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The Moon	By : theProphet Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Beta reader: LurksInTheShadows
Author comment: Probably half of the story is done or at least we’re close to the half of it :) Not sure how many more chapters I will need, but the plot now will take a different direction and I feel like the new phase of the story is starting :)

CHAPTER 7

Kyo strolled around his house aimlessly, from room to room, from one corner to another.
The man in the black suit was following him like a shadow and it was getting on Kyo’s nerves.
“Just leave! Kaoru will soon be here, I don’t want him to see you!”
But the man just smirked, not saying anything.
Kyo tried to ignore him and continued his pacing. He didn’t know what to do. He was home for a few days already, but he still felt as if any minute somebody will come and take him away. He knew they wouldn’t, but on the other hand…
“They can do whatever they want. If they think they’ll need me, then they will just take me back…”
His shadow looked solemn all of a sudden and Kyo didn’t need him to say anything in approval.
“Let’s hope they won’t ever need me” Kyo muttered, looking at his bare feet on the wooden floor. He wiggled his toes slowly, starring at them for a while.
“When is he coming?” Kyo asked, feeling desperate. “He said he’d come today!”
Kyo turned around and went back to the hall, unlocked the door and looked outside at the front yard of his house. But he only heard the man approach him from behind and stand there.
“He said he’d come…”
Kyo only bought a new mobile phone a day ago and didn’t have anyone’s number except for his family’s. When Kaoru last visited, they agreed he’ll come on this day, but anything might have happened since then.
“Maybe I should go to his place instead?”
“He said he’d come.”
“Right…” Kyo looked back at the man behind him and frowned. “Can you go now? I don’t want Kaoru to see you. He’ll think… God knows what he’ll think!”
The man finally smirked and leaned closer to Kyo.
“You really want him, not me? We spent so much time together and now you’ll just ditch me for that old creepy guy?”
“Just go!” Kyo shouted, moving to the side and making some space for the man to pass. Thankfully he listened and soon was gone round the corner. Kyo sighed and sat down on the stairs outside. It was a cold day. The end of October suddenly became very chilly and rainy. But Kyo ignored cold, just rubbed his hands absentmindedly.
His house was in such a position that that people rarely passed by it. It was at the end of the street and if you went further down, there was nothing there except for the deserted old school building. The government wanted to renovate it years ago, but apparently that fell through, and it still stands deserted and falling apart. Kyo couldn’t see it through his windows because of the trees, but he knew it was there. That’s why nobody ever came close to his house. Apart from it, there was nothing to see and nowhere else to go. Only teenagers would sneak in the abandoned building for adventures at night sometimes.
Kyo just sat there, listening to the far-off sounds of passers-by and cars, but never seeing any. With every car coming close, he hoped it was Kaoru.
He promised he’d come…
Finally Kyo gave up and stood to go inside the house. At that moment, as if appearing out of nowhere, he saw a man standing right next to his fence, looking at him. Kyo faltered for a second, starring. The man looked normal, but there was something strange about him, something that Kyo couldn’t quite place.
But the moment passed as quickly as it came. The man turned his eyes away and proceeded walking to the direction of the school and soon disappeared behind the green branches of the trees.
Kyo looked at that direction for a moment and stepped inside his house, locking the door again.
It was very silent in the house. Without the man in the black suit, it was empty and quiet and Kyo felt uneasy looking at the deserted hall before him.
It was wide and spacious, big and empty.
Knock knock!
Kyo jumped, taken by surprise. He looked back at the door thinking he must have started hallucinating. He thought he heard a knock on the door.
But it repeated again and the echo resounded in the whole empty house.
“Wh-who’s there?” Kyo asked, hardly getting rid of the image of the face of a stranger behind his fence staring at him with his hollow, empty eyes.
“It’s me, Kaoru.”
“Kaoru…” Kyo whispered and jumped back to open the door.
Kaoru stood there, smiling slightly, with a shopping bag in his one hand, looking so handsome and so relaxed and everything just felt like home all of a sudden, with Kaoru in it.
“Kaoru!” Kyo hugged him tightly, circling his arms around his neck. Kaoru returned the hug with his one free hand, patting Kyo on the back lightly.
“Let’s get inside, shall we?”
“Of course!”
As soon as they entered and Kaoru closed the door, Kyo lunged at him again and started kissing him madly. He felt Kaoru stiffen, taken by surprise, but Kyo didn’t care. He was already getting hard. He couldn’t endure any more of the celibacy. Four years was long enough. Now he finally had Kaoru and he wanted him.
