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Mine To Give -COMPLETED - EPILOGUE FINALLY DONE!	By : pensfan100 Category: Casts RPF > Star Wars (all) > Star Wars (all) Views: 8495 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the people I am writing about in this fanfiction. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Mine To Give – Chapter Seven

An icy rush of terror whistled holes into her heart as she stared in horrid fascination at the screen. The images flashed into her eyes refusing to release her from the awful carnage. Debris littered the scene as the reporter droned on words she couldn’t hear because of the ringing in her ears. But she knew them anyway. Her stomach heaved reminding her, as it had all day, how she hadn’t eaten. Dropping the phone she bolted into the bathroom. Breaking into a chilled sweat that peppered her skin, her stomach clutched and went through all the motions. Dazed, she wondered how a body could do that when there was nothing to release.

Weakly, Natalie stood on trembling legs like a newborn foal and ran water to brher her teeth. In a trance, she retraced her steps, brown eyes staring at the phone lying on the floor. Over and over a tinny voice called her name in frantic, staccato clips.

“Natalie! Natalie!”

“I’m here, Mom,” Natalie’s voice wavered back.

“What happened?” Her mother demanded. “Where did you go?”

“I…got sick,” she confessed, a blanket of mind-num, bl, blessed shock settling over her.

“Are you all right?” Her mom gasped. “Natalie…”

“Matt’s dead, isn’t he?” The words fell out brittle and cracked.

“I’m so sorry,” her mom choked. “Natalie, I’m so sorry, honey. I thought you already knew.”

Natalie nodded from the protective depth of her cotton wool numbness. “There’s more, isn’t there?”

“Honey…I don’t know how to tell you this…do you want me to come over?”

“Stacy went to Israel with him. She’s dead, too,” Natalie muttered, shaking her head and remembering her premonition. Hayden had been right yet again. He was safe. She just knew it. At least she could find comfort in that.

“How did you know Matt took Stacy to Israel?”

“Mom,” Natalie breathed, only wanting to be left alone, “Matt and I weren’t seeing one another anymore.”

“What?” Natalie heard her mother’s surprise. “You never told me! What happened?”

Hayden happened…again. Natalie thought.

“It just didn’t work out,” she mumbled, a wave of sleepiness suddenly pushing at her.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” her mother said yet again.

Stop saying that! Natalie’s mind screamed.

Matt was dead. And Stacy…poor, innocent Stacy…

“Helen called to tell me,” Natalie’s mother’s voice continued. “Matt and Stacy had been in Israel only a few days. None of us ever go to that part of the city when we’re there because it’s too dangerous. Didn’t he know that?”

A wall of guilt tried to topple over onto Natalie but she was too swathed in shock to feel it. A heaviness pulled at her eyelids, the haven of her bedroom only steps away.

“Mom,” Natalie cut off her mom’s stream of information, “I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“But…”

“I need to let it sink in and I have to work tomorrow,” Natalie explained, a hand groping for the remote.

Natalie’s mother heard the shock in her daughter’s voice and wisely ended the call. Once free from her mother, Natalie waited for the full report to come around again, staring with vacant eyes at the screen, lost in a stupor, yet seeing and hearing everything as if she were out of her body looking down at herself on the couch. On the TV, bodies lay covered where they’d fallen when the bomb had gone off and she wondered if any of them were Matt and Stacy. She heard the reporter say two Americans were killed and that there had been warnings that very morning that the ceasefire was on shaky ground.

A dull throb increased behind her eyes and her stomach reasserted its protest. I killed two people, Natalie condemned from her outer body perch near the ceiling as she observed her dazed figure. I did this. Two people are dead because of me. I should’ve made Matt not go. And Stacy…she was innocent. I killed them with my selfishness and cowardice. I don’t deserve to ever be happy again.

When the pain in her head grew to screaming proportions, Natalie dragged herself off the couch and into her bedroom where she curled under the covers and condemned herself with dry, burning eyes until the numbness rose again and pulled her under into unconsciousness, her body recognizing her inability to cope with anymore, holding even the nightmares at bay.

