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The Moon	By : theProphet Category: Dir en grey > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 1373 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I don't know Dir en grey and make no money from this.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Beta reader: LurksInTheShadows ^^

CHAPTER 8

Toshiya found the door of Kyo’s house not only unlocked, but also ajar. He didn’t even bother knocking, flung the door wide open and ran into the house.
“Kyo!” he shouted and held his breath.
Nothing.
Toshiya kicked off his shoes and ran to the living room, then the kitchen, then all the other rooms on the ground floor, but Kyo was nowhere to be seen. Toshiya ran upstairs and checked all the rooms there.
Nothing.
“Kyo!” Toshiya shouted out of despair. He thought Kyo would be home, but the house was empty. Empty and silent.
“No” Toshiya shook his head. Kyo had to be there. If not, Toshiya simply didn’t know where Kyo would go. He had no fucking idea.
Toshiya, simply not knowing what else he could do, started looking for Kyo in the house again, this time thoroughly. Now he started from the first floor, first checking the bathroom – every corner and every cupboard was inspected, even if Kyo couldn’t possibly squeeze himself in half of the places Toshiya checked. Kyo’s spare bedroom was empty as well. Then Toshiya ran to Kyo’s bedroom again. He drew the curtains open, letting the daylight in and turned to look at the room.
It was messy. The bed undone (Kyo had a western type one), the wardrobe wide open and clothes scattered inside and outside it on the floor and all the shelves, the nightstand was covered with newspapers and food packets and lots of empty cups. It was the only messy room in the house – probably Kyo spent the majority of his time here.
And then, suddenly, Toshiya noticed the heap of sheets and pillows lying in the gap between the wall and the bed and toes sticking out from all of this mess.
“Kyo?”
Toshiya jumped close and started pulling the sheets and pillows away. He saw Kyo’s body squeezed between the wall and the bed, lying in a foetal position, his head buried in his hands.
“Kyo!” Toshiya shook Kyo violently, trying to wake him up. Kyo did open his eyes suddenly and looked at Toshiya, but the look that Toshiya saw made him suddenly feel very worried.
“Kyo, please, get out of there” Toshiya pleaded, trying to make Kyo sit, but Kyo was unmovable. Toshiya kneeled at Kyo’s feet and leaning against the wall pushed the bed with his legs as far away as he could manage. Then he sat next to Kyo, taking him by the shoulders again and making him to sit up.
“Kyo, what happened? What did Kaoru do to you?”

There was desperate urgency in his shaky voice when he spoke, because Kyo looked as if he just came back from a funeral and this made Toshiya feel terrified. The empty look in Kyo’s eyes was sickening.
“Kyo, please, talk to me!”
Toshiya wanted to slap Kyo – he didn’t know what else to do to wake Kyo from this trance.
“Kyo!”
Toshiya shook Kyo violently again, but Kyo didn’t react. He just stared at some spot on Toshiya’s right.
“Kyo-kun…” Toshiya pulled him forward and took him in his arms, embracing him, making Kyo burry his face in Toshiya’s chest. “I’ll help you, whatever happened, I’ll help you, Kyo…”
He felt Kyo’s body start to shake a little and suddenly heard quiet sobs. He squeezed Kyo harder in his arms, trying to comfort him.
“What happened, Kyo?”
But there was only silence. Kyo’s sobs continued, his body, so small in Toshiya’s big and muscled arms, felt frail and was shaking uncontrollably. And all Toshiya could do was hold him, rub his back as gently as he could and wait for Kyo to calm down.
At least Kyo was here – alive and physically unhurt.
Toshiya had no idea how much time passed, but slowly Kyo’s sobs subdued, his body relaxed in Toshiya’s arms. Toshiya kissed the top of Kyo’s head gently, still stroking Kyo’s back with one of his hands.
“Kyo-kun” Toshiya whispered. “What happened?”
He felt Kyo’s body tense a little, stiffen in his embrace. But finally Kyo spoke in a quiet, tired voice.
“Kaoru lied to me…”
Kyo suddenly pushed himself away from Toshiya and looked him in the eyes. And the amount of pain in Kyo’s deep, dark eyes was hard to bare.
