Won't You Die Tonight For Love? | By : BVB.HIMisMIW Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > HIM Views: 1760 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't know anyone from HIM, Jukka, or Jarppi, or own Viva La Bam and/or make any money off this FANFICTION. It's a complete work of FICTION. IT'S NOT REAL. |
I had curled up in my seat and read my book while resting my head against Ville's shoulder. Said man didn't seem to mind as I flipped through the book pages. "Hmm…" I muttered to myself, flipping a page.
"Try Spirits of the Dead, that's a very good poem sweetheart…" muttered the slender Finnish, pointing at the beginning of the poem. "Think you can read it for me?" he asked, batting his eyes at me. I giggled softly and shrugged. We were the only two awake; everyone else was snuggling with someone deep asleep.
"Thy soul shall find itself alone
'Mid dark thoughts of the gray tombstone—
Not one, of all the crowd, to pry
Into thine hour of secrecy:
Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness – for then
The spirits of the dead are again
In death around thee – and their will
Shall overshadow thee: be still.
The night – tho' clear – shall frown –
And the stars shall look not down.
From their high thrones in the heaven,
With light like Hope to mortals given—
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy weariness shall seem
As a burning and a fever
Which would cling to thee forever.
Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish—
Now are visions ne'er to vanish—
From thy spirit shall they pass
No more – like dewdrop from the grass.
The breeze – the breath of God – is still—
And the mist upon the hill
Shadowy – shadowy – yet unbroken,
Is a symbol and a token—
How it hangs upon the trees,
A mystery of mysteries!—"
"You have a very lovely voice," he told me. I was glad he couldn't see my flushed face. "Which poem is your favorite of Poe's?" he asked, taking my book from me and setting it in his lap.
Without thinking I shifted so he could see me and licked my lips. "That's a hard one… I love The Raven, A Dream within a Dream, A Dream, Imitation, Dreams, Romance, Annabel Lee, and Serenade are all my favorites."
Ville had the book open to page 71 [1], which home the poem Romance. "Seeing as you're on this page how 'bout reading that one?" he cleared his throat and held the page up in the light so he could read it. Ville wrapped his arm around my shoulder, allowing me to snuggle into his side, as he held the book up to read in his other hand.
"Romance, who loves to nod and sing,
With drowsy head and folded wing,
Among the green leaves as they shake
Far down within some shadowy lake,
To me a painted paroquet
Hath been – a most familiar bird—
Taught me my alphabet to say—
To lisp my very earliest word
While in the wildwood I did lie
A child – with a most knowing eye.
Succeeding years, too wild for song,
Then roll'd like tropic storms along,
Where, tho' the garnish lights that fly
Dying along the troubled sky,
Lay bare, thro' vistas thunder-riven,
The blackness of the general Heaven,
That very blackness yet doth fling
Light on the lightning's silver wing.
For, being an idle boy lang syne,
Who read Anacreon, and drank wine,
I early found Anacreon rhymes
Were almost passionate sometimes—
And by strange alchemy of brain
His pleasures always turn'd to pain—
His naivete to wild desire—
His wit to love – his wine to fire—
And so, being young and dipt in folly
I fell in love with melancholy,
And used to throw my earthly rest
And quiet all away in jest—
I could not love except where Death
Was mingling his with Beauty's breath—
Or Hymen, Time, and Destiny
Were stalking between her and me.
O, then the eternal Condor years
So shook the very Heavens on high,
With tumult as they thunder'd by;
I had no time for idle cares,
Thro' gazing on the unquiet sky!
Or if an hour with calmer wing
Its down did on my spirit fling,
That little hour with lyre and rhyme
To while away – forbidden thing!
My heart half fear'd to be crime
Unless it trembled with the string.
But now my soul hath too much room—
Gone are the glory and the gloom—
The black hath mellow'd into gray,
And all the fires are fading away.
My draught of passion hath been deep—
I revell'd, and I now would sleep—
And after-drunkenness of soul
Succeeds the glories of the bowl—
An idle longing night and day
To dream my very life away.
But dreams – of those who dream as I,
Aspiringly, are damned, and die:
Yet should I swear I mean alone,
By notes so very shrilly blown,
To break upon Time's monotone,
While yet my vapid joy and grief
Are tintless of the yellow leaf—
Why not an imp the graybeard hath,
Will shake his shadow in my path—
And even the graybeard will o'erlook
Connivingly my dreaming-book."
No longer could I keep my eyes open as I was lulled to sleep by Ville's deep majestic voice.
•Ville's Point of View•
Looking down I could see that Ana fell asleep in my arms. She looked so peaceful…
"You like her, huh?" I jumped slightly and whipped around to see Jen sitting behind up with Bam sleeping against her shoulder. "And I'm not talking in a friend like way, either." Jen was wide awake as she watched me.
"I just met her…"
"Doesn't mean a thing. Papa Boris and Mama Irina fell in love with each other on sight. Papa Boris was still a KGB when he spot Mama Irina down a dark alley with some shifty characters. Turned out they were wanted criminals that were known for attacking women, but Mama Irina is not the woman you want to mess with on a bad day like they did. She easily kicked their asses and Papa Boris just fell in love…" she explained. "And Mama Irina always had a weakness for a man in uniform that could play the violin."
"Why –?"