Kyo lowered his hands on Kaoru’s ass and started squeezing the cheeks. But suddenly he felt Kaoru’s hands on his wrists, pushing his arms away and then pushing Kyo away altogether.
Kyo looked puzzled at Kaoru.
“I want you, Kaoru” he said. “I want you so bad…”
Kaoru lowered his eyes for a moment, looking uncomfortable.
“Look, Kyo… I don’t know what you’ve been through up there and I wish you never had to endure it, but… I don’t want to make any steps just out of desperation or… or anything else.”
He looked at Kyo finally.
“I don’t want to rush anything.”
“But Kaoru!” Kyo cried almost desperately. “I love you! You said you love me too! What’s there to rush? We’ve waited for too long! And sex is an undistinguishable part of any relationship! Why wouldn’t you want it?”
“Kyo, I mean…” Kaoru looked quite uncomfortable now, but stood his ground. “I want what any relationship has. I want little kisses, dates, holding hands and stuff like that before we go anywhere else with this relationship.”
“But… but why? Kaoru, I can’t keep all of it in anymore, I feel like I’ll burst any second now and I just… I just want to fuck with you! I want you – all of you! I want to kiss every inch of your body, I want to ravish you and I want you to fuck me over and over and over again! I want to come with you inside me, I’ve been dreaming about this for four years!”
Kaoru looked at Kyo and there was something sad in his eyes.
“It’s either you wait, Kyo, or I’m leaving right at this moment.”
Kyo looked like Kaoru just slapped him, but gradually his face changed to the one of defeat. He stepped away from Kaoru and nodded, looking anywhere but at his lover.
“Okay, Kaoru… I’m sorry I’m being so pushy…”
“Let’s not rush things” Kaoru said gentler and took off his shoes. He came up to Kyo and caressed his cheek. “Don’t get upset. Things will be just fine, you’ll see.”
Kyo nodded. He trusted Kaoru, even though he didn’t see much sense in all of it right now.
They went to the kitchen and Kaoru emptied the shopping bag. He opened the fridge, but all that he saw was darkness and empty shelves.
“Kyo, you don’t have any food?”
“What?” Kyo took his eyes away from Kaoru’s torso and looked at his face. “Oh, yeah… no, I’ve got nothing.”
“What do you eat?”
Kyo just shrugged. Actually, he never even thought about food. There were some fruit and some cookies left by his mother from the day she brought him home. Since then, Kyo never even left the house. He couldn’t even tell what he was doing for the past few days. Nothing in particular, just waiting for Kaoru to come.
“Kyo, get a grip on yourself! What’s wrong?”
“I’m… I don’t know…”
Kaoru looked Kyo in the eyes and Kyo just couldn’t take it anymore.
“I don’t know what to do now, where to go, where to start, what should I be doing now anyways?”
“You should be rebuilding your life, Kyo, that’s what you should be doing!”
“I am! I waited for you! I want to be with you!”
“Kyo…” Kaoru suddenly looked so sad it broke Kyo’s heart.
“Don’t you want to be with me, Kaoru?” he whispered.
Kaoru stepped closer and took Kyo in his arms, embracing him gently, letting Kyo hide his head in Kaoru’s chest.
“It’ll all be alright, Kyo. Didn’t you say the doctor said you’ll be like a fish out of water at the beginning when they let you out? I’m surprised your parents left you alone at all.”
“I asked them to” he heard Kyo’s muffled voice. “And I’m not alone anyways.”
“What do you mean?”
There was a long silence and finally Kyo said carefully.
“I’ve got you, don’t I?”
Kaoru didn’t answer, he just held Kyo for a while, rubbing his back in comfort.
“Let’s take one step at a time. You need to go shopping.”
Kyo snuggled deeper in Kaoru’s arms, not wanting to think about anything else at that moment.
“I don’t know if I have any money at all.”
“What do you mean? You must have something! Where’s your bank card?”
Kyo shrugged.
“Didn’t your parents take care of it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
“Right then.”
Kaoru pushed Kyo out of his embrace and turned to face the oven.
“At least that works” he muttered, turning it on. “We’ll eat, then call your parents and find out everything about your bills, the house and your money. Then you need to find your driver’s licence and check in what condition your car is. You should probably have a few driving lessons just to remember and be on the safe side when you drive. You also need to count your money and see how long you can live on that. You need to start looking for a job.”