“He said he loved me, but he was with Die all along…”
The despair and pain was all-consuming on Kyo’s face and it tore Toshiya’s heart to see Kyo like that.
“You… you love Kaoru?” Toshiya stammered, surprised by the news.
“I love him more than anything in this entire world…” Kyo whispered and his eyes filled with fresh tears again. “What am I supposed to do now, without him?”
Toshiya was speechless. He just stared at Kyo, trying to comprehend all of what was said to him, all that he saw – the way Kyo looked already defeated and ready to get the final blow.
“You still have your family… and me…”
“I only want Kaoru” Kyo said. He stared at Toshiya for a few more moments, then suddenly pushed Toshiya away from himself and lied down again.
“Leave” Kyo’s cold voice reached Toshiya’s ears.
Toshiya stared at Kyo, lying on the sheets and pillows in the small space between the bed and the wall as if it was his grave. And suddenly nobody needed to tell him anything. He knew.
Kyo would just wither away.
Disappear.
He’ll just lie there, not moving, not drinking and eating until it’ll be all it takes for him to finally stop breathing. And a sudden wave of fear gripped Toshiya’s chest so bad he even gasped, his eyes huge with fear.
“No, Kyo, I won’t let you!”
Toshiya grabbed Kyo’s hands and pulled him up again, dragged him out in the middle of the room and made him sit.
“I won’t let you give up, you hear me?!” the anger in Toshiya’s voice surprised Kyo and he looked at his friend questioningly, with just the slightest hint of curiosity in his eyes.
“If only you’ll let me, I’ll never leave you, Kyo! I’ll be with you forever! I’ll never betray you like that! I’ll make you happy!”
Kyo stared, taken aback by so much emotion in Toshiya’s voice and body language, in Toshiya’s eyes.
“Please, Kyo, let me make you happy!”
Toshiya leaned in and started kissing Kyo – on the lips, on the cheeks, Kyo’s neck, his fingers one by one, then the lips again. He grazed them gently with his teeth, touched the bottom lip only, kissed the corner of Kyo’s lips and slowly traced his lips to Kyo’s good ear.
“I left my band and joined Dir en grey just so I could be with you. Kyo, I’m in love with you - I’ve loved you for years.”
Toshiya drew back and looked Kyo in the eyes.
“You’re lying” Kyo said, but his voice was shaking. Toshiya shook his head fiercely.
“Well I don’t love you” Kyo said. “I love Kaoru.”
Briefly pain flashed on Toshiya’s face because of the harsh words, but he brushed them away and looked Kyo in the eyes with determination.
“Kaoru isn’t here, is he? But I am.”
Toshiya waited, but there was no reaction. He was harsh, but how else can you tell the truth? Truth was, Kaoru wasn’t here and never will be.
“I love you, Kyo” Toshiya repeated, not knowing what else to do. He wanted to plead Kyo to let him stay, let him be part of his life, but words failed him. Toshiya knew this was it – either Kyo will completely push him out of his life or take him in. And he felt scared.
“I don’t love you” Kyo repeated, but this time his voice was quiet and subdued. It stung Toshiya’s heart to hear these words, even though he knew years ago them to be true.
Toshiya put his hand on Kyo’s thigh and started caressing it. Kyo closed his eyes for a moment and his breaths deepened. It lasted a fraction of a moment, but Toshiya saw and it was all he needed. His hand travelled up Kyo’s leg and sank into the depths between Kyo’s thighs. He felt Kyo's cock alive and pulsing, trapped in jeans, and Toshiya stroked it through the fabric, watching Kyo’s face all the time.
Kyo didn’t open his eyes anymore. He sat there, breathing heavily, lost in oblivion, in some kind of trance. Deep somewhere in Toshiya’s brain there was a doubt. Kyo wasn’t himself, he was easy to be used in a state like that. But Toshiya just shook these thoughts out of his head.
He wasn’t going to fuck Kyo, he was going to pleasure Kyo if Kyo’ll let him. He wasn’t going to take Kyo by force if Kyo showed even a tiniest bit of resistance somewhere along the way. He wasn’t going to use him.
He was going to show Kyo how much he loved him. How real his love for Kyo was.
He was going to give Kyo anything he wanted without taking anything in return.
