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The One I Love	By : TenshiNoReyire Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 2393 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Bam was still confused about what exactly had Ville so upset, but decided that he wouldn't ask about it. For now. The interrogation could come later. When there weren't so many tears from Ville. And so many of his own threatening to spill over because of it all. "Hey, Ville..."

Ville lifted his head to look at Bam with tear-stained cheeks, staying silent. Waiting patiently for Bam to continue with what he was saying.

"Why don't you go get into bed and go back to sleep?"

He rested his forehead on Bam's shoulder and muttered a weak, "Ok..."

When Bam noticed that Ville probably wasn't going to move on his own, he decided to help him, as...there was really no other way for Ville to get to the bed that Bam was aware of at this point in time. "All right, Willa Walo. Come on." Bam muttered, pulling the Finnish man to his feet and guiding him towards the bed.

When he was lying down in the bed, Bam leaned over and pat Ville on the top of the head lightly. Just as he was standing up again, Ville grabbed his sleeve, holding Bam close. He was looking up into Bam's eyes, his own emerald ones holding a look of complete desperation and fear. "You said you wouldn't leave me..." He said, his voice almost completely failing him.

"I-I'm not, Ville. I was just...I mean...You...here. And...the couch...I..." Bam fumbled over his words as he kept the previously initiated eye contact with Ville. Sweet Lord, he makes me more nervous than anything in the world, I swear.

Ville shook his head, "Not...not tonight, Bam."

Bam frowned, "What are you--"

"Here." Ville interrupted, "Stay here. I...I don't want to wake up alone. And if I have that dream again..." Ville eyes were tearing up again.

No...don't cry....don't do this....you've already broken me, Ville. Don't make it further... Bam nodded, "Don't worry, ok? I'll be right here." He walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed in next to Ville. Control...Gotta keep myself in check...Self-control. I do have it...I hope. He leaned over a little to look down at Ville. "I will be...right. Here." Bam gently brushed the tears away from Ville's eyes. "With you--for you--no matter what."

Ville smiled a small, sad smile. He nodded a little, "Ok..." he barely managed. Not if you find out. But you're all I've got left. I'll be sure to hide it from you better than I had from everyone else. I can't lose the last thing I have left....I just can't!

After a few minutes of absolutely still and painstaking silence, Ville choked on a sob. That voice that seemed to love berating him and badmouthing him was on overdrive. And he had been trying to keep the tears inside. He didn't need Bam to see him like this.

Worthless....

Nothing.

Useless.

Unloved.

Hated.

No one cares about you.

Dirty piece of trash.

The voice was almost taunting in a way. But that didn't lessen the pain it caused Ville.

Whore.

Stupid choices are made by even stupider men.

And THEN it got on a real roll.

Everyone you ever loved has left....except him. Tell him. Let him know your dirty little secrets. See if he's there for you, then. Make it a game. Play a game of "See How Long It Takes Bam to Come to His Senses and Leave". Go on. Go ahead. Do it. Say it. Tell him. You know you want to. May as well just do it now. Get it over with. Then you can do anything you want. There will be no one left to stop you from doing as you wish. Go on. Do it....

Ville squeezed his eyes shut tightly and fought back with the voice for a moment. No. I don't want him to know! I don't want him to leave! I don't want to do this any more! I don't....I just want everything to go back to how it was before!

Things will never be the same, Ville. You're just a stupid dirty, worthless, unloved, hated, piece-of-trash whore that no one cares about any more. .......And you used to be loved by so many. Such a tragic thing that something that made you happy....caused such a big ripple in the world's already unbalanced atmosphere, don't you think?

Bam frowned a little. He noticed Ville, though silent and currently immobile....there was something different about him at the moment. "Ville?"

Ville said nothing, but simply pressed his lips together and squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.

Bam sat up, leaning against the headboard now. "Ville...."

"Nothing. I'm fine." Ville said. It was actually fairly convincing considering that he just wanted to cry his eyes out like there was no tomorrow.

"Ville, I know you better than that...."

Ville sighed, "But you don't, Bam. You--" A sob interrupted him.

"Stop keeping it in, Ville. It's better to let it out..." Bam said quietly. Trust me. I know....

And Ville couldn't help but take his friend's advice when the voice started again. So, he sat there, other than the occasional sob, basically silent, crying quietly as possible to himself.

"Ville...what's wrong? What's this all about?"

Me having no one left in my life. Me being a fucking drug addict, needing to stop and being completely incapable of doing so. My life being so fucked up that things will never be ok or the same again....Me having voices in my head that like to make me more upset than I've ever been in my entire life...Just...everything being so fucked up, Bam! That's what! That's what it's all about! That's what the fuck is wrong! Ville couldn't even form words. The tears and sobs were too overpowering now. He drew his knees to his chest and put his folded arms on tops of them, hiding his face and crying into his arms.

After Ville had calmed down a little, Bam decided to try again. "Ville--"

"Bam...can you doing something for me?"

"Sure. What is it?" Bam asked, hoping against hope it wasn't what he thought. Don't tell me to leave you alone. Please don't do that....Just...Please!

".........Hold me."

Bam froze. He could not have just said that......No......No. He didn't mean it like that. He just wants comfort.... He licked his lips and swallowed, glad Ville had turned away and hadn't seen that. ".....Come here..."

Ville sharply turned to look at Bam, "Wha--"

"Come here..." He decided to try and throw in at least a tiny bit of humor. "....Before I change my mind." He smiled a little. Yea. As if that would ever happen. He kept the urge to roll his eyes to himself.

Ville sat up a little and leaned towards Bam, half in his lap, half not. Bam put his arms around Ville's small frame. And they sat like that for a long while. Complete silence. And, for the most part, complete still. Keeping their thoughts to themselves. Only hoping that one day....they may be able to vocalize them to each other.

If only he knew how I feel about it...

If I knew he would stay....God. I just wish I could tell him.
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The One I Love