Kyo sat down at the table and put his head into his hands.
“Kyo, do you hear me?”
Kyo nodded, but he was looking somewhere behind Kaoru now, as if looking at something in particular. Kaoru looked back, but saw nothing but the cupboards and a sink. He looked back at Kyo. The amazing thing was, Kyo was dozing now, his eyes closed.
Kaoru smiled sadly, looking at his friend.
He let Kyo rest while he cooked their lunch. Later, they called Kyo’s mother. She was absolutely displeased at Kyo for not listening to anything she apparently said to him already. Kaoru didn’t need to worry. All was prepared and organized for Kyo.
They found his bank cards in the bedroom and went shopping. All the while Kyo simply followed Kaoru, just looking happy with his company.
But Kaoru didn’t fail to notice that once in a while Kyo would be looking to his other side as if they had a third person walking with them.
***
It took a while for Kyo to find the best place for sleeping, but finally he decided upon sleeping on the ground between the wall and his bed. There was just a narrow space, just enough for him to squeeze himself in between. He put his blanket on the ground to make it softer and used another blanket to cover himself up. This soon became the place he would come back to take a nap every 3-4 hours.
His bed felt too big and the vast emptiness of nothing all around him made Kyo feel anxious. The first few times he tried sleeping in bed, he couldn’t. But thankfully, after a full search of his house he managed to find the best place. It was long, narrow and dark. It was perfect.
Looking for a job didn’t go as well as everyone was telling him it will. Nobody even invited him for an interview. He had a feeling it had to do with the fact that everyone knew his name and who he was. And nobody wanted him.
Even Toshiya couldn’t keep his promise. He didn’t manage to get Kyo a place in his company. Toshiya apologised millions of times, but Kyo just dismissed it. He wasn’t angry with Toshiya – it wasn’t his fault.
It was all the Emperor’s fault.
Kyo took a big bite of meat and chewed on it greedily. Meat was something he still didn’t have enough after coming back. He even gained the few kilos he was desperately lacking.
“Is he coming today?” the man in the black suit asked. Kyo shook his head, trying to cover his obvious disappointment.
Kaoru barely ever came. Usually just once a week, which, in Kyo’s opinion, was not even close to enough. But Kaoru had a job and he was very busy all the time. Kyo knew he had to accept it or lose Kaoru altogether. So of course he patiently waited every day. Kaoru did call him on the phone, but that was not enough.
“He’s busy” Kyo mumbled through his mouth full of meat.
He finished eating and was about to wash the plate, but suddenly there was a knock on the door. Smiling happily Kyo went to open the door – Kaoru sometimes did these unexpected rare visits.
But it wasn’t Kaoru. It was some man, dressed in overalls and carrying a heavy-looking bag. He looked like some maintenance worker.
“Hello! Nishimura-san, isn’t it?”
Kyo nodded.
The man took out an ID card from his pocket and showed it to Kyo.
“I am from Nihon Electricity. We’re doing the maintenance check up on this area. Can I come in and check all the electricity cables in your house?”
Kyo looked at the card and then nodded. The man didn’t waste any more time, he entered the house and proceeded walking without even taking his shoes off.
“I will start from the kitchen and then check all the rooms. It might take up to an hour.”
Kyo didn’t even manage to nod as the man turned away and disappeared.
Kyo closed the door and stood there, suddenly feeling helpless. The man in the black suit entered the hall and stood next to him, looking at the direction of the kitchen and listening to curious sounds coming from there.
“Should I check up on him?” the man offered.
“No, it’ll be fine. I just… I just hate having strangers in my house.”
To avoid any contact Kyo stayed away from the man’s path, but listened to him working in every room. And really, after less than an hour the man disappeared, thanking Kyo.
Kyo closed the door and locked it, finally feeling easier.
People were not something he was happy to deal with yet.
Especially people who invited themselves into his house, even if for a valid reason.
“I want to see Kaoru” Kyo mumbled.
“Then go, visit him after he comes back after work.”
“I don’t know when he’s coming back.”
“That’s just an excuse. You can always wait for him outside his door.”
Kyo nodded, thinking if Kaoru would be happy to see him.
“Of course he would!” the man laughed. “Now go!”
