Adult-FanFiction.org : Celebrity

Crimson blue	By : weelow Category: Dir en grey > General Views: 1685 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Dir en grey. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
Disclaimer: All right boys and girls. I don’t own anyone or get any money of this. Shit.

Notes: Yay the last chapter FINALLY. I started writing this fic about one year ago and so much has happened since. I saw then live in Berlin this May and oh man…
My perspective to the band has chanced. So I don’t write fanfics anymore because I don’t know how to.
Still I wanted to publish this last chap that I wrote months ago. This story is now completed. I hope you like the ending. My endless love to you all. *bow*

Crimson blue

Chapter eight: When you open your mouth to speak

Kaoru changed his position bothered sitting on one of Toshiya’s red chairs.
It wasn’t because of the chair. It was because of redheaded boy standing little left from him whose eyes wandered from the floor to the walls and glanced once in a while Kaoru’s face.
The silence in Toshiya’s apartment was unbreakable.

Both of them startled when Toshiya suddenly dropped his tea mug in the kitchen and it burst into pieces.
“Shit!” Usually so calm young boy cursed.
Kaoru and Die glanced each other and went to clean with him.
“At least I’m messing in my own department, right?” bassist tried to smile but all the managed to put up with was a tired grimace.
“Are you okay Totchi?” Kaoru asked.

Black haired boy stood his shoulders down and sighed long and deeply.
“No. I’m not okay,” he said.
Kaoru and Die felt heavy pain in their hearts.
Kaoru touched slightly Toshiya’s shoulder, like he wasn’t sure if Toshiya wanted to be comforted.
“I miss him so!” Toshiya cried out and pressed himself to Kaoru’s arms.
“Toshiya,” Kaoru whispered and hold him close.

Bassist shivered. Then he sighed again.
“I know it’s not true but it feels like this all was my fault.”
“You must not blame yourself Toshiya,” Kaoru answered still holding him.
“I know. And I’m not.” Toshiya’s forehead rested towards Kaoru’s shoulder. Then he turned his head and pressed his cheek to other’s smooth t-shirt for a moment.
Toshiya looked into nothingness.
“I just miss him so.”

Kaoru or Die had no chance to answer when the slim boy loosed himself and walked to the lobby.
He was already tying his shoelaces when they reached him again.
“Where are you going?” Die asked.
“Are you okay?” Kaoru accompanied repeating himself.
Toshiya raise his head his black locks swinging and smiled.
“It’s going to be just fine guys. I just have to go now and see him. See Kyo. Even though he said he doesn’t need us to be around and that we are disturbing him I’m going. Because I really need him to be around ME. I’m selfish like that.”

Two pairs of round boy’s eyes looked at him questioning.
“Are you sure? Kyo might get quite angry,” Die asked.
“I’m sure.”
“Well then, I’m coming too!” Kaoru decided and grabbed his shoe but Toshiya shook his head.
“No Kaoru. Don’t come. I want to go all by myself.”

So he opened the front door and walked outside leaving Kaoru and Die standing into his lobby. The door slammed close. Two boys changed a careful and quick glance and turned their heads away from each other.

*

Toshiya raised his hand to knock Kyo’s door. The hand went up and then it went down again.
The boy muttered his lips and knocked.
“I don’t care who is it just go away!” Toshiya heard Kyo’s muffled voice shouting.
Well at least he has the power to shout that loud, Toshiya thought.
“Please Kyo, let me in,” Toshiya answered.
There was a moment of silence and Toshiya got afraid Kyo really wouldn’t let him come. But then he heard little rustle and the door opened slightly.
“What do you want?”

Toshiya grabbed to the edge of the door and carefully opened it more.
For a moment Kyo resisted but let then Toshiya open it all the way and step inside.
Kyo turned his head away and limbed to his living room.
Toshiya could see only his back. He closed the door behind him silently, kicked his shoes off and sneaked on the tips of his toes after Kyo.
The living room was dark. The only light was coming from the screen of the television. After his eyes got used to the darkness Toshiya found Kyo lying on the corner of his big sofa. Toshiya sat on the floor and leaned his chin and his hands to the sofa.
“What are you watching?”
“Empire Strikes Back.”
“Is it good?”
“Unbelievable.”

Toshiya leaned his cheek to his hand and stared Kyo who sat covering his face with his palms.
“Does it hurt,” he whispered.
“Uhn…” Kyo answered.
It looked like he was sitting uncomfortably which made Toshiya think Kyo’s broken rib.
“Have you… decided whether to sue Kisaki or not?” he ventured to ask.
Kyo didn’t answer right away.
“Yes. I’m not going to,” he finally said.
Toshiya blinked his eyes for a moment as trying to survive from a wide scale of feelings running through him. First there was surprise then disappointment. Then he just needed to know why the HELL no.
“You’re going to let him get away with this?” he asked quelled.
“No. But he’ll get what he deserves without a court.”
Toshiya didn’t know how to answer so he didn’t.
Maybe Kyo was right, maybe not. God knew HE was ready to sue that bastard Kisaki anytime and make him pay.
But obviously it was Kyo’s thing to decide what to do.

