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Slow Motion	By : clandestinecassie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Panic! At The Disco Views: 2102 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Panic! At the Disco. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
three days later brendon had stripped the house of all drugs and unpresrcibed pain medications. ryan had sat in the living room as brendon threw drug stash after drug stash into the box, ever fearful that the two cops would return to search his house. he was tempted to keep a few pills in the pockets of his jeans but he didn't trust that tom and ryland wouldn't search him.
brendon hid the box of illegal drugs in the rickety blue and white shed that sat a few feet behind the house. since he wasn't doing drugs at home and he didn't trust to call william over for a fix and he had yet to call gabe at all, mostly because of the memories that gabe's house brought back to brendon.
because brendon had boxed up his drugs and had been too paranoid to do any, he found himself on the edge. he was constantly irritated and yelling at ryan and anyone else he happened to encounter. he was also plauged with those constant thumping headaches and the world seemed just a little too bright for him.
it was nine at night and brendon was shut up in his bedroom. he had the lights off and the curtains were pulled down over the small window in his room. it was all so quiet around him. he was laying on his soft bed that sagged under his body. he was staring up at the white celing, golden cuts of light playing across of it from the space under the door.
brendon had turned the lights on in the house for ryan, ryan who he hadn't talked to since earlier that morning. brendon had gone into his room at five and hadn't re-emerged since then, every so often he would hear the soft thumps of footsteps as ryan approached his door. ryan never came in or knocked and after a moment he would hear the same soft thumps as they walked away.
brendon turned to face the right side wall. despite the almost perfect darkness soft shadows still filled the room and brendon watched them as they moved lazily across the walls. his heartbeat was slow and his breathing was quiet. he had found that now that he was stone cold sober he couldn't really tolerate ryan anymore.
it all felt like too much, like a grand burden that he never really asked for. he didn't think it was fair, that it all came down to him, that he was the one who had to make everything okay for ryan when he couldn't even make it okay for himself.
he could remember that day very easily, the day that ryan lost his identidy.
brendon was lying on the couch, back when it hadn't been as stained or broken down as it was now. ryan was flittering around between his bedroom and the living room, his black cell phone grasped tight in his hand. as ryan walked brendon could hear the snippets of an ending conversation.
"yeah, yeah i'll be there soon man." ryan said into the phone as he leaned against the couch. the person on the other end said something and ryan gave a little laugh. "no, i'm going to see her later tonight." he said and brendon rolled his eyes and he looked from the couch up at ryan.
he was clean and smelt like shampoo and the special hair wax that he used to get his light brown hair to stand up in a combination of a faux hawk and a rooster, or at least that's what brendon always said it looked like. the girl that ryan said he was seeing later was his current girlfriend lucy, the blonde haired blue eyed high school cheerleader.
"alright, see you in a few man." ryan said as he hung up the phone.
"where ya going ryro?" brendon asked as he stared up at the older boy.
"i'm going to hang with william, gabe, and travis." ryan said as he folded his arms and leaned down on the back of the couch, his dark eyes looking over brendon. "you should come too bren-bren." ryan teased as he reached a hand down and brushed his fingers acrossed brendon's temple.
brendon shook his head, "nah, i'm waiting for someone." brendon told him as he raised his hand and shooed ryan's nimble fingers away. ryan pulled back and stood straight.
"oh? is it a mr. wentz you're waiting for?" ryan teased as he grinned down at brendon. brendon felt a small flush on his cheeks.
"so what if i am?" brendon asked as he sat up from the saggy couch. it was ryan's turn to roll his eyes.
"i don't know why you put up with him brendon. you know as soon as he leaves here he runs straight back to patrick." ryan said as he smoothed his hands across the white button up shirt he was wearing. brendon frowned at ryan.
"just like how when you're done with lucy you run right back to me? or william or travis?" brendon said, it was ryan's turn to frown.
"shut the fuck up brendon." ryan said, his voice a low rumble.
"whatever man, i don't want to argue anymore." brendon said as he pulled himself up from the couch and headed pass ryan and towards the kitchen, with ryan following behind him obviously not wanting to end the conversation.
"why do you care what i do brendon? or who i do it with?" ryan asked as he leaned against the white counter that sat opposite the large white fridge.
"because ryan-" brendon began as he pulled open the fridge and bent down to grab himself a beer, his hand wrapping around the cold bottle. "you do stupid shit when left to your own devices." brendon told him as he stood up straight and shut the fridge door with a small kick from his foot.
"like what?" ryan asked and brendon sighed because he knew that ryan was just testing him, seeing how far he could go before he really pissed brendon off.