Kyo smiled to himself, feeling happier. If Kaoru was too busy and tired to come after work, then Kyo will go instead. After all, Kaoru never said anything about not visiting him. And it wasn’t dangerous – nobody will think they’re a couple just because Kyo went to Kaoru’s flat.
“They’ll just think I’m a friend” Kyo smiled to himself.
He quickly changed and went out, not caring that it still was too early for a visit.
***
Kaoru was home after all. He opened the door and saw Kyo standing there with a take-out food bag, smiling at him joyfully. And Kaoru just stared for a moment as if not knowing what to do.
“Hey, Kaoru-kun!” Kyo smiled and stepped closer to kiss him. But Kaoru draw back, not letting Kyo come closer.
“What are you doing here, Kyo?”
“I miss you” Kyo said, looking a little crestfallen at the lack of enthusiasm from Kaoru. “I brought some food and thought that maybe we could spend a couple of hours together. I won’t bother you for long, I know you’re tired.”
Kaoru hesitated for a moment, but stepped aside to let Kyo in.
“Actually, I’m working a little at home at the moment.”
“Oh, I see… Well, let’s just have dinner and I’ll leave you to it. I just wanted to see you so much!”
Kyo kicked off his shoes and proceeded to the kitchen. He stopped to a halt in the doorway when he saw Die sitting at the kitchen table. Music sheets were scattered all over it and Die’s guitar was standing in the corner next to Kaoru’s.
“Oh… hi, Die!” Kyo stammered, clearly not expecting to see him here.
Die glared at Kyo and then directed his gaze to Kaoru.
“Umm…” Kyo stood there, feeling awkward. He felt Kaoru standing close to him, but somehow felt too intimidated by Die’s angry stare to do anything else than just look at his hands, fidgeting in the doorway.
“Don’t you think it’s about time to do it, Kaoru?” Die suddenly spoke and Kyo lifted his eyes to look at him. “You’re doing more harm than good.”
Die stood up and carefully collected the music sheets from the table. Then walked out from the kitchen not sparing Kyo another glance.
Kaoru stood frozen for a moment, but then suddenly pushed Kyo gently inside the kitchen and closed the door.
“Sit, Kyo, please” he said. “I… I need to tell you something…”
An unpleasant knot suddenly formed in Kyo’s throat, but he obeyed. He put the food on the table and sat down on the chair. Kaoru sat down next to him, but avoided touching Kyo.
Kyo looked at Kaoru and felt scared for some reason. Kaoru looked very troubled and uncomfortable. There was something really not right.
“Kaoru, what’s the matter?” Kyo asked silently and put his hand on Kaoru’s knee, but Kaoru immediately pushed his hand off himself.
“Listen, Kyo, I…” he stood up and took a few steps back as if distancing himself from Kyo made it easier for him to talk. “You know I love you. I honestly do and always did.”
Kyo nodded, but felt the dreadful unpleasant feeling inside his stomach only intensify.
“When you told me you loved me, right before they took you away... what was I supposed to do? You looked like you were going for your own hanging… And I just… There was only one answer I could have given you and I still think it was the only right choice. And it’s not like I lied! I do love you, just… just not in the same way…”
Kyo stared at Kaoru frozen. Waiting.
“Kyo… I had been with Die for two years already when you told me you loved me…”
A distant ringing in Kyo’s ears suddenly started as if it was there for hours already. It muffled the rest of the sounds surrounding him, changing Kaoru’s voice as well, making it heavier and thicker.
“When you came back… you looked horrible, as if you went to hell and back and I just… I didn’t have the heart to tell you the truth! I thought I’ll wait until you feel better! And I just didn’t know how to tell you the truth, there never was the right time and even now… Kyo, I’m… I’m really, really sorry…”
Kaoru finally stopped speaking, because the lack of reaction from Kyo suddenly was too much to handle.
“Kyo, please…” Kaoru didn’t know what he was asking for at that point. Maybe for forgiveness.
He never wanted to hurt Kyo, he still thought he made the right choice of lying to him before he was taken away. Saying ‘I don’t love you’ would have felt like he would have delivered the last blow to Kyo. And after all, nobody really believed he will ever come back.
But Kyo did come back and then Kaoru didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth. He thought he’d wait until Kyo gets stronger, feels better, until the Moon will seem like a distant nightmare. But days went by and Kaoru never found the right time to tell him the truth. Deep down inside he hoped Kyo would lose his interest in him, would meet somebody else. But at the same time he knew – he saw it clearly written all over Kyo’s face – how infatuated Kyo was with him, how much in love he was with Kaoru.