Hayden emerged from Walkabout dirty, rumpled and searching for a phone. Tove nudged him and with his eyes motioned him to look. Alice Springs baked in the late afternoon sun, but he made out the figure of one of his managers, Paula, striding toward him, a huge grin plastered on her face.

“Welcome back, strangers!”

Perplexed, Hayden stared at her from behind his sunglasses. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t wait to tell you the good news!” She gushed, clapping her hands in excitement. Since she usually was as blasé as a dish rag Hayden cocked his head in curiosity. “And I needed to make sure you were in one piece.” Her eyes traveled over him as she walked around him studying him for any nicks, cuts or bruises. “Nothing’s broken. Perfect.”

“Would you just spill it?” Tove broke in. “We’re hot, we’re tired, we’re dirty, and we’re thirsty!”

“Of course you are,” Paula agreed. “Tom and I have a room where you two can clean up before we fly back to Sydney.”

“We’re flying to Sydney tonight?” Hayden’s eyebrows rose. “All I want to do is go to bed! I’m not going anywhere!”

“Listen, buster, when Mel Gibson calls, you do what he says!”

“Mel Gibson?”

“He’s filming in Sydney and there’s a part…n hug huge part, but a week and a half of work. It’s a pivotal one and will really put you on the map.”

“You mean he’s not already on the map?” Tove teased, but now listened with avid interest.

“Heath Ledger had the part but got in a motorcycle accident and broke his arm and leg. Mel called requesting you!” Paula exclaimed excitedly. “Do you realize what this means?”

Yea, Hayden thought, another couple of weeks of not sitting down with Nat. Aloud he said, “Yes. If I don’t do this movie, you’ll kill me.”

“Damn right I will!”

“So will I,” Tove quipped. “This could be great for Forest Park Productions. Knowing him could be big for us!”

Hayden turned to their Aborigine guide. Terence grinned, digging into his pocket. Hayden stared in disbelief at the cell phone Terence held out. Apologetic, Te, Terence shrugged. “You never know when there will be an emergency out in the middle of nowhere.”

Hayden laughed and shook his head knowing the temptation to call Natalie would have won and he’d have been on the phone constantly, sharing his experiences with her. Instead he’d had to settle for writing them down in a notebook.

“Thanks, Terence,” he said, gratefully, punching in Natalie’s number. A thread of anticipation strung its way up his spine as it rang and rang. Finally, her voice mail answered and even though it was only a recording of her voice his heart skipped a beat. He left a message and informed her of his plans having to console himself with the fact that he had to wait a little longer.

Thus began the phone tag of the century. Being half a world apart they never could catch one another. Natalie returned his message then he returned hers, and on and on it went. When she was awake she was on set and he was asleep, when he was on set in Sydney she was asleep, neither one brave enough to interrupt the other’s sleep. Time seeded its doubt. Hayden detected a solemn note in her voice that concerned him. Later, after one of her messages, he convinced himself it was his imagination.

Natalie worked through the rest of the movie in a haze of numbing guilt and disbelief. Part of her shut down in self preservation while the other part of her took charge and got her through both funerals and guided her through her days and nights. Hayden would notice, her inner voice taunted, so she put off talking to him, content to hear his voice in the messages he left her.

The only thing that didn’t change was the nausea. It refused to give up its grip on her and became a daily reminder of her place in the whole tragedy. Just when she would put the images out of her mind, her stomach would rebel and rush to remind her what a lousy person she really was.

One morning after dry heaving ag she she looked into the bathroom mirror at a stranger staring back at her with hollow, dull brown eyes and sallow skin. She needed to talk to someone. Before she could change her mind she marched into the living room, punched the number, spoke to the receptionist and waited. The minutes ticked by.

“Natalie?”

“Hi, Dad,” Natalie tried her best to sound cheerful. “Free for lunch today?”

