Tony Loves Benji | By : MyBloodItches Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Good Charlotte Views: 2466 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the members of Good Charlotte. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
There’s never been a moment o lif life that I didn't stick up for myself. Except for when it came to him. Yeah- I guess he’s just one of those guys who gets under your skin. I felt so sick to my stomach about it, sick with myself. I suppose I found it hard to digest really. The line was crossed- between things I’d sworn against.
I was a faggot.
Regardless of how I felt for Tony it was still a troubling thought- to find out at 25 that the person I’d thought I was in life, wasn't really me at all. I was too old for an identity crisis, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And with all things considered I was becoming quite the recluse- spending the majority of my time behind closed doors. I guess I just couldn’t deal with the world- because if I didn't even love myself how could anyone else ever be expected to look at me and respect me. If my family hated me for it- it was obviously only going to get worse. And it was like a curse- because everything I did constantly had to be reflected back to him. How he’d react, if he’d like it. Because I’d given up my safe- secure life to have him. Then what would I have had? Nothing.
But I didn't want to belong to him. I fought with myself for a long time about it- and I didn't want to be an accessory. Just part of his collection. It’s funny but I guess you don't really get to know a person till you see them in a relationship. Tony wore this beautiful mask- of utter perfection. But deep down I think hs jus just as ugly as the rest of us. I guess you could say I was bitter- he couldn’t accept his flaws- instead he simply chose to play off of other people’s. I was a trainwreck of emotions- because I wanted to be able to feel like a person. Like my own person. But my heart kept me from ever protesting, it was like swallowing razorblades.
“Uh- yeah, give me a carton of Marlboro Reds…” My eyes scanned the counter top of the convenience store- searching for anything to rest my vision on. I fucking hated cigarettes. The sick red, white, and gold box made me even sicker. ‘Sure Tony I’d love to go to the store at three in the morning for some disgusting ingestable cancer.’ Like it was even a request- when Tony spoke it was a lot more like a demand. Just part of the job description.
“Sorry bud we’re all out of cartons..” The shorter man spoke from behind his register- propping himself up against the counter top. My hands clenched angrily. That store being the only one within 20 minutes from my house still open. And I knew better than to show up empty handed. Tony wanted his cigarettes.
“So sell me 12 fucking packs of cigarettes eh?” I snapped alittle ruder to him than intended. I guess the poor guy was just making me more frustrated. If Tony wanted some- he was going to get enough to keep him quiet about it for a good couple of days about the putrid habit.
“well that’s all you had to say. You want the sorts of the 100s?” He asked rather monotone- making me groan. Was there even a drencrence- who gave a shit?
“I don't fucking care- just put the shit in a fucking bag with a god damn happy face on it and send me on my merry way.” I muttered while trying to pull my wallet from my back pocket- pulling a few bills from it. This was taking entirely too long, and I never even wanted to leave my warm bed. I guess the guy at the register had to death pth people like myself a lot- because he just laughed working to ring up the objects. Stuffing them one by one into a thin white plastic bag.
“In a hurry?” He asked looking at the subtotal on the register- then to me. What kind of a stupid question was that? This was the first time I’d been out of the confines of my home in weeks- and it was all just to do something for him.
“Yeah if you ain't noticed I don't just have time to dick off in a fucking Tom Thumb store with you. I don't even smoke these damn things- but still here I am looking at five minutes of wasted time.” I spat, grabbing the bag of cigarettes- slapping the first full of, now wadded bills onto the counter. “And keep the fucking change.” I muttered keeping my eyes on my feet as I stormed from the store. All of that for a guy who’d never even say thank you? I guess my man hood felt endangered. Because to him I wasn't a man at all. I was just a kid. A naïve kid. I felt my feet moving me in a hurry down the walk way towards my car. Anxious to be done with the god forsaken c.
.
“Hey watch it!” The soft female voice called just soon enough to cause me to look up before coming into contact with another person- smacking into them roughly. The bag in my hand flying to the ground- the loose packs of smokes scattering along the curb. This was definantly not my day. The girl- who looked equally as upset with me just peered out at me. Her dark brown hair soaking wet- clinging to her pale face. She was beautiful- at first glance anyhow. But I immediately bent down to pick up my lost items, unable to look the girl in her eyes. Sad I know- Tony’s behavior had an effect on the way I Felt around other people. I was insignificant in things- barely a human let alone a man.
“Hey…I know who you are…” The girl spoke up again. Making me cringe- my claim to fame. The girl then bent down as well- helping me to collect the cigarette packs. She was far too cute to be talking to me- or helping me for that matter. And worse still, I couldn’t stop thinking of how late I was going to be.
“You smoke? That’s surprising.” She said absent mindedly- what the hell did she care? I shrugged while snatching them from her tiny hands.
“What’s it to you?” I grumbled- not up for explaining my problems. I guess I was just pissed at the world.
“you sure seem nice on the TV.” She shrugged then bit her lip, “Look you sound alittle stressed. So how about- I make a peace offering?” She suggested as she pulled from her pocket, a small sandwich bag filled with pot. She was offering to get me high, a stranger wanted to be nice?
I didn't even smoke pot. Hadn't for quite some time- but still the bag looked so inviting. I just needed to relax. I’d been so tense- so full of anxiety that I feared insanity. I knew It was wrong. I knew it was going to make me get in trouble. But I needed to relax.
So I smiled- alittle more interested.
“Well far be it from me to deny you the right to be a kind stranger.”
Worst decision ever.
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