Toshiya undid the button on Kyo’s jeans and slowly pushed his hand inside. Kyo kept his eyes closed, breathing hard. His cheeks were flushed and his breaths uneven.
Encouraged by the lack of any kind of resistance, Toshiya took Kyo’s cock in his hand and closed his fingers around it. He started to slowly stroke, going up and down, up and down. Kyo’s breaths deepened, he gripped the sheet in his fists, probably trying to stop himself from pushing up against Toshiya’s hand.
With his other hand Toshiya slowly pulled Kyo’s jeans down, finally revealing Kyo’s boner in the daylight. Toshiya did see Kyo’s dick a few times before in the changing rooms. He tried to peek as often as he could without anyone noticing and a few times he got lucky. But today, having the full view of the real thing pulsing in hot waves in his palm, it felt and looked so different. It looked much more mature than before.
And at that moment Toshiya felt so close to Kyo as never before.
He put the fingers around the root of Kyo’s cock and without any hesitation took him in his mouth. With the familiarity and ease that only lovers have, Toshiya started sucking him off, greedily, lovingly, passionately. And Kyo finally couldn’t control himself anymore. He moaned loudly, gripping the sheets in his fists and started thrusting in union with Toshiya’s strokes.
Toshiya savoured the feel of Kyo’s wide shaft engraved with protruding veins. His nose would often find itself buried in Kyo’s rough pubic hair. The tip of Kyo’s cock was soft and pink and Toshiya let himself slow down a few times just so he could run his tongue in between the slit.
But Kyo was done too soon. Toshiya felt warm cum shooting at the back of his throat and for a moment he struggled to take it all in. When finally there was nothing left, Toshiya released Kyo’s dick from his mouth with a soft popping sound and caressed the lower part of Kyo’s belly, just over his black pubic hair. Kyo shivered and then slowly exhaled a deep breath. A very small smile appeared on his lips and lingered for a fleeting moment. He looked content for those few seconds.
Toshiya moved to lay down next to Kyo. He took Kyo’s hand and kissed it lightly. When Kyo opened his eyes and looked at Toshiya, Toshiya begged in his mind for Kyo not to push him away. But Kyo shifted his eyes from Toshiya and stared somewhere at the distance with a vacant look in his dark eyes.
“I meant every word I said, Kyo” Toshiya uttered silently. “I’ll stay with you forever.”
Kyo snorted and smiled a very unpleasant and cold smile.
“Really, Toshiya? Forever?”
Kyo turned to look at Toshiya, evaluating him from head to toe.
“You’ll stay with me forever, even though I don’t give a damn about you? Even though all I would need you for would be fucking? Even though the only one I love is Kaoru and you’ll never be half as good as he is?”
Toshiya hesitated only for a few seconds, but then nodded with a serious expression on his face.
“I want to be with you, Kyo. I love you. I always did…”
Kyo stared at him, but then finally lowered his eyes, looking tired and defeated.
“Toshiya, please… fuck me…” he grabbed Toshiya’s arm and pushed Toshiya closer. “Fuck me, please!”
Toshiya stared down at Kyo, but the look Kyo returned was one of determination and need. Pure physical need.
“I’ll make love to you all night, every night, as long as you want to” Toshiya answered and stood up, grabbed Kyo by his hands and dragged him to lay on the bed. He undressed Kyo feverishly, feeling already too hard to be any gentler and slower, but it didn’t look like Kyo minded. Kyo wasn’t hard yet (after all, he had just had an orgasm), but Toshiya was ready to caress, suck and kiss Kyo into another hard-on. He ached to be inside the small body. He craved it like a thirsty man in a desert craves for a drop of water.
He craved it so desperately that all caution was thrown out the window.
When Toshiya forced his way inside Kyo’s body, they both were not thinking about any reasons, consequences and logic. None of that existed. Only Kyo’s narrow and very tight hole engulfing Toshiya’s cock greedily after many years of absence of any penetration. Only Kyo’s moaning and gasping echoed through the room and Toshiya’s cries of pleasure. Only the slapping sounds of skin on skin reached their ears.
And Kyo was happy for those short-lived minutes. He embraced the oblivion that sex offered and could almost pretend he was fine. He could almost imagine that Kaoru was fucking him hard, taking him from behind, topping him, dominating him.
