Something special | By : fundamellie Category: Singers/Bands/Musicians > Pet Shop Boys Views: 1028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not know the celebrity I am writing about. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Around the same time Neil was sitting at the piano in the office of PSB Partnership. He was playing the same chords over and over again, not really paying attention to the melody. His mind was not in this room at all, it was half with Stefan and half with Dean, torn between hope and dread. His hands were moving over the keys on their own and he was startled when suddenly a shadow fell over him. He looked up and saw his partner standing there, hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking down at Neil with a frown.
“What’s up with you? You’ve been that absent-minded the whole week.”
Neil sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“Is it that obvious?” he asked. When he saw Chris nodding, he continued reluctantly.
“It’s because of Dean. And Stefan. I guess I made quite a mess of things.”
“Long story?” Chris inquired. This time Neil just nodded. “Why don’t we go for a drink then?” his friend suggested.
Not even half an hour later Neil leaned back on his chair in a quiet corner of the bar at the ‘Bluebird’. For a moment he focused on the glass of red wine in front of him as if trying to buy some time before he continued his explanation.
“It’s not going well between you and Dean is it?” The voice of his friend cut though his brooding, bringing him back to the here and now again.
He smiled a weak, slightly bitter smile.
“No, it’s not going well at all. And the worst is, I’m in love with someone else.”
“With Steve?”
“Yes, with Steve. And that is not as bad as you might think. He… He is not as straight as I thought. Or feared, for that matter.” His smile warmed considerably while he spoke of the German boy. Chris raised and eyebrow, as if to say. ‘How so?’
“Well, I kissed him after Ian’s party and then it was all a bit awkward between us, but some time later he came over to my flat and told me he was in love with me. Just like that. I thought I was dreaming, it was just so amazing.”
“I’m not saying anything to that. You must now what you’re doing. Doesn’t it worry you that your boys keep getting younger all the time?” Chris said with mild disapproval in his voice.
Neil made a dismissive motion with his hand. “My boys? All the time? It’s not like I’m changing them every other week. But yes, it did worry me that Steve is so dead young. But right now I’m more concerned with Dean.” He sipped his wine thoughtfully and sighed again.
“Well, to be honest it was an absolute disaster with Dean and me the last couple of weeks. No, make that months. You know what he’s been up to lately. All the parties, the drugs… The men.” He closed his eyes briefly, as if the memories these words brought back caused him pain. “He’s just playing power games and I’m so fucking tiered of them. I guess I’ve been out of love for quite a while now, but I didn’t really dare to do anything about it.”
“But you wanna quit?” Chris asked, now sounding more concerned.
“Yeah, and I think I should have done it long before this. Would have saved me a lot of trouble.”
“Are you afraid that he will freak when you tell him? Get violent or so? Ask him here and tell him that you quit while I’m in the next room. He won’t dare to do anything then.” Chris suggested.
“Thanks, but I think I have to do this alone. Sure, it will be awful but he’s not that bad.” Neil replied with a shrug, sounding more convinced than he actually was.
Just when Chris was about to say something else, Neil’s mobile started beeping.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “Yes? Oh hi, Steve. Yes, sure, I can ask him if he doesn’t mind. I call you back when I reached him, okay? Bye.”
“What was that?” Chris asked as Neil put away the mobile.
”I don’t know, really,”Neil admitted. “Steve just wants to talk to Sir Ian. As soon as possible. It’s sort of important but I should not worry about it. I guess, I just ask Ian if he’s okay meeting Steve tomorrow. And about Dean again, I’ll ask him over to my place tonight to tell him. Then it’s finally done and over with!”
It was shortly before 9 o’clock p.m. and Neil was nervously waiting for Dean to arrive. He had tried to pass the time with reading or watching TV but could not concentrate. Instead he was pacing the rooms, listing to the sound of his steps in the quiet flat and thinking too much about the past. There had been so many confrontations between him and Dean. He had stopped counting the serious fights they had had but now he wondered when he had begun to consider their way of dealing with each other as normal. ‘How much can a person change? And so quickly?’ he asked himself not for the first time. He had never imagined he would get to be so dependent on someone who could at times treat him so badly. He froze in mid-stride when the doorbell rang. His heartbeat increased in speed and his hands felt suddenly cold and sweaty. He swallowed hard, so this would be the big showdown. When he opened the door Dean was smiling at him. The young man looked absolutely smashing in his tight fitting jeans and T-shirt; Neil could not help noticing despite of all his disappointment and anger.
‘Is that automatic attraction?’ he wondered grimly.
