god he smelled amazing. “Tomi… are you going to regret this in the morning.” I asked him, I regretted the words as soon as I asked them, but I wanted to know. I had to prepare myself for heartbreak if he was going to.

He held me tighter and buried his face in my hair, “I can’t lie to you… I don’t know.” He told me with a sigh, “I regret a lot of things. I do a lot of stupid shit. But…” He tilted my head up and pressed his lips against mine, “I trust you for some reason, so I don’t think I will.”

I forced myself to smile at him before I buried my face in his chest. Oh god… he trusts me. Why did he have to say that too? I felt horrible, despite how good Tom had just made me feel. He trusted me and I basically just lied to him. I let him believe that we weren’t something we really were. He might not regret it in the morning, but he will… I know he will. Because I have to tell him. Eventually he’ll find out, and maybe if I tell him, he won’t hate me as much.
- 6
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- 8
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