"like eating fucking paint chips ryan!" brendon shouted at the boy. ryan folded his arms tight across his chest and shot a glare at brendon.
"how's that different then any of the other shit we do?" ryan asked as he watched brendon carefully.
"you don't think i don't notice ryan? you think i don't notice that since you've been doing that you just fall down for no reason? you think i don't hear that when you talk sometimes it all comes out slurred? you think i can't see the fear in your eyes when you notice that too?" brendon snipped at the boy, his eyes shooting an angry look at ryan.
brendon watched ryan's warm brown eyes grow small in anger, the intricate purple glitterly overexagerated eyeshadow that ryan wore across his eyes sparkled in the kitchen light as he looked up at brendon.
"i didn't ask you to take care of me! i never asked you to care about me!" ryan yelled at brendon, he unfolded his arms and pushed himself away from the counter so that he and brendon stood face to face.
"if i didn't care ryan...who would?" brendon asked, his voice low and cold. "no one else would give a damn about you if i didn't! you've got no one else but me!" brendon shouted and ryan's face was contorted in anger and brendon didn't care.
"well don't worry for one more moment brendon! because i don't want you to give a damn about me anymore! i don't need you to take care of me!" ryan shouted as he strode out of the kitchen and grabbed his jacket off the back of the couch.
"well don't worry ryan! i won't be taking care of you anymore! i don't give a fuck what you do!" he screamed at ryan as ryan shrugged on his coat and left the house.
ryan left the house that night and was gone for a good five and a half hours. by the time brendon heard the front door slam open and close again it was three in the morning and brendon was shut up in his room. thirty minutes later, brendon left his room to grab himself another beer and he saw ryan's crumpled figure laying on the couch.
the tv was on and it sent a pale blue light over ryan's body, it was also turned up too loud. brendon left the kitchen beer in hand and moved into the living room. he found the remote laying on the floor under ryan's limp hand, he turned off the tv and looked down at ryan.
despite brendon's earlier vow that he wouldn't take care of ryan and ryan's objection of being cared for, something felt wrong to brendon as he looked down at ryan's body on the couch. he had seen ryan sleep a million or so times and it didn't feel right to him this time, the way his body looked didn't seem right.
brendon knelt down on the front side of the couch and brought his hand up to ryan's shoulder. he shook ryan lightly trying to wake him up, ryan's thin body wobbled with brendon's moving hand but he didn't budge. brendon tried to stay calm and just told himself that ryan was a deep sleeper. he shook him again, harder this time and called out his name. yet he still got no response.
now brendon was feeling the seizing feeling of panic rising in his stomach. yeah ryan was a deep sleeper but not that deep. brendon leapt up and scrambled to the living room wall where he hit the switch and a bright white light filled the room. he raced back to the couch and where he could now see ryan better.
ryan was turned his body and head tucked into the left side of the couch, away from brendon's face. he quickly turned ryan's body to face him and noticed that ryan's eyes were closed and his skin was tinged a terrifying shade of pale blue. brendon also noticed that ryan's chest wasn't heaving up and down as it should be, his blood ran cold as he realized that ryan wasn't breathing.
"shit! shit! ryan! what did you do?" brendon said as he brought his hand to ryan's face and turned it to face him, it scared him more to feel that ryan was cold. he left ryan for a moment so he could grab his cell phone, brendon dialed the cops while he tried to shake ryan awake, after he hung up he tried his best to perform cpr on ryan but his skills were basic ones that he had learned back in seventh grade.
five minutes later the ambulance showed up and took ryan and brendon to the hospital. the doctor's said that ryan had stopped breathing so the air wasn't getting to his brain. from that moment on brendon felt guilty, he felt like maybe if he had come out of his room when ryan had gotten home instead of thirty minutes later then ryan might've been okay.
on the way home from the hospital that night brendon laughed as he drove because it seemed that karma, or god, or whoever had given the two young men a firm kick in the pants. ryan, who had previously said he didn't need anyone to take care of him, now needed almost constant care and brendon who had pleged to not give a damn about ryan was now his sole caretaker.
brendon's eyes snapped open and he was pulled from his thoughts of that day as he heard the same soft thump of footsteps outside his door. he sat up and faced the door, brendon let himself imagine that outside of that door was ryan, the old ryan.
the ryan that used to complain when brendon made eggs in the morning, the ryan who used to take only showers because he said baths were for little kids, the same ryan who used to check out poetry books from the library and could talk about music for hours on end.
brendon stood up and approached the door and he knew that once he opened the door, the illuision would fade and the old ryan would vanish from this house and all that would be left would be the smiling face of the person formerly know as ryan ross.
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Slow Motion