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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)	By : urbanephoenix Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Placebo Views: 5829 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction! I do not know any members of Placebo or their families, and I do not profit from these writings.

Chapter List
- 6
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Disclaimer: De Profundis is a work by Oscar Wilde, published by Wordsworth Publications, 1999.
Disclaimer 2: All songs mentioned are copyrighted and the property of Placebo.
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STEFAN.

Oh no, what had he done. Stefan froze, staring down at Brian’s unconscious, bloody body lying on the grass. “You idiots!” he turned to his friends. “Do you know how much shit we’ll get into?”

“Hey Stef chillout,” Matt laughed. “we’ll say he started it.”

Stefan kneeled down and picked Brian up in his long arms and started carrying him back to the school, curious eyes following him.

“What are you doing? He deserved it!” Craig called out. Stef ignored him.

***

“I don’t know what happened,” Stefan lied, placing his friend on the nurses table. ‘Friend, some friend I am!’ he thought to himself.

The nurse eyed him suspiciously but said he could go and she’d take care of Brian who was starting to regain consciousness.

“Actually,” Stef mumbled. “would it be ok if I waited until he woke up? He’s new and, I’m kinda the only person he knows here.”

Reluctantly the nurse fetched him a chair and started to clean Brian’s blood-stained face. “Lucky his nose isn’t broken” she said. “Someone must have hit him pretty hard, he’s lucky to have a friend like you.” She smiled at Stef.

The guilt was killing him. The minutes ticked by, feeling like hours. Head in hands, Stefan waited and waited. Could he be kicked out of school if he had permanent damage? Would he be forced to tell the principal? His father? The police? Tears started welling up in his eyes. He didn’t deserve someone like Brian. He-

“Stef?”

Leaping up from his chair, Stefan couldn’t have been happier. He was awake, thank God.

“Stef, what happened? Where am I?”

Oh shit. Should he tell the truth and be hated, or risk it…? No, no more lies.
“You’re in the nurse’s station. My friends beat you up.” He confessed. “But it was my fault. Brian, I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault.” Tears started slowly trickling down his face, but Stef didn’t care. To his surprise, the battered face on the table before him smiled.

“No really?”

Stef was in shock. “No, I’m serious.”

Brian was clearly confused. “But, why? Why would you hurt me?”

“You… you were angry at me, from this morning. You said some things that got me mad and, those guys got up to defend me.” The look of shock on Brian’s face broke his heart. “But I didn’t ask them to! I told them to stop, but… they didn’t listen.” Stef trailed off.

“I thought you said you’d look out for me.” Brian said softly, taking in what he’d just heard.

Stefan couldn’t drag his eyes from the floor, his heart too heavy. “You outed me. You told them… about us. You wouldn’t stop! I got angry and then they…”

“Stefan,” Brian said, very slowly getting up, putting all his weight, what little of it there was, on his hands. “there is no ‘us’. I would like there to be, but there isn’t. We are just two people who happen to go to the same school, and who happen to have slept together. Once. And then your friends beat me up, again.”

It was the softness and calmness in Brian’s voice that truly broke Stef’s heart. He knew he was right, this would never have happened if he’d not been such a prick this morning. “Where are you going?”

Brian stood up, straightening out his over-sized uniform. “I have English in five minutes.” He said, looking up at the clock and heading for the door.

“Brian! You have concussion, you shouldn’t be going to class!”

BRIAN.

Brian turned and for the second time that day confronted the taller boy. “Why do you know what’s best for me? Thanks to you, I look like this!” he spat, pointing at his face. The bruising around his jaw, nose and eyes was plainly obvious, his delicate face swollen and red. Brian knew he was hurting Stef with his words, but he didn’t care. “If I meant anything, ANYTHING, in the world to you, this wouldn’t have happened.” He walked angrily towards the door, his head pounding.

“Brian…” Stef started.

“Drop it. I’ll see you after school. If you don’t show up, so help me God!”

“What?” Stef was confused.

“We have a music project to do,” Brian sighed. “I won’t let you mess up the one chance I have of doing well at school.” And with those final words, he left, slamming the door behind him.

***

Brian approached the door of his English class, knowing full well he was late. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself but he’d been at this school less than a week and already missed more classes than he’d attended. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door. 30 teenage faces turned to look at him, several people gasping, the teacher looked like she’d seen a ghost.

“Oh my goodness, dear! What happened?” she asked, rushing over to Brian, inspecting his face.

Brian glance to the back of the room, seeing the classmates he knew must have been responsible. Their smug expressions said more than words ever could.
“Nothing,” he smiled, his face burning with every minor movement. “just a bit of a disagreement.”

The English teacher’s eyes widened as she shook her head. “But dear! Your face is purple!”

Brian laughed. “Well,” he started, looking to the back of the room again. “you see, some people just can’t handle the fact that I’m better looking than they are.” Turning back at his teacher, he smiled, tilting his head. “It’s a curse.”

“Well… if you’re ok I guess you can take your seat. Ahem um ok where were we… oh yes, Oscar Wilde says in ‘De Profundis’, “The head of Medusa that turns living men to stone”…”

At that moment, the door opened again. Brian didn’t look, he knew who it was.

“S-sorry I’m late, Ms. Warner.”

“Stefan!” Ms. Warner exclaimed. “Have you been fighting too?”

