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I'm Not Gay	By : PunkyEmoFreak Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Tokio Hotel Views: 2061 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Tokio Hotel. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
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|| Tom’s POV ||

I have been celibate for almost two weeks now. No one seemed to notice at first, well, that is no one but Bill. He’s the reason that I haven’t had sex in nearly two weeks. He’s the reason I’ve been blowing off Georg and Gustav’s invitations to go out at night. He’s the reason that I haven’t been able to look at a girl and just want to fuck her. That was a daily thing for me, it’s so strange. And honestly it scares me a bit. I’m not gay. I don’t like guys. Just… Bill. I like Bill. That much I can own up too.

He’s just too damn girly to be considered a guy. Fucking faerie boy. He’s a better kisser then any girl I’ve ever been with. His skin is softer. He smells better. And he is so much tighter. It’s almost scary how tight that boy really is. How amazing it felt to actually be fucking him. Only knowing him for two days bothered me none. I’ve met girls and fucked them before without even knowing their names. And I knew more about Bill in those two days then I did about Georg or Gustav. And we’re best friends.

But that’s only because Bill and I are so much alike. If he was adopted, I might be a little freaked out. Okay, so I’d be a hell of a lot more freaked out then I already am. I mean, I like a guy. A fucking guy and that’s just weird. Because even after this, I’m still maintaining the fact that I’m straight. He’s just one guy, who looks like a girl anyways, who I’ll probably forget about in another two weeks.

But I knew inside, I wouldn’t forget about Bill in two weeks. He was to perfect to be forgotten like that. Bill with his goofy hair and make-up obsession. Bill with his tight clothes and adorable smile. Bill with his perfect kisses and the way he just fits in my arms. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was in love with him. But I’m not. I don’t do love. I’ve done crushes before, I’ve dated before, but love is not for me. And I certainly am not dating, Bill.

But even so, we’ve been hanging out every day after school. We don’t talk in school- and I know that’s more because of me then it is him. People stare at us when we’re around each other. Bill already promised me that he wouldn’t tell anyone what we’ve done together. He promised that pretty easily, which seemed a little weird. I think he regrets sleeping with me more then I do him. Which kinda hurts. But after school I know that I will always find him up in my room with me and lay against my chest as we watch some stupid TV show and share a few lazy kisses. It’s almost too much like being a couple for me… but it’s not. We’re just friends and nothing more.

“Sing for me, Bill…” I whispered to him one day as my fingers ran threw his hair. It was Friday and he was staying the night. It was actually our mom’s idea. They noticed us hanging out after school and my mom always said I need to get more friends other then Georg and Gus.

Bill had told me he sang when we first met, when I told him I play guitar. But he still refused to sing in front of me. I’d get him too one day, that was my new goal. As I thought he would, Bill shook his head and his fingers clenched around my shirt and he sighed and closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath. “I don’t wanna sing…” He said. That was a usual response. I wasn’t one to argue with someone on doing something they don’t want too.

I normally don’t care what people are doing anyways. Ever. Nor what they’re thinking. It’s not how I am. As long as I’ll be fucking them and they’re moaning my name, I don’t give two shits about anything else. Anyone else. Except Bill. Bill who had been so happy and hyper and open and talkative since the say I met him barely said two words to me anymore. And that drove me completely insane.

Bill closed his eyes and snuggled closer to me, his black-blonde hair falling over his face, maintaining the silence I was starting to completely hate. I watched him for a moment or so longer before I just let my eyes go back to the TV. Bill had wanted to watch cartoons, so cartoons won. I would let him watch whatever. And right now some green haired faerie was cowering from a giant talking toilet. It was stupid as hell; I didn’t understand why Bill wanted to watch it. But he did… so stupid faeries won as well.

I picked up the remote and flipped threw channels. I would hear Bill whine as well as the pout in his voice once I stopped on a show about ghosts. “I was watching that, Tomi!” He cried, letting go of my shirt and reaching for the remote as he tried to snatch it from my hand. I just help it to high for him to reach unless he moved more. He wouldn’t.