And then there was Die… When Kaoru told him what happened with Kyo that day when he was taken away, Die felt sad and he agreed that Kaoru did the best thing. But when Kyo came back…
Die wanted Kaoru to tell Kyo the truth immediately. Kyo was in love with his boyfriend and thought Kaoru was in love with him too. They did… things… together, they kissed…
And Die, despite his love for his friend, slowly became very bitter. He demanded Kaoru to tell Kyo the truth, he wanted to go and tell Kyo himself. He started to feel hatred towards his friend whom he used to love.
And the more time passed, the more torn Kaoru felt. Telling Kyo the truth would hurt him badly, but keeping lying to him was tearing his relationship apart. It was hurting Die as well.
“I’m sorry, Kyo...” Kaoru said silently, finally giving up in trying to explain himself. In the end, he hurt Kyo the most. He and Die will be fine. Die loved him and he was still here even if he was pissed off at Kaoru as never before. But Kyo had nobody else.
Kaoru looked at Kyo’s small frame on the chair, his bony long fingers clenched into fists, his pale skin and hollow eyes – and he felt terrible for what he did.
“Kyo…”
As if woken up from a trance Kyo looked Kaoru straight in the eyes and Kaoru recoiled.
It was a look of a wild animal chased into a corner and having to face his hunters with only his bare hands. It was a face of somebody in denial, in pain, in desperate need for help.
Suddenly Kyo stood up. He hesitated for a moment as if not knowing whether to go out from the kitchen or go up to Kaoru. But then the next second he was out of the room and in another few seconds Kaoru heard his front door open and close with a loud bang.
He kept standing there listening to the empty silence until the sounds of heavy footsteps reached his ears. Die appeared in the doorway, looking grim.
“He’ll be fine” Die said, looking at his lover.
Kaoru shook his head slowly.
“No, he… you didn’t see his face…”
“He survived up there, he will definitely survive the break up.”
Kaoru shook his head in denial. He hoped Die was right, but at the same time knew Kyo was too emotional to handle this kind of news, this kind of betrayal.
Kaoru took his mobile from his pocket and found the number he needed. After a few rings he heard Toshiya’s cheerful voice on the other end.
“Hi, Kaoru!”
“Toshiya, please, you need to find Kyo!”
“What? What happened to him?”
“It’ll take too much time to explain! But please, find him, he can’t be left alone! Please, Toshiya, I did a terrible thing to him and Kyo… You’re the only one I can ask for help, Toshiya!”
“You’re scaring me, Kaoru!”
“Just find him! Try his house at first, I hope he went there! Ask Kyo what happened, talk to him, help him, listen to him, but just please, don’t let him be alone!”
“OK, I’m going, Kaoru!” Toshiya hung up and Kaoru lowered the phone from his ear. He looked at his lover desperately.
“He’ll be fine” Die repeated coldly. “You shouldn’t have made him have any hopes, now it’s going to only be worse.”
“Die, please…”
“That’s the truth, Kaoru! And you have to hear it!”
Die finally moved closer to his lover and took his hand.
“Toshiya will take care of Kyo and he’ll be fine. You should have done it as soon as he came back. But at least now we can all finally go back to our old lives.”
He leaned in and kissed Kaoru on the lips.
“I love you, Kaoru.”
“I love you too…”
There was an unpleasant knot in his throat and even if Die was kissing him gently, finally being less angry with Kaoru since what felt like forever, Kaoru still couldn’t enjoy the closeness.
He was praying for Toshiya to hurry and for Kyo to be fine.
He lost Shinya a long time ago. Now it felt like he lost Kyo for good as well. He won’t be able to see Kyo soon. That is, if Kyo will ever want to see him again.
So he took Die in his arms and hugged him strongly. Held him in his arms as if his life depended on it.

TBC

All right, so the whole Kaoru/Kyo thing wasn’t developed good enough, but simply I didn’t want to waste many chapters on them, because basically it would’ve just been Kyo wanting to see Kaoru and be with him and Kaoru making up excuses. So I decided to just put it all in one chapter… Hopefully it doesn’t suck… :( It wasn’t the major plot of the story, so I hope it’s all right not to give too much time for it…
Anyways, so now you know the reason for Die behaving himself the way he did and for Kaoru’s lack of enthusiasm…
Comments would be so much appreciated!!! ^^
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The Moon