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I'll save you from yourself	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2243 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
|| Tom’s POV ||

“You’re kinda cute,” A redheaded little girl sat down next to the little blonde child. He looked different now, older, and colder, not like a little kid should look. He was nine years old. “I like your hair, have you been doing that for a long time?” She asked, pointing to the dreadlocks on the top of his head. They were short; he was putting wax in them when she sat down. He didn’t say anything to her though, just looked away and continued the tedious task of waxing his short dreads.

“They told me you didn’t talk, I didn’t really believe them.” She said to him, pulling her knees to her chest, not taking her eyes off of him. She was taking in his entire appearance so it would seem. “I guess it is true though. I’m Alexia, I know you’re name is Tom.” She said with a smile, the blonde child looked up at her now, wiping his hands off on the over-sized pants he had a been given. All his clothes were too big for him here; he was given hand-me-downs from all the older kids. Alice, the ‘mother’ here said she’d get him knew things that fit him as soon as she could, but the nine year old Tom liked the clothes. They fit him, he figured.

“Come with me, Tom,” She said, taking his hand he had just gotten the wax off of, “I brought some Lego’s with me, I think you’d like them.” His first reaction was to hit her for even touching him, for breaking into his personal space- but she was a girl, Tom didn’t hit girls. So he pushed himself off the ground and let her lead him to the play room where her Lego’s were.

Alexia was Tom’s first friend, even if he didn’t want her as a friend; she stuck to his side at all times. “Tom, I can’t figure this out,” She whined to him, holding out the half built rocket ship. Tom smirked at her- he could see the way the pieces should fit together by looking at the ones scattered around her legs and the messed up ones in her hands. Together, the two of them built the rocket. It took them near an hour, the nine year old boy and eight year old girl kept silently arguing about which piece went where.

Tom would get frustrated with her and snatch things from her hands. He never hit her though, had she been a boy sitting across of him doing things wrong when he knew how to do them, Tom would have long ago hit them and finished it himself- even if they weren’t his toys. But he wouldn’t hit Alexia, he wouldn’t hit the one person here who wasn’t trying to make him talk to them. Who wasn’t trying to force him to get along. She’d just giggle when Tom got mad at her.

“You’re really sweet, Tom.” She said softly, leaning over and pecking him on the cheek. In anyone else’s eyes, that little peck between the two little kids was harmless. To Alice, it was maybe Tom opening up to someone finally. She had been watching them; she noticed Tom wouldn’t be rough with her. Alexia could have been the perfect thing for Tom.

Hell, maybe she would have been. Tom was smiling more when Alexia was around him. He just bat her away when she’d lean in and kiss his cheek or wrap arms around him to hug him. No one thought that Tom would become worse then before, no one thought Alexia would leave him after only three short months. “I’m so sorry, Tomi,” She told him, hugging him close to her.

Tom was stiff in her arms, his face completely blank. He hadn’t even been this bad on the day she met him. He just ignored her at first; Tom had never been so stiff with her. “I’ll come back for you too, Tomi. They’ll want to adopt you too once I tell them about you! You’re so great; they’ll have to take you too!” Tom just looked at the ground, pretending to be ignoring her. Alexia thought he was ignoring her, which was exactly what he wanted.

“You’re my best friend, Tom. I’ll never forget you.” She said softly, tears spilling down from her blue eyes as she tucked the red locks behind her ears. “And I will come back, Tomi. I promise.” She hugged his stiff body once more and kissed his cheek one last time. That was the last time Tom saw Alexia, that was the last time anyone hugged him or kissed his cheek. He forced himself to forget about her.

I had forgotten about Alexia, I hadn’t even thought about my old best friend since the day she left Alice’s home to live with her new family. But when Bill wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek like that, all the memories I had of Alexia came back. Everything I had forced myself to forget about because the stupid faerie-boy had to come way to close to me!

Alexia was the only proof there was that I hadn’t always been so hard and distant from everyone. I honestly think that if Alexia hadn’t left after only three months, I wouldn’t be in here now. I’d probably be somewhere with her right now, actually talking. She was the only one who was ever allowed to call me Tomi, I didn’t even realize until I remembered her why it made me so mad whenever Bill called me it. I hated that name now, because only Alexia could call me it. Even at nine years old, I had known that I loved Alexia; she was my everything for those three months. She was the reason I stopped getting into fights at Alice’s, because when I did, I wasn’t allowed to play with her.

Alexia was the first person I had ever opened up too, in my own weird way. I smiled at her and made her giggle without ever having to say a word. Once or twice she had even made me laugh, a sound she had told me then she would cherish forever. I doubt she even remembered me. I had forgotten her, so why shouldn’t she just forget about me too? It was only fair.