“Kaoru!” Kyo moaned before he felt his warm cum shooting out from the tip, still much too soon.
The body on top of him convulsed and shivered before it also collapsed, crushing him with its weight.
***
Toshiya put his mobile phone back in his bag and took a sip of coffee. He barely ever lied, but there was simply no other choice. There was no way he was going to work today and leave Kyo alone. Not after all that happened yesterday.
To say that after he woke up in the morning with Kyo in his arms he was confused and scared was understatement of the century. Toshiya had no idea what he was supposed to do now. He knew what he wanted to do, but was it the right choice?
Either way, he decided while making himself a cup of coffee, there was no single good answer. What was right to him might be wrong to somebody else and vice versa. What was wrong to Kyo to him might seem like the only good choice. And right now Toshiya was certain that leaving Kyo alone would be the worst decision ever, even if Kyo wasn’t thrilled with this idea.
His phone suddenly started ringing and Toshiya glanced at the screen. Kaoru was calling.
“Hey!” Toshiya said silently, glancing at the kitchen door.
“Toshiya, sorry I’m calling this early, but I couldn’t wait anymore. I have to know how’s Kyo. I assume you found him since you didn’t call me yesterday.”
“I did.”
Kaoru’s voice was urgent and nervous and Toshiya had to admit that Kaoru really cared. Even if his way of showing that was rather inappropriate.
“How is he?” Kaoru asked.
“He’s…” Toshiya struggled to find the right words. “He’s as if in some kind of trance, like a zombie… apathetic to everything…”
Silence on the other end of the receiver was all Toshiya got. So he continued.
“But I’ll take care of him, he’ll be alright. He’s still sleeping.”
“Is there anything I can do?” Kaoru asked quietly.
“Yes. Stay out of Kyo’s way. Leave him alone and let him get over you. The longer he won’t see you, the better.”
There was a pause yet again, but finally Kaoru released a long breath and sighed.
“Yes… of course…”
Silence again.
“Look, Toshiya, I know how this must look to you, but I swear, it was never my intention to hurt Kyo.”
“I’m not interested in your reasons, Kaoru. I’m only interested in getting Kyo back to normal. And you’d better not call me or text me, because Kyo might be around any time. I don’t want him to be reminded of you anytime soon.”
“Call me yourself then to let me know how Kyo is holding up” Kaoru asked, a note of urgency in his voice.
“OK, but don’t expect me to call you often.”
“Right…”
“Well, I have to go. I don’t want Kyo to overhear us. I’ll get in touch with you, Kaoru!”
“Bye!”
Toshiya hung up and put his mobile on the table. He took a few sips of his still warm coffee.
The image of Kyo in front of him, lying on his stomach, supporting himself with his hands, his knees bent and pressed to the sides of his torso, exposed to Toshiya in the most obscene way, willingly taking all that was coming.
Toshiya closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to stay calm and composed.
“Are you alright?”
Toshiya jumped so quickly that he even spilled some of his coffee on the table.
“Kyo! You scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry” Kyo said, looking confused. “But I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you.”
“Yeah, alright” Toshiya wiped clean the table and got up to make a cup of coffee for Kyo. “Do you want something to eat?”
Kyo just shrugged and sat at the table, in front of Toshiya. Toshiya turned his back to Kyo and busied himself over some toast and jam.
“There’s nothing much in the fridge, so we’ll have to be fine with this for now.”
Kyo didn’t say anything. He took the offered breakfast without a word and started eating. Toshiya watched him without hiding, stared at him, but Kyo seemed not to mind.
“When you just came in the kitchen I was… I was thinking about you” Toshiya offered to explain.
Kyo didn’t react to that in any way, but just continued eating. He took his cup of coffee and added one more cube of sugar in it.
“Shouldn’t you be going already?” Kyo asked. “Don’t you have work today?”
“I called in sick.”
“Huh…”
They ate in silence and Toshiya was getting more and more unhappy with the way Kyo acted. Kyo looked unfazed by everything and this lack of emotion was unnerving. It was unreal. Like a mask put on to hide the turmoil of raging sadness inside the dark rotten corners of Kyo’s chest.
“Kyo, yesterday… I meant what I said to you. I’m gonna be with you from now on. I wasn’t lying about a single thing yesterday.”
