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Don't Close Your Eyes	By : TaimaMarie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 3703 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of HIM. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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“Hayley,” he said through clenched teeth. “What are we doing sitting here?”

“Rake invited us. Didn’t you?” she waved at a frizzy haired boy. He nodded enthusiastically.

“Hayley needs more help with some chemistry stuff.”

“And I didn’t want to leave you out, so here we are!” she ended, as though that explained everything.

Bam looked up, wondering what the commotion at the other end of the table was. He saw Ville and his eyes widened.

“H-hey,”

“Hello,” Ville answered quietly.

“I um… Why are… Don’t you…” he didn’t seem to know what to say. Hayley and Rake gave each other secret smiles.

“Come with me,” Mige appeared suddenly. He grabbed his girlfriend by the upper arm.

“Wait! Wait! Can’t I drink my chocolate milk?” she pleaded as he began to drag her off. “Guys! Guys help!” she cried.

“Byyyyye, Hayley!” Ville waved. The others waved too her Mige continued to drag her towards the hallway.

“I didn’t think you’d sit here for lunch.” Bam blurted. Ville’s eyes widened.

“I don’t have to. If it bothers you. I can sit somewhere else.”

“No, I didn’t mean that!” he was making a horrible mess of things. Dunn watched them go back and forth. Then he studied Ville. The eyeliner, the beanie pulled onto his head, the green of his eyes.

“How do you and Bam know each other?” he asked, not unkindly.

“Ville rode in the ambulance with me on the way from the rink.” Bam mumbled.

“Oh, do you play hockey too?” Raab dipped some of his fries in ketchup.

“Not exactly,” Bam tried to hedge the subject. Ville’s eyes locked in on him and he lifted his chin just a little bit.

“I figure skate.” He said proudly. There was silence around the table.

“O-oh,” Raab swallowed. No one seemed to know what to say. Brandon looked around and sighed. Why did he always have to be the one to bring up the uncomfortable subject?

“So that means you’re gay, right?”

“What?” Bam and Ville said in unison.

“Of course he isn’t.” Bam scoffed, just as Ville said; “Yes, I am.”

There was a moment’s pause between the two boys.

“What?” they both said again.

“Awkward.” Dunn said. He stood. “I think I need some… Juice. Or something. I just need to not be here.” He took his tray and walked away.

Raab and Brandon made to stand too. Ville stopped them with a raised hand.

“It’s not that big a deal. No one needs to leave.” He looked at Bam. “I thought you knew that about me.”

“How should I know? It’s not like we ever talked about it or anything!” Bam didn’t understand why this should make him feel so panicked.

“Is your gaydar broken?” Rake looked genuinely perplexed.

“Gaydar?” Bam repeated.

“It’s this little thing we’re all born with that tells us whether or not someone is gay.” Raab supplied.
“I have one.”

“Too bad it didn’t work on Monica Price.” Brandon elbowed him.

“Hey! I thought I could make her a pendulum. Turns out she’s just a lesbian. A very, very hot, very devout lesbian.” Raab looked sad. Everyone else stared at him before turning back to
Bam.

“I don’t believe you didn’t know.” Ville shook his head. “Ah well. Live and learn.” He shrugged. He started eating his
lunch peacefully, as though nothing were wrong.

The curly haired boy continued to stare at the specimen across from him. Gay. He was gay. He was gay and he had been up in his room. Why did that excite him? He’d had other boys in his room before.

But not gay boys, a voice in his head said. Bam shook it off and tried to eat his lunch in peace.

**

“What are you doing?” Mige growled at Hayley.

“I was eating my lunch.”

“At that table! What were you doing eating there?’

“Rake invited me.” Hayley tried her make her voice as pacifying as possible. “I need some help with chemistry, and he though we might have time to talk about it during lunch.”

“Did he?”

“Yes Mige! Will you calm down; you’re going to burst a blood vessel. I could make Ville eat by himself so I invited him to come too. All right? That’s all that happened.”

“Okay then.” Mige calmed down. He looked at his girl and sighed. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to be so snippy.”

“It’s all right.” She sighed too and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You know I love you, Mige. I don’t do things just to upset you. I wish you’d stop acting like I do.”

“I’ll try.” He kissed her softly on the lips before turning and walking with her back to the lunch table, fingers laced.

***

April smiled at Bam as he walked into the kitchen. She offered him a sandwich, which he accepted wordlessly. He sat on the counter, watching her wash dishes as he munched.

“Ape?”

“Hmm?”

“What would you say if me or Jesse were gay?” he wiped his mouth with his sleeve. Ape sighed and handed him a paper towel. He crumpled it up and dropped it next to the plate.

“I don’t think I’d say anything about it.” She said thoughtfully as she scrubbed at a dried on spot of ketchup. She put down the plate and poured Bam a glass of milk.

“Nothing?”

“Well, I might say that I was glad you trusted me enough to come to me with something like that. I’d for sure tell you that I loved you no matter what, and that I wanted you to be happy.” She dried her hands on the towel and stole a bite of the sandwich. Too late, Bam slid the plate away and glared.
“Why, honey?”

“That boy we had over the night, the Finnish one?”

“What about him?”

“He’s gay,”

“Oh?” April got some vegetables out of the fridge and started chopping them. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“Yes… No… I don’t know. Should it?”

“I don’t think so, no.” Ape rinsed some potatoes to peel. “Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he wants you, Bam.”

“Yeah, I know.” He did understand why that made him feel just a little bit sad on the inside, like someone was wringing his stomach.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay.” Ape began to peel the potatoes over the sink. Bam absently watched the skins falling in.
“It’s just something you’re born with. Like blue eyes or curly hair.”

“So… You don’t just become gay?”

“Well, I don’t know about that.” She sounded thoughtful. “You certainly don’t catch it. It’s not like a cold. But sometimes it takes years to understand that you’re gay.”

“Years?” Bam was shocked. “How can it take years?”

“Denial. It’s more than a river in Egypt, you know.” April took his dirty plate.
“Go and do your homework.”

“Okay,” he slid down from the counter and made his way out of the kitchen. He stopped and looked at her thoughtfully.
“Thanks, Ape.”

“You’re welcome.” She said absently.

When she heard her son leaving, she bit her lip. Bam wasn’t gay, was he? He couldn’t be. He dated! He dated girls. Of course, most of his friends were boys, but that was to be expected.

But there was always something… Something about him she couldn’t describe. She’d be happy for him if he realized what he was. She didn’t want him to be miserable in the closet his whole life.

April dropped the potatoes into the pot of water on the stove, turning on the heat on underneath them.

Yes, she’d be happy. But she’d also be afraid for him. Not that she wasn’t afraid now. The hockey, the skateboarding. He was lucky he still had all his teeth. Ape leaned against the sink and sighed.

She was thinking ahead too far. There was no promise that her son was gay. She might as well just finished making dinner and get on with her life.

She went to the fridge to pull out the chicken.

Bam sat up in his room in his desk chair, books open in front of him. He sighed as he pulled his knees to his chin.

“It doesn’t mean he likes you. And that’s good. ‘Cause you’re not gay.” He said to himself. He turned in the chair and caught sight of himself in the mirror above his dresser.
“Are you?”
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- 9
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Don't Close Your Eyes