“No, ma’am. I… I’m just late, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you youngsters thinking you can ‘rock up’ to my class at any old time! I’ll see you after class, Stefan.”

Brian turned his head slightly, seeing Stef slide into the only free desk, which happened to be right next to him.

Ms. Warner continued reading from ‘De Profundis’. Usually something that Brian would be interested in, but he couldn’t stop the pounding in his head. It didn’t help that he could feel Stef’s eyes upon him.

STEFAN.

After class, Stefan reluctantly hung around as instructed. He knew he would probably have to stay for a couple of hours, ruining his ‘no detention’ record for his entire time at high school. Sighing, he knew it was less than he deserved.

“Now, Stefan!” Ms. Warner exclaimed after the rest of the class had emptied.

“Um, Ms. Warner?” Stef was surprised to see Brian walk back in the room.

“Brian I’m in the middle of something here…”

“I know, ma’am, but please don’t punish Stefan. He was late because he was helping me. He took me to the nurse. If you punish him, you should punish me too.”

Stef couldn’t help but smile a little. Brian was clever, but why was he helping him?

“Oh alright,” the teacher gave in. “you two run off, but I don’t want to see either of you late to my class again! And Brian, no more fighting!”

“Thank you, ma’am.” Brian smiled.

Walking out of the school, Stef had to ask the obvious question. “Why?”

“Well, it wouldn’t have been fair, I was late too.”

Stefan stopped. “No, really Brian.” He had to know.

“Look, I don’t really remember much of today, I’m sure it’ll come back eventually. But I know you’re a good person. Everyone makes mistakes.”

“You’re not the least bit mad?” Stef was almost lost for words.

“Do you want me to be? Yes, it hurts, yes it’s humiliating, but it’s not worth fighting with you over. That would hurt far more.”

BRIAN.

It was true. He knew he was better off forgiving Stef than staying mad at him, which would accomplish nothing at all. “Come on, back to my place. We have work to do.”

Stef smiled. “You think you can concentrate in your condition?”

“Well, first priority will, of course, be finding out if my foundation is good enough to cover this ridiculous colour,” Brian answered, making Stef laugh. “but yes, then we can work.”

Brian wasn’t sure how he was going to explain his physical condition to his father, but thankfully he wasn’t home yet. The boys headed up to his room, still in its perfect condition, as always. Heading straight for his dresser, Brian started looking through his make-up. There had to be something he could use. Nothing could disguise the swelling, but that wouldn’t last as long as the bruises would. After applying foundation for a couple of minutes, he turned to face Stef. “Look better?”

“Better than?” Stefan teased.

“You know, do I look pretty again?” Brian laughed.

“You always look pretty. No matter what colour your face is.”

Brian picked up his tattered acoustic guitar and sat on the bed, slowly tuning it as best he could by ear. “I have an idea for a song,” he said, still tuning.

“Oh?” Stef joined him.

“I thought of it in English, not sure it’ll fit the music I wrote last night, but it’s worth a shot.”

“What’s it called?”

“Bruise Pristine.”

Stef chucked at the irony. “Ok, let’s hear it.”

STEFAN.

Stef wasn’t really paying attention to the words coming out of Brian’s mouth. He was concentrating more on the guitar. It was the first time he’d seen Brian play, and he moved with such grace, so naturally like the guitar was an extension of himself.

“Well?” Brian asked. “I know it sounded a bit weird, my face kinda hurts.”

Stefan snapped out of it. “Great! We might fine-tune a few of those chords but I like it.” Grabbing the guitar, Stef started to try and play what he’d just heard, tidying it up under Brian’s watchful eye. The guitar was old and scratched, barely holding itself together. TWANG! Stef sighed as the string broke, was there anything else he could do wrong today?

“It’s ok,” Brian said, shoving a handful of paper under his nose. “here, read these and tell me if you’re ok with them.”

They were lyrics, written in the same messy writing as ‘Nancy Boy’. Stef didn’t know what to think. How could someone so young write about such things? Brian had a way with words, but some of them worried him.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, I’m just a but surprised is all.” Stef answered honestly, moving onto the next song.

Brian shrugged. “Don’t be. I make no apologies for my writing, I write what I know.”
Brian shifted back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. “Do you write songs?”

“Not really. I mean, I’ll write stuff on guitar, but I’m not really a lyrical person.” Stef said, handing the pages back to Brian.

There was an uncomfortable silence, as Brian tucked his work into a bedside drawer. “Stef… I understand what happened today.”

Stef looked at him in disbelief. “What?”

“I understand why you did what you did. I’ll admit I’m not happy about it, but you had to. Self preservation.”

“No. There is nothing in the least bit positive about what I did. I was a coward.”

“Yes, but most people would do the same.” Brian sighed and looked up at the taller boy sitting next to him. “I don’t mind if we’re not friends at school. I can live with that. As long… as long as you don’t cut me off completely…”

“Brian-“

“No. We shouldn’t both be miserable. Besides, we still have music class.” He smiled sadly, making Stef’s heart sink. They shouldn’t be having this conversation.

“ But what about you?”

“I’m a big boy,” Brian said, making Stef giggle. “I can look after myself. Just promise you won’t desert me.”

“Never.”

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A/N: Ugh this was getting soooooooooo long. Will post the next bit tomorrow.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Without You I'm Nothing (Chapter 39 up now!)