Toshiya turned his eyes to the TV.
All he needed was Kyo in the same room with him and he was satisfied. It was maybe best to let Kyo be so he wouldn’t annoy him and make Kyo tell him to leave.
Toshiya leaned his back to the sofa and let his limbs relax.
Bright lights flashed on the screen and dyed the whole room. Toshiya heard the small clicking sound when Kyo used his lighter and soft smell of just lightened cigarette drifted through the room with smoke coils.
Toshiya felt tired because of all worrying.
Now he was here and wished this moment wouldn’t ever end.

Kyo couldn’t believe his eyes when he noticed Toshiya was sleeping. It wasn’t the fact he was asleep, to a boy who liked sleeping a lot in different places and during different times it was probably the most natural thing to do in front of a movie, but the way Toshiya looked so calm.
Kyo thought how would he look like when he was asleep. Did he look as peaceful? His guess would be no.
Sighing he raise the cigarette to his lips and sighed:
“Why did he hate me so…?”
“He doesn’t hate you…” Toshiya muttered and made Kyo startle.
He had thought Toshiya was asleep. Kyo’s mother had taught his son not to wake a sleeper who was talking while dreaming. And if you ask something from this person he might answer.
So he asked:
“Are you sure Toshiya?”
The boy opened slightly his eyes but closed them again being too tired to stay awake. Kyo wondered was To-shiya really sleeping or not or was he just balancing on that edge which led to the land of Nod. He must be asleep by now.
“Yes I’m sure. He was just angry,” Toshiya suddenly continued still eyes closed.
“And do you know what anger is?” it was Toshiya’s turn to ask.
“No,” a small voice ran way from pale lips.
Toshiya was losing a fight against sandman but before falling pleased into a dream he managed to whisper one lonely word which staid floating in the room.
Kyo managed to hear it when he strained his hearing to its edge.
“Fear.”

*

The movie ended and Kyo let the endings rolling and walked to the kitchen.

Toshiya opened his eyes scared. He had just saw a nightmare.
In it Kyo had been standing in his lobby and when Toshiya called his name he didn’t answer. And he had walked through the door and when Toshiya tried to follow him he couldn’t find him anymore.
Toshiya searched Kyo with his eyes but he wasn’t there.
Toshiya couldn’t help to scream.
“Kyo!”

“What’s wrong?” The boy appeared to the kitchen door.
Toshiya jumped to his two feet and ran to him.
He didn’t know what to say. He had been afraid to lose him. Over one stupid nightmare. He was so childish.
And now Kyo was there looking him wondering what the heck he was up to.
Toshiya could now see boy’s bruised face. Kyo’s right cheekbone was red and swollen. Doctor had said it was broken.
He could control himself not to start to cry because of that sight but he needed to hold him. He really needed to feel his skin against his so he could be sure Kyo really was there and he was alive.
“You were gone,” Toshiya sighed and folded his arms around Kyo.

Kyo startled a bit first but Toshiya didn’t notice. Then Kyo raised his hands and embraced him back.
He did it only because it felt so right thing to do.
They stood holding each other and they could hear each other’s heart beats. The blood rushed to Kyo’s ears and he felt that something red spread into his cheeks.
How embarrassing, he thought but didn’t move. Slowly something burning started to made its way behind his eyes.
Oh now, Kyo thought when long bursting sob trembled his body. He tried to hold it back but he didn’t succeed.
Suddenly all the walls inside of him broke and trembling scream ran away from his lips as his eyes finally were filled with salty tears. His fingers coiled a tight grab from Toshiya’s shirt and Kyo held him like this boy was the only thing keeping him in this world. Toshiya held him close and when Kyo leaned to him he also kept him standing.
Kyo cried like a child his mouth opened into a scream.
“I’m here,” Toshiya said and felt a huge relief when Kyo finally was able to cry.

Holding sobbing Kyo in his arms Toshiya breathed his scent and prayed that nothing would hurt this creature again in this lifetime.
It wasn’t a realistic wish at all and he knew it but it was a dream.
And dreams are allowed to be something you can’t never fill.

*

Kaoru and Die changed a careful gaze and Kaoru felt himself blushing. It had become a habit when ever Die was making him feel uncomfortable.
“I guess I’m leaving too,” he muttered and went to seek his bag from Toshiya’s living room.
Die’s chin sink to touch his chest. He felt so powerless in front of Kaoru.
After that strange evening when they had become a band again, Kaoru had become their leader, they had KISSED and it had been wonderful although it had been all they had done during that night and then Kyo had been beaten up, after that they hadn’t talked about anything.
Die didn’t know where they were going. Were they even friends anymore?

Kaoru apparently didn’t want to talk about it.
He tied his shoes and said bye byes.
Die didn’t raise his head. He just stood there into a silence and felt his heart draining to the floor before him.
Kaoru looked at him fearing to say anything.
He opened the door but suddenly Die moved and his hand pulled the door close again.