Besides, even though Alexia was the reason that Alice knew I was more then just an empty shell, she was also the reason I became so cold and cruel the way I am now. After Alexia left, I was in a fight almost every other week. Right before I turned ten Alice told me that I couldn’t act out anymore, that she knew I missed Alexia but hurting the other kids wasn’t allowed. I glared at her. I didn’t want to hear Alexia’s name. I had forgotten about her, I didn’t need her.

But even so, I didn’t fight for a week after that. The day after my tenth birthday though, Franklyn thought it would be a good idea to provoke me. He stole the wax for my dreadlocks first and told me I didn’t need it anymore. I was a nobody. Who did I need to impress with stupid Medusa snakes growing out of my head? I beat him black and purple after he said that, bruised every single one of my knuckles on both of my hands too. Franklyn ended up in the hospital with a few fractures, a missing tooth, and a broken nose. I ended up in here.

I absolutely hated Bill right now for doing this too me, hated him for bringing up memories that should long be forgotten! I hated him right now as much as I hated Alexia back then for leaving me. If she hadn’t been a girl, I would have punched her in the face. But Bill wasn’t a girl, so I should have punched him in the face. I think I had just been too shocked at the time to do it.

But deep down, I know that isn’t the reason. For even now, I don’t want to punch him in the face when he gets into this room. I know I won’t punch him for it. I know I won’t hurt him for it. Bill just looks too much like a girl to hit… that had to be the reason. I don’t hit girls, I never have and I never will. Once, Jamie said something to me that pissed me the fuck off. James ended up with a broken arm later that day because of his sister. I couldn’t hit Jamie, even though it was her who pissed me off.

“Just a normal day, streets turn into graves. Traces have been removed, the search was disapproved,” I heard him singing before he was even in the room. It made me smile on the inside, I was glad I brought my guitar in here. I started plucking at the strings and playing the song that was going to be forever burned into my head because of him, “So cold the nigh, the weak ones lose the fight. Too many of them out there, no one seems to care…” He was trailing off as he got closer to the room, I was sure he heard my playing.

He peaked into the room; I was still playing the song even though he had stopped singing it. He looked scared, I knew why. Up until I heard him singing, I had every intention of beating his over the head with my guitar. He was a boy and he wasn’t Alexia. I could hit him. I’m just going to convince myself I didn’t do it because I don’t want to break my guitar, and with Bill’s hard head, it would surely break. “Are you angry, Tom?” He asked in a small voice. I stared at him for a moment before I shook my head and looked back down at the guitar, starting over the chorus for him to sing.

He smiled and came into the room, walking over to his own bed and sitting on it as he sang the next lines to the song, “Lost and so alone, born but never known. Left all on their own, forgotten children…” He took a small breath before letting his eyes rest on me playing my guitar. I’m sure he thought I wasn’t paying attention to him, I also know that I shouldn’t be paying any attention to him. “We'll never hear a name, they carry all the blame. Too young to break the chains, forgotten children.”

He really did have a good voice, and he was amazing with words in a way I could never be. I don’t mean actually saying them either, I mean… coming up with them. Even my head, the biggest word I know is antidisestablishmentarianism… and I don’t have a fucking clue what it means. Only that it’s really long and someone had once said it was the longest word in the dictionary. “They see, they feel, believe. Just like we do. They're laughing, and crying. Wanna live here... Like me and you.”

I played the whole song for him again, and this time, he had sang the whole song for me. “They see, they feel, believe. Just like we do. They're laughing, and crying. Wanna live here... Like me and you…” If my mind hadn’t been in such a jumble of music, memories, and Bill’s voice, I probably would have shuddered. The words were beautiful… beyond so. I almost wish I could tell him that.

“Do you like it, Tom?” He asked me as though on cue with my thoughts, I did shudder that time. It was just too weird. But I flashed him my half smirk and nodded at him. Telling him with the smallest nod of my head that I did like it. I don’t think I had ever given Bill a direct yes or no answer before, I could tell it pleased him by the way his face lit up.

I shouldn’t care if he’s pleased or not really… I know I shouldn’t, but I like the way he smiled at me right now. It wasn’t with that ‘I’m going to fuck you’ look I had gotten from him since the day he came here, it was with this honest to god happy smile that he was pleased I liked his song. “I’m glad,” he said softly, I could tell he was serious, “I couldn’t have written it without you, Tomi.” I winced from the name, it didn’t piss me off this time… it hurt. A lot. I hadn’t hurt like that in over six years.

“You seriously wrote like… the perfect music for it. Everything just wrote itself once I heard you play it. It all made sense, Yanno?” I didn’t know, I just stared at him and he giggled a little, I took in a deep breath and held it, “Maybe not… that’s right, you’re good with numbers, not words.” He sighed a little and leaned back on his hands, “Think about it this way, have you ever tried writing music for something but it doesn’t seem to fit? And then you just heard a noise- like, any noise from a toilet flushing to Georg screaming your name at you to get your attention and suddenly you just know how the whole thing has to go? It’s kinda like that. I just had an idea for this song, but nothing was fitting right. None of the words were going together the way I wanted them too. Then I heard you playing and it just all snapped into place, you’re music was like me hearing the words in my head. The way the song was supposed to go. It just… fit.”