"My parents disowned me when I decided to go to art school instead of continuing with sports, so I moved in with my uncle who died shortly before I met Ana."
I nodded.
"Again, you like her, don't you?" she asked while watching me.
"Honestly I don't have the foggiest idea… there are just moments that it pains me to see her so sad and lonely, but the next she's this strong willed woman that doesn't let anything get her down. I want to comfort Ana, but then something tells me she wouldn't like that," I explained while looking down at said woman.
Jen sighed heavily. "That's because she's not used to it. Papa Boris never comforted her when she was little cos of his life as a KGB, and Simon was a bastard that loved making her feel like shit." Jen ran her fingers through her strawberry blonde hair. "Then there was Dmitri…" she mumbled. I gave her a confused look. "Ana made herself forget, but her and Dmitri used to date when they were younger." She pulled a book out of the bag that was on her lap. "Here, Ana told me to give this to someone I trust not to hurt her. And even though I don't even know you all that well, I have this very strong feeling that I can trust you…"
With my free hand I took the book. Pulling Ana closer to my side I flipped the book open and started reading.
"It's winter again here in Moscow. But I don't mind one bit. The cold weather always makes me smile. Dmitri stopped by earlier to get cleaned up. I'm worried about him… about us… but I never voice my thoughts. He stayed for an hour and we just cuddled, something I enjoy above anything else. Makes me wish we had a fireplace… Dmitri looked very pale and wouldn't really look at me, but I didn't mind. He'd tell me if something was wrong…"
"Middle of winter, power went out. I had to lock up Mum's store for the night when this strong snowstorm happened. The power went out and I found myself locked in the place with Dmitri. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex with each other… I don't even remember exactly what happened to cause it… but I enjoyed my time with him… Dmitri will forever be my best friend and boyfriend…"
Ana nuzzled more into my side as I tighten my hold her shoulders. I kept reading until I got to a part where most of the ink was smudged. It looked like tear stains.
"He's gone… Dmitri is gone. He killed himself! I… I don't know what to do… I… I didn't know… he didn't tell me! I feel so horrible for the simple fact that I could see that he was hurting… That his family hurt him so… What kind of friend am I?... Dmitri… I'm sorry… I… I never told him… my feelings… my heart, it hurts… it hurts more than when Bandit died… I can't even tell my parents how I feel… but it doesn't feel like I just lost someone that was my soul mate… it feels like I just lost a brother… What am I to do? I don't think I can carry on this way. I'm going to forget… forget we were ever lovers… forget everything that'll hurt… But I shall NEVER forget Dmitri… he will always be my best friend in the whole world."
"Age fourteen… I can't really remember most of the things between me and him… I think the wine and whisky that I stole from Papa is working… I hope it is… I'll be starting Music School soon… I will be strong. I will be there, I shall help those who need it while slowly killing myself in a means to forget…"
"Simon… why… why him? Why does my heart feel this way for a man that hits me? A man that doesn't want me to follow my dreams? A man that belittles me? I can't even see Jen anymore in fear of her finding out about Simon hitting me… he promises to stop once we're married, but I'm not too sure. He got me hooked on smoking weed… I don't want to do any type of drugs… but I don't know how to stop… please, someone – anyone!, help me! I need help… I want help. I want someone to love me, instead of use me… I don't want to die alone…"
"First day I've been sober in months. And I feel okay. Simon's off for work for a few weeks and I'm finally able to go out and do stuff… I got tickets to this concert for this band called HIM… I heard they're great! My heart won't stop racing! It feels like it's about to bust! Or that I'm going to have an attack!"
"A day after the concert and I'm recovering from a hangover. I drank the night away… But it wasn't from my drink of choice… I am recovering from a night of Vodka, which I found out makes me really horny… Which led to me sleeping with some woman, but I don't find it strange at all, I actually enjoyed myself for the first time in a long time. The concert was great. The music just spoke to me… But what really got to me was their frontman, his voice was just to die for! And he was very handsome… I feel ashamed of myself for thinking about another man while I'm a married woman. But… but that man… it seems he could understand me… Just once, before I die, I'd like to meet that man. I'd like to speak with him… To kiss those deadly lips that speak volumes of melancholy romance."
That was the last entry. I looked down at the sleeping white haired beauty. Her full wine stained lips were slightly parted as she slept. "Here," I said, turning around to give Jen back the black leather bound hardcover book. She held up her hand while leaning her head against Bam's.
"Keep it. I've read it so many times that I can remember it all by heart. But I'll say this once and only once, you break-a her heart, I break-a your face [2] Mr. Valo." Jen promised me with a glare.
"I could never do such a thing to an amazing woman…" I told her softly. She nodded once before closing her eyes, falling into a blissful sleep. I turned off the light above us and rested my head atop of the silky white tresses that belong to the ruby eyed Russian woman in my arms. "If I can prevent any more heartache then I will, just for you and only you Ana…" I whispered softly before falling asleep.
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[1] That's the actual page to Complete Poems by Edgar Allan Poe (I have the book right in front of me, cos I checked it out from the library).
[2] I have a keychain that says "You touch-a my keys, I break-a your face" and seeing as Jen is supposed to be slightly like Bam (and I figured Bam would say this... orz) so I placed it as a threat towards Ville after rewording it!
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