I scowled a bit as I held it still to far from his reach, “One,” I started, glaring at him when he wouldn’t move, “No. Not. Call me that. Two, you were not, you’re eyes were completely closed. And three, I want to watch this.” I really didn’t care if we watched this or nor. Neither of us liked TV much, but it was better then the silence Bill kept us in. I growled even more at the pout he gave me. I didn’t want a pout! I wanted some sort of a reaction from him.

He just sighed and laid his head back down on my chest, watching the stupid show I had put on. “Okay, we can watch this…” he said softly, his fingers curling tighter around my shirt, “And I’ll stop calling you Tomi… I’m sorry… Tom…”

Him giving in so easily just pissed me off more. That was NOT the Bill I had met two weeks ago. That was not the Bill I liked to spend time with. And it was fer sure not the Bill that was making me crazy to the point of questioning my own sexuality. He was nothing I knew anymore and I hated it. I nearly screamed in my own frustration as I turned off the TV and whipped the remote across the room and it hit the wall, leaving a chip in the paint before it fell to the ground. “God damnit, Bill!” I yelled, moving from under him and getting up off the bed.

Bill looked up in complete shock and surprise at my outburst. He nearly coward from the look I was giving him, the same way he did against the wall the day in the bathroom when I was glaring at G-strings like this. “What Tom? What did I do?” He asked me in a small scared voice. Ugh!

“Nothing!” I snapped, my voice getting louder as I yelled at him, “That’s just it, Bill. You’re not doing anything. You don’t even talk to me anymore. What happened to the Bill I met, huh?” I snapped again, crossing my arms over my chest that was rising and falling in quick motions with my rapid breathing. “You’re not the Bill I remember. Was that the real Bill or is this? Cause I wanna know.” He didn’t say anything, “Bill! What did I do wrong?”

He just started at me with eyes. Still maintaining that fucking silence and I wanted to slap him. Maybe that would provoke him to do something else. I just sighed. What did I really expect him to say? Stupid faerie boy. “I so wish I could hate you, Bill.” I said. I told him that a lot. I have meant it every time too. But this time, I honestly wanted nothing more then to hate the beautiful creature on my bed. “You’re so…”

“I’m so what, Tom?” he asked me with that same small voice. I just shook my head, grabbing one of my many hats off my dresser and fixing my dreads before pulling the hat on. “I’m what, Tomi?” He asked again, hoping the name would make me say.

I growled a little bit, “Don’t call me that,” I hissed for the thousandth time before I walked over to the window and pushed it open.

“Tom!”

“You’re so not who I thought you were.” I hissed, going to climb out the window.

“Tom Kaulitz!”

I stopped. Looking at Bill with confusion. “Kaulitz?” My voice was shaking a little as I turned to look at him. How would he know that? That was my name before Urie and Hailey adopted me. “Bill… how the hell do you know to call me that?” I asked, one hand still gripping onto the window sill.

Bill bit his lip and got off the bed, walking over me and looking into my eyes, “Because that’s who you are. You’re Tom Kaulitz… right?” He asked, not letting me break his stare. I just nodded, still confused and a little scared now. “Then I know I’m right about this too…” he sighed, “Because Tomi… I… My mom finally told me… My name isn’t Bill Mehr…” He looked down and that last of his words were whispered, “I’m a Kaulitz too…”

I stared in shock. I felt sick. He was a Kaulitz too? Bill Kaulitz… Tom Kaulitz… we… we were twins? I… I slept with my brother… oh god. I didn’t know what to say. How to react to that. It made sense why he was so distant now. He knew we were brothers and didn’t want to tell me. I felt more then just sick. I was pissed. I turned away from him and crawled out the window without another word. I wasn’t sure where I was going. But I had to get out of here.
- 7
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- 9
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I'm Not Gay