“Not really. I have a lot of patients today because I had to reschedule to attend Matt’s funeral. I was just going to have something sent in,” he explained, “but I’d love to have you join me.”

“Great!” Natalie enthused, crossing her fingers that her acting was good enough. “Noon?”

“Can’t wait,” her dad smiled. “See you then.”

Natalie rang off and headed for the shower. Halfway there she halted, a thought invading her mind, winding sinuously around her conscious like a noxious weed. Relentlessly, other thoughts joined in planting the pervasive facts in her fertile imagination.

“No, that can’t be!’ Natalie whispered to herself, her face white and pinched in painful denial. “It can’t be!”

Running into the bathroom she stepped under the stinging spray, hoping it would be a refuge from the thoughts. But they continued to invade and choke out any sensible, calm reasoning. “Think, Natalie, think!” She sputtered under the deluge of water. “You’ve got to do something!”

Close to noon, Natalie wandered into hatheather’s reception room, greeting the nurses behind the counter. Cheerfully, a nurse motioned her back, her arms full of insurance papers to be filed.

“You’re busy,” Natalie laughed as the nurse looked around for an empty place to lay her load. “No, don’t bother. I can get to Dad’s office on my own. I’ve been doing it for years.” The nurse laughed and nodded.

Natalie made her way down the hall to her dad’s office, her eyes darting around, watching for signs of anyone. Near the office a nurse opened a door and one deep breath later Natalie popped her head into the doorway.

“Hello, Maddie,” she greeted with a smile.

“Oh!” The nurse jumped as Natalie walked in. “Hello, Natalie, you scared me!”

“Sorry,” she smiled in apology.

“Here for lunch?”

“Yes. It’s been a while since we’ve done it.”

“I remember when you were younger you must’ve come in here constantly to have lunch with your father,” Maddie smiled in remembrance.

“And what are the chances he’ll be on time today?”

Maddie laughed. “Same as always.”

“That late, huh?” Natalie returned dryly. “Oh, well. Need any help?”

“You always wanted to help, too,” Maddie continued. “Sure. Here.” She handed Natalie her armful of paper robes. “If you can stack these over there I can bring in some more supplies.”

Natalie accepted the load and headed down the aisle to locate the proper place, watching out of the corner of her eye. As soon as the nurse disappeared she threw the robes on the shelf and ran around the other side, frantically searching. They were right where they always were. She’d helped stock in the past and her Dad’s system hadn’t changed. Clumsily, she opened a box whose seal was already broken and dug her hand inside. The box tipped and the contents fell onto the floor scattering like cockroaches in sudden light. Dropping to the floor Natalie scrambled for them, shoving them into the box and scooping a couple into her purse. The beats of her heart doubled with the shot of adrenaline as she feared getting caught. Stumbling to her feet she shoved the box back and scurried around to the robes where the nurse found her a few moments later.

“I see Dad’s stocking system hasn’t changed,” Natalie commented wryly, looking around at the shelves.

Maddie clucked her tongue. “Your father’s far ahead of the times as a fertility specialist but boy is he ancient in other ways!” They both laughed.

“Anything else I can do while I wait?”

“Sure!” Maddie replied. “Oh, yes! Help me in here for the next fifteen minutes and you’ll cut my workload in half!”

Together they worked in the supply room until another nurse popped her head in. “I just ordered the doc and Natalie’s lunch.”

“All right. Thanks,” Maddie answered. “Well, that’s your cue. Thank you so much for the help. And enjoy your lunch.”

“No problem.”

Natalie returned to her dad’s office and sat down to stare at the clock and wish lunch was over and she was back in her apartment. She groaned in desperation her fingers massaging her temples. Now stealing was added to her list of crimes!

Hours later she sat on the edge of the bathtub staring into space, unaware of the violent shaking of her body as one thought revolved around and around her head. What was she going to do now?
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Mine To Give -COMPLETED - EPILOGUE FINALLY DONE!