Kyo stopped chewing for a moment and stared at his arms. Suddenly his face saddened and he half closed his eyes, as if trying to force the tears that were still on the way out to go down. He dropped the toast on the plate and stared at it without seeing.
“Kaoru is not coming back, Kyo” Toshiya said gently. He extended his hand all the way over the table and touched Kyo’s arm. Kyo didn’t pull back, just continued sitting there like a statue, frozen in a moment.
“But I’ll be here instead of him. I’ll help you get through this.”
Toshiya felt Kyo turn his palm over and entwine their fingers. Kyo looked at Toshiya with lost, empty eyes.
“I love Kaoru” he said, as if yesterday Toshiya didn’t hear him.
Toshiya squeezed Kyo’s hand in comfort and smiled gently.
“I know.”
There was nothing else to add.
Toshiya was wary to ask Kyo anything else. Kyo didn’t seem to be in a state suitable for any big decisions. Instead, Toshiya decided that he’ll stay over this night, and the one after, and the one after that… He won’t leave Kyo until he will be able to handle what happened to him on his own. But by then Toshiya hoped that Kyo won’t want him out of his life.
Suddenly Kyo stood up and looked at the kitchen door worriedly. Toshiya glanced there as well but there was nothing there. But Kyo, still starring at the door nervously, pulled Toshiya’s hand and made him stand. He dragged Toshiya with himself out of the kitchen and back upstairs.
Toshiya wanted to question, but decided that perhaps silence was what Kyo needed right now.
When they were back in the bedroom, Kyo turned to Toshiya and in one swift movement took off his t-shirt.
“Kyo?” Toshiya asked, looking puzzled.
But Kyo didn’t say anything. He clung to Toshiya desperately and started undoing his jeans.
“Kyo, are you sure you want it?”
“I need it” Kyo mumbled, looking down at Toshiya’s cock, now exposed to his eyes. “I need it so I would feel real, feel like I really exist in body and soul. I need to be touched, fucked hard – I want it badly. Or else I’ll burst inside out and it won’t be pretty.”
Kyo looked Toshiya in the eyes and at the same time grabbed Toshiya’s dick in his palm.
“Kaoru doesn’t want me… but you said you do…”
“I do!” Toshiya was quick to confirm.
“Then please, fuck me again.”
Toshiya couldn’t say no. And after all, was there a reason to say no? All morals and reasoning aside, Toshiya loved Kyo and, in his opinion, that was a reason good enough to justify his hurried and clumsy actions.
“I’ll make love to you as many times as you want, Kyo” Toshiya breathed heavily. He leaned in and kissed Kyo on the lips. But Kyo turned his head to the side and Toshiya’s lips slid on Kyo’s neck instead.
There were no kisses in the end.
Just hurried and desperate groping, skin on skin, sweaty bodies pressed hard together, saliva on Toshiya’s cock and Kyo’s willingly spread legs.
For now, at least.
While thrusting into Kyo’s already slightly loosened passage Toshiya swore to himself to turn this loveless fucking into something passionate and caring with time.
***
Kyo opened his eyes and turned to look at Toshiya lying next to him, fast asleep.
It was pointless to try and sleep. He simply couldn’t. He glanced at the clock. It was still only 2:13a.m. He tried really hard to fall asleep in the bed, but in the end, when Toshiya fell asleep, Kyo had to take the blanket and go to the only place he felt safe enough – the gap between the bed and the wall. He managed to get a good two hours sleep. Since then he was back lying awake beside Toshiya, watching him.
Toshiya changed slightly in these four years. He looked manlier, he finally took care of his teeth. Kyo liked the new messy haircut that Toshiya had – the short curls, sticking out to many directions. And he had to admit that Toshiya even dressed better. He certainly was a good catch.
Pity he wasn’t what Kyo wanted.
Kyo sighed, looking at Toshiya’s big arms lying in front of his face.
Kaoru is probably at home, asleep with Die by his side…
Kyo closed his eyes and willed the image out of his head. It did him no good thinking about it.
Could I be with Toshiya?
It was a question he was trying to figure out all night. But there was only one answer he constantly came up with – what did he have to lose?
Certainly he already lost Kaoru. The truth was, he never had him. Kaoru was with Die.
He’s with Die.