“Die?” Kaoru asked surprised.
“We need to talk Kaoru.”
Older man’s eyes flashed.
Die couldn’t decide whether it was because of annoyance, relief or fear. He didn’t really care.
Die wasn’t a man of deep thoughts or long considerations. He didn’t like games. Especially the ones concerning his heart. He needed the answers as soon as possible. And if Kaoru wasn’t ready to give them to him at his own will he needed to be persuaded.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Kaoru said calmly.
“Bullshit.”
Redhead grabbed Kaoru’s arms and led him back to the living room.
After making him sit down to Toshiya’s couch Die looked at Kaoru for a moment and tried to figure out what to say to him.

Kaoru was a bit shocked.
He had known this conversation had to come some day because Die was so god damned stubborn that he would never leave love related thing to half way but some how he had wished it would have move over for cou-ple of years or so.
He was afraid. Because he really had no clue what to answer to Die.
Kaoru had never felt as confused with himself as now with this red headed boy standing in front of him.
“Look. I’m just going to say the things as I feel about them,” Die finally started.
“About the other night. When we… kissed. It was amazing. And to me it wasn’t just one friendly kiss or attempt of getting you to the bed with me for one quickie,” Die said and Kaoru stared the floor as if it was going to be the last thing what he was going to do in this lifetime.

“I really wanted it to happen because Kaoru… Please would you LOOK at me?” Die asked and Kaoru’s brown eyes met his, “because Kaoru, I really do have deep feelings for you.” Die’s voice faded a little at the end of his last sentence.
“And it was so important for me… to be there. To stand there near you and feel… After that night when I held your hand I thought we were doing great. That things were going to be just fine. Or something. That things were going to be at least somehow different. And now… we barely say hello to each other. And I don’t know what do you think about me… about what happened. Or us.”
Die stood in front of Kaoru and looked like one sad boy.
“Do you remember how I asked you that night? I said ‘Please Kaoru.’ Now I’m asking you again because I can’t stand this anymore. I need to know it now. Please Kaoru, say do you love me or don’t you. Or do you even want to try with me.”

Kaoru opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out of his dry lips.
“Look,” Die continued. “My heart might get bruised with this, but it’s okay. I’d rather be hurted by you than ig-nored.”

Kaoru lowered his gaze. He felt so ashamed of himself.
“What about this all. What will people think if we are together after all Kisaki’s accusations?” he asked.
“Screw the people,” Die shook his head calmly.
“But what about Kyo then? He was beaten up because Kisaki saw us together. Can we even try after that?”
“As long as you are there and I’m here and we are good together I don’t care what people say about us. So you say me. Can we?”

“No we can’t.”
Die looked at him as he hadn’t heard the words.
Kaoru had to lower his gaze again.
“We can’t,” he repeated.

Die’s lower lip trembled and he sat down beside Kaoru. His legs wouldn’t work anymore after that kind of a speech and that kind of an answer.
“Is it because you don’t like me that way or you can’t stand the thought of maybe hurting other people by being with me?”
Kaoru felt something cold and hard inside of him when hearing those words. It was fear.
“No, it’s not you. It’s just… I can’t. I’m not strong enough,” he rushed to explain.
Kaoru felt like one big loser. Like everything was collapsing around him. He was obviously ruining their friend-ship and he couldn’t raise his hand to stop it. He didn’t know how to do it.
“Is that so,” Die said with thin voice.
He turned his beautiful brown eyes to look Kaoru more closely.
“You know… You shouldn’t try to be so perfect all the time. When you're trying so hard to be your best could you just be a little… less?”

Kaoru couldn’t answer.
It was one of those THE conversations of one’s lifetime and one couldn’t even open one’s mouth anymore.
His eyes widened and he looked at the boy sitting beside him.
Die looked serious and his eyes were full of little lights. Then his lips moved to form sentences which delineated into Kaoru’s heart.
“When you open your mouth to speak it’s okay to be a little weak Kaoru. I will love you and I will love you even more after that. Because I’m IN love with you, Kaoru.”

Something moved inside of Kaoru’s chest.
It might have been his heart finally setting its way to its right place. However it thumped through his hole body and darken his eyes for a moment.

When he finally opened his eyes and saw that everything was still there Kaoru was able to whisper:
“Well then… If you love me, then please love me.”

They didn’t look at each other. Kaoru stared the wall not really seeing it and Die’s eyes were fixed on his hands resting on his lap.
When Kaoru finally cautiously moved his eyelids to see Die’s bent figure couple of heavy tears felled to his cheeks and rolled slowly down.
Die’s lips gave in and melted into wearily smile.
But Kaoru wasn’t satisfied with that.
To prove his point he leaned closer and kissed those full lips.
Then he backed off and they just looked at each other. It felt like something very important had just happened.

*
- 7
- 8
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Crimson blue