“You wanted to see me, old guy?” Dean said, still smiling. “Missed me, huh?”
He embraced Neil, trying to kiss him passionately but Neil pushed him away, turning his back immediately and walled away.
“Not now. I wanna talk to you, Dean.” He said in a voice that sounded very controlled and harsh but in truth only hid the fact that he felt absolutely miserable. Dean regarded him coldly; mood switched at once form playful seduction to cold contempt.
Neil stared back for a moment, then decided it was best just to go right ahead without any more pretence.
“I want to quit with you, Dean,” he said in the same cold voice. No more warnings, no delay. Just the naked truth “It’s over.”
He saw Deans jaw drop quite literally. It seemed to take a few seconds for the message to really reach the young man but then the anger was only too visible in his features.
Neil caught himself wondering why the hell he felt so unconnected to the scene.
“Oh, and you decide that now? Did you finally get your little Kraut in bed or what?” Dean demanded, sounding dangerously calm. He was closing the distance between them and now stood right in front of Neil, looking him directly in the eyes. Neil shook his head, feeling the dread being more and more replaced by anger. That was what he really hated about Dean, you could criticise whatever you wanted at his behaviour, it was never his fault, he always found excuses that allowed him to keep his ways.
“Leave Steve out of it, he has nothing to do with this!” Neil snapped back, not caring about the lie. “It’s something between you and me and we had this discussion so many times before.”
“Didn’t keep you from always coming back to me,” Dean replied, his voice laced with arrogance and scorn.
“Then I made some fucking mistakes!” Neil shouted back. “I told you my conditions but you kept ignoring them. You went on with the drugs, with the fucking around, with your affairs. You don’t give a damn about me. Or any other person for that matter. All you care about is yourself! You’re nothing but a self-centred, egoistic…”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Dean hit him right in the face. Hard.
So hard that it made his ears ring and his head spin. He stumbled backwards a few steps, half out of surprise and half due to the force with which Dean had dealt the blow.
“Bastard!” Neil spat. The rage he felt was overwhelming everything else. He was so furious but at least it gave him the strength to see it through this time. To quit once and for all and not allow himself to be fooled again.
“Oh?” Dean sneered at him and hit him again.
“Stop that!” Neil yelled, holding up his arms for protection. Dean ignored him and went on punching him.
“I said, stop it!” Neil repeated.
“Or what? Will you call the police? C’mon old man, put up a fight!” Dean taunted him.
Something in Neil’s mind snapped. He was not going to tolerate this any longer.
He was not going to let this cold-blooded fool dominate him anymore. He had had enough. He was about to loose control but he did not mind much.
“Get your fucking hands off me!” He screamed. His hands were shaking and he felt the pulse hammering behind his temples. He grabbed Dean’s wrists and forced his hands down, away from him.
“I will not discuss this! I’ve had enough; I’m through with you! I am not your fucking toy and I’m not going to give you money for your parties and your drugs anymore. I’m not that stupid. Now get out of here and never dare to come back!”
He had gotten hold of Dean’s collar and was pulling him along behind him. He did not care that the young man was hardly able to follow, stumbling and choking.
Neil shoved him forward; so hard that Dean hit the wall.
Dean glared at him, eyes blazing and panting.
“That wasn’t the last you have seen of me, Neil. You and your little boy better be careful,” he hissed.
“Is that supposed to be a thread?” Neil tried not to sound alarmed.
‘This guy does not have any power over me,’ he reminded himself.
“I’m not afraid of you, Dean. I don’t care about you and I don’t love you. Do you get it?”
Before Dean could reply, the doorbell rang. Neil yanked it open impatiently.
“Do I interrupt?” Chris asked innocently.
“No,” Neil answered. “Dean was just leaving.”
Without another word the young man stormed past him, kicking the door shut behind Chris whom he had not shot a single glance.
“What are you doing here?” Neil barked at Chris. “I thought I told you to stay away.”
“Easy here,” Chris laughed. “I thought I just have a quick look around and see if everything’s alright.”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to be mad at you,” Neil sighed. “Let’s just say, he didn’t take it very well.”
Suddenly he felt completely drained, exhausted and slightly dizzy. He leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. They were burning with tears he was not willing to cry. His cheeks were still stinging from Dean’s blow and his heart was still beating too fast.
Chris put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and just stood there silently for a moment. Then he said:
“Come on, pack some things. You can stay at my place tonight and tomorrow morning you phone your little German.”
Neil just nodded, knowing that if he would say anything now he would indeed start to cry.
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