The steps downstairs suddenly echoed in the empty hall and carried into the bedroom. Kyo tried to ignore it, but the constant tapping of somebody’s feet on the wooden kitchen floor was unnerving. The man in the black suit came back a while ago and Kyo couldn’t get rid of him. As much as he tried pleading, the man never went. He even dared to stand in the doorway to the kitchen when Toshiya was there. Thankfully he moved before Toshiya could see him, but Kyo had to take him upstairs to avoid any unnecessary encounters.
How suddenly everything changed.
One day he thought he’d be with Kaoru forever. The next day he had naked Toshiya lying by his side. Kyo never even managed to fully grasp how it all turned out to be this way. He still hoped maybe Kaoru would change his mind…
It was easier to pretend the reality was not happening.
Toshiya turned in his sleep and Kyo was now facing his broad shoulders and back. Was Toshiya attractive? Yes, he was. And his body gave Kyo the pleasure and release he needed so desperately. Still, Kyo felt hatred for this man slowly building up inside him. Because Toshiya wanted him, loved him even, but Kaoru didn’t care. Kaoru never cared.
Kyo sat in bed and put his head in his hands. He sat like this, covering his face from the world, trying not to think about anything. Numbness was what he wanted to feel. To be immune to any kind of feelings – good or bad.
The footsteps from the kitchen suddenly moved to the stairs and in no time he heard them in his bedroom, nearing his bed and stopping right next to it.
Kyo spread his fingers and looked through them. The man was standing right next to him, looking down at Kyo and Toshiya in bed.
“Go away” Kyo whispered, pleading in his mind for Toshiya to keep sleeping.
“Who is this? Who’s sleeping with you?” the man asked.
“Nobody. Go away.”
“Nobody can sleep with you, Kyo. Make him go.”
“No… you go!”
The man suddenly reached for Toshiya’s throat and Kyo screamed in horror. He grabbed the man’s hand, jumped out of bed and forced the man out of the bedroom, down the stairs to the front door. He unlocked the door and forced the man out of the house. Surprisingly, the man wasn’t resisting, but the look of displeasure on his face made Kyo feel terrified. He slammed the door shut and locked it again.
“Kyo?” he suddenly heard Toshiya’s agitated voice and heard the footsteps just behind him. Toshiya appeared next to him looking scared. “What’s happening? Why did you scream? What are you doing here?”
Kyo looked at Toshiya and felt frightened. He trembled all over and tried to listen if the man outside was trying to get back in. Suddenly he felt Toshiya grabbing his shoulders and squeezing them lightly.
“Kyo, did you have a nightmare?” Toshiya asked, looking concerned.
Kyo shook his head.
“Then what happened?”
Kyo remained silent, starring at Toshiya.
“Are you ok?” Toshiya finally asked, perhaps wanting to just know if Kyo was unhurt, simply not knowing what else might have happened to make Kyo scream like that.
Kyo managed a curt nod.
“Let’s go back to bed” Toshiya said, and keeping his hand over Kyo’s shoulders led him back to the bedroom. They laid down, but Kyo couldn’t close his eyes. He didn’t feel sleepy. Kyo was scared that the man would come back and do something to Toshiya if he fell asleep. Toshiya tried to stay awake for Kyo’s sake, but somewhere along the way he didn’t even feel how his eyelids closed. He was so tired and exhausted he just drifted back to sleep, hugging Kyo close to himself.
Early in the morning Kyo managed to fall asleep. He slept the whole hour and twenty minutes before he woke up again. Then he waited.
Kyo waited for Toshiya to wake up.
Apart from that, there was nothing to look forward to.
There was absolutely nothing Kyo felt he wanted or needed to do.
There was absolutely nothing Kyo would do except for lie in bed, starring somewhere in the distance. Until Toshiya would wake up and make him crave for a purpose other than simply existence.
Toshiya tightened his hand over Kyo in his sleep.
The ringing in Kyo’s ears reappeared with new furious intensity.

TBC

Sorry for taking so much time to update! :( I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it wasn’t very good :( Also, I hope that the events in this chapter seem to be reasonable enough – I did leave some clues about Toshiya’s feelings along the way in the previous chapters and now they should make sense :)
Comments would be so very much appreciated! ^^
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The Moon