I blinked a few times as I stared at him; no one had ever tried explaining something to me that way before. Putting something I love and understand into its own scenario to help me understand what they were trying to say. It worked… I knew what he meant. If I were to be completely honest with myself, which I haven’t been all day and I know this, it was Bill who had actually inspired the original riff itself. When I was helping him with his math before he went to group, he was tapping his pencil against the table and lightly humming a tune. My riff sounded nothing like he was humming, but I knew exactly what it was supposed to sound like because of it.

“Do you think you understand it now?” He asked me, I gave him a small nod again as I finally set my guitar down, sliding it under my bed so for something to do and not have to look at Bill anymore. “Good,” he said softly, I heard him yawning some and a rustling of his covers as I messed with the things under my bed to make the guitar fit comfortably, “So now you might kinda understand what I mean,” he mumbled tiredly, “When I say that it felt like you wrote it just for me. You made it all make sense to me.” He whispered softly, I turned my head a little only to see him pulling the covers over his shoulder from the corner of my eye, “Night, Tomi.”

I turned my head quickly so I couldn’t see him at all as I slid off the over-sized pants and crawled under my own covers. Maybe Bill was right, I knew the song itself because of something he did… maybe the song was written just for him. Not on purpose, but my some odd twist of fate, it was.

“No! NO! STOP IT!” The shrill screech from my roommate woke me from my sleep and my eyes instantly snapped open. The rooms were all locked, I knew he was the only one in here, I knew it was him waking me up for the second night in a row, if my book wasn’t behind my guitar right now, I’d throw it at him again. “PLEASE! STOP!” He screeched again, only then did his words register in my head. It was grunts and groans like last time, he was frightened. I quickly sat up and turned to look at Bill.

He was thrashing in his bed, covers thrown all around his thing body, half on the floor. Even in his sleep, his face was stricken with fear and the make-up he hadn’t taken off before he fell asleep was in angry black streaks down his cheeks from what looked like tears. “Anything but this! Please! Don’t!” Bill cried in his sleep again and I couldn’t stop myself from quickly getting out my bed. No one else was going to come check on him, kids had nightmares all the time here, we’re supposed to talk about them in group the next day.

“Gordon stop… please…” he cried, falling still, no longer thrashing but tears were still falling from his eyes. It was like some invisible force was holding him still. I knelt down by his bed, grabbing his hand and squeezing it some to try and wake him, I wasn’t getting any reaction from him. He was still crying and I didn’t know what to do. Not until Bill screamed out loud and started thrashing again. I stood up, both of my hands grabbing onto his shoulders and I shook him almost violently. It might not have been the best idea when he was screaming so obviously scared of this man named Gordon, but it had the result I wanted.

Bill’s eyes had snapped open, he was breathing heavily and tears were still streaming from his eyes. “Tom?” He choked out, his eyes focusing in on me and I nodded, he let out another sob before his arms flew around my shoulders and he buried his face into my chest, crying silently into it. I could feel his tears soaking into my shirt and wetting my chest, he was still shaking. I didn’t know what to do… I wanted to push him off of me, he was way to close for comfort, and I wanted to scream in my own frustration.

But despite my own body screaming in my head like it was on fire and despite my mind telling me to push him away and crawl back into my own bed, my arms wrapped back around him and one of my hands rubbed awkwardly at his back. That seemed to work… as weird as it was for me to do. Bill slowly stopped crying and shaking against and his hands that had fisted around my shirt let go. And just before I knew I was going to loose it from him being so close, Bill pulled away and wiped under his eyes with the back of his hands, smearing the already smeared make-up even more.

“I’m sorry, Tom…” he said softly, sniffing back some and taking a deep breath. “It was just a nightmare. I haven’t had it in years, don’t worry about it.” He mumbled taking another breath before looking up at me with a sad smile, “Not that you are worried… I mean, you probably just wanted to yell at me for waking you up again.” Despite everything my entire being was screaming at me to do, I shook my head at him. I wasn’t mad at him, well, I wasn’t mad at him when I realized it was something bad and not another sex dream. Bill’s smile widened at me and he reached forward to run his fingers down my cheek.

I instantly pulled away and got up from the foot of his bed, walking back over to my own and shoving my loose dreadlocks over my shoulder to get it out of my face. He sighed a little bit and crawled back under the covers. He didn’t go back to sleep though, he just laid there, staring at my bed the rest of the night.

I only know that because I didn’t go back to sleep either. I had my back to the wall and was watching him. When I met Bill, I never thought I’d stay up with him half the night and most the morning just staring at him. But that’s exactly what I did, and he was just staring back.